I have kids come up and ask me if I'm a girl or a boy before deciding that I'm a girl. It kind of hurts. I hate having a girl's body. I want to be recognized as a guy too. I really want to be able to get a binder but my mum will never buy me one and I don't have enough money. I hate it. Why do I have to be the way I am. Very few people in my human family are queer. The only other person that I know of is one of my older cousins who is gay. I want to talk to someone about it but I don't know how to. I get frustrated and it seems like nobody accepts me the way I am. I feel like I can't even accept myself fully. I'm having an gender crisis and I don't know what to do. Somebody please help. 

I've felt like I was supposed to be a boy since I was very young. Sometimes I feel like a girl though. I'm gender-fluid and so very very confused. Things have never been easy for me. When I was very young my parents split up but even before that things were not okay. What does it feel like to be okay? I hardly know. I've never been good at keeping friends let alone being in a relationship with someone. People have told me they liked me and asked me out before but i've always turned them down. It's scares me. I don't want to end up like my parents and i can be a real jerk. I can be so horrible to people and it hurts. Sometimes I just want to die. I get depressed and I'm just sick of it. I read a lot of boyxboy because well it makes me feel a little better about never getting that. I'm always alone, people can be all around me but it still feels like there's no one there. 

One thing though is that in this course thing i'm taking, Transition to work, the lady is calling me by my full prefered male name. She calls me Adrian. I'm pretty happy about that. She doesn't call me a variation of my female name she calls me by my actual name. Which reminds m that Phoenix changed 'Adrian' to 'Aidan' on our profile ages ago. I don't mind when people call me Aidan or Dan but it does annoy me when Phoenix does stuff like that. 

I better go now though so until next time.

~Adrian