Start the song. It's Monday by Matt Corby. ***Trigger warnings for mentions of drug use and cravings.***

Tyler was gone when Josh woke up in the morning. The note on his pillow informed Josh that he'd gone to class and would be home in a few hours. It also informed Josh that Tyler loved him and was proud of him for making it another day sober. The note itself was simply addressed to "Boyfriend," which made Josh smile.

He yawned, trying to ignore the aching in his head and bones as he folded up the note and tucked it into the pocket of his sweatpants before hugging Tyler's pillow against his chest and closing his eyes again. Over and over again his mind drifted back to the conversation he'd had with Brendon the night before. How could anyone have ever been cruel enough to look at someone as precious and gentle as Tyler and justify hurting him in any way? Josh felt guilty when his withdrawals made his legs spasm in the night and kick Tyler, and that wasn't even on purpose, so how could anyone purposely hurt Tyler and feel no shame about it?

Josh opened his eyes and picked his phone up off of the nightstand, finding Tyler's name in his contacts and sending him a quick text simply saying:

Good morning Boyfriend. Kick ass at school today and then hurry home so I can kiss your cute face. I love you.

He set his phone down on the bed beside him and closed his eyes once again. A slight smile tugged at his lips as he started to drift back off to sleep, Tyler's note causing his thoughts to wander.

Apart from a couple slip ups, Josh was making a lot of progress in kicking this addiction. He was doing better than he'd thought he would, and Tyler was praising him for it. He didn't resent Josh for wanting to do more with his life like Debby had. He supported Josh instead, helping him to celebrate every little victory he was able to reach. That felt more like love than anything else Josh had experienced in a relationship.

Josh's phone beeped, so he picked it up again. He smiled when he saw Tyler's response, feeling overwhelming love and adoration swell inside of him.

It was so hard to leave you this morning. You were so cute and snuggly and you whimpered like a puppy whenever I tried to get out of bed. I can't wait to come home and kiss your cute face too. Have a good day, Baby. I'll be home in a couple hours. Eat something and get a shower. Take care of my boyfriend until I can come home and do it myself.

Josh buried his face in his pillow to hide his blush despite being alone in the room. God, he loved Tyler. He loved being with someone who genuinely cared about him. He loved being with someone that he genuinely cared for just as much. He loved being with someone who gave him a second reason to get clean. Getting to twenty-seven would be incredible, but waking up next to Tyler on his twenty-seventh birthday would be so much better.

He couldn't help but respond to Tyler's text with one that said:

I wouldn't mind waking up in your bed every day for the rest of my life.

Tyler's response was instant.

It's not for sale.

Josh snickered, forgetting the pain in his joints for the first time in days as he texted Tyler back quickly.

If I let you be the big spoon will you let me share it with you?

Once again, Tyler's response was instant.

Deal

Josh was just about to toss his phone to the side again when it rang. He froze when he saw "Mom" listed as the caller. A sick feeling tugged at his empty stomach. He was going to have to tell her he'd relapsed if he answered. The phone kept ringing as he stared at it fearfully. At the last moment, it occurred to him that his mom might think the worst if he didn't answer, so he accepted the call and held his phone to his ear.

"Hello?" He asked nervously.

He heard her let out a breath of relief. "Hi, honey. My students are at recess, so I thought I'd check on you. I haven't heard from you in a while. Is everything okay?"

After less than a second of deliberating with himself, Josh decided to just pull off the bandaid. "I relapsed about a week ago, but I'm getting better at staying sober. I'm trying not to think too far into the future. I'm just focusing on staying sober today."

Josh awaited the lecture that would follow him admitting he'd relapsed. He flinched when he heard his mom start crying on the other line. "I'm so proud of you, Joshua," he heard his mother say, taking him by surprise.

"But-"

"Relapsing is normal, but you aren't giving up. You're being so strong. I'm so proud of you. You should be proud of yourself too. Oh, honey, you deserve to be clean. You deserve to be sober today and to be able to be aware of all the beauty around you. I'm so proud of you. I can't even tell you how proud I am," she told him through her tears.

Tears prickled at Josh's eyes as well as he listened to his mother speak. It had been so long since he'd last been able to make his mom proud in any way. He'd been dragging her through one disaster after another with no end in sight, but now he'd made her proud. Hearing her say that out loud was everything he needed.

"Mama, I'm scared, and I don't feel good, and I think about dope all the time...but I think I might be able to do this. I really think I might be able to get better," he confided quietly.

"You will get better, baby. You're already in the process of getting better. I'm so proud of you for it too. God, I'm proud. Your brother and sisters are gonna be proud too. I told Ashley you were working on getting sober the last time she called, and she couldn't stop telling me how proud of you she was. She almost drove all the way here just to give you a hug and to make sure you had a place to stay. Jordan asks how you are every day, and Abbie cleared you a drawer in their bedroom the other day in case you ever wanna come visit. We're all proud of you, Joshua. We know you're going to make it through this, even if you slip up from time to time."

"Thanks, Mama. You have.... I can't even tell you how much that means to me. I love and miss you guys. I'm safe where I'm at, and I'm finding a lot of reasons to not give in, but that means so much when you guys are the ones saying it," Josh admitted, his voice quivering slightly in places.

"Are you still living with that nice girl you told me about?" Mrs. Dun asked.

"Kind of," Josh told her before hesitating for a moment. "I've been staying the night at my boyfriend's house every now and then. I'm at his house right now. He isn't here though."

His mom's voice came out careful, like she wasn't sure if her words were going to cause problems. "Are you sure starting a new relationship is a good idea right now?"

A smile tugged at Josh's cheeks without him meaning for it to. "Trust me. He's the best thing for me right now. He's never done drugs-doesn't even smoke-and he's in college. He's really smart and responsible and sweet, and he's teaching me to be a better person. You'd love him."

His mother let out another shaky breath of relief. "Good. That's-That's good, honey. You deserve someone like that. You take good care of him too, okay? Promise me you'll take good care of him," she said carefully, and Josh knew he couldn't be offended by that.

It wouldn't be fair for Josh to tell him mom she was worried about nothing. He couldn't play the victim and say she was assuming he was a bad boyfriend because of his addiction. He had been a bad boyfriend in the past. He'd been dismissive of what Debby wanted and needed whenever he thought he needed drugs more. He'd been absent for so long while he was under the influence that he couldn't even say to this day what Debby's birthday was. Back when they were both crackheads, they'd definitely gotten into a few fist fights because they were too strung out to find words to fight with. Hell, the day he'd left that trailer, he and Debby had almost gotten into another one despite still being relatively sober. Josh had a history of being a bad boyfriend, but he also had a history of being in relationships that were more centered on substances than connection and communication.

"I promise. I already told his roommate that he has to kick me out and convince Tyler not to let me come back if I fuck this up in any way. He deserves the best. If I can't give him that, I'll leave so he can find someone who can," Josh insisted, feeling heartsick at the mere idea of having to leave Tyler.

"Good. I'm proud of you for that. Okay, honey. I have to go because the kids are coming back in any minute, but I love you so much. I'm so proud of you. Call me if you need me, or even if you just want to talk. I'll be here," his mother told him gently.

"I love you too. I'll call," he swore.

"Alright. Bye now," she replied sweetly.

Josh hung up, setting his phone down on the bed beside him. He wished Tyler were here to remind him he could do this. Tyler was busy doing things that were important to him though, and Josh couldn't get in the way of that. Tyler was supporting him in getting sober, and he was being supportive of Tyler's dreams too. That was what fuelled the love Josh was so addicted to. He couldn't fuck it up.

Instead of calling Tyler like he wanted to, he decided to shower and eat something like Tyler had instructed him to. He could talk to Tyler when he got home, but he wasn't going to interrupt Tyler's learning while he was at school.

---

Josh did manage to get a shower, but the withdrawals hit him with a wave of nausea halfway through. Eating wasn't an option. Food wouldn't be able to stay down anyways. Instead, Josh went out and sat on the porch, settling for a cigarette instead of what his body was really begging him for. He didn't bother Tyler with his cravings. They could talk about Josh's weakness when Tyler got home. Josh could wait. He could stay sober until Tyler was home to hold him together and remind him he was strong enough to do the same for himself.

Halfway through his cigarette, the trailer door opened. Josh honestly hadn't even known anyone was home, but a thin girl with dark hair and enormous blue eyes came and sat on the porch next to him. She was wearing an oversized t-shirt and no pants.

Josh immediately thought of Ashley, who used to steal his shirts and walk around like that all the time, claiming that she did it because it was comfortable and not because she and Josh were even remotely in a relationship together. There had been one time though where Ashley had been high enough to tell him that "you're not my boyfriend, but you're kind of my bonus lover I guess."

Since Josh had left Debby and Ashley, he'd come to realize that he'd never been as comfortable with their dynamic as he's always assured Debby he was. It was okay with him that Debby was poly. Of course it was. There was nothing wrong with that. He just hadn't ever truly been comfortable with himself in that relationship. He wasn't comfortable enough in measuring his own worth to be able to feel like there wasn't something he was failing to give Debby in their relationship that made her need someone else.

He had loved having both of his girls there, but he hadn't loved himself enough to see the relationship for what it really was. He and Ashley may have been each other's bonus lovers, but they were just Debby's projects. She had started dating Ashley because Josh wasn't giving her something she needed. She had needed another addict to devote all her energy to after Josh had quit cocaine. It must have been the best day of her life the first time she had found Josh passed out from snorting the heroin his bonus lover had coaxed him into trying.

It wasn't until a head rested on Josh's shoulder that he remembered he was sitting on the porch of Tyler's trailer and not crying his way through his first time coming down from heroin. The girl sitting next to him linked her arm with his while she rested calmly against him as if they'd known each other their whole lives.

"Hi," she said in a sweet voice. She yawned. "I'm Sarah. I'm Brendon's girlfriend."

"Josh," he replied dumbly, feeling far too unsure of this situation to communicate properly.

She smiled, leaving her head on his shoulder. "Tyler's the best person I've ever met. I don't usually like the guys he brings over here, but I have a good feeling about you. I think you'll fit right into our family. I think you'll make sure Tyler doesn't have to be lonely anymore."

Once again, she'd taken Josh by surprise. No response came to him immediately, leaving him to flounder for a moment. Sarah glanced up at him before chuckling.

"Did you eat breakfast?" She asked him warmly.

"I'm not really-"

"Come on," she said, standing up and pulling him to his feet as well. "As soon as that cigarette is done, you're gonna help me make French toast. Then we're going to watch scandalous soap operas until our brains rot while we eat. I won't make you talk or anything. You can absorb my love through osmosis and breakfast food. I show love by feeding it to people and letting them take naps with me. Let's go."

Maybe it was because Josh had become accustomed to taking orders from women who seemed to know what was best for him, but he stubbed his cigarette out in the ash tray on the porch before following her inside.

Josh had known from the moment he met Tyler that he was a genuinely good person. The same seemed to be true for the people he lived with. It was so clear that Brendon and Sarah loved Tyler. Maybe that was why it was so easy for Sarah to win him over with French toast, Desperate Housewives, a bottle of white nail polish, and an endless stream of precious stories about his boyfriend. Sarah loved Tyler fiercely, and that made it easy for her to extend that love to Josh. Josh loved Tyler enough to be able to love Tyler's friends too. Thanks to Sarah, Josh truly felt at home for the first time in a very long time-no drugs necessary.