there were times when i missed you so much that it hurt. everywhere — my throat, my lungs, my bones. times when i felt your fingers pressing craters into my skin. times when it hurt so badly that it was like missing a piece of myself.

it took months to realize that that was exactly what i missed — all the pieces of me that you took. my soul, my heart, my mind. whatever part of me was capable of happiness. none of it existed anymore. all the things that made me up were empty, hollow voids. i was an abyss with no bottom, sinking into my own depths with nothing to break my fall.

as i reached terminal velocity, i remembered your hand on my chest, pushing me over the edge — and i still reached for it in hopes that you would pull me back up.