Chapter 42

Nang tanungin ako ni Ate Gina kung ano ang nangyari, I relayed to her what Austin Archangel said—na hindi niya na ako liligawan at na magkaibigan na kami. And since that night, she was treating me like I was suffering from high grade fever dahil lagi niya akong tinatanong kung may gusto ba akong kainin. But all I really wanted was to be left alone and to focus on writing again.

'Merry Christmas! What happened to your IG?' Dominic texted.

'Deactivated.'

'Why? Bashers? Don't mind them they're just weirdly invested in other people's lives.'

'No. And I don't have bashers.'

'You okay?'

'No.'

'Wanna FaceTime?'

'No.'

'Okay then. Hmu if you wanna talk.'

'Okay,' reply ko sa kanya kahit hindi ko alam kung ano ang ibig sabihin ng Hmu na sinabi niya sa akin.

Mayroong kumatok sa kwarto ko at nang buksan ko iyon ay nakita ko na si Papa iyon. He asked kung pwede bang pumasok siya sa kwarto ko. I nodded. Malinis iyong kwarto ko. Simula kahapon ay naglilinis ako. I also rearranged my things, but ended up putting them back to their original position. I liked that better. Changing things up felt wrong.

"Kamusta ka?" Papa asked.

"Bakit ba lahat kayo tinatanong 'yan?" I asked dahil tinanong na ako niyan ni Ate Gina at Kuya Robert. Pati si Dominic kanina ay tinanong na rin ako. Ngayon ay si Papa. Baka mamaya ay si Mama na ang magtanong sa akin.

"Nag-aalala lang naman kami."

"There's nothing to be worried about," I said and I went back to my study table. I was conceptualizing for my new script. Based on what I had so far, this one's going to end up tragically. I could always see the ending—one of the leads would die and the other one would succumb to sadness and eventually kill himself... or herself. Hindi pa ako sigurado kung sino sa kanilang dalawa.

"If you say so," Papa said. "May gusto ka bang gawin ngayon?"

I shook my head. Gumising kami kaninang 4AM para kumain ng noche buena. I had been awake since 4AM and I had been writing nonstop.

"Okay," Papa said, nodding. "Nasa baba lang kami ng Mama mo. Magsabi ka lang kung gusto mong lumabas."

"Okay," I replied and then I heard the door closing.

* * *

The whole of December 25 ay nagsulat lang ako. Hanggang December 28 ay nagsusulat lang ako. Nang December 29 ay umalis kami para pumunta sa probinsya para doon magcelebrate ng New Year. I did not bring my phone with me and my laptop. I only brought my new notebook and my favorite pen.

The place my parents rented was nice. Nagigising ako hindi sa alarm pero dahil sa tilaok ng manok. We'd always have boodle fight, but I'd have my separate plate. On the night of December 31, maraming naka-handang pagkain. We ate at exactly 11:30PM and then watched the fireworks. Mukhang buong bayan ay nagpa-fireworks dahil hanggang 1AM ay mayroon pa rin sabi ni Papa. I did not eat much kaya naman naka-tulog din agad ako pagkatapos kumain. And then the next morning, bumalik na rin kami sa Manila.

'Happy new year,' Austin Archangel texted at exactly 12MN.

'Happy new year, too,' I replied, two days after he sent his text.

* * *

"Here," Dominic said tapos niya akong abutan ng ice cream.

"Thank you," I said as I stared at the people passing by in front of us. I noticed that they were staring at Dominic dahil nasa loob siya ng campus ng SCA kahit na tiga-Brent siya. He called me earlier to ask me how I was and I told him that I was feeling sad dahil lumabas na iyong grades. He asked me where I was and then 14 minutes later, he was already in front of me.

"You'll do better next time," he told me.

"Math is hard," sabi ko habang binu-buksan iyong binigay niya sa akin na ice cream cup. I passed all of my subjects except for Math. It was hard... pero baka tanga lang ako dahil sinabi ni Serj dati na papasa naman daw ako roon basta hindi sobrang tanga. But I still failed. Baka sobrang tanga nga ako sa Math.

"Super," Dominic replied as he sipped his iced coffee. "What about your parents?" he asked.

I shrugged. "I'd have to look for a scholarship again."

Ang usapan ay kailangan ko ng magandang grades para sila na ang magbayad ng tuition ko sa susunod na sem. Mayroon akong bagsak. I needed to find a scholarship again. Pasado iyong grades ko sa lahat ng subject ko except for Math.

"Won't they give you a pass? It's just Math."

"That was the agreement," I replied.

"You're going back to the basketball team?"

"Sila lang ang walang requirement."

"Would you be okay?"

"Bakit naman hindi?"

"Because... Austin?" he asked.

"What about him?" I replied.

Dominic shrugged. "Nothing..." he said.

Austin's last text was when he greeted me Happy Labor's Day. He would greet me kapag mayroong holiday. I would reply with an added too sa kung anuman ang binabati niya.

Dominic asked me if I wanted to go with him dahil mayroong vlog na isu-shoot si Zondra. Until now, I was not certain kung girlfriend niya ba iyon dahil nung tinanong ko siya dati ay kibit-balikat lang ang nakuha ko kay Dominic. I did not ask again after that. But they're together most of the time and Dominic gets this certain look on his face whenever he'd watch Zondra's IG story at mayroong ibang lalaki.

Hinatid muna ako ni Dominic sa amin bago siya pumunta kay Zondra. Sa kwarto ako nagstay habang hini-hintay ko sila Mama na umuwi para sabihin sa kanila iyong tungkol sa grades ko. I continued revising my script. Pinakita ko kay George iyon nang matapos ko, but she said that it was too dark and that there was no plausible explanation and if I wanted to go that way, I needed to solidify the plot. That's what I had been doing for two months now.

At 7:35PM, bumaba na ako dahil narinig ko iyong pagbukas ng gate. Naka-hain na iyong pagkain. I quietly sat there while waiting for them. We ate first. Nang matapos kaming kumain ay at saka ko sinabi iyong kailangan kong sabihin.

"I failed Math," I said as I handed a hardcopy of my grades.

Mama looked at my grades. I passed all of my subjects except for Math, but my grades in my other subjects were in no way excellent. The professors from College of Arts rarely give high grades. My grades were subpar, but I was enjoying my degree.

"Okay," Mama said.

"Hahanap ako ng scholarship."

"No, it's okay. We'll pay for your tuition."

"The agreement was that I needed good grades. May bagsak ako. I'd look for a scholarship."

"Fine," she said, "If that's what you want."

"Thank you," I replied because ever since they learned about Austin not courting me anymore, they treated me like a sick kid. I told them to stop doing that. I did not need any special treatment.

Bumalik ako sa kwarto. Dahil tapos na ang semester ay kinuha ko lahat ng notebook at iba pang mga gamit. I labeled them accordingly and put them inside a box na may label na First year, first sem. And then I asked Kuya Robert to help me na ilagay iyon sa storage area.

The next day, pumunta ako sa school para muling tumingin ng scholarship. All of them had grade requirements. I was staring at the bulletin board na para bang magbabago ang mga naka-sulat doon.

"Karma."

Napa-tingin ako sa pinanggalingan ng boses. I saw Saint standing before me. He was holding his phone tightly. His hair was curlier than usual. He was not smiling like he used to.

"Long time, no see," he said.

"Malaki iyong school," I replied.

"Right..." he said tapos ay biglang nasa harapan ko na rin si Cohen na tumakbo para maka-rating sa amin. "Shit. Sorry, I forgot," sabi ni Saint tapos ay inabot kay Cohen iyong cellphone.

"Don't you think she'd be mad that you're pretending to be me?" Cohen asked and Saint ignored what he said tapos ay tumingin lang sa akin at tinanong kung kamusta na ako. I pressed my lips. For some reason, I hated it when people asked me that question. Was there something on my face that indicated that I was anything but fine?

"I'm fine," I said.

Tumango si Saint. Napa-tingin siya sa bulletin board. "Scholarship?" he asked me. "Why don't you go back to the team?"

"Kapag wala akong nahanap na iba," sagot ko. "Are you the captain now?"

"For now," Saint replied. "I'm hungry. Are you hungry? I'll treat you two," he added tapos ay napunta kami sa cafeteria at nilibre kaming dalawa ni Cohen ni Saint ng pagkain.

* * *

Walang ibang magandang scholarship.

I ended up going back to the team, but it felt like a different world now because of the changes. Saint was the captain of the team—but someone said that he's about to be replaced. Graduate na rin sila Jed at Philip. Coach Aldrin was much stricter... and Serj told me that it was because Saint kept on skipping practice—something to do with him and Mary breaking up. And there was Dani mentioned, as well. I was not sure. I did not want to know anything about that. I just wanted to work for the scholarship. I was not even talking to anyone from the team.

My life was carefully planned—I would go to school at 4AM for the training, go home at 7AM to change clothes and to eat breakfast, go to school at 9AM for my class, and then go home as soon as classes ended.

But even with everything that was happening in my life, my father was still convinced that I was not okay. To convince him that I was okay, I picked up another hobby. I studied calligraphy. I was not good, but I was getting better. I was actually enjoying the classes on Sundays.

"You should try writing horror stories," Saint said after niyang basahin iyong script ko.

"Mukha bang horror?" I asked his opinion.

He shrugged. "Feels like it."

"Alin doon?"

"The overall vibes," he replied.

"That's very helpful."

Saint grinned at me. "I aim to help."

Nang matapos ang training ay kumain kami ni Saint sa may coffee shop sa labas ng Brent. He'd always ask me to eat with him and he'd always use the word 'libre' para mapasama ako. He was always treating me to the extent that I already knew his ATM pincode dahil minsan ay pinagwiwithdraw niya ako kapag hindi pwede iyong credit card.

"You wanna see BV?" Saint asked.

"Okay," I replied.

Pumunta kami sa bahay nila dahil nandoon naka-stay si BV. In one of Austin's texts, he informed me na nagkaroon pala ng anak si Violet at Blue. There were two kittens, but the other one passed away. Austin wanted me to get BV (short for Blue-Violet), but everytime I would try, nagagalit sa akin si Violet. Kaya naman binibisita ko na lang sa kanila si BV at nagdadala ng pagkain dahil anak pa rin naman siya ni Blue at may responsibilidad ako.

I was quietly playing with BV while trying to negotiate with Violet kung pwede ba na dalhin ko si BV sa bahay namin para makasama naman siya ni Blue.

"Saint, pwede naman—" I said, but I stopped when I turned around and saw Austin staring at me like he had just seen a ghost. 

**
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