Start the song. It's Drop the Guillotine by Peach Pit.

Josh was lucky. Josh was really fucking lucky. That was apparently the moral of the story today. It hadn't started out that way, of course, but things were working out quite nicely for him since he left Debby and Ashley.

After hanging out with Tyler, the fear of being unable to find any of Josh's friends that were clean had become overwhelming. Josh had gone to six different houses, most of which were either completely vacant or filled with people who were passed out with needles still in their arms. Then he got to Hayley's house.

Hayley looked like she was in a hurry when she opened the door, but she smiled brightly when she saw him. "Oh my god!" She laughed as she hugged him tightly, and he didn't want to admit that he clung to her a bit longer than necessary. "How are you?" She asked excitedly.

Hayley broke the hug, but held his arms as she smiled at him. He was so scared of being turned away from the only person he had left on his list-the only one who looked healthy.

"I'm...um...That's what I came to talk to you about actually," Josh told her nervously.

"Come in then. Holy shit. I haven't seen you in forever," she chirped, grabbing his hand and leading him inside of her apartment.

Her apartment wasn't much nicer than Josh's trailer by any means. It was small, stank of cigarette smoke, and looked like a crack house from the outside. The inside was decorated with bright colours though, and it was clear that Hayley spent every extra dime of her extremely limited income on making this place comfortable.

Hayley led Josh to sit on an overstuffed pink couch covered in needlepoint pillows that were just messy enough for him to know that she'd made them herself. He couldn't help but smile. Ashley had introduced him to a lot of people since he'd met her-mostly losers who either sold dope or knew someone who did-but Hayley had always been Josh's favourite.

Plopping down on the couch next to Josh, Hayley draped her legs across his lap cheerfully, completely comfortable in his presence. That was likely because of how many creeps Josh had protected her from over the years. Being a stripper clearly wasn't her first choice for a career, but the crackheads they were usually surrounded by seemed to think her job gave them permission to harass her whenever they wanted to. Josh couldn't even count how many times he'd had to knock someone out for trying to take advantage of her.

"Are you sure you have time to talk to me?" Josh asked self-consciously. "You looked like you were headed somewhere."

The small woman smiled. "Nah. I just was bored of sitting here alone and wanted to get out before I did something stupid."

That was incredibly understandable to Josh. "Yeah, I get that."

Hayley nodded, playing with his hair without seeming to think much of it. A lot of people seemed to do that with him, but he didn't mind. Touch was comforting to him. He was so used to feeling detached from his body that the reminder he was still in it was incredibly welcome. Hayley understood that.

Debby had told Ashley when they'd first started dating that Josh didn't have any real sense of ownership over his body. She'd said that the cocaine had probably burnt something out in his brain that helped him to understand that he didn't have to let people touch him all the time. Maybe that was true, and maybe it wasn't, but Josh certainly hadn't given much thought to being touched for a very long time. Still, he hadn't liked the way Ashley had been practically walking on eggshells around him for the first month of living in their trailer because she thought he'd freak out if she touched him or something.

"You're not here to ask me for money, right?" Hayley asked a bit nervously, but her fingers still moving in his hair told him that she wasn't too concerned.

Josh frowned. "I've never asked for you money before, have I?"

Hayley considered that before shaking her head. "Nope. Ashley has, but never you. I've gotta be careful still, though. I'm trying real hard not to get sucked back into that side of things, you know? It took me a year to kick dope. I can't fall back into it."

Instantly, Josh felt a million times more safe than he even knew was possible. "You quit?" He asked excitedly.

She smiled proudly. "I did. I'm doing really good with it too. I haven't used anything at all for almost six months."

She laughed when Josh pulled her fully into his lap and hugged her tightly, wrapping her arms around him as well. "That's amazing. Holy shit, Hayley. You're like fucking Wonder Woman or something. I'm so proud of you."

"Thanks! I keep waiting for you to get clean, but I get it. It's hard. Besides, you've got Ashley to worry about, and Debby's-"

"I'm trying to get clean," Josh blurted out, and Hayley fell silent, siting back to look at him with wide eyes. "Ashley gave me a speedball a few days ago without telling me and it made me lose my fucking mind. Now my brain's going crazy thinking about heroin and coke, but I can't do that anymore. I talked to my mama about it and I'm fucking done, man."

Hayley looked concerned. "Are you sure? Like, you're fully committing to this?"

Josh nodded, but he felt a bit sick to his stomach. It was hard to tell if that was from anxiety or the onset of some nasty withdrawals that were already a couple days overdue. "I broke up with Debby. I realized I can't get clean when I'm with her, so I threw my shit in a garbage bag and left."

Hayley hugged Josh again, but this time she rocked him slightly like his mom used to do when he was off ass and terrified. His eyelids slipped shut as he let her soothe him. For the first time since he'd left Tyler's side, he felt safe.

"I'm so proud of you," she told him quietly. "That must've been so hard."

Withdrawals were definitely setting in, intensifying the heartbreak he'd already been struggling to contain. The coke relapse had only further destroyed the part of his brain that told him, "Hey, this hurts but it'll get better." His brain was in end of the world mode right now, and he just had to try to push through it for now.

"Do you need somewhere to stay?" Hayley asked him softly. "You can stay here if you want."

Josh hesitated. "You're clean, Hayley. What if me being here fucks that up?"

He shivered when Hayley's fingers soothed through his hair again, scratching lightly at his scalp. He missed Debby so much that it felt like his heart was actually caving in on itself, but Hayley was soothing him in the same way Debby did. That helped. He didn't feel so alone.

"I'll kick you out if it gets to be a problem. I can help you get off the dope though. I've done this before. I'll be like your sponsor or whatever," Hayley told him.

"I'll pay half your rent while I'm here," he promised her. "I'll keep everything clean and keep creepy guys away from you and-"

Hayley covered his mouth with her hand and smiled at him gently. "If that will help you get clean, great. You can do that. Your priority isn't taking care of me though. It's taking care of you. All you have to promise me is that you're going to try as hard as you can to get clean."

Josh nodded adamantly, allowing her hand to leave his mouth and drift down to hold his face. "I swear."

She held his cheek softly, brushing her thumb along his cheekbone as she smiled at him warmly. "You're gonna get better then. You're gonna fight through all of this and make me even more proud of you than I already am."

Hearing the words Josh had expected Debby to tell him come out of Hayley's mouth instead was a bit surreal, but it somehow made more sense to him too. Josh had convinced himself that Ashley was his best friend because they shared a girlfriend and bags of dope, but Hayley was the one who really looked out for him. He'd convinced himself that Debby would comfort him because she was his girlfriend and she loved him, but she only loved the sick part of his brain that she could nurture and coddle. Hayley loved the part of him that fought for what he believed in. She was his real best friend.

"You realize I don't deserve to have you as a friend, right?" He asked her.

Hayley shook her head, smoothing his hair off of his forehead gently. "No, but I realize that you have no idea how much better you deserve to be treated than you have been for a long time."

Hearing someone besides his mama confirm that he deserved to get better made tears form in Josh's eyes. Hayley saw something in him that he'd been praying Debby and Ashley would. She wasn't the only one either. Even though Tyler hadn't had all the details, he went out of his way to make sure Josh knew he was worth something, and that meant the world to him.

"Thanks, Hayley," Josh told her quietly.

She smiled at him. "So here's what I want you to do. Go get your stuff out of your car and bring it in. I'll clear up some room in my dresser for your stuff, and while I'm doing that, you need to call your mama and tell her you're staying with someone who's clean and that you're safe."

Josh nodded, too relieved to argue with anything she told him to do. Besides, he wanted his mama to be proud of him like she used to be. Maybe this would help.

Carefully, Josh lifted Hayley out of his lap and set her down on the couch beside him. "I'll be right back, okay?"

She nodded, ruffling his hair before climbing off of the couch. She held her hands out to him, helping him up. "I'll go make you some closet space. Don't forget to call your mama, okay?"

Josh smiled. "I won't. Thanks, Hayley."

"Of course. I'm just really proud of you," she told him kindly.

His smile widened. "Thanks," he repeated.

She laughed. "Go get your stuff, Josh. Let's get you moved in before I have to go to work."

Josh nodded, smiling widely as he did as he was told. Things were going to get better now. He was going to get better.

-----

Almost instantly, Hayley had established that Josh was sleeping in her bed with her so she'd know if his withdrawals started triggering seizures and so she could be there if his mental health started to suffer. He was grateful for that. Being all by himself scared him. He'd been sharing a bed with two people for so long. Sleeping alone would make this too real.

At the moment, Hayley was getting ready for work at the vanity in her room while Josh sat on her bed and dialled his mama's number. His stuff was all safely tucked away in Hayley's closet and dresser, and his withdrawals were really starting to kick him in the ass. He felt like his bones were on fire, and he'd never had cravings like this before in his life. Hayley kept taking breaks from doing her makeup and hair and getting dressed to snuggle him and remind him how proud of him she was. That was part of what made him feel ready to call his mama and tell her that he was getting clean.

Josh's mother answered really quickly, and Josh knew it was because she hadn't actually expected him to call. She'd expected him to go home to Debby and get high enough to forget their conversation.

"Hi, baby. How are you?" His mother said softly, and Josh knew she was preparing herself to have to talk to him while he was just as high as he had been when he'd shown up at her house.

He glanced at Hayley, who was putting on lipstick carefully. "Hey, mama," he said quietly. "I'm okay."

She let out a breath of relief into the receiver. "Are you still holding onto your reason?"

Josh smiled slightly. "Yeah. I, um, I broke up with Debby," Josh said nervously. His mother was silent. "I'm staying with my friend now who's been clean for six months. She said she's gonna help me get through the withdrawals and stuff."

His mama was clearly close to tears when she spoke again, "Baby, I'm so proud of you. How are you feeling?"

It was stupid to be embarrassed to talk about his withdrawals in front of Hayley, who had clearly been through them before. He was though. "I'm okay," he repeated.

Hayley stood up, pulling her jacket on before walking over to Josh. She tilted his head up and kissed his forehead softly before smiling at him as she wiped the lipstick off of his skin.

"Tell her the truth, honey. She just wants to help. You don't need to be ashamed. You're getting better. She'll be proud," she whispered to him. Then added, "I'll be home at two. Try to get some sleep before the withdrawals start keeping you up. Call me if you need me."

Josh nodded, letting her kiss his forehead one more time before leaving. He took a deep breath before telling his mama, "I kind of feel like I'm dying. Everything hurts and I'm not sure if I wanna die or just get high again."

His mother sighed. "Oh, honey. You ain't gonna do either of those things. What you're gonna do is go take a shower, eat something, and try to sleep. Okay? And I'll make sure your brother and sister do the same."

"Okay," Josh replied quietly. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "Mama, I'm sorry I fucked everything up."

"You're fixing things now. That's what's important. It's gonna be real hard, but it'll get easier," she reassured him. "Don't you worry about any of that right now though. Shower, dinner, bed. That's all you need to worry about right now."

"You, uh, you can't sleep when you're coming off of cocaine or heroin. I probably won't be able to sleep for at least a few days," Josh told her.

"At least give your body some time to rest, okay? Even if you just lay down for a while. That's the best way to get your body to heal up. Is your friend still there?" She asked him.

Josh shook his head, looking around at the bright blue bedroom he was sitting in. "No, she went to work."

"Her job isn't drug related, is it?" She asked hopefully.

"It's not," Josh confirmed, but he didn't exactly want to tell his mom he was living with a stripper either. There was nothing wrong with Hayley's job, but his mom probably wouldn't be too enthusiastic about it.

"But you're still not telling me what she does," his mother deduced, and he could hear that she was smiling.

"That is correct," he replied, smiling as well despite how nauseous he was starting to feel.

His mother laughed. "Okay, baby. That's fine. I understand."

Josh grinned, laying down on Hayley's bed when the aching in his muscles and bones got to be a bit too much for him to sit anymore. "I'll call you again later this week, okay?"

"I appreciate that. I'm proud of you for doing this, Joshua. You're doing the right thing," his mama told him gently. "And don't you forget how much I love you. I always have and I always will."

That made his body relax and the anxiety twisting at his stomach lessen. "I love you too. Night, Mama."

"Goodnight, sweetheart," his mother replied gently. Just before he could remove the phone from his ear, his mother added, "And there ain't nothing wrong with being a stripper, so don't you dare act like that girl's got anything to be ashamed of."

Josh laughed. "I know. Don't worry. I could never do that to her. She's the nicest person I know. You'd like her."

"Well, she's helping you, so I already do. She's a good friend, Joshua. You make sure she knows you appreciate that, you hear me?"

"Yes, ma'am," Josh replied with a smile.

"Good. Now you get some rest. Goodnight. I love you so much," his mama instructed.

"I will. Goodnight, Mama. I love you too."

Josh set his phone down on the bed before sighing. Every inch of him ached. That part of his brain that craved the coke and dope was screaming at him that he was going to die without them, and he was doing everything he could to ignore it, but he was only one day clean and he already felt like he was dying. The first day was the easiest too. At least that's what he'd always heard. There was still enough of that speedball in his system for the pain to be dulled, but it couldn't be long before he'd be in complete agony.

Taking his mother's advice, Josh took a shower. It wasn't as productive as she probably expected it to be though. He spent most of it sitting on the floor sobbing against his knees as he repeatedly reminded himself why he was doing this. He couldn't just run back to Debby and let her help him shoot up. This was about more than the withdrawals. Josh's only options now were to get better or let the withdrawals kill him, and he was pretty sure both were equally likely at this point.

Josh couldn't bring himself to eat anything. He felt extremely sick, and he knew it would only get worse. Instead, he pulled on some sweatpants and climbed into Hayley's bed. He wished she was here to protect him from this, but he couldn't rely on other people to do that for him anymore. If he was going to get better, he had to be strong enough to carry himself through this.

Instead, Josh texted Tyler. He didn't give him any details, once again. He just let him know he wasn't homeless and that he was glad he'd stopped at the park when he saw him there. Josh wasn't sure why he'd done that to be perfectly honest, but he was glad he had. Tyler was a really good person. Josh sincerely hoped Tyler would never have to know about his addiction. Josh just couldn't be around Tyler much during withdrawals. It would be okay. It would all work out.

His phone beeped, and he smiled when he read Tyler's response:

I'm just glad I didn't have to cry in the park alone. That would've been pretty embarrassing. You saved my magnificent ass. You're better than strawberry milkshakes and aliens combined. Also I'm glad you have a bed but you can still sleep on our couch whenever.

As much as he wanted to, Josh didn't reply to that. He wanted to be Tyler's friend-Who wouldn't?-but he couldn't drag him into all of this. Tyler was going to get out of here. Josh wasn't going to be the thing that held him back.

Instead, Josh closed his eyes and reminded himself how lucky he was. He was going to get better again, and this time, he was going to stay that way.