eventually all the things i had loved morphed into swirling darkness, demons tearing at my skin, crawling their way into my veins. the loud burst of laughter that once brought a smile to my face made me flinch at its volume. i listened to your jokes with impassive stoicism. i shrank away when you came near. i looked at the floor because your eyes stabbed me like a thousand knives. your mere presence was enough to make me shiver. you became someone i couldn't bear to turn my back on, because i never knew when you would attack next.

and all i felt was guilt, because you weren't any of that. you were good. you were kind. you deserved better, and as much as i tried to blame you for the agony you caused me every day, i could only blame myself.

you were a monster, but you were a monster i made.