chapter two / season four episode two.

AARON HOTCHNER HAD NEVER EXPECTED FOR ANYONE TO CARE FOR HIM. People cared about him (he hoped) and his health had been a very big concern in the bureau these last two weeks, people messaging him and wishing him well in the two week recovery time he had taken off.

They cared about him. There was the type of people who passed him by in the corridors and wished him a good day, smiled at him and received a nod of the head as a response. They were passersby. They were not friends. And they were not family.

The BAU team had cared for Aaron in the past two weeks. Rossi had been making tubs filled of hearty Italian dishes for Aaron and Jack to eat whilst he recovered. Emily and JJ had taken Jack out for a couple hours when the ringing had come back to Aaron and it had all become a little too unbearable.

Spencer and Derek were supposed to have taken Jack to the park but Aaron had seen sense and changed the plans last minute. (Thank God.) Those two had been on grocery duty, which had soon been a complete failure considering they came back with far too much protein and cleaning supplies. They were then sent back with the control and guidance of Penelope to make sure they got actual food.

Aaron hadn't quite known how to react when his team came round one day and declared they were going to be doing this for the next two weeks, even with the paperwork they needed to complete. (Strauss had decided the team needed to not be sent out again on anything big until Aaron was back.)

Being cared for wasn't exactly something Aaron was used to. It was plain wrong, really, for him to be cared for. Aaron hadn't necessarily been cared for when he was younger: his father was a workaholic lawyer, the files on the table were more important than the son that begged him to teach him how to ride a bike, or the little boy that just wanted his dad to read him a bedtime story. Aaron had always just wanted his dad to show that he cared, just the tiniest bit.

Aaron had never expected that to turn into abuse and knowing the back of his dad's hand better than he had ever known the man himself.

His mother had always done little to stop it. Aaron thought she'd never cared. At least not about him.

Aaron would be cut, bruised and he'd have to care for himself. He'd have to stitch it up, or find the ice pack all whilst his mother consoled Sean. The good son, who wasn't Aaron. Bruised, cut and looking for someone to care Aaron.

Haley had tried to care for Aaron in the beginning stages of their relationship, when the cracks hadn't begun to show and he hadn't been pulling all the nights at the bureau. Haley had soon learnt it was hard to care for a man like Aaron.

Haley just had to settle for caring about Aaron now, it had hurt her to care for Aaron in a way that he'd never understood. She had sent him a text when she'd heard about what had happened, and had wished him well when she'd dropped Jack off, and made him promise to call him if he needed any extra hands.

But, she couldn't care for him anymore. It was a brutal job, rotten work.

Yet, it didn't seem to be rotten work for one individual in particular.

Amelia Levine did not seem to think that taking care of Aaron Hotchner was rotten work. In fact, she had come up with the idea of how everyone could help out around Aaron's apartment and what tasks they could do for him whilst he was on his healthcare plan to fix his traumatized ear, or at least better its condition. She had kept him in quiet company when Jack had been out with other member's of the team.

Amelia texted him constantly when she had to return home for a week during her two week suspension. She kept checking in on him, making him tell her what his doctor was saying and what rest he needed for his ear this week.

She hadn't made him soup, thankfully. But, she had brought round a tub of brownies that she'd made. (Aaron was highly suspicious that her mom had made them but they were so good that he didn't question it.) (Plus, seeing how happy Amelia was to give them him and pass them off as her own her had been far better than crushing her happiness.)

Aaron had been confused by it all. He didn't know whether he enjoyed it, or hated it. Because, Amelia was teetering the line of caring for Aaron and doting on him. He would never want to make her to dote on him.

He wasn't deserving of that.

Someone who deserved to be doted on was kind and good. Not a drill sergeant, stone-cold Unit Chief. And those stone-cold Unit Chief's did not deserve to be doted on by someone like Amelia.

Who had grown up in formidable circumstances, one that they didn't have the full picture of but could make guesses here and there, and still cared for others when she had never been cared for herself.

Aaron was sure Amelia had cared more for him in these last two weeks than she had herself, or anyone else.

That was worrying for him.

It was all worrying for him, and driving him a little bit crazy, because he didn't understand this. Why? Why would Amelia do this?

He didn't know. And he couldn't think about it anymore, all he knew that he needed to was to put a stop to it. She really could not continue on like this, it was probably a death wish to care for Aaron this much.

Aaron shook his head, clicking his briefcase shut. Today was the day he returned back to work and finally got back to his usual routine. (Whether that was for better or for worse is not to be discussed.)

He straightened his tie in the mirror and readjusted his cufflinks.

He had an appointment to get to this morning before he could head to the bureau and Jack had gone back to Haley's at the end of the last week.

Amelia and Jack had not crossed paths these last two weeks, and Aaron had deduced that to be a good thing, because that would only be another person Amelia would care for. And whilst Jack would be deserving of it, Aaron was not.

He shook his head again, trying to clear his head of Amelia and her care for him. Yet, it wouldn't shake. She wouldn't shake. It was the way she signed off nearly every text with a smiley face, or every other sentence ending with an exclamation mark followed by a question mark.

Aaron would've found it distasteful if done by anyone else.

But, this was Amelia. He couldn't find it in himself to criticize her for her texting choices.

Aaron felt like he just needed to get out of this apartment and maybe then the thoughts would stop. Because, Amelia had been in his apartment, fluffing the pillows when he wasn't looking and straightening out the picture frames on his walls because they hadn't been quite right. It was the little things she'd done, and Aaron had noticed them all straight away.

She was trying to make his house more of a home, make him more comfortable.

She cared so much, and Aaron had been cared for so little that he couldn't quite bear the heavy feeling it left on his chest.

The conflict he felt was horrid. He wanted to enjoy it, wanted to like it even. Yet, he couldn't bring himself to do so. Liking being cared for would mean admitting that he needed to be cared for.

His father had never agreed that a man needed to be cared for. A man could care for himself.

Aaron had been caring for himself for so long that it didn't even feel empowering anymore. It was tiring to stitch up the small cuts after a case, or ice the bruises when an unsub had tackled him down to the ground.

Maybe Aaron needed someone to care for him.

Or, maybe he didn't and he needed to put a stop to it before it goes too far.

✺

Amelia Levine had, and always will, care too much. It was her instinctive nature to feel things deeply and have them effect her, even if an action was not exerted onto her. Amelia had never taken anything lightly.

It was why she'd cared so much about the butterflies in her backyard, the alligator too. It was why she paid such close attention to people's attitudes and actions because she didn't want to have them upset with her. It was why she'd always apologize to Thomas Levine before he'd even think about handing her one.

It was just what she did, she never knew she did and if she did she could never fathom an explanation for it.

She hadn't gotten this caring nature from her parents, Thomas thought of other people like the dirt on his shiny shoes - they were unimportant, and wiped away without any regard of care. And Martha... she had always confused Amelia because she had cared about her students, but never really her daughter.

The thought made her fill with guilt because Amelia could see her mom trying. It just never felt enough.

Maybe Amelia had to compensate for the care she'd never received unto other people.

It was why she'd shot the terrorist in the ambulance bay in New York. She hated him, all the people he'd had killed in the name of his bomb. Kate. He'd gotten Kate killed. He'd got Derek in that forsaken ambulance. Traumatized Aaron's ear. Amelia had been so angry that she hadn't hesitated to pull the trigger on him. She felt deeply for all the lives they'd lost because of him, all the people who had died being the distraction to his big bomb.

Amelia had gotten two weeks suspension, and regular meetings with Strauss for the next four. She was also going to be entered into gun training courses to, in Strauss' words, remind her when gun use is necessary. The course would be taught by a man who had never held a gun, but she'd be forced to attend anyway.

Amelia had nodded her head and accepted her punishments, she'd took them on the chin (just like Thomas had taught her to) and planned to move on from this mistake.

She'd cared, and now she was moving on. Today was her first day back in the office, her hair was curled, her lips were coated in a cherry lipgloss and she was wearing her white converse again. They hadn't seemed highly appropriate for her meeting with Strauss, so she'd waited till today to wear them.

Amelia was also wearing a crisp white button up. Which was not going to be a good idea in the long run but her outfit looked cute, so what was the matter!

The matter was that Amelia had entered into an empty office. She'd pushed the glass door open and no-one was there. She glanced down at her watch with furrowed brows and looked amongst the empty desks. Not a soul. Not even a tumbleweed passed her by.

Had everyone already flown out for a case or something? No, that couldn't be. Penelope had said that Strauss had put them all on paperwork duty after New York, mostly to calm the unit down but also because they were way behind and their missing member and Unit Chief was not helping.

Amelia had done some paperwork during her two weeks off, but not much. The first week of her suspension had been mainly trying her best to find solutions for Hotch, so that meant allocating different days of the week to spend time with him and who would help make sure he had a comfortable space at home. Her second week had been spent in DC.

Her second week had been spent in DC.

Usually, you would expect that statement to be followed up by how tragic it had been and how many times Amelia had wanted to fly straight back home to Virginia. Not this time. There is nothing to follow up with because... it wasn't bad.

DC wasn't bad. The world was clearly losing its mind because Amelia hadn't been shouted at.

Thomas Levine had been oddly quiet, and in the moment Amelia hadn't questioned it. She had enjoyed every second of his quiet. Maybe Amelia should've questioned it.

"Welcome back!" It was a cheer. They'd jumped out of Rossi's office door and cheered for her.

She'd jumped in fright, and her coffee had spilt from the top of her cup. Luckily, a drop had landed just centimeters away from her white converse.

Amelia stared up at them in shock, "What?"

Derek's eyebrows furrowed, "Welcome back, sunshine."

She looked between their expecting faces, Amelia was confused. Even when she probably shouldn't be. Why had the team gone out all this way to do this for her? After all, it had only been two weeks.

Amelia swore Penelope was even holding cupcakes.

"I can see that."

Derek made his way down the steps with everyone else trailing behind him, "Welcome back then." He rolled his eyes, "I thought we should roll a red carpet out but Emily said no."

"I didn't say no." Emily huffed, "Strauss said no."

Amelia grimaced, setting her coffee down on the desk, "Yeah, Strauss isn't exactly my biggest fan right now. So, you didn't really have to do all this." That was a good cover up for her confusion, because Amelia could not fathom having her friends miss her this much.

She didn't think she had that much of an impact on people.

Derek smiled, bringing the woman into a hug, "Welcome back, mama."

"You gonna say that anymore times?" Amelia huffed, her head resting against Derek's shoulder and inhaling his aggravating aftershave.

She'd oddly missed it. When they'd all been scheduled around at Aaron's apartment they'd only really seen each other in passing, and mainly kept up with one another via text.

Amelia forget how oddly comforting Derek's aftershave was, Emily's constantly raised eyebrow, Reid's constant confusion, Penelope's bright outfits in the flesh, JJ's comforting essence and David Rossi as a whole.

It was good to be back. Amelia had decided. She just wasn't sure why she was getting such a large welcome back. She had expected everyone just perched at their desks business as usual.

Amelia high-fived Spencer, and kissed all the rest of them on the cheek before standing before them all.

They had all had an expecting look on their face.

Amelia didn't like this. "What?" She asked. She wanted them to rip the bandaid off and stop staring at her like that.

Was she getting fired? Was Strauss firing her and her friends were softening the blow? Oh, that is a new low.

The thought of losing her job ignited a new fear in her. It made her want to attend all those gun lectures, and be ten minutes early, just so that Strauss would forgive her already.

Emily and Derek glanced at one another. They tried to be subtle, but Emily was possibly the least subtle person Amelia had ever met. And Derek was second. (Penelope third.)

Emily cleared her throat, taking a step forward and squeezing Amelia's shoulder. This was it. Amelia was walking the plank. "Are you alright?"

That was not walking the plank, that was not softening the blow and that was not getting fired.

What?!

"Huh?"

Derek stared right at Amelia, "Don't play that game. C'mon 'fess up."

Amelia looked at all the stern faces of her friends, she suddenly felt a strong urge to curl into herself. But, instead she just curled her toes inside of her converse. "Uh— what are you talking about?"

JJ stepped forward gingerly. "DC. You can tell us how it went, y'know."

This was all about DC. The cupcakes, the warm welcome. Amelia hadn't seen it coming, and for a moment it felt like a slap to the face that she took far too long to recover from because since when had people cared about what happened in DC. It had been a thought previously neglected by Amelia because there was always something else going on.

Aaron came back today. Amelia could always change the topic to that. "It was fine. Are you guys—"

Derek wagged his finger. "Nuh-uh, sunshine. Don't go changing the topic that easy."

This now felt like an ambush. She didn't like that. Amelia preferred when people hadn't been able to pick up on her tells and notice things about DC.

Amelia found the whole situation odd, but a large part of it stemmed from the fact that they'd asked about DC when she'd had a fine week. It wasn't a lie. DC had been fine. Not too warm, not too cold. No shouting, no screaming. No breaking plates when disappointed.

Awkward silences, sure. But, nothing like the other times. No passive aggression. Or 'good for nothing daughters.'

Just Amelia. Her dad. And her ill mother.

"It was fine. Really." Amelia smiled. Her lips not wavering because she wasn't lying.

Derek leant himself against a desk, "You spend the whole week there? No problems—?"

"No."

"Nothing? Nothing at all?" He raised an eyebrow, and the question he so desperately needed an answer to slipped from his lips, "Why were you even down there?"

Amelia hadn't anticipated that.

"I mean you got suspended and you're flying back to DC, I just didn't expect that."

Derek spoke quickly, as if to cover his confusion and concern for Amelia. Or, perhaps there was something else laced within it. Amelia wasn't sure. She felt frozen for a moment or two because she wasn't expecting this.

Amelia hadn't expected any of this: the large welcome back, the cake, the care, or even prying further to find out why she'd been in DC in the first place.

Amelia cleared her throat, and tried to conceal the silence that had followed Derek's question, but the silence had been loud and so obvious. "I just had to go to DC. No reason why."

There was such a big reason. Amelia knew they'd stare at her in pity if she told them. Their eyes would also soften and they'd pat her on the shoulder and tell her that they're here for her, for whatever she needs.

Amelia needed a cure for cancer. She wasn't too sure that a cure was just knocking about in Virginia.

JJ raised her eyebrows in a questioning manner.

Emily crossed her arms across her chest, whilst Penelope anxiously bit her nails.

Spencer and Rossi were sharing indiscreet looks, whilst Derek's eyes never left Amelia.

Amelia huffed, "Does it matter why I went?"

"Yes." The team chorused.

Amelia was finding it hard to believe there was a way out of this.

"Don't you guys go home?" Amelia felt sick referring to DC as home, but sometimes you have to do whatever is necessary to cover up the truth. Even if it means lying. "Y'know how my parents get, they like to see as much as me as possible. So, when they found out I got suspended they were on the phone in an instant asking me to come see them."

There were multiple lies laced within Amelia's words. She had not told her parents about her suspension, and Thomas Levine never asked anything of anyone. He demanded. He'd tried to demand the truth out of Amelia and why she came home.

Amelia had told him that Strauss permitted her the time off. Deemed it as 'family time.'

Thomas has stared at Amelia, trying to detect whether she was speaking the truth or lying. He didn't get chance to catch her up on her lie before Martha came into the kitchen.

Amelia was glad he didn't ask any further questions.

She wasn't glad that Derek was now asking questions, and staring at her much like her dad had in the kitchen that day. Almost like he was surveying her, looking for any of her tells. She didn't like being seen.

Amelia didn't like being cared for. It was unusual.

It felt wrong for anyone to care this much about her.

"You telling the truth—?" Derek questioned, but he was not going to receive an answer because the glass doors to the office had opened again.

This time it was not Amelia. (Clearly.) Instead, it was a much grumpier, stone-faced man. Aaron Hotchner, with his briefcase and usual frown on his face. He wore a black suit jacket, a white crisp shirt and a navy blue tie. Amelia knew he wore matching navy blue socks to match.

She hadn't seen him in a suit since New York. Since the day his white shirt had been stained with Kate's blood, and would never be clean again.

The cuts were still on his face, smaller now but still there as a reminder of what had happened that day. To remind Aaron of the dying woman he'd held.

And his ear. Well, Amelia supposed he might have the damaged ear drums to remind him for the rest of his life what had happened in New York. (She was hoping after his appointment with the doctor that there'd be good news.)

(But, being that close to an explosion never meant good news.)

(Amelia had been told by her doctor that she had been lucky to have been stood where she stood outside the bank, if she'd been any closer she'd be dealing with long term hearing loss.) (Amelia hoped the doctor knew how unlucky Amelia felt.)

Aaron stared at his agents.

Penelope was holding cupcakes, Amelia was avoiding Derek - who was staring strangely at the woman - Reid and Rossi looked nervous whilst JJ and Emily looked like they were scolding someone.

He'd only just walked in but he knew it was Amelia. They cared for Amelia so much. He wished she could see it.

Amelia wasn't facing Derek anymore. She was facing the man she'd spent the last two weeks checking up on, creating schedules to make sure he didn't feel lonely but was also having the right amount of rest. And making sure he had enough care baskets curated by Penelope!

That was the man that Amelia felt butterflies for whenever his hand merely passed by hers. (And don't get her started on the butterfly infection she'd felt when she'd seen Hotch in a green polo shirt and not his usual suit.)

"Hotch," Rossi smiled, "Welcome back."

Amelia thought that was a much less welcome back then she'd received, she'd understood that they were all being cautious of Aaron's ear but they could've at least given the man some cupcakes.

He'd been through a lot more than Amelia had these past two weeks.

He deserved those cupcakes.

Aaron nodded his head.

JJ cleared her throat, "We've got a case ready, we were all waiting for you to get back before we briefed."

Amelia thought that they clearly had the time for a little ambush and investigation.

JJ led the way to the BAU room, everyone but Amelia, Aaron and Derek following after her.

Derek stood up from the table he'd perched himself on with a sigh, "This ain't over, sunshine." He said it like a promise before he left the room and followed after the rest of the team.

Aaron frowned, deeper than his usual frown, "What isn't over?"

He wasn't supposed to be talking to her. That was the one rule he'd set himself on his way over to his appointment, and he'd repeated it over and over again during the appointment and on the drive over here.

But, there was always the nagging feeling that Aaron Hotchner had to talk to Amelia Levine.

He couldn't help it.

Amelia rubbed the back of her neck, the curls now felt suffocating after her interrogation. "Derek was asking me about DC. What I was doing there."

Aaron placed his briefcase on her desk, "You haven't told the team yet?"

Amelia glanced up at Aaron. "I just... it just skips my mind. I don't want..."

Amelia didn't want a lot of things to come from telling the truth. Undoubtedly, Derek would be annoyed, and Penelope would pamper her. The other members of the team would squeeze her shoulders and promise her things that she didn't really want. And they'd all have this look in their eyes that looked at her differently.

Look at her like they were afraid Amelia was going to crumble from the weight of it all on her shoulders, or afraid of what might happen to her mom.

Amelia couldn't take those looks. Those looks made it feel like she would crumble easier.

Things were easier when nobody knew.

(Or, at least Amelia thought so.)

"I don't even know how to tell them." She said. It was part of the truth. How did she even bring it, what did she say? And what do they even say?

Aaron sighed. He wanted to tell her that they'd figure it out together, but he glanced down at his watch and peered up at the room where Derek stood watching them through the window. "We better get going."

Amelia hummed in agreement, all whilst trying to figure out the best way even bring up the topic of your mom's cancer.

Did they need to know? Amelia wondered. They couldn't do anything. So, did they need to know?

(Friends could do a whole lot for you in a difficult time.)

Amelia kept her gaze on the floor, but changed the subject away from her that hung heavy between them, "How did your appointment go?"

This was what Aaron dreaded. He had been waiting for it. It was his fault, really. He stayed behind with Amelia to check up on her and as a result she had ended up caring for him again.

But, it was so easy to just forget about the conflicting feelings around her. It was so easy to forget how he shouldn't be cared for, and how easily she did for him when he felt those butterflies arise within him every-time she took interest in him.

"Acute sensitivity to sound." He said. He attempted to cover up his fear, yet Amelia saw right through him. "It could potentially become permanent."

Amelia frowned.

And how he hated it. Her frown that tugged at her lips was Aaron's reminder as to why people should not care for him, because they become just like him. They become miserable and frowning all the time. He couldn't drag Amelia down to what he was. The misery that he was to care for.

"Did your doctor clear you for field work?" She asked.

"Yes."

Aaron responded too quickly. He knew he had. He hadn't missed a beat. It was the nerves he felt around this woman that did it.

Amelia stopped them just before they could enter the room, the team engrossed in quiet conversation and paying no mind to what was happening nearby. Amelia looked at him with a quizzical gaze. "Did you force her hand?"

"No."

He responded too quickly again. What was she doing to him?

"Aaron." She muttered.

"She told me to stay out of loud places."

"We ride a jet!"

Aaron paused. He hadn't quite prepared for that portion of the case. He scratched his head, "It's fine. The pain isn't as bad anymore. I'll be fine."

The lies he told were just to get Amelia off his back, to get her to stop caring.

Amelia knew this game all too well. Hell, Amelia was playing this game currently. And it was a game Aaron Hotchner hated her playing.

She found it funny when the tables were turned.

He nodded his head, as if to end the conversation and Amelia watched him stalk into the BAU room and take a seat.

She guessed Levine Watch would have to make its infamous comeback.

Lower Canaan, Ohio here we come! (Even if we are all telling lies to keep people off our backs.)

✺

The infamous Levine Watch was being put hold. Because, you wouldn't believe it! You just wouldn't! Strauss had put Amelia on desk duty for the next two cases!

Amelia thought it was absurd. Yet, she hadn't complained because it had always been the rule in her childhood home to put up and shut up.

Amelia still wasn't happy with her desk duty role, and everyone could tell by the grumpy face she wore at her desk.

She was very unhappy to be on desk duty. How could she possibly enforce Levine Watch on Aaron Hotchner from her desk?

The file she was reading was very bare, and she'd spent basically all day looking at it. This case was just... odd. In Amelia's professional opinion.

The Angel Maker was dead. He'd been executed a year ago yesterday. The anniversary was yesterday. And a copycat had come out to play and killed Delilah Grennan in her own home, with postmortem marks inflicted upon her. The worst part was semen had been found inside of her body. The semen of the dead, executed Angel Maker.

Nobody had taken Spencer's evil twin suggestion seriously on the plane.

Even Amelia couldn't back that one up.

And she'd spent the last hour toying with the idea, considering she had nothing better to do on desk duty. That was until something was passed to her desk. A single piece of paper.

Someone claiming to be the Angel Maker. Her eyes had widened as she called everyone one by one back to the station. (Maybe desk duty did have some perks when you got to see the new evidence before someone else.)

"I give you a legacy. A breath of life from the Angel Maker himself." Spencer dictated to the team. Whilst, Amelia had been the one to be handed the letter she was not the one who could read at a fast pace between two letters and decide whether this was an original or a fake.

She did get to hold the letter for Spencer to see which had to count for something.

"Those who prayed to forget me will one day see my face and shrink in fear."

"This is the last thing people need right now." Sheriff Dobson remarked as he walked away from the BAU team.

Derek stood with his arms crossed against his chest, "Reid, how's it compare with the original correspondence?"

"They share some compelling characteristics." Spencer responded, moving closer to the whiteboard. "I'd obviously like to look at it under magnification with a better light."

"Best guess?" Hotch asked.

"I'd say it's authentic."

That was just another thing this town didn't want to hear.

"Amelia stay with Reid." He ordered, and walked away from the pair.

Amelia glanced at Derek, who looked at her expectantly and Reid who was still reading the later. Amelia decided it best to chase after Hotch and beg for something better than this.

"Hotch." She called.

He stopped immediately, because every-time 'Hotch' fell from her lips he wished it was 'Aaron' instead. But, he knew this was their workplace and they had to remain professional.

(Plus, Aaron was supposed to be keeping his distance so that Amelia would stop caring but that was not working out for them.)

She smiled, nervously, "Y'know, I think you should let me back out—"

"No." He shut the idea down immediately.

Amelia ringed her hands together. Desk duty was going to send her insane. "C'mon—"

"Strauss' orders, I can't change that, Levine."

Amelia huffed. It was worth the try, she supposed. She got to stand here with him in this empty hallway so that had to count for something.

Plus, it meant she got to ask her next question. "Your ear okay? It's not ringing is it? I've got a couple of painkillers in my bag if it—"

"I'm fine, Levine." He shut her down immediately, again. Except, this time felt a lot worse than the last.

She knew begging to be removed from desk duty was a long shot, so that rejection hadn't hurt so much. This one, however. This one hurt.

And she couldn't quite understand why.

All she wanted to do was make sure he was okay.

Their demeanors seemed to change, and the once wide hallway now felt small and confined. Aaron was no longer playing into her begging to be relieved of desk duty and now wore his stern, long face. Amelia bore a frown.

How could one question change things so quickly? How could he change so quickly?

And most of all, why didn't he want her help?

✺

Desk duty had gotten worse, by no surprise. A local to the town had stormed into office claiming that everyone in the town was frightened by the possibility that the original Angel Maker was still alive, apparently he'd had a faulty execution.

This case just got better, and better.

Amelia hadn't glanced in Hotch's direction since. All she'd done was bite her nails when he entered a room and pondered over what she'd done wrong.

Whilst Aaron watched and pondered why she cared so much. His ear did hurt. And he so needed those painkillers that she kept in her bag, but at the same time he couldn't stand the weight on his shoulders of letting Amelia care for him.

It wasn't right.

It was so wrong.

Aaron left the room.

Amelia breathed a sigh of relief. Derek watching her.

His eyebrows raised, "Sunshine?"

Derek had never seen Amelia bite her nails before. She picked at her nail polish, beat her hand against her thigh and sometimes she bit her cheek but never biting.

She hummed, her hand never moving away from her mouth. It would annoy her when the weekend came and she attempted to paint her nails but they'd be too short to make them look cute. That was a future problem.

Her current problem was Aaron. Or, Hotch. She didn't know anymore and it made her mind swirl with all the possibilities of what she'd done wrong. She just wanted to help.

Amelia hadn't known that was a crime.

Derek opened his mouth to speak, but Amelia cut him off as she stared at the wall opposite her.

"Did I upset Hotch?"

Derek's eyebrows furrowed, "What?"

"Did I upset him? Did I do something wrong?" Despite the obvious of having shot an unsub two weeks ago, seemingly unprovoked.

"Uh, no...?"

That wasn't good enough for Amelia. "I must've. Maybe I was too pushy with desk duty—?"

"Sunshine," Derek said, standing up and perching himself on the edge of the desk Amelia sat at, "Why is this eating at you?"

Amelia stared at Derek in shock, "He's our Unit Chief, Derek, who has a traumatized ear. I think it's pretty bad if I upset him."

"What could you have possibly done to upset him?" Derek asked, he was pushing aside his need to know why Amelia had been visiting DC so frequently and instead trying to calm her anxieties.

"I don't know." Amelia shrugged, biting her nail loudly, "Sometimes... Sometimes I can just annoy or upset people on accident. It just happens."

People. We all know who she meant. The little girl who just wanted to play with her dollhouse and her dad had never set out to annoy or upset him, she'd just wanted to play. He hadn't.

Derek pulled her hand away from her mouth, stopping her from biting any further. "Stop that. What you need to do is find that man and ask him—"

Amelia immediately shook her head. Asking was not good. Asking meant knowing, and she felt it was sometimes better not to know.

"Don't you shake your head, Amelia, you're going crazy sat here thinking you've upset him. So, you go right to the source and find the truth." Derek gave her a pointed look, "If you sit here any longer you ain't gonna have any nail left, you hear me?"

Amelia narrowed her eyes at him, "I thought you were annoyed at me too..."

He knew Amelia would never understand if he said that he was just trying to care for her. So, he shrugged his shoulders, "I'm not annoyed. And I'm putting that aside for now so that you'll get this over with."

She knew if she didn't go that would annoy Derek even more. And that didn't settle well with her. She couldn't have Aaron and Derek annoyed at her, that would be too much.

Amelia stood from her chair, grumbling under her breath as she did so. Making it very clear to Derek that she was indeed unhappy with the situation he was putting her in right now. (In the back of her mind she did also suppose that this was off her own back, the nagging feeling she had to talk to Hotch to clear the air. She could've been more stubborn and said no. But, she didn't.)

Aaron hadn't gone far. He was just round the corner, stood with Rossi and sipping on a lukewarm coffee made from the machine down the hall. It wasn't good coffee.

And once Amelia heard their subject of conversation she also knew it wasn't good conversation either.

"She's gonna drive me crazy." Aaron muttered. "She cares too much—"

Rossi scoffed, "Isn't that a good thing? It just means Amelia's looking out for you."

She stared blankly at her white converse beneath her. She stood impossibly still. Maybe if she stood still, and kept pretending she wasn't there then she could pretend that she hadn't heard what Aaron had said.

Said about her.

She's driving me crazy.

Crazy. Crazy.

Amelia had always felt like she was a little bit crazy. She was the quiet kid on the front row, with no-one to talk to but her dolls when she got back home. And she slept with a teddy until she was at least 16, whilst all the other kids in her year grade discussed the hardcore football game they were at last night. Or, as they got older they were drinking and she was making profiles on missing children. And she was always looking over her shoulder, thinking people were whispering about her in a bad manner when they were actually praising her. And don't forget about Clara. And the exhaustion. Amelia's exhaustion had made Aaron think she was crazy once before, right before New York. He'd said he'd have to book her a session with the therapist—

He'd already thought she was crazy once. He'd forgotten. And now Aaron Hotchner remembered.

(Harper's word rung out, like a bell chiming in the distance. 'What if he just cares about you?' The close part of Amelia's head told her that Harper was wrong. Because, if he cared why would he suddenly remember she was crazy?)

Amelia was crazy. Everyone had thought it before. James Conrad. Charlie Beaumont. Thomas Levine. No doubt Martha Levine too. And now Aaron Hotchner was just another name added to that list.

Amelia never thought she'd have to add the man who gave her butterflies to that list.

✺

Emily glanced at Amelia. They'd been driving back to the motel (because this was Lower Cannan, Ohio. They didn't exactly have hotels.) and Hotch had called, telling them to meet him at the graveyard.

The woman sat in Emily's passenger seat had been unusually quiet.

"You alright?" Emily queried, turning the engine off but not stepping out of her SUV until she got her desired answer out of Amelia.

Amelia couldn't help but think why did Emily care? Emily Prentiss would just be another name added to Amelia's list eventually.

Amelia hummed. Pushing the car door open before Emily could stop her. Unfortunately, Amelia had stepped out of her car as soon as Hotchner had appeared with the Sheriff by his side.

"I have to advise against this." Hotchner warned, and to make matters worse Amelia, who kept her head down, fell into step with the man. The last thing she'd wanted was to stand by the man who thought her crazy.

But, it would be too obvious now if she moved to the other side of Aaron— of Hotchner, to stand by Rossi. And Emily had now stood there, so Amelia had to stay here.

Next to him.

"Well, due respect this isn't your town."

Hotchner glanced at Amelia, who kept her eyes trained on the equipment nearby that would be used to pull this grave out of the ground.

She hadn't asked him how he was all afternoon.

It was what he wanted. Yet, it didn't feel fulfilling. Instead, it felt like something was missing.

Aaron wasn't supposed to be cared for. So, he wondered now why that care felt missing.

The hole in the ground had already been dug, with crowbars, hammers and all sorts of other tools lay nearby. The hole was dug, but the grave had not yet been lifted. It was the step all the agents weren't looking forward to because the machine, that they'd just turned on, was too loud with anyone with perfectly fine hearing and it's motors created this tinny noise afterwards that was bound to give them a headache.

Everyone hated it.

Aaron hated it most of all. He knew that for sure. The ringing in his right ear, had been bearable all day, was now at an unbearable level, the rattling of the chains were high pitched and his hand had to cover his ear in an attempt to muffle the sounds. Even his own skin could not be a barrier to his own pain.

Everyone glanced at him. But, Amelia seemed to be the most concerned.

And her concern would always trump whatever else Aaron had made her feel today.

"Hotch?" She asked, her hand on his elbow as he stumbled backwards. Just like he had back at the hospital before he'd collapsed onto the tiled floor. The moment she had decided to care for him.

Amelia dragged them to a safer distance away from the machinery. "Aaron?"

He thought she was crazy. Amelia thought he probably wasn't wrong, but she could let that go for just this moment because he needed someone to care for him right now.

And Amelia felt the need to care for him.

His ear was squealing now. And all of a sudden he felt idiotic for getting the doctor to sign off of letting him be here. If he'd of known there would've been machinery pulling a grave out of the ground, he certainly wouldn't have gotten the doctor to do it.

But, getting signed off meant he could feel the comforting hand of Amelia on his elbow.

She didn't know what to do. Her one hand surely couldn't bring enough comfort. And all she wanted to do was make sure he was okay. That was all she ever wanted for him. She thought that maybe resting her hand on top of his might be a good idea, because it wasn't rational for her to tell them to cut the machinery. She had no authority here.

The man who had the authority was doubled over in pain. With her hand on top of his sending butterflies to his stomach in the moment.

They just had to wait.

Amelia hated waiting because she knew how much pain it was putting Aaron under. "It's gonna be over real soon, I promise. 'Kay? Nearly over."

Her voice was muffled between the squealing and the hands covering his ear, but he knew that voice anywhere. The sweetest voice he'd ever heard, sweeter than honey. So perfect.

A voice that cared for him.

The grave thudding with the ground ruined Aaron's sweet moment, as he repeated, "I'm okay. I'm okay." Like a prayer, maybe if he said it enough times he would believe it. Because, Amelia was staring at him knowing it wasn't all okay.

And that only made her heart clench. He was annoyed at her, for whatever reason, yet she couldn't stop caring.

"Are you sure?" She pressed.

Amelia had asked him the same question so many times. And Aaron had pretended to be annoyed with it, pretended to Dave that it was driving him crazy. But, the truth was that somewhere deep within him, very deep, it warmed his heart. (And scared him.) Someone cared for him. It wasn't normal and it wasn't expected of her. Yet, she kept coming back to him. She kept asking if he was okay. Handing him painkillers... buying his favorite Beatles album.

Amelia Levine warmed his heart.

And by God, was it scary to be cared for like this. Especially when you never had been cared for like this before. But, didn't that make it exciting? The need to have her hand on his elbow at all times, to ground him and remind him that she was there. To stand face to face with her, under her examining eyes that were just checking if he was alright and seeing every imperfection of him and not caring. Because all Amelia wanted to do was care for him. No matter what.

He bit into his lip under her gaze.

Aaron didn't know that she'd heard him. But, she was ignoring him, quieter than usual so something was wrong. And now he had to fix it.

Aaron had to make it right.

He needed to care for Amelia just like she needed to care for him.

✺

Aaron didn't find much time to make it right during the case, catching a serial killer and trying to patch things up with your agent who was on desk duty was pretty difficult.

And he knew that if he didn't grab the chance soon then Amelia would scurry away from him. He'd known her long enough to know now that was what she did when she thought people were annoyed at her. She gave them their space, for a lot longer than either of them wanted.

He didn't want that. Aaron Hotchner would be damned if the first thing he saw in the office every day wasn't Amelia's Levine smile, and her sweet call of good morning.

Aaron was lucky to find her stood against an SUV, waiting.

His eyebrows furrowed as he stared at her, "What are you doing?"

Amelia stared back, "Your ear hurt a lot more than you want to admit. So, I knew you weren't going to be flying back."

"So, I'm driving you back."

Aaron didn't understand why. Maybe he never would. Maybe the why wasn't important. (Amelia didn't even know why she felt compelled to do this in the first place.) All that really mattered is that she was stood here.

Her hair had been washed, and had lost some of its curl to the strawberry shampoo that Aaron knew she used. Her arms were crossed tightly across her chest, a crisp white shirt on under her black blazer jacket. Her white converse peeking out from under her black trousers.

She suited anything she wore, Aaron thought. It was never possible for her to have a bad day.

"A seven hour drive would drive you crazy anyway." She muttered. And her words were laced with malice as she opened the door to the SUV for herself, leaving Hotchner to throw his bag in the back and open his own door.

The last time they'd done this, back from New York, the Beatles had quietly played throughout the car and it had been pleasant.

Aaron did not find this pleasant. He could tell Amelia had something to say. Her fingers tapped against the material of the steering wheel and she looked nervous to speak whatever was on her mind to him.

Yet, she knew she had to. (Mostly because she'd already told Derek that they'd spoken about whatever was begrudging Hotch, and because she didn't think she could stomach this any longer.)

She turned the engine over. "Y'know," she paused, as if testing the waters.

Aaron hated whenever she was unsure of herself to speak her mind.

"If you didn't want my help, all you had to do was say." She stated.

A deeper frown than usual tugged at Aaron's lips as Amelia kept her eyes on the road.

"I just wanted to make sure you were okay. That your ear didn't hurt too much. I didn't mean to drive you crazy. You didn't have to call me crazy—"

Crazy. Crazy.

Amelia hated the word. With her whole being. And there actually wasn't anything in this world that Amelia hated with her whole being.

Except for crazy. It was such a strong word, with such bad implications.

"Crazy?" He questioned.

Amelia wondered where he got the nerve to question her like that, "I heard you talking to Rossi, and you said I was driving you crazy—"

"I didn't mean it." He said it instantly. Almost as if he was afraid of making her feel that way. Almost as if Aaron was upset that he'd upset her this way.

"You said it though." Amelia shrugged, "That means you must've thought it at one point."

Aaron shook his head, "I'm not good with—"

He paused. He knew he could be open with Amelia, he knew he could. Hell, this was the same woman that had promised him her door was open on the same day he'd been a total drill sergeant. He was safe, here, with her. He knew that.

There was just always that apprehension that she wouldn't understand.

Aaron then realized if anyone was going to understand it was Amelia. The woman who was oblivious to how her friends cared for her.

"I don't know how to be cared for." He admitted. "I'm not good with it. It's unnatural for me to think that someone cares for me, because my instinct is to think that it's wrong."

"It's nothing you did. It was just how I was raised. It's how I work." Aaron realized as he said it, how messed up it was: to think you weren't worthy of someone's care. He wanted to change it. Hell, Aaron Hotchner wanted Amelia Levine to change it. He wanted for someone, someone as sweet as Amelia, to change his mind. To prove that being cared for was natural. That it was normal. And that he, of all people, was worthy of it. "What I said to Dave was a mistake. I know that now. I was wrong."

"You aren't driving me crazy." He glanced at her, her eyes never tearing away from the road (in fear that they'd crash, and in fear of the softness of his eyes.) (his eyes that she'd get lost in and then they'd undoubtedly crash.) "I don't think you could, Amelia. You were being kind to me, you were caring for me. Thank you. I don't deserve it, I know. But, thank you."

"We all know you aren't gonna look after yourself." Amelia remarked.

Her remark caused a silence to settle between them. His apology just hanging heavy in the air.

Amelia believed he deserved it. Life was horrible to him. It was an easy admission because it was true. He was getting divorced, he'd held his dying friend in his arms and now had to live with that blood stained hands and the bloodied ear. He saw his son on only weekends, if he was lucky.

Aaron was more than deserving of her care.

She wished he'd seen that sooner, before he'd said she was driving her crazy so that she didn't get all these ideas in her head.

"You deserve it, y'know." She said. Breaking their quick silence because she couldn't keep quiet around him. There was always the need to talk to Aaron. It was indescribable. "Don't say you don't deserve it, because that isn't true. God, Aaron, that really isn't true."

He wondered why she thought it wasn't true. He just wanted to spend an hour in her mind so that he could read it. So, that he could understand her better. He supposed maybe he didn't need that hour, because then he could spend all day talking to her. And Aaron always felt the indescribable need to talk to Amelia, and find out every large and tiny detail about her.

"You deserve to be cared for just as much as everyone else on the team." Maybe even a little bit more. Amelia couldn't admit that part. "You deserve it a hell of a lot more than you realize. And if you'd just let me do that for you—"

"You can." Aaron interrupted her, "You can. I'm sorry. Y'know? I'm an idiot at the worst of times, and I say the wrong thing. And I said the wrong thing this time, and I should've just let you care."

Because he liked it. Aaron knew it. Deep down, deep down, Aaron knew he liked it. He liked the butterflies, he liked knowing the details that only Derek and Penelope knew about her. He wanted to know more. He wanted to know everything. He wanted their hands to brush past one another in the corridors of stations and both their cheeks blush but they don't look back to see it.

He didn't know why. He just wanted it.

"So, I'm not driving you crazy?" She had to ask. She needed that reassurance. Amelia would always need that reassurance.

"No." He replied, "Good God no."

Amelia hummed. "You mean it?"

"Yes."

She tore her eyes away from the road for a split second, just to check. To search his eyes for any sign of a lie. Amelia knew he wouldn't lie to her. Any excuse to stare at those eyes of his and just marvel in their beauty.

Anyone else would say they were just brown eyes. Amelia would tell you they were the most beautiful brown eyes you've ever seen, they just pulled you in and never let go of you.

Aaron stared back at her, "Y'know, you deserve it too."

"Deserve what?" She asked, immediately, as she forced her eyes away from his and back onto the road. If she'd left it any longer then they definitely would've ended up in a crash.

"You deserve to be cared for too." He stated as if it was simple, "That's why Derek ambushed you the other day with the team. He cares about you. He's worried about your trips to DC."

It was why Aaron had done those weekly checkups with her before the New York explosion and finding out about her mom's cancer. It was why Aaron learnt her every tell to get that insight into her brain.

Aaron Hotchner cared for her too. But, that might've been too much for her to comprehend right now.

She merely shrugged. And turned on the radio in the car, the Beatles: 'Here comes the sun' now filling the car. Clearly signaling that Amelia didn't want to talk about this anymore.

She wanted to drive to the sound of his favorite music, with the sun beaming down on them and forget about this craziness.

She glanced at him once again. They were going to drive back to the bureau listening to his favorite music and exchanging subtle glances that made their cheeks flush.

They cared for one another. A lot more than either of them would realize at this moment in time.

AUTHOR'S NOTE:
cult episode next (i'm up to no good again.) 🙈 i also finished writing a 5k chapter of pure goodness for this book today. i know i know. you can't believe it.

but trust me it's pure joy