Inspiration provided by GHZTZZ . Wait to start the song.
***There will be one incident of vomiting in this chapter. I'm late adding in this warning. I'm so sorry to anyone who read before I put it in and felt unsafe.***

It took a lot of convincing to get Josh to go home with Tyler while he was still going through withdrawals, but Tyler needed to go home for the night, and he wasn't leaving Josh. After conspiring with Hayley for a while, they finally decided that Tyler should just roll Josh up in a blanket and carry him out. Josh grumbled at the idea, but didn't complain when Tyler carried him out to his car and gently laid him down on the backseat.

"You know I'm going to take care of you, right?" Tyler asked softly.

Josh grumbled again, pulling the blanket up over his face. Even if it worried Tyler that Josh was getting grumpy and attempting to isolate himself, he couldn't really blame him. He was in a lot of pain, and there was a significantly smaller amount of serotonin going to his brain than what he had grown accustomed to. If he wanted to be grumpy, that was fine. Sober and grumpy was better than tweaking and happy.

Instead of allowing himself to be frustrated with Josh's unresponsiveness, Tyler kissed the top of his head before closing the car door and getting into the driver's seat.

"Tell me if you need me to pull over so you can throw up," Tyler told Josh calmly as he started the car.

All he got in response was another grumble, but he allowed it. The rest of the ride was silent, and Tyler was surprised when he got out of the car and found Josh still and unmoving in the back seat. Before he could even think to be rational, Tyler pressed his fingers against Josh's neck. His breath caught in his chest as he searched for the familiar thumping of his heartbeat. He didn't find it before Josh smiled slightly.

"Are you checking my pulse?" Josh mumbled sleepily. "I was asleep. It's okay."

Start the song. It's Who Cares If You Exist by Peacock Affect.

Tyler's hands were shaking as he climbed into the backseat with Josh, making him grunt when Tyler climbed on top of him. Still, Josh patiently allowed Tyler to burrow his way into the blanket with him as he buried his face against Josh's neck and took in an unsteady breath.

"Hey, I'm okay," Josh said more softly then, grumpiness forgotten. His arms wrapped around Tyler's torso, holding him close when one of the tears Tyler had been trying to hold back dropped onto Josh's shoulder. "Ty? Hey, it's okay."

It was hard for Tyler to feel okay though. Zack had been wrapped up in the blankets from his bed, cheeks and lips as blue as the bathroom tile he'd collapsed on. Tyler hadn't found a pulse that time either, and the doctors couldn't find one either.

Even though Tyler knew he was scaring Josh, he couldn't stop sobbing and clutching onto Josh's shirt so hard that his knuckles were white. Josh tried to sit up to hold Tyler properly, but he wasn't strong enough to shift Tyler off of him, and that only made him cry harder.

"I'm sorry," Tyler sobbed out. "I'm so sorry. I'm not trying to-"

"No, it's okay. I'm scared too," Josh said quietly, his fingers trailing softly through Tyler's hair as he spoke.

"I'm sorry. It's just my brother and-" Tyler cut himself off. He couldn't tell Josh the truth. "You're gonna get better. We'll get you better. I'm-I'm not going anywhere until you're better, and then I'm never leaving you. Ever. We're going to go somewhere better together, and we'll live somewhere nice with a cat, and you'll have your own tattoo parlour, and-"

With a great deal of effort, Josh sat up, keeping Tyler in his lap. The night felt colder when the blanket slid off of Tyler, but he felt calmer when Josh pulled him against his chest and held him close.

"Maybe we're thinking too big," Josh said quietly. "Maybe that's why we keep hitting all these fucking walls. We keep saying five years, but that's...that's a long time. Let's just.... I can promise you right now that I'll stay sober tomorrow, and you can promise me you'll get your homework done tomorrow. We can promise again when tomorrow's over."

Tyler nodded against Josh's shoulder. He felt relieved that Josh was taking the initiative and making a plan for himself. This was a step forward. It was a sign that Josh was really trying to get better.

"Yeah, I promise," Tyler replied quietly.

"I promise too," Josh whispered back.

They sat in the backseat for a while, Josh's tired hand soothing through Tyler's hair comfortingly all the while. Despite how cramped it was for two adult men to sit in the backseat of such a small car, Tyler found himself slowly being drawn closer and closer to sleep the longer Josh held him.

"Ty?" Josh asked after a minute.

"Hm?" Tyler hummed sleepily.

"I'm sorry, but I have to throw up," Josh told Tyler, his voice sounding restrained.

Tyler scurried out of Josh's lap and out of the car, yanking Josh out with him. The second Josh's feet touched the grass, he was doubled over and vomiting onto the lawn. He nearly fell over with how much the single action drained him, but Tyler caught him, just like he'd promised he always would. He held onto Josh to keep him upright while he emptied the extremely limited contents of his stomach out onto the grass.

When Josh was finished, he let Tyler pick him up once again, leaving the car door shut behind him before carrying Josh inside. Josh regrettably mumbled something about needing his blanket, but Tyler didn't go back. He just wanted Josh to be able to rest. Tyler could go back for the blanket when Josh had brushed his teeth and climbed into bed.

Sarah was sitting on the couch with Brendon's head in her lap when Tyler carried Josh over the threshold. Brendon was snoring a bit too loudly, but Sarah wasn't bothered by the sound at all. She seemed surprised to see Tyler carrying a guy into their trailer and straight to the bathroom. Apparently, Brendon hadn't mentioned Josh to her yet. Of course, Brendon didn't know he was officially Tyler's boyfriend yet.

Tyler set Josh down on the closed toilet lid and started searching through the medicine cabinet for an extra toothbrush. Josh rested his head against the tiled wall, watching Tyler tiredly. He looked absolutely drained, but this was so much better than he'd looked when he was laying in Debby's bed a few days ago. Josh was depressed and exhausted and sick right now, but that was all just a sign that he was getting better. For that, Tyler was proud of him.

When Tyler found a toothbrush, Josh allowed the younger man to brush his teeth for him. He was too weak at the moment to do it for himself anyways. Tyler didn't mind. He'd take care of Josh until Josh was able to take care of himself.

Once Josh's teeth were clean, Tyler carried him back into his room, tucking him into bed gently. Josh smiled slightly when Tyler kissed his forehead. Tyler smiled back at him warmly, brushing faded blue hair off of his forehead.

"I just remembered you're my boyfriend," Josh whispered to Tyler, smiling brightly despite how exhausted he appeared to be.

Tyler laughed, kissing Josh's lips softly before smiling at him again. "Is that good news to you or bad news?"

"It's the best news," Josh yawned out. "Did you do your homework tonight?"

Tyler rolled his eyes, kissing Josh one more time before standing back up and heading or the door. "My backpack's in the car. I'll do my homework in the living room so you can sleep in here."

It was kind of adorable how quickly the smile dropped off of Josh's lips. "I can sleep while you're doing your homework in here. You won't bother me. Would I bother you? I'll try not to. Please stay in here with me. I'll miss you too much."

Once again, Tyler laughed. "If me being in here makes it harder for you to sleep at any time, tell me. I'm gonna go get my backpack. You sleep."

Josh closed his eyes obediently. "Yes, sir."

Tyler rolled his eyes before leaving the room. Sarah raised an eyebrow when Tyler passed through the living room again.

"Boyfriend," he explained simply before going back outside, feeling extremely pleased with the way the one worded explanation was met with such an approving smile.

His backpack was in the passenger's seat, but he grabbed Josh's blanket from the backseat too. Even if Josh had looked pretty comfortable bundled up in Tyler's, having his own blanket might make him feel a bit better too. He headed back inside, smiling and kissing the top of Sarah's head when he passed her.

"Hey, come here," she said quietly so as not to wake up her snoring boyfriend.

Huffing quietly in dissent, Tyler came and sat on the chair beside the couch she and Brendon were sharing. She reached out a hand for his, and he gave it to her without question.

"This new boyfriend, he's not like the last one?" She asked hopefully, making Tyler's stomach twist painfully.

He shook his head, squeezing her hand a little tight to reassure both of them. "No. He's not. He's-Josh is the sweetest person I've ever met. He's going through some stuff but he-He isn't-He would never hurt me. I promise."

Sarah nodded, only letting her relief show slightly as she struggled to maintain an essence of warm serenity that he needed her to provide for him. "Just know that if that ever changes, you can come to me and Brendon for help. We won't be mad at you for dating him or judge you or anything. We'll just protect you like last time, okay? We love you so much."

Tyler nodded, forcing a smile. Josh was gentle and kind. Yeah, he had an addiction, but he'd never hurt Tyler. The two didn't always have to go hand in hand.

"I love you too," Tyler told Sarah, lifting her hand and kissing the back of it before letting go.

"Goodnight, honey," Sarah called to him quietly as he gathered up his things and headed back to his room.

"Goodnight," he replied.

Josh was fast asleep when Tyler closed the door behind himself. Although his muscles were taut, proving he was in pain, he slept soundly. He stirred when Tyler climbed onto the bed next to him though. His eyes fluttered open, and he grumbled quietly as he buried his face against Tyler's thigh. Tyler's fingertips slid down Josh's back gently as he pulled a book out of his backpack and one-handedly flipped to the assigned reading. Josh began drift back to sleep easily while Tyler read.

"I love you, boyfriend," Tyler told Josh quietly through a small smile.

Josh chuckled sleepily, nuzzling his nose against Tyler's thigh. "I love you too, boyfriend."

Tyler combed his fingers lightly through Josh's hair again. "We never did dye your hair pink."

"Mmm you wanna help me dye it?" Josh mumbled, and Tyler could hear the smile in his voice.

"Of course," Tyler replied warmly.

"Okay," Josh agreed. "Tomorrow?"

"Sounds good to me," Tyler confirmed, rubbing Josh's back once again. "You're gonna be so fucking precious with pink hair."

Josh grumbled noncommittally before pressing a kiss to Tyler's thigh. "Do your homework, boyfriend."

It was impossible to stop the smile that spread across Tyler's lips whenever Josh called him that. "Okay. Get some sleep. I'll be right here if you need me."

Josh nodded, snuggling closer before slowly drifting off to sleep. Tyler kept soothing his fingertips along Josh's back, diffusing as much tension as he could there. Josh was sweet and gentle and precious. He would never hurt Tyler. He wasn't like Tyler's last boyfriend at all. Of that Tyler was certain.