i should have noticed sooner. you marched along, planting red flags left and right, but i could only stare straight ahead. i watched your back as you walked away, and i scurried to follow because everything you left behind was cold and dark.

i should have seen it all for what it was. the perfect tally of every fault and flaw and insecurity i had. you never stopped showing me how imperfect i was, never hesitated to say that it was okay to you; and subconsciously i understood what you really meant — that you were the only one who would tolerate me, that i was lucky to have you. my conscious self never saw it. i strove to improve, to be better, so that you would strike those rows from my list of sins.

it was never enough.