The sunrise this morning was no less radiant than something not very radiant because it was fucking cloudy. The people of Camelot felt the unexpected haze of what should have been a warm spring day, but sometimes the weather was just like that. It'd fuck you over, ruin perfect picnic days and cast a gloom of unease on the easily anxious.

Merlin did not consider himself easily anxious, because surely if he was, he would've died from the stress of being a hidden sorcerer in Camelot. Given that was not the case, he felt as if he had the proof to claim himself otherwise. Some days he even liked the rain, despite the wet socks and muddy floors that he would have to clean after his Royal Assness tracked dirty footprints in because he was too delicate to bend over and take off his bloody shoes-! Definitely not because he (see above: Royal Assness) appreciated the few excuses he had for Merlin to kneel in front of him.

This day was unlike rainy days before it, for Merlin had been thinking for weeks now that Arthur was keeping something from him, and this morning the king was being polite.

"Thank you, Merlin. Please let Sir Leon know that I have an announcement to make to the council at noon and I expect the knights to be there."

Merlin froze halfway through taking a strawberry from the breakfast tray. He didn't recognize the tone of voice Arthur was using, and it disarmed him. He didn't think to yell at him about why he hadn't told Merlin that he had an announcement to make on short notice- or what the announcement was. He hated this 'keeping secrets' business, and if it weren't for his magic double life he led, and few hundred secrets he kept from Arthur, one of which being he was in love with the king (no big deal), he would've voiced his upset. He did attempt at times to not be a hypocrite.

"That will be all this morning, thank you."

Arthur wasn't even looking at him.

........

"Sire?" King Arthur was sitting on his throne. He was not smiling.

His crown dwarfed his head, and Merlin thought he looked rather ridiculous with it on. It was a family heirloom and obviously could not be replaced, but perhaps one day if magic was made legal (because surely this prophecy the druids and the dragon bugged him about was worth two cents) he could fix it up just a bit.

"My lords, fellow knights, gentlemen," Gaius, the knights of the round table, and members of the court were gathered in the throne room. Merlin was there too, obviously, for the king never went anywhere without him (why would he?). After his irrational politeness this morning, Merlin had had a nagging worry that Arthur was going to do something self-sacrificing and stupid (as he did, often).

Arthur had been very busy these past couple months as king. He had been working to change laws, one by one, until he could seamlessly repeal the ban on magic (or so he dreamt). Surprisingly, it was difficult to change the notions of hatred and discrimination that had been in place for years. Who would've thought?

During this trying time, he had been trying hard not to think of the threat that was the empty throne beside him. For as one could have guessed, the young king was besotted with his manservant, and he could not think of marrying a male (he'd have no blood heir) servant (definitely has to be a noble) so he didn't think of it at all.

"As you are all aware, Camelot's claim to the lands of Gedref has long been in dispute. Today I can announce that, after many months of confidential negotiations, the kingdoms of Nemeth and Camelot have reached an agreement."

Merlin frowned, many months? So, this was something that his father had initiated. Why had he kept it a secret for so long?

"There's nothing to fear. It is a fair and honourable agreement that benefits two great kingdoms. Furthermore, our friendship will be cemented by a union that cannot be broken," Though the room could not tell, the king had started clenching his perineal wall (that's French for his ass hole, sweetie) to keep his voice from shaking. He refused to look at his manservant.

Gaius had come to the conclusion that Arthur was purposefully avoiding looking at Merlin, which frankly, disturbed him. The lot of them had had non-stop goo-goo eyes for the past- oh I don't know, since they met! The older man's eyebrows furrowed, mirroring his apprentice beside him.

"My hand in marriage to Her Royal Highness, Princess Mithian."

Merlin's jaw dropped. The room was muttering about.

"Smile," Gaius nudged him. Merlin shook his head.

How could the young warlock? He had deluded himself into thinking that he had more time to play pretend. He knew one day Arthur would fall in love with a maiden and marry her- had expected it- but he was not prepared for a loveless marriage of convenience. He didn't know if that made it better.

One could tell, if they had privy to his thoughts, that he was torn between being jealous beyond belief and relieved that he would not have to watch Arthur be besotted- with someone else, mind you, though he did not know that. There was also a sick twist in his gut that was devasted, but on Arthur's behalf, for he and most of Camelot had thought the young king would marry for love.

He deserved it.

But now was not the time to think of such things.

"He can't mean that." Merlin's voice barely a whisper, one could almost suggest that he had not meant to say it aloud.

"And clap. Smile and clap." Gaius had the sense to know this was a difficult moment for his boy. He also had the sense to know that the members of the court were watching, and had enough reason to believe the two were in love. They were, but that was beside the point.

The king had finally mustered the nerve to turn his superficial grin (Gwaine rather thought he looked like a- as scholars shall note- dumbass) to his manservant.

Merlin put on a smile and clapped. For Arthur's sake, he thought.

The crown felt heavy on Arthur's head.

........

Sir Leon, as it turns out, was the one to confront him first.

Sir Percival and Sir Elyan would not question King Arthur's decision. They felt the unspoken loss, but passing glances between themselves, they had agreed they were not the right ones to call out the king for being an idiot. Sir Gwaine had no problem doing so, and had to be held back by the two. He was far too outspoken to deal with such a sensitive subject matter. Sir Lancelot was too noble, he would take one look at Arthur's knightly stature and would sympathize with him.

Sir Leon was outraged in a manner that the other knights could not understand.

Leon had been Arthur's friend from childhood, had watched the boy grow into a king that he would lay his life for (and had several times). He knew the coldness, the loneliness he faced growing up without a mother- and without a loving father. As a prince, he could not make friends, and those he referred to as much often saw Arthur as nothing more than a walking crown. Leon did not live in a fantasy land; he was not one to believe in true love or fairy tales or happily ever after.

But surely one man could not have a life that bereft of love.

The king deserved so much more. Leon had not questioned him on any other matter. He didn't have to.

"Arthur." The knight stopped him in the hallway, some time after the announcement.

The king froze. He had been in his own storm cloud of thoughts, and had been shook by the knight's use of his name. Leon was a brother to him; he was not required to call on him appropriately when it was just the two of them. But he didn't. It was Leon's way of telling him how proud he was, how much he respected the king as a man.

Before Arthur could say anything, Leon spoke. "How come I didn't know about this? Why didn't you say anything?"

A retort died on his lips. This was not Merlin, who he could banter away any weight to his words.

"It was confidential."

The two of them knew what a hot load of shit that was. Sir Leon and King Arthur did not keep things from each other. Arthur was the one who came to him weeks ago at the bottom of a bottle of wine furious that he had gone and fallen in love with the one person in Camelot he could not have, could not lose.

"You can't do this." Arthur was at a loss of words. Leon was talking back to him? What next- Merlin would be polite?

"Leon, I cannot believe I have to remind you, but I am King. I can marry whoever I chose." Leon bit back a laugh, wondering if Arthur had caught the irony.

"Then why don't you?" The knight met his eyes, unwavering. The king felt a pang, understanding his words had bitten him in the ass.

"Don't. You know I need your support." He whispered, voice almost getting raspy as he struggled to hold onto his composure. He would not cry, not now.

"I thought I knew you, Arthur. I thought I knew you weren't a coward. Would've bet my life on it."

Leon shook his head and walked away. Arthur was stunned.

........

"He what?!" Gideon was not at the announcement. He had to hear it from Merlin.

"He's engaged to a princess from Nemeth- who he's never met before!"

The two of them were standing across from Gaius' seated form in his quarters. Merlin followed him, not yet mentally prepared to face Arthur.

Gideon frowned, lips twisting about contemplatively. "I don't understand- why is he marrying someone he doesn't love?"

Gideon was young, and foolish, and didn't understand the weight of reigning. He full-heartedly believed in happily ever afters and thought for sure that a good king like Arthur would have one.

Merlin was not so disillusioned with the world, but he agreed with Gideon. If ever there was someone who deserved a happily ever after, Arthur would be it.

"Because he's an idiot. He wants to spend the rest of his life with someone who won't ever see him for who he is- won't love him for how stupid he is- because he wants to make his father happy?! Because he's afraid of having someone who will actually love him-"

"-Merlin." Gaius interrupted. He was piercing him with an intense look, one that made others feel placating.

"In the same way that you have a duty to Arthur, Arthur has a duty to Camelot. If you had to give up love to be by Arthur's side- which, I suppose doesn't work for this metaphor, given," Gaius looked away and gestured with his hands, muttering to himself, "-it's Arthur, but anyways, you would."

He looked back at him and placed a hand on his arm.

"Arthur would do that for Camelot. And besides, I do believe he has someone to spend the rest of his life with- who will see him for who he is."

Gaius' eyebrow raises, "someone who loves him."

Merlin huffs out a breath, his anger on pause. He nods, and then makes his way to the door.

Gaius' eyebrow follows him, and he yells after him, "romantically-!"

The door was on its way to close, "I got that!"

Gideon stared wide-eyed at Gaius. The man only smirked knowingly.

........

Merlin confronted him next.

"King Arthur."

Surely, the sun had risen on the wrong side of the sky today. Since when did Merlin refer to him in such a way? As if he ever cared that Arthur was king.

"Merlin, are you feeling alright?" The king was seated at his desk, reading over the details of Princess Mithian's arrival. He raised an eyebrow.

"You can't do this."

"I'm pretty sure I can, considering- oh, yes- I'm the king." Arthur felt that if he kept up the usual back and forth, he could pretend that everything was fine. The more he shoved his feelings down, the easier it was to pretend they didn't exist. But you see, Merlin had this knack of getting the king riled up.

"I know you don't have to listen to me-"

"Glad we finally agree on something."

"-But don't you think this is too fast? You haven't even met the princess yet, what if you hate her?"

Merlin didn't know why he was so determined to argue about this. Well, he did know why, but he couldn't tell you. He hadn't a plan for what he wanted to achieve but he figured if he focused on getting one word in after the other, he would get somewhere satisfactory.

"I doubt I will. Princess Mithian is regarded as a lovely character of unrivalled grace and beauty." It was true, a small painting of questionable accuracy was sent to Arthur during the arrangements. She was educated, had her hands in every court matter, and enjoyed hunting. The two had sent letters and Arthur knew what kind of character she was. There was a chance that she had faked it all and would arrive in Camelot as some sort of troll, but ultimately, if it came down to it, Arthur would still marry her.

He was not marrying the princess because of how pretty or intelligent she was.

"What if she comes and she's horrible? Yells at the members of the court and is so ugly that-"

"I highly doubt a princess born and raised would ever yell at the members of the court unwarranted, nor does it matter how ugly she is. I'm still marrying her." Arthur set down his papers and stood up.

"What if one day you fall in love with one of the many ladies you could've married? You won't be able to take back your vows." Merlin's hands clenched at his sides.

"Yes, I'm well aware, Merlin."

God, did the prat actually not care that he would spend the rest of his days next to a stranger? Of course, they'd get to know one another and maybe even connect but why- why was he rushing the proposal? Engaged to someone he had never seen?

Earlier, Merlin was heartbroken that he would lose Arthur. Now, he had accepted it. Moved on. Now, he was heartbroken because Arthur wouldn't allow himself this kindness.

"You- you told me you wanted to marry for love!" He was shaking. He couldn't help it.

Arthur walked towards him. He had so desperately wanted someone to give him the strength to do this, and here was Merlin sticking his finger in the stab wound and squirming about.

"As king, I have a duty to Camelot that cannot be ignored."

"And I have a duty to you, dollophead! I won't let you do this to yourself."

"I'm not- what am I doing to myself? I'm securing myself a future. I'm securing Camelot's future."

"Then why can't you wait another month? Give yourself time to fall in love with the princess! If you're so certain of your future."

"Merlin, it's not about that. I don't have the luxury to sit around playing house. This isn't about love, it's about the kingdom." Arthur had started raising his voice.

"The bloody kingdom will be fine! You could secure the agreement in a different way! What if she never loves you- er- genuinely?" Merlin couldn't bare a future in which Arthur wasn't cherished- even if it wasn't him. He would much rather suffer a stomach ulcer of jealousy seeing a besotted king and queen than know Arthur was condemning himself to a lonely future- more of the same half assed family (no offense Morgana, babe).

"It would be better that way-okay? End of discussion, Merlin!" He jabbed Merlin's chest with his finger as said his name. It would be better that way because Arthur could never love her back. At least, he didn't think so. It seemed surreal to think he could with Merlin there every day, every moment, getting in the way.

"Is this about your father? You think this is some sort of last wish of his you have to fulfill? And better that way?!" What the bloody fuck was the idiot going on about-? better that way?!

"This has nothing to do with my father's wishes- and yes, Merlin it would be better that way!" How dare he bring his father into this? Not everything was about Arthur's daddy issues! For fuck's sake.

"You stupid, idiotic, braindead-", Arthur rolled his eyes, "prat. Have you considered that you deserve to be loved?!"

One would note, as Gideon already had, that Arthur loved that Merlin insulted him like he was some bottom of the barrel nobody. Every time it was as if Merlin was telling him that he was just Arthur, and that that was enough. Forgive him if he lost his mind (it was his kink).

"Have you considered-?!" The finger Arthur was jabbing Merlin with jerked forward another inch, and grabbed a fistful of his tunic.

His sentence cut off (or one could say was concluded by) his mouth rudely slamming into the other boy's.

Gideon would later write that Merlin had definitely (definitely) not kissed back. The king would tell Gideon that Merlin must have dreamt the whole thing because it definitely (questionably) did not happen. Of course, everyone knows royalty can't lie.

Arthur's hand on the boy's tunic did not release, in fact he brought his other hand to join it in holding Merlin to him. At another time, one could consider the dubiousness of consent the king had and how uncouth it was that he had physically restrained his servant to assault him.

At another time.

Merlin's train of thought had crashed, derailed, and sailed off a cliff (insert sound effects). He could not even think of the words to describe what was happening. For as one could guess, he was otherwise occupied.

The servant boy's hands moved on their own accord (because he certainly did not decide to touch Arthur on purpose- goodness no, why would he do that?) to grab onto his shoulders.

Surprisingly, there was one brain cell rattling around in the king's head. He pulled away, his hands releasing their grip to rest flat on the other man's chest. Now, he had royally fucked up (and he meant royally). He knew Merlin was about to push him away and yell at him and hate him forever.

Merlin held his gaze for but a moment before pulling Arthur closer with his hands. There were simply no thoughts his head, none. This bitch empty.

Just as quickly as they had separated, they were pushed together again. You see, back in the day, there were few reasons people would step out of their league. Perhaps it had been the manservant who had leaned in, his grip on the king coercing him (treasonously) into more. Perhaps it was the king preying on a helpless servant who was afraid to go against him.

Arthur's hands trailed up to hold onto Merlin's face. It was a small security to prove that he wasn't dreaming. No one had yet mentioned the previous kiss to the king, and how it had been real and necessary to rid him of an enchantment. Perhaps he was enchanted now.

Perhaps, one would dare think, that it was just love (t.t).

"I'm going to be honest with you, I hadn't considered that."

They both drew apart, slightly at first, and then all at once. Arthur's hands awkwardly brushed himself off, as he looked away, anywhere but at him. Merlin was staring at the bedpost, staring at nothing really, his eyes unblinking. His brain had been factory reset.

"I think this would be a good time," Arthur swallowed, "to have a moment to ourselves."

"Yes. That would be- that would be best." Merlin had now stuffed his hands into his armpits, and was trying to think if he had hit his head one too many times and just gone completely off the deep end and this was all an elaborate hallucination.

"Please," the king gestured with his hand straight out towards the door.

"Oh yes, thank you sire." Merlin quickly bowed before Arthur, for perhaps the first time in his life unironically and walked out the door.

Arthur waved at him diplomatically as he left, nodding to the guards posted outside, his smile tight as he closed the door.

As soon as it shut, he turned around and threw his back against it. The guards outside flinched at the sound. He slid down slowly until his ass cheeks were on the ground.

He didn't need sleep anyways.

........

The guard on the left in front of King Arthur's chambers reached into his chainmail, pulled a small bag of coins from seemingly nowhere, and placed it into the guard on the right's outstretched palm. It fell with an audible sing of the coins rattling together. No other exchange was observed.