Wait to start the song.

***There will be graphic heroin use in this chapter and the mention of sexual behaviour.***

Josh felt like he was going to throw up. He tried to swallow down the anxiety and the dull aches starting to spread through his muscles and bones, but it was fucking hard.

He got off work in ten minutes. He was ten minutes away from going home and shooting up for the second time this week. It used to be once a month, then twice a month, on and on until once a week wasn't enough, but Josh wouldn't be able to survive on that anymore. Now three or four times a week was his minimum.

Looking back, Josh had given up a lot for this stupid drug that he didn't even want to be on anymore. He was still giving up so much. He used to like his job, but he'd left it so he could shoot up more often and not have to worry about his hands shaking or the possibility of drug tests.

Ashley was braver. She still did what he used to do, but somehow she could keep her hands steady as she tattooed people despite shooting up more than once a day.

When Josh was younger, he'd daydreamed about having his own tattoo parlour. He'd given that dream up at twenty-one though to work at a fucking gas station. This was the life he'd chosen for himself, and he wasn't sure if he'd ever forgive himself for that.

Josh watched the teenagers walking through the gas station disinterestedly. He almost wished he'd brought klonopin with him, but he was pretty sure even gas stations weren't very into the idea of their employees snorting pills in the bathrooms. That seemed a little rude seeing as Josh was the one who had to clean those bathrooms anyways, but he wouldn't complain. He couldn't exactly buy pills if he wasn't working here.

The two teenage girls, still wearing their backpacks, walked over to the counter and set down gummy worms and Red Bulls. "And then two cartons of those," the less anxious looking of the two said, pointing to the wall of cigarettes behind him.

"How old are you?" He asked her, knowing full well she wasn't old enough to buy those, regardless of which label she'd had in mind.

"Eighteen," she lied, shifting under his tired gaze.

He hummed in false understanding as he scanned the gummy worms and energy drinks. "You got ID?"

She reached into her pocket and pulled out a plastic card, letting him take it. "Sure."

Josh smirked as he looked it over. "You're thirty-two?"

She blushed. "Yeah."

"I thought you said you were eighteen," he reminded her.

Her blush darkened. "I didn't want you to know I'm old."

"That makes sense," he replied with a grin, ignoring how much his body ached. "You ever smoked these before..." He looked down at the name on the ID before smirking. "...Gerda?"

He'd never seen someone blush this deeply. "Yes, sir."

"You don't gotta call me sir if you're thirty-two, ma'am. You've got ten years on me," he reminded her. "Look, how about this? I keep this shitty ID, and save your lungs the trouble." The girls both started to protest when Josh added, "But I'll pay for your candy and shit if you swear to me you ain't gonna go try this again somewhere."

The girls glanced at each other before looking at him again. They both nodded. "Okay, sir."

"Cool," he told them as he slid them their stuff.

"Why do you care if we smoke anyways? You smell like smoke," the quieter girl asked shyly as they grabbed their things off of the counter.

Josh smirked as he dropped their ridiculous fake ID in the trash before pulling his own wallet out and paying for their candy. "Kid, if you think just smoking cigarettes is what led to me working at a gas station, you're fucking crazy. I smoked when I was your age though. You're what? Fifteen?"

The girls blushed, but nodded. "Yes, sir," they both muttered in embarrassment.

"I got a sister who's fifteen, but I ain't seen her since she was thirteen. You wanna know why?" He asked them.

Debby used to get annoyed with him for always doing this with kids, but he kind of felt obligated in a way. He was the anti-example of adulthood. He might as well do something good with that, right?

The girls both nodded, blushing when he shrugged his hoodie off. He leant against the counter so they could see the collapsed vein in his arm. They both looked at him with wide eyes.

"Holy shit," one of them whispered. "Are you okay?"

"Right now? Yeah. Are you?" He asked them, and they both nodded, but they were staring at that one black and bruised vein. "Cigarettes get boring, so you be careful," he warned the girls.

They both nodded. The quiet one glanced at him anxiously before blurting out, "Can I touch it?"

He chuckled. "Yeah, but go easy on it. It's still fresh."

She looked even younger as she watched her fingers run across the vein in fearful curiosity. "Did it hurt?"

"Hell no. At least not at first. I was too high to feel it. It wasn't until a few days after when I came down enough that I felt it. I mean, it's a vein full of chemicals that has been eaten at so bad that it just gives up. That shit has to hurt," Josh explained. "So, are you gonna play with that shit, or what?"

"No, sir," they both replied with wide eyes.

He nodded, smiling at them with a little bit of pride and a whole lot of relief. "Good. Now get outta here."

They smiled at him before hurrying toward the door. "Thanks, sir. I hope you get better!" The louder girl called, waving at him as she walked.

"Anytime, Gerda," he replied, making the girls giggle as they left the station.

As soon as they were gone from his sight, Josh dropped his head down into his arms and groaned. The chick who was supposed to take over when he got off wasn't here yet, and he was down to two minutes. The temperature in the room was starting to fluctuate around him, and his hands were shaking.

Josh looked up when the bell over the door chimed, relief washing over him as some goth chick wearing the same uniform as him came in. "Sorry I'm late. My boyfriend was being super pissy all day and-"

Josh was already signing out of the register and grabbing his stuff though, out of the door before she even finished talking. He could go home now. He could shoot up and make this discomfort go away. He was so relieved.

It was probably hypocritical to smoke on the way home, but the effects of cigarettes were honestly the least of his problems right now. Besides, it was either that or risk overthinking for the next ten minutes driving home. That wasn't something he was willing to do.

-----

This time, Ashley was waiting for him when he got home. He was sliding his hoodie off before he'd even closed the door, kicking it shut behind himself before walking over to the couch. He sat down next to her as she started to heat the dope in the same spoon as always.

"Tough day?" She asked him as she watched the drugs slowly become ready for injection.

"Not bad," he decided, picking up the syringe sitting between them on the couch. "Debby's not home yet?"

Ashley shook her head as she allowed him to put the needle into the dark liquid, drawing it up into the syringe. "Apparently big girl jobs mean working double shifts sometimes. If I ever decide I'm going to work at a fucking bank, you have my permission to knock me out."

"Deal," he agreed he as handed her the syringe and took his belt off with shaky hands. "You wanna go first?"

"I hate the ladies first rule," she replied with a smirk. "You first."

He wasn't going to argue with that. He wrapped the belt around his arm, letting Ashley tighten it until it cut off his circulation. It took her a second to find a vein, but then Josh felt the needle go in and the belt being removed, and suddenly nothing else mattered. Warmth spread throughout his whole body as Ashley did the same to herself, and he smiled at her dazedly.

"Holy shit," he muttered.

"Good?" She asked him, and he felt bad that she couldn't feel the high too, but only distantly.

"Heaven," he replied before shifting to lay down in her lap. "Holy shit."

Ashley laughed. "Your eyes keep rolling back in your head."

"'M gonna pass out," he told her blissfully.

"Sweet dreams, kiddo," Ashley said through a smirk.

Josh hummed, but then he was out. It definitely wasn't the best high he'd ever had. He'd never get there again no matter how hard he chased it, but this was good enough for now. This was worth the withdrawals.

-----

Start the song. It's Stay Hidden by Slumbers.

It was dark when Josh woke up. He looked around hazily before realizing he was in bed with Debby and Ashley. Had they dragged him in here, or did he manage to walk? He had no idea. All he knew was that Ashley was the reason he'd woken up. There was a bump beneath the sheets between Debby's legs, and she was trying as best as she could to keep quiet, but Debby was never really quiet.

Josh wiped at the sleep in his eyes before sitting up. Debby's hand shot out to him instantly. "Everything okay?" She asked him breathily.

He nodded, squeezing her hand before climbing off of their mattress. "Gotta pee," he replied tiredly before leaving the room.

It was kind of a rule that Josh had to pee in the shower when he was high. His aim suffered a lot under the influence, and nobody really wanted to have to clean that up. The responsibility usually fell on Debby, who was the only person not high in their house at any time.

After he'd peed, Josh stumbled out to the front door and outside. He sat on the lawn in their yard, not really sure why he was doing it. Sometimes when he was high like this, he just wanted a minute to look up at the Oklahoma sky and pray that he could kick this addiction. He didn't want to have to live this constant cycle of being high and crashing for the rest of his life-however short that may be.

Josh wasn't sure how long he'd sat out there before the door to the trailer opened and the girls came out. He watched them drowsily as they ran across the dew-covered lawn, giggling as they dropped down next to him. They each linked their arms with his and rested their heads on his shoulders.

"Hey you," Debby said with a grin before kissing his cheek.

He looked at her tiredly, having no choice but to smile when he was reminded of just how beautiful she was. She smiled against his lips when he kissed her softly before looking back up at the stars.

"Hey now," Ashley chided, turning Josh's head and kissing him as well. He could taste Debby on her lips.

Debby laughed, so Josh did too. He was too out of it to really know what else to do. "What do you see in the stars, baby boy?"

Josh looked up at the sky, searching it for constellations. He freed his arm from Ashley to point up at the sky. "That's a bear."

The girls watched him trace the distant stars with his finger.

Debby grinned. "I see it."

"What's its name?" Ashley asked him.

Josh really couldn't think of more than one name at the moment. His brain was too fried. "Debby."

His girlfriend giggled, but Ashley rolled her eyes. "You disgust me," she told him.

"I think he's adorable," Debby said with a grin as she turned his head and kissed him again. When their lips broke apart, she held his cheeks gently and smiled at him. "My sweet baby boy."

He nuzzled his nose against hers. "My little star bear."

She giggled, letting him kiss her nose although his aim wasn't great for that either right now. "Let's get you inside, okay, little stargazer?"

Josh sighed, but he knew he'd probably pass out soon anyways. "Mkay."

Once again, his girlfriend smiled. She stood up before helping him to do the same. She then helped Ashley to do the same. As soon as Ashley was on her feet, she started kissing all over Debby's face, making her laugh.

"You're so cute," Ashley told Debby.

Josh smiled. "So cute."

Debby squeaked when Josh picked her up and slung her over his shoulder as he headed inside. Ashley cackled as she followed them in.

"Josh, please don't drop me," Debby pleaded, making him laugh.

"Now why the hell would I do that?" He asked her.

"Sometimes you pass out when you're high," she reminded him.

He shrugged. "Ashley would never let you hit the floor," he decided as he dropped her down on their mattress.

Debby laughed, tugging Josh down on top of her. "Are you saying that my big tough boyfriend would drop me?"He smiled lazily when she rolled them over and climbed up to sit on his stomach. "Do you know the punishment for dropping me?"

"The wh-"

Josh jerked away from her as she instantly started tickling his sides, making him laugh as he tried to get away from her. He was too high though, so instead he made puppy eyes at Ashley.

"Help please," he requested hopefully.

Ashley grinned. "I got you, brother."

Debby squeaked as Ashley started to tickle her, laughing when she was practically tackled off of Josh and pinned down before Ashley was holding her arms over her head by her wrists to tickle her armpits one at a time. Josh laughed as he simply laid down on the mattress and watched his girlfriend struggle as she laughed hysterically.

"Help, Josh. Help," she pleaded out.

Josh fluffed up his pillow before resting his head on it and closing his eyes. "Can't. She's not my girlfriend."

Ashley let out a victorious laugh as she started to tickle Debby's sides instead. "That's right! We can only tickle you."

Debby was writhing beneath Ashley now as she laughed. "Joshua, pleeeease," she begged.

He yawned. "Hey, Ash, can I borrow our girlfriend for a second please?"

Ashley grinned. "Since you asked so nicely."

She climbed off of Debby and under the covers, allowing Debby to scurry over to Josh, collapsing beside him and pulling his arms around her. He laughed as his arms tightened around her protectively.

"What have we learned today, Deborah?" He asked her.

She pouted up at him. "That you guys like to team up against me?"

"Try again."

"That girlfriends are meanies but my baby boy will always protect me?" Debby guessed.

Josh grinned when Ashley's jaw dropped in amused dismay. "That's right, baby. Smart girl." He stuck his tongue out at Ashley. "Bet you wish you had a cool boyfriend like me."

"Gross," Ashley replied with a smirk as she rubbed Debby's back softly. "Go the fuck to sleep."

Josh smirked as he closed his eyes, making Debby giggle when he nuzzled his nose against hers. "Your girlfriend really is a meanie. Good thing mine's perfect," he told her.

Debby giggled as she pushed Josh's shirt up enough to trace invisible patterns on his side. The drugs were about to pull him back to sleep, but he was glad he was holding her. She made everything okay.

"I love you," Debby told him. She turned and looked to Ashley. "And I love you."

They both replied, " I love you too."

Ashley sat up enough to kiss Debby's cheek before laying back down. She reached around Debby to poke Josh's cheek. "And I guess I love you a little bit, loser."

He laughed, pinching her cheek. "I know, sweetheart. You're like a brother to me."

Ashley laughed, sitting up and leaning across Debby to smack Josh's shoulder. He grinned. "You're a piece of shit."

"Hey now," Debby cut in, smiling widely. "That's no way to talk to your brother."

Josh snickered. "Yeah. Ain't nobody gonna mess with mama's baby boy."

"You're disgusting. I'm back to simply tolerating your existence," Ashley informed him as she turned to face away from them, but Josh could hear the smile in her voice.

Debby giggled, rolling over in Josh's arms so he could spoon her. "Come here, pretty girl," she said as she pulled Ashley's tiny body closer so she could spoon her as well. She kissed along Ashley's neck. "I love you."

"I love you too," Ashley replied through a yawn.

Josh smiled, closing his eyes. Sleep found him almost instantly, and he was glad. The drugs wore him out, but not nearly as much as Debby and Ashley did.

Maybe he would try to get better like the girls in the gas station had said they hoped he would. The sooner he quit, the more time he'd have with Debby, right? But then again, Ashley had been doing this for years, and she was fine. Maybe he would be too.