Chapter 53

It was Saturday, and Austin was invited by my parents to have lunch in our house. Austin initially agreed, but had to cancel the last minute because he had a function he needed to attend. He kept on apologizing to me. I kept on telling him that it was okay. It was his work. I understood that that comes first.

"Karaminah," Mama said.

Tumingin ako sa kanya. "Yes?" I replied. Nasa dining room kami at kumakain ng pagkain. There were lots of food na inihanda dahil sa pagpunta sana ni Austin dito. Maybe I should message Dominic para sabihin na maraming pagkain dito—he loved Ate Gina's food.

"I read some things on the Internet," she said.

"You read on gossip sites?" I asked because that was rather unexpected. My mother would be the last person I'd think na nagbabasa sa ganong site. Growing up, she was more interested on reading journals and research.

"No, of course not," she replied. "Jackie, my paralegal, you remember her?" she asked, and I nodded. "Told me about the news circulating around the Internet nowadays."

I nodded.

"So, I just want to ask—are you okay?" Napa-tingin si Papa sa kanya tapos ay sa akin. Mama was just looking at me. "Stop staring at me," sabi niya kay Papa na hindi huminto at naka-tingin pa rin sa kanya.

"I'm okay," I said.

Dominic was right—there were lots of voices, but I needed to listen only to those who matter. Dominic, Ate Gina, Kuya Robert, and Austin all told me that I was not creepy and weird. I should believe them kaysa sa mga tao na hindi naman ako kilala.

"Okay," Mama replied.

"But thank you for asking," I said. Before, I did not like it when people would repeatedly ask me if I was okay... but I was fine with it now. They're just worried about me. I should be happy that people cared enough to be worried.

After that lunch, I played with Blue and BV outside. Tapos ay bumalik na ako sa kwarto ko. I continued my research tungkol sa kung saang crocheting class ako mag-eenroll. Ngayon na hindi na ako pwedeng manood sa shooting, I had more time on my hands. I needed to be busy.

At 2:30PM, nagtext si Austin at sinabi sa akin na tapos na raw iyong function na pinuntahan niya. He also asked me kung free ba ako at pwede ba siyang pumunta sa amin. I told him yes, and also said na mayroon pang pagkain na natira, if he was interested in that.

"Hi," I said when he arrived five minutes after 3PM.

"Hi," he replied with a smile.

Pagpasok namin sa labas ay nagbigay siya kay Ate Gina ng pandesal. My parents went to a meeting. Austin apologized again, but I just assured him again that it was fine. Growing up, my parents would always cancel on me dahil sa trabaho nila. It was okay because it's work. It was not like they just decided that they wanted to abandon me.

"Thank you po," Austin said nang maupo siya sa may dining room. Iniwan na kami nila Ate Gina at nagsabi na nandoon lang sila sa may bahay nila sa likuran kung may kailangan kami.

"Did your parents say something?"

"About what?"

"Me cancelling," he replied. "You prepared a lot of food."

I nodded. "I'll text Dominic kung gusto niyang kumuha ng pagkain," sabi ko. Austin nodded and then continued to eat. "Wala namang sinabi sila Mama."

He nodded. "There was an ambassador who arrived and we were invited to the welcome party," he said.

"That's work?"

"Yes. My work is basically trying to network with people," sabi niya sa akin. "But I meet a lot of interesting people," he continued and then told me about some of the things he learned today about the culture of Argentina dahil iyon iyong pinuntahan niya ngayon.

Nang matapos kaming kumain ay naglakad-lakad kami sa labas. Makulimlim iyong langit ngayon. We brought an umbrella with us dahil baka umulan na naman. The last time that it rained and we were stranded, umabot kami hanggang 1AM sa may playground.

"What's your plan tomorrow?" he asked while we were walking. He was holding the umbrella with his right hand and his left hand was holding mine.

"I have a session with Dr. Sena," I replied.

"Can I ask what for?"

"For my ASD," I said. "I think I am getting better. Sa tingin mo?" I asked because a part of the reason why I started therapy again was because of him. It would be nice to get his feedback.

"Why did you start therapy again?" he asked.

"Because you said I wasn't meeting you halfway," I replied. "I really was not aware that that was how you were feeling. It forced me to look at myself, and realized that I needed to go to therapy again."

We walked in silence hanggang sa maka-rating kami sa may swing. He looked at me.

"Can I apologize again for saying that before?"

"But it was the truth—why would you apologize for saying the truth?"

"Because I could've phrased it better."

"Why didn't you?"

"I was tired. And hurt. And frustrated. It was not a good combination," he said. He looked at me and then he let go of my hand to touch my cheek. "I'm sorry I ruined Christmas then. I promise to make this Christmas extra special."

"How?" I asked.

"I'll think about it," he said. "I still have a few months left to plan," he continued. "But if you have any suggestion, throw it my way."

We went to the seesaw, but it was not for us dahil laging nasa itaas lang ako. He was taller and bigger than me—this was definitely not for us.

"Saan tayo pupunta?" I asked nang naglalakad na kami paalis sa playground. It did not rain this time. Ang ganda rin ng paglubog ng araw.

"I told Ate Gina earlier that I'll be bringing dinner."

"Okay."

"We just have to pick it up from the resto," sabi niya at saka dumiretso kami sa sasakyan niya. It was quiet in the car. Tumingin sa akin si Austin nang huminto kami dahil sa traffic lights. "You can choose the song."

"Oh, okay," I said as I began to look for a station, but Austin handed me his phone. Naka-bukas na iyon sa may Spotify.

"Whatever we did before, we can still do it now, right?"

"Like?"

"You can choose the song to play in the car. You also gets to decide where we'll eat."

"I'm actually working on that," sabi ko sa kanya. "I don't have to decide days before—basta lang makikita ko iyong menu at least 30 minutes, so that I can decide."

He nodded. "Noted. What else?" he asked. "So that I can adjust, too."

Sinabi ko sa kanya iyong mga naging pagbabago—na nagrereply ako palagi and I don't cancel dates anymore unless there's a real and pressing reason to kagaya nung sa trabaho niya. Also, I told him that if he wanted something from me and if he was not getting it, he should ask me... although I would be trying to be more perceptive. Mas gumagaling na ako sa pagbabasa ng mukha. I thought I could tell kung galit ba siya dahil sa pagkunot ng noo niya. But it's easy to tell when he's happy because he does this smile—and for some reason, it makes me feel happy, too.

"You don't have to answer my texts if you don't feel like answering," he said.

"But you said before na kung hindi ka gumagawa ng effort, hindi tayo mag-uusap. I want to be proactive."

Umandar na ulit iyong sasakyan. Austin was looking in front of us. I was watching as he maneuvered the steering wheel. The veins on his hands became more protruding as compared to before.

"Just reply when you want to reply," he said. "Change or improve if you want to—but please don't do it because of me," he added. "I really like you for who you are, Karaminah Viel. Please don't think you have to change anything about you."

I nodded. "Okay," I said.

"Okay," he replied, glancing at my direction and smiling at me gently.

Pagdating namin sa may restaurant ay naghintay pa kami para sa order niya. We got inside and we sat on the waiting area. Napa-tingin ako sa isang gilid. I saw one teenager pointing her phone at our direction. I would not think any of it, but she quickly hid her phone nang makita niya na naka-tingin ako. Tumingin din si Austin doon.

"I think she's taking photos of us," sabi ko kay Austin. He's about to get dragged into this mess again. I did not feel good when I read all those things about myself on the Internet—I did not want him to go through that, too.

"Do you want me to go talk to her?"

"No," I said.

"Why?"

"Because I can't control what people say about me online," I said. "But I can control who I listen to."

Austin looked at me and then his right hand touched my cheek and he smiled at me while he was doing that.

After ten minutes, dumating na iyong order ni Austin. We stood up and there were three paperbags. Ako iyong nagbuhat nung isa at dala-dala ni Austin iyong dalawa. Naglakad kami palabas ng restaurant pabalik sa sasakyan niya.

"Thank you," he said as I clicked the key fob that was dangling sa may sabitan sa may pantalon niya. Inilagay namin iyong mga paperbag sa may passenger seat.

"Karaminah Viel," pagtawag niya.

"Yes?" I replied.

"When will you call me Austin Archangel again?" he asked while he was driving out of the parking.

Kumunot ang noo ko. "Why?"

"It just feels different when you're just calling me Austin."

"But that's your name."

"I know."

"Do you want me to call you by your full name?" I asked because I just realized that his name was a mouth full. I got used to it, though... but it took a lot of therapy sessions to unlearn his name.

"If you want to," he said.

"I will try," I replied. "Do you want to know why I'm not calling you that anymore?" I asked because maybe he did want to know... And maybe I'd show him the box full of papers with his name written on it.

"Do I want to know?" he asked.

"I don't know," I replied.

"Do you want to tell me?"

"Can I think about it?"

"Of course," sabi niya sa akin. "Don't tell me things you don't feel comfortable sharing," he continued. "I'll listen to whatever you wanna say."

"Thank you."

"My pleasure," he replied, looking at me and smiling. "But... if you don't want to say my name, can you call me anything else but Austin?"

"Why? What's wrong with your name?"

"Nothing," he said. "But... I'm not used to you calling me that. It feels like something's wrong."

"Do you want me to call you Aus?" tanong ko dahil iyon ang tawag sa kanya nila Saint. "Or Arch? Archangel?"

"No."

"AA? For Austin Archangel?"

"Hmm..."

"Do you want me to call you GDL kagaya ng mga supporters mo?" I asked, although frankly, that could be confusing dahil sa kanilang magkakapatid. When someone yells GDL, lahat sila ay lumilingon.

"No."

"What do you want me to call you, then?"

Hindi siya naka-sagot hanggang sa maka-balik kami sa bahay. He pulled over in front of our house. I unbuckled the seatbelt, and then looked at him.

"Kung hindi mo maisip ngayon, kahit itext mo na lang sa akin kapag naisip mo," I said because I knew the feeling na hindi mo maisip iyong gusto mo. It was bothering.

Pagpasok namin sa loob ay inilagay na sa plato iyong dala naming pagkain. It was still hot dahil diretso galing sa resto. My parents arrived shortly after that. We had dinner. My parents were very interested in Austin's career. Sila iyong nag-usap at tahimik lang ako hanggang sa matapos iyong dinner namin. And then after that, nagpaalam kami na lalabas lang kami para maglakad-lakad sa subdivision. Austin offered a mint, and I accepted. The wind was cold, but Austin's hand was warm. We were holding hands. His hand felt warm against mine.

"I'll drive you to your therapy tomorrow if it's okay," sabi niya habang naglalakad kami.

"Okay," I said.

"And then let's go to the shooting."

"Hindi ako pwede."

"You're the writer."

"Ryder said that I can't come."

"Well, he'd just have to live with it," sabi niya. Napa-tingin ako sa kanya. "We'll go there and you'll watch the shooting," he added. "I know how important this is to you. Do you want to watch?" he asked.

I nodded. "Pero kung ayaw ni Ryder, wala akong magagawa."

"Do you trust me?"

"Very much."

He smiled as he caressed my left cheek with his hand. "Thank you for the trust," he said as we stopped in the parking lot. It was already 9PM. Wala ng tao rito. Austin looked around. "Now, can we kiss?" he asked, and I nodded tapos ay dumiretso kami roon sa may likuran ng slide.

**
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