The zoo

"Okay, everybody got the rules down?" Steve repeated himself, handing each of us our ticket.

"Yep," we all muttered.

"I'm gonna repeat them anyway," Steve decided, opening his mouth to continue.

"What? Why?" Clint complained.

"Because you're here, bird brains," Tony commented, looking at his ticket.

"You know I don't need a ticket, right? I'm Tony Stark."

"Rule number one!" Steve complained.

"What?"

"We have to keep our identites hidden, Mr Stark," I explained quickly.

"Lame."

"Tony!" Natasha corrected.

"Okay, let's move on!" Steve decided; "We'll keep our identities secret, you always move in the pairs I'm listing up in a minute, and we meet back here at three-thirty sharp."

"That means you, Tony," Wanda muttered, making Tony roll his eyes dramatically.

"Pairs are as following," Steve continued unaffected; "Sam and Bucky, Clint and Peter, Scott and Natasha and Wanda and I."

"Can we shi-""No."

"How abo-""No."

"Can we jo-""No."

"This feels like kindergarten," Natasha scoffed.

"I don't mind," Scott admitted; "Steve would be a great kindergarten teacher."

"He actually would," I agreed, looking judgingly at Steve.

"Updates every hour," Steve reminded.

"I wanna see the birds," Scott said dreamily.

"There's one right there," Natasha mentioned, pointing at Hawkeye.

"We should go see the gorillas, Buck," Sam suggested; "You'll fit right in."

"I would've thought you'd want to see the anteaters," I told Scott jokingly.

"THE WHAT"

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THE AVENGERS

Natasha: Hourly check. We're checking out the bears.

Wanda: We're at the aquarium

Wanda: There's a really weird looking fish here

Steve: I knew that because we're paired up, Wanda

Steve: But thanks for cooperating, I guess

Steve: Sam?

Sam: By the dolphins

Bucky: Hey how much do I get for pushing him in

Steve: You get to go home and never come with us on excursions ever again

Steve: Peter?

Steve: Peter, please check in as agreed

Steve: Clint, where are you?

Clint: Don't get mad

Clint: I can explain

Tony: WHAT DID YO UD O TO PETER

Clint: I wanted to go see the birds too

Clint: So I said I'd just meet Peter outside

Clint: But when I came

Clint: he was gone

Clint: I even looked for him inside

Clint: He's gone

Steve: YOU LOST HIM?

Clint: C'mon he's an AVENGER, he can handle himself!

Tony: He really can't

Steve: Okay, everybody, spread out and look. I'm gonna try calling him.

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-

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Natasha: We found his phone

Steve: Where?

Natasha: Lion exhibit

Tony: A LION ATE PETER

Natasha: No. There'd be blood in there

Natasha: And someone would've seen

Tony: THEN WHERE IS HE

Steve: Tony, calm down

Wade has joined the chat.

Wade: Hey guys!

Wade: It's me!

Steve: Does anyone know this guy?

Wade: It's Peter

Tony: EPETER????

Wade: I dropped my phone but I met this guy

Wade: I borrowed his phone

Wade: He's really cool I'm gonna bring him home

Natasha: I don't know Pete, a Wade is a big responsibility

Tony: HAVENT YOU EVR HEARD OF STRANGER DANGERE

Bucky: Wait, Wade? As in Wilson?

Wade: Yep, that's me

Steve: Who's Wade Wilson?

Natasha: Deadpool, isn't it?

Steve: That serial killer?

Wade: Please, you're too kind

Steve: Whatever, just bring Peter to the farm animals, okay?

Wade: You got it, captain greatass!