yifan's advice crisis and his repulsion at the thought of being a murder accomplice

"...ssed him, Soo-yah!"

"Do you want me to kill them?"

Wu Yifan's not sure what kind of conversation he walked into and blinks in confusion when he processes Kyungsoo's offer to Baekhyun. "Um..." he thinks of a way to phrase his uncertainty politely because he's too young to die, "are you two planning a murder?"

It's too early for this shit, he thinks as the duo direct their attention to him, maybe I watched too many internet shock videos last night.

Then again, he probably shouldn't be surprised given the amount of weird shit he hears his friends say. Overhearing plans of world domination with the power of gay and last resort plans of consuming textbooks for dinner to digest knowledge are part of the daily routine at this point.

"Oh—um, good-good morning, Yifan-hyung!" Baekhyun stammers, lowering his head slightly in a polite acknowledgement.

"...Good morning." The eldest eyes his dongsaengs suspiciously, not wanting to get arrested for being a murder accomplice as he claims the seat beside Kyungsoo and across from Baekhyun. Raising an eyebrow expectantly, he awaits an explanation as he takes a bite out of his apple.

"Yesterday, our prostitute-hyung scored a date with his bae," the youngest explains and Baekhyun chokes at the wording. "He's panicking because he almost kissed his crush. Twice."

"And?"

"It was courtesy of our dear maknae, then Luhan-hyung," Kyungsoo answers, sounding so done with the situation, "Sehunnie cockblocked first by calling at the worst possible time. Later, Hyung sneezed and doomed lover boy here to have a love crisis."

Isn't he always having a love crisis, Yifan wants to ask.

"So Hyung is now panicking my ear off because he thinks he scared off Chanyeol-ssi... or something like that," Kyungsoo explains before he takes a sip from his vegetable soup. "He's worried about what people might think and that it might ruin Chanyeol-ssi's life."

Ah.

"Why, though, Baekhyun-ah?" The eldest cocks his head to the side, all ears for his dongsaeng.

Baekhyun picks at his kimchi. "...I-I've thought about it after I arrived at the dorm yesterday," he confesses, lowering his voice's volume a bit, "Korea is still homophobic and no law really protects those who love the same gender... I don't want to give Chanyeollie a hard life just because some random guy fell in love with him."

Internalized homophobia is a bitch.

"I'm not saying you should expose yourself to everybody, but you should date him anyway," Yifan suggests, "do what you think is best for the both of you."

"If you're really paranoid about judgmental homophobes, remember that Korea has a sort-of 'don't ask, don't tell' culture." The youngest frowns at his own words, displeased at the prospect of being forced into hiding. "It sounds shitty but that's how it is. If you keep any romantic gestures behind locked doors, you're good. Skinship is pretty normal too."

"I don't like how it is." Baekhyun purses his lips into a thin line. "I've heard stories of people being denied from schools or companies for not following the norm."

Kyungsoo's eyebrows raise inquisitively."Well, fuck the norm then."

"You're being realistic," Yifan pipes up, "but you two should talk things out. Take advantage of how normal same sex skinship is here. I highly doubt you'd be found out but if ever, we're here to kick ass for you."

The flamboyant boy sarcastically clasps his hands together. "Gee. Thanks, hyung." He drops into a slouch after, furrowing his eyebrows together. A tinge of pink colors his cheeks as he ponders something. "...Problem is: I don't even know if he likes me back—"

A groan from the youngest cuts him off. "From what it seems, you're both whipped for each other," Kyungsoo says exasperatedly, shaking his head as he turns to Yifan. "See the kind of a mood swinging shit I deal with? One moment, he's wishing for societal reform and revolution with a dash of lingering 'to homo or not to homo'; the next, he's a kicked puppy willing to stab himself in the name of Park Chanyeol's undying love."

"H-hey!" Baekhyun protests.

Yifan shakes his head solemnly. "It's true." Fiddling with the last apple slice in his hands, he adds, "You're probably—hopefully—not stupid enough to make out in public or something." He doesn't know how or why his dongsaeng's train of thought managed to go from panicking over society to panicking over a requited crush in half a second, but would rather much prefer not finding out at all, thank you very much.

"Some faith would be nice, hyung." He watches the other huff. "Seriously, though, I could always wait for this crush to die out before I do something horribly embarrassing to ruin my chances of a normal life."

"Your existence is an embarrassment already," the youngest... reassures the older, "it can't get any worse than that."

Baekhyun lets out a noise of protest that sounds like a cross between a squeak and a grumble, a mating call, if you will. "Excuse you, Soo-yah, were you featured in an SNSD MV? You're speaking to a future icon, have some respect."

"Respect?" The sides of Kyungsoo's mouth twitch upwards and Yifan mentally, physically, spiritually prepares himself for the upcoming roast session. "Sorry, I don't know her. You were casted because they took pity on your face."

Pure outrage and a thousand other emotions cross the other's face.

"You disrespectful bald egghead!"

If anyone is to ask, Yifan would deny choking on his juice at that. Low blow there, Baekhyun-ah. He stifles his laughter as the yell echoes through the eating area, effectively catching everyone's attention. Jongin's dramatic gasp follows as the chattering dims down and many wide eyes turn to the drama queen.

"Spicy," Minseok comments from his corner, eyes unfazed while his fingers type away at his phone. Same though.

Kyungsoo's hands fly to his hair, taken aback and pointedly ignoring the spectators. "Excuse me?" outrage colors his voice (oh, boy) as he snaps, "at least I don't strut around in eyeliner thick enough to choke someone."

"Ooohh," Luhan whistles, "Kinky."

"There are minors present!" Junmyeon admonishes, covering a protesting Sehun's ears. "Keep your talks on those private matters among yourselves in an indoor voice, please."

The Chinese man doesn't even try to look remotely guilty and merely shrugs, returning to his book. Luckily for Junmyeon, the request (order?) seems to have a magical effect on everyone else, though, seeing as everything resumes as it once was, people minding their business and doing God-knows-what. It's the power of the mom friend.

Barely five seconds later after the peace is restored, Baekhyun opens his mouth again to say something ridiculous like the human disaster he is.

"Jesus Christ, Soo-yah, don't expose me and my kinks."

The youngest among them raises his eyebrows. "Which? The choking or the eyeliner?"

"What am I supposed to do with this information?" Yifan splutters, questions, and considers driving his head through the table, wondering of where he could buy earplugs and memory bleach. "This is unbecoming of a Korean citizen."

"Both, Soo-yah. God, get your facts right, bitch." Thankfully, there's some semblance of remorse at the shameless exchange as he turns to the eldest. "...Sorry, Yifan-hyung." His expression is sheepish, a hesitant grin playing on his lips after he just exposed himself to a bunch of people. It's practically a miracle that his gay ass hasn't trended on Twitter or Naver.

Shaking his head, the Chinese man is a nice hyung so he merely reminds the younger, "Don't get yourself killed."

"—I don't think that's possible, hyung." Kyungsoo's lips twitch upwards, a glint of mischievousness in his eyes. "It's like he dies every time Chanyeol-ssi looks at him."

"I-I don't!" Baekhyun cries out, denying what seems to be the truth. The youngest's interjection causes a domino effect as words spill out of his mouth. "I-it's just that he's really cute and handsome and I can't handle looking at his face and he's so so nice—" His hands flail around in protest, eyes turning into saucers as he hastily shuts his mouth with a whine.

Baekhyun's plan to stop exposing himself is failing. Miserably.

"Panicked gay alert," Kyungsoo snorts, "just confess already. It's more than likely that he'll say yes. Go ice skating or something, eat jjajangmyun together."

"...But when?" he asks weakly.

"Do it now for all I care. Our tutor called in for a vacation to spend time with her husband, anyway." The youngest shrugs, sipping his tea. "All we'll do is sing holiday songs to each other in an empty studio in sad attempts to reach a fourth octave. Instead, go have fun and make out under a mistletoe with your crush."

"But—!"

"No buts," Yifan interjects, cutting off his dongsaeng. "Kyungsoo's right. Plus, you should be enjoying life and not attending singing lessons and tutoring five days before Christmas. 'tis the season to be jolly, fa la la la la, la la la la, and not a depressed potato, fa la la la la, la la la la." Aren't I such a hypocrite, he dryly thinks to himself, I spend most of my free time sleeping and watching cat videos. Dismissing the thought, he rationalizes that he has no love life and he's Wu Yifan therefore all arguments against his logic are invalid.

The boy in question fiddles with his fingers, sinking into his seat. "That's true but what if he's busy? I don't want to disturb him, like if his family is over or something or he's on a date—"

"The only date Chanyeol-ssi will be having is with you." The maknae jabs his chopsticks at the elder's direction. "I could've sworn you were fawning over these 'cute selfies from him, oh my God, look, Soo-yah' and crying over how 'his parents are gone for the week and his sister is vacationing with friends, I want to shower him with cuddles and hugs'. I'm willing to make up an excuse if anyone asks why you're not killing your vocal chords with us."

"—I'm-I'm shy, okay." Baekhyun releases a breath he's been holding in the sound of a whimper, hands tense and clutching his knees. There's a sound of shuffling as he curls his feet underneath the table in an unconscious instinct to curl up into a ball. "He's so amazing and I'm nothing compared to him, like—I don't know if he's going to say yes."

"He's going to say yes," the eldest firmly states, "or else he'll deal with us, all waiting in line to wipe the floor with him."

"Y-you don't need to do that, hyung," the already soft voice goes softer, "he takes really good care of me already."

Yifan feels like combusting from the urge to lock lover boy and his crush in a closet.

"...Desperate times call for desperate measures," the maknae hisses under his breath enough for him to hear, "I need to tap into my inner Luhan-hyung. I'm sorry in advance, Yifan-hyung." Oh, boy. This'll be a ride.

He reaches to grip the sides of Baekhyun's face, turning him so they're face-to-face. "Do you like Park Chanyeol?" The bluntness of the question hits the diva square in the face, a darker shade of red coloring his cheeks.

"Um—um, I don't know. I thi—"

"With confidence. Do you like Park Chanyeol?"

Baekhyun stares right back at his dongsaeng, incoherent words and stutters escaping his lips. "I-I, maybe? I'm not sure that I like like him."

"He held your hand right?"

A slow and hesitant nod.

"He wrapped his arm around you, right?"

A blink or two before a deep nod.

"Does he make your heart flutter? Do you want to curl up together in front of a fireplace during winter wrapped in blankets? Do you want to bury yourself in his chest and hear his heart beat alongside yours?"

"...Y-yeah, yeah, ye—"

A myriad of emotions pass Baekhyun's face as he realizes and accepts the truth. He brings a hand up to his chest, pressing on the area above his heart. There's a torturous moment of silence and Yifan feels himself hold his breath in anticipation, studying the live drama he's witnessing in front of his very eyes.

With a small and barely audible voice, Baekhyun replies:

"Oh my God... I think I like him."

Fina-fucking-lly.

"Say it louder!" Kyungsoo demands, not missing a beat as he unhands his hyung's face, "prove it to the world! Let everyone in this cursed building hear it! With more power!"

"...I like him."

"That sounds as fake as the news on TV; say it with more feeling! Make my ears bleed because I will not allow you to be this loud ever again so take this opportunity to let your heart out. Again!"

"I like him!"

"And who do you like?"

"PARK CHANYEOL."

"Does he like you back?"

"Y-YES."

"I heard that stutter. Louder for the people at the back, Byun Baekhyun!"

"YES."

"Good! Now, go get your man, hyung." The youngest nods approvingly and encouragingly, gesturing to the exit door.

Baekhyun stands up with a vigor, dusting his clothes. He speed cleans his section on the table, hands flying to organize the containers. Aggressively wiping away the droplets of soup from the surface, he hastily folds the tissue into a small square and places it at the corner of his tray. He lets out a victorious noise and the eldest can hear crescendoing dramatic music blaring in the background as Baekhyun marches to the exit.

"Jiāyóu, Baek-ah!" Yifan cheers, smiling widely. Because his dongsaeng is a flustered idiot, he bumps his side onto a table with a surprised yelp but keeps powering through nonetheless.

From the corner of his eyes, he can see Luhan cupping his mouth to scream at Baekhyun's retreating back. "Get yourself that dick, prostitute dearest! Use protection! I BELIEVE IN YOU." The holler is followed by a few wolf whistles and supportive screams.

"WISH ME LUCK"—as Baekhyun calls out, not paying attention to the vulgar advice in his quest to his crush, he nearly collides with Zitao at the doorway of the dining room, the latter nearly dropping his food while screaming bloody murder—"shit, sorry Tao-yah. PRETEND I'M SICK OR SOMETHING. Cover for me!"

▲▼▲▼▲

i wonder if chanbaek will actually get to kiss, hmm, third time's a charm, amirite ?

hello, my loves !! super sorry for the long delay ( 1 month ? ) and kind of short chapter. school is taking up so much of my time with projects :) and tests :) and presentations :)))) i am typically lurking around, tho ! my love for chanbaek surpasses everything.

i'm so happy that we've reached 3k reads as of writing this → thank you for sticking along !! i've posted a preview for my upcoming xiuchen fanfic, IF THE STARS REALIGN, as a little gift as well as a one shot book CORUSCATE with a xiuhan fic already posted but you can request stuff. ^^ kindly feel free to read them if you like.

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