Disclaimer: In this chapter, when I am found to be questioning the ones at fault, and I use the term "you", I am referring to the society as a whole, and not someone in particular. 

Now now, I was all for culture and traditions. I loved loved loved the unique traditions and all the rituals, to be honest. Until one day, I discovered the meaning behind them.

As I said I am a hopeless romantic. There was a time I used to dream of a grand wedding. Do you know why? Because everybody would say A WEDDING COMES ONCE IN YOUR LIFE. IT IS A LIFE CHANGING DAY, AND IT IS YOUR SPECIAL DAY. And I would believe this to be true.

At present I have multiple problems with that statement, because one, maybe weddings might be a one time thing for the society we live in. But they are not for us, because the world is changing. Getting re-married must be an awful sin in the eyes of the society, but not for the new generation anymore. In fact, what I believe is that a sin much much more bigger than that one is being in a relationship where there's no respect given to you. Learn to keep yourself the priority, learn to keep your respect the priority, not the other person's condition, or their so called love, or how long/deep your relationship was. You are the most important person in your life. So no, weddings are not once in a lifetime thing. If you walk out of your marriage because you are not happy, you have the right to get re-married to who you love, because you have the right to stay happy just as much as anybody else. Know that.

Secondly, true, wedding's a life changing day, specially in India, thanks to stereotypes. Because after a woman's wedding day, all of a sudden she becomes the property of her husband. And she is the one who takes the responsibility of her husband, his wallet, his clothes, his watch, his honor, his family, his food, his kids, his feelings, his satisfaction, his tantrums, his— honestly, the list won't end. And all of that, by the way, makes the day anything but special, unless the definition of special has changed to shitty, of course.

And as if all this shite wasn't enough, so they added rituals that SCREAMED PATRIARCHY. For one there's dowry. Despite the fact that dowry is now illegal, a lot of people still follow this custom, which is shite. Weddings mark the beginning of a relationship, not some goddamn deal that you want money in return. And even if you do consider it a deal, in return of what do you dare ask for money? What have you given for this relationship? What have you sacrificed for this relationship? What gives you the right to ask money from her family? Who are you? The husband? The mother-in-law? The father-in-law? The brother/sister-in-law? Some goddamn relative who has absolutely no business in this matter? No matter who you are, you don't owe her or her family anything to ask for money in return. ABSOLUTELY. NOTHING. If you are giving the man of your family in this relationship, her family is giving their daughter too.

Let's say, her family somehow convinced the in-laws to not go for dowry, or say it wasn't even kept as a condition before the wedding, still a lot of women (not all, but many) get to hear things like "You were sent empty handed by your family, be ashamed of yourself." or "What have you given to my family? You couldn't even give us dowry." You want to know she has given you? She has got herself, she has left the family, the lifestyle, the house she grew up in, the surname she was born with, EVERYTHING to come and start a new life with you. That's not enough for you? Well, here's more then. She gave up her dreams, she gave up her choices, opinions and ambitions, for your family. She hesitates to dress up in western clothes, because she is worried your family won't like that. She doesn't dress up in short clothes because YOU think your honor lies in the way she dresses up. She doesn't go to work, and makes everyone but herself the priority because your family wants her to. She comes home from work, exhausted, and still goes into the kitchen and cooks food so that YOU don't stay hungry. She quits her job to look after kids who are not only hers, but also yours, because YOU ARE TOO BUSY TO DO THE SAME. You seriously want more? Well then better find yourself some machine or robot. Because machines don't have hearts, women do. Machines don't get tired, women do, just as much as any other man. Machines don't have dreams, women do. Machines don't feel suffocated when they are surrounded with patriarchy, WOMEN DO. Women are humans too.

And of course we've got Kanyadaan to make it all the more worse. Kanya- maiden; Daan- donation. REALLY? You are DONATING a woman? Sorry society, but you donate what you own. And nobody OWNS anybody else. People don't own people. People who BUY people as their slaves are in an awful misconception about the same, and are awful people themselves, by the way. Yes my parents have a right on my decisions and my lifestyle to SOME EXTENT. But they don't own me. So what do you mean you are going to donate the maiden? When you donate something, it becomes the property of the person you donate it to. So now the woman is the property of her husband? Really? He can force her to change her decisions, why? Because she was DONATED TO HIM? He can have sex with her without finding her consent important, why? Because she was DONATED TO HIM? That's fucking toxic.

Then there's this one ritual of rice throwing. In Hindu weddings it means the woman, while on her way to a new life, is paying off all the debts she owes her family. Now honey, that is IMPOSSIBLE. Do you know what all your family has done for you? There might have been times when your family must be going through immense poverty, but they didn't let you get a single idea about it, so that you wouldn't suffer. Your mother must have skipped her meals so that whatever food there was left, you could eat. Your father must have worked overnight for days and weeks and months, he must have worked tirelessly for every single penny, so you could get whatever you wanted. Your father must have sometimes used up his personal savings to get you whatever petty thing you asked for. Your mother must have worked part-time outside to earn money and then come and cook for you, and you wouldn't be having the slightest idea. Our parents were, are, and always will be immensely selfless, no matter how much you persuade them not to. That's what made them happy. Your happiness. You really think just throwing off rice could pay off the debt of all those tears, scars, sweat, love and selflessness? If yes, trust me, it is the biggest slap in the face of your parents. Nothing can be more wounding than that. Call me dramatic, but not even a bullet would hurt as much as that. And of course, they wouldn't show the pain, because they are parents. 

UPCOMING: WHY MARRIAGES ARE A PROBLEM IN THIS WORLD.

Love Love,
Vri xx.