Liz's PoV

I can't believe I freaked out again. I've gotta stop having panic attacks. Seriously, I'll end up passed out in a ditch, alone and dying.

I sighed loudly, scaring Fred slightly. He snuggled into my neck slightly and I let him hop onto my finger. He jumped onto my guitar and I started to play 'Roger Rabbit' by Sleeping With Sirens.

I begun to sing 'lead me out of the dark' by Crown The Empire when the floodgates opened. Tears streamed down my face in misery and fear. My forearms were itching and I had the urge to drag my sharp piece of metal through the skin.

Pull yourself together. This is the exact reason nobody will ever love you. You are wet and cowardly.

"STOP!" I cried out loud, clamping my hands over my ears.

I hugged my guitar to my chest and cried more, for what felt like hours. The rain started pouring down and my hair got soaked with my clothes.

After a while, the sobs stopped and I started to walk home with Gabe and Fred, my tears still mixing with rain.

I got back to the bus desperately hoping everyone was out. My prayers were unanswered and Jack, Alex, Frank, Tony and Mike were all sitting in the living room.

"There you are, we were worried sick!" Tony said, running over to me and tackling me into a hug,even though I was soaked and crying.

"What's up? You've been crying" Jack said.

"Well done, captain obvious" Alex said, elbowing Jack in the side.

"I'm going to get changed, then we can go to the hotel" I said, hurrying to my bunk. I plugged my headphones I and listened to a few songs while getting changed.

Someone tapped me on the shoulder and made me jump as I was mouthing the words to 'Caraphernelia' my Pierce The Veil.

"What happened? Tony told me you stumbled in, crying and soaked looking miserable. You then come in here and listen to songs about misery and heartbreak" Vic demanded.

"I guess I just had a moment, really, it's nothing" I lied.

"Really? The tears dripping off your face indicate otherwise" Vic replied. I wiped my cheeks to learn that I had been crying and I didn't notice.

"Don't worry, I'll deal with it" I said, throwing up my 'im fine' facade that had been holding up for so long.

"I don't believe you. We're going to a therapist to get you sorted"

"Can we go to my old therapist, she kept me alive when I was twelve"

"Okay, tell me about her"

"Well, at first, when I was nine and a half and I had just got attacked by the others, I wouldn't even talk to her. Then she brought in her old guitar that she didn't use. She taught me how to play it and let me keep it. I would play for hours to myself. Then she brought new instruments and essentially tried music therapy. She got me into all the music I listen to now. Anyway, that worked and I opened up to her. I was seeing her three times a week for three hours at a time. She taught me all of the instruments I know now, as well as a few languages like Italian and French. Anything she couldn't teach me, she would bring someone in to show me. I told her about the abuse and why I was always covered in bruises and scars. She wanted to tell the police but I begged her not to. Eventually, she taught me self-defence. She used my love of learning to keep me sane"

"She sounds fucking awesome! What happened?"

"Well, I turned thirteen and the owner of The Home thought I would be okay without her. Anyway, the others went on tour, the abuse got worse and that's when the addiction started"

"Wow, we need to go and see her"

"I agree. I think we are in Leeds next week, we can go and visit her then. I want to visit one of the kids at The Home too"

"Nice! Right, let's go and see your family" Vic said, dragging me out of the bus and to the hotel. We went up to their floor and I knocked on Ashley's room door.

The door flung open and I was tackled Into a hug. I had no idea who it was until they pulled away.

"Liz! How are you, honey?" Sammi asked me excitedly.

"I'm great, how about you? I heard you are expecting a tiny music nerd!"

"Ahh yep! Ahh it's so exciting. Come in! Who's your friend?" She asked, gesturing to Vic.

"This is Vic, Vic, this is Sammi Doll. Where are the others?"

"Oh. They went to buy food while I stayed to watch Xavi. Come say hi!"

I ran over to the small baby sat in the middle of the carpet with a toy. I scooped her up and spun her round before settling her onto my hip.

"Vic, this is Xavier. Come and say hello" I said to Vic who was standing at an awkwardly safe distance. I held Xavi out to him and he took her, cradling her gently.

I took a picture and instagrammed it, captioned '@piercethevic fangirling over baby Xavi biersack. I never thought I'd see the day'

I grinned madly when Xavi tried to touch Vic's nose and he pretended to nibble her fingers, causing her to giggle hysterically.

"Aww, he'd make a great father. You should get on that" laughed Sammi from behind me.

"I'm trying, ever heard of a ship called 'kellic'?"

"Ooh, yay! More gay ships! I thought andley was the best we could get"

"Hell no! I will see this ship through" I said as I got a phone call.

"Liz! Your Satan spawn killed a bird and brought it into the bus!" Screamed Tony into my ear.

"Really? Why did you feel the need to tell me?"

"Because you own the furry little shit!"

"Oi! That's my cat you're talking about! Get Mike to deal with it, he is the man in your relationship, after all" I laughed.

"Fuck you!" Tony yelled jokingly, before hanging up.

Flashback

A new kid had been brought into The Home. He was one year old. I was thirteen. His dad had died in a car crash and his mum started doing hard drugs, before she committed suicide, meaning he was an orphan.

'Selfish bastards, leaving the kid alone like that'

He was sharing a room with Tyler Bradshaw, my arch nemesis and bully, I could only hope that Tyler didn't try to hurt this kid.

He was classed as "intellectually disabled" because of his mums addiction. He wasn't stupid though, he always knew exactly how to get what he wanted and when I was having a bad day, he always knew how to make me feel better.

I looked after him until I was adopted, making sure nobody hurt him and he stayed happy.

Flashback over

I gasped loudly at the memory of Charlie, the kid from the orphanage.

Just then, Ashley and Andy burst through the door, giggling like crazy. Ashley stopped immediately at the sight of me, pale and shaking at the flashback. He walked over and scooped me into a comforting hug.

"You smell nice" I said into his shoulder even though it was slightly muffled.

"Are you okay? You look like you haven't slept in a few days" he asked worriedly.

"Four days. Insomnia is back"

"Have you still got your sleeping pills?"

"Yeah, but I always have nightmares why I take them"

"Oh. You doing okay? Anxiety holding up?"

"Not really"

"Meds?"

"I've been taking them, it just got worse"

"You'll be okay. I promise" Ashley comforted me, causing a couple of tears to spring to my eyes. I snuggled my face deeper into Ashley's shoulder and we stayed like that for a while.

"So, a wedding, huh?" I asked, pulling away.

"Yeah! We are thinking December" Andy replied excitedly.

"Nice! I shotgunned maid of honour when I first caught you and I'm going to hold you to it"

"We were going to ask you anyway" Ashley laughed.

"So. What's the colour theme? Do I actually need to wear colours or can I stick to my depressing ensemble of leather and denim?"

"Your choice! In fact, we wanted to put you in charge of colour schemes, clothing and photography" Andy announced.

"Yay! Have you got rings already?"

"Nope"

"Right, I've got this. French grey?"

"Yes! Hadn't thought of that!" Ashley exclaimed.

"Yay! I'm thinking French grey, black and silver"

"Yeah! Hopefully it will snow too"

"Ahhh! I'm so excited!" Vic looked bemused.

"Sorry, this is Ashley and Andy, they're getting married"

"Oh, right. Well, I'm off to find Kellin and Copeland, see you later!"

"Hold up, I'll come. See you guys later, I'll be back soon" I said, leaving with Vic.

"Your kid sister is cute" Vic informed me as we found Kellin's room.

"I never really thought of her as my sister to be honest, Ashley is my legal guardian but I still think of him like a brother"

"Fair enough"

Vic tapped on a door next to us and katelynn opened it, surprised to see us.

"Hi! I'm Liz, I don't believe we've met" I introduced.

"I'm katelynn. Hi Vic! Come in"

We walked into the room to see Kellin playing with Copeland on the bed.

"Hi Copeland! How are you doing?" Vic asked excitedly.

"Hi uncle Vic! I'm good! It's my birthday tomorrow!" My heart skipped a beat when she said 'uncle Vic'.

"Wow! You're nearly as old as me!"

Katelynn and Kellin were staring in total adoration at the pair while I was doing my best not to fangirl.

"Kells, can I have a word please?" I asked, walking out of the room.

"What's up?" He asked in the hallway.

"I know you like Vic. I also know he likes you" Kellin flushed a beetroot colour.

"Yeah, so what? It's not like we could get together, we live in different states"

"If I can get you together in this tour, you could sort something out"

"Ugh, I hate it when you're right. Okay, do your worst"

"Yay! Okay, you can go back to your kid now"

We returned to the hotel room for a while before I went back to the bus, in need of some head-space.

Austin was there, preparing to go out.

"You going somewhere?" I asked.

"Yeah, Jolie and Kenadee are here. Wanna come?"

"Nah, I'm good, thanks. I'll meet them later"

"Okay then, see you later"

I checked the time to learn that it was five pm.

I scribbled down a note that read:

Guys, I've gone somewhere, I'm not sure where and I'm not sure how long I'll be. Don't worry. I've left my pets here, I'll probably be back by tomorrow.

-Łiz

I left the note on the fridge, grabbed my phone and wallet and leaped In my car before I saw Tony come to the bus. He tapped I my window and I wound it down.

"Where are you going?" He asked me.

"No idea, somewhere"

"Can I come?"

"Sure, if you can handle driving all night and probably not being back until early tomorrow morning"

"Sure. Let's go" he said, jumping into my shotgun seat. I started up my car and we set off, awaiting adventure.