L.W.T.B.B Copyright © 2012-2015 xXMopelXx All Rights Reserved.  

Rewritten version of this chapter posted - August 21st 2015.  

** Trigger warning **

The beginning of the chapter is a (traumatizing for Anna) flashback, so please read carefully and at your risk. I had to put stars * in certain words even if they aren't bad words so wattpad wouldn't change my story ratings to R - that way you guys wouldn't be able to read it. I'm also super pleased with all the feedback (and over 20k votes on this story) thank you guys so much! x

▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ 

                                                           { Chapter 9 } : Bitter Memories 

      "It will all be okay."

Joey hushed those five words for what seemed like the hundredth time tonight. I still didn't believe him.

I took a shuddering inhale and my boyfriend noticed, his mouth turning down in a frown. Then his jaw rocked from side to side, and I knew he was irritated with me.

I clutched my stomach, fisting the material of my shirt. "Joey, I'm not sure..."

"Anna," he groaned, tossing his head back. Exasperated. He was exasperated. Reaching for his discarded shirt, he went to dress before I stopped him. Guilt flared inside me. "Will you ever be sure? Jesus."

"I-I just don't think it's the right time." I blushed furiously, clenching my hands before I put my short denim skirt back on. "It doesn't feel right."

I never made love to anyone. Ever. There was suppose to be intimacy and Joey and I had intimacy, but just not now. I didn't feel it. I couldn't do this.

Joey's eyes narrowed then ran along the length of my body. I wasn't fully naked but under his perusing gaze, I felt like it.

Every nerve ending in my body was on fire. My toes were curled. Joey Donald had that kind of effect on me.

"There will never be a right time, Anna," he stated flatly. His dark eyes were unreadable as they bore into mine and I hated that. Hated the feeling like I owed him one after tonight. "Do you love me?"

My breath escaped in a rush and that guilt tripled tenfold. He knew I loved him. But I just wasn't ready for this. I was sick to my stomach after running away, and my father's face replayed in my mind over and over and over again... "Yes. Yes, I love you."

We looked at each other for another beat before Joey gave an angry sound and started getting up from his dishevelled bed. I panicked as I watched him fix his mussed hair - hair I'd mussed with my roaming fingers.

I was sprawled on his bed beside him in nothing but my t-shirt, bra and thong - courtesy of Joey. He'd brought me here after my quarrel with my dad. He'd brought me to his room and we made-out like usual and things got heated. Just a little too heated.

We were two pieces of clothing away from crossing the line.

"Forget it, Anna," he growled and I tried to stop him again, while still trying to fix my naked appearance. "I'm beginning to sound like a broken record."

"But I do love you. I love you so much." I was desperate now. Almost begging. He couldn't leave me now. I needed him by my side tonight. I was hurting. He was suppose to take care of me.

"Prove it," he said suddenly. "Prove to me that you love me."

Warning bells went off in my head but I ignored everything. Everything but the boy with the dark hair and even darker scowl before me. I loved this boy.

My daddy's booming voice rang loudly in my ears along with the sound of blood rushing, but I dismissed that, too.

Defeated, I lay back. Convincing myself that this is what I wanted, needed. My blonde waves fanned over Joey's pillow. His smile turned pleasing and his shoulders relaxed. No longer was he angry with me. A bit of satisfaction swirled within me. I was pleased, too.

I shut my eyes as I let him removed my underwear. I love him. I love him so much. I squeezed my eyes. Joey closed the lights for my sake and kissed me. But I still felt sick. A nagging sensation tried to pull me away from this moment. I could do this. I could do it. The guilt was slowly easing away with every piece of clothing.

Joey fingered me and I let him. Because I love him. This will make him happy. I didn't like it. It hurt a little. I was uncomfortable.

He whispered hotly in my ear as he moved his fingers in and out of me. I didn't like it. He'd done this to me once before. I didn't like it. I clung to his broad shoulders like an anchor. I tried to concentrate on his strong scent, his husky voice and slow touch. He told me I was tight. So tight. I blushed. Joey grinned devilishly.

And then there was no more clothing separating us.

I'm not ready. I can't do this. My stomach flipped and dropped. I don't want to do this. I shouldn't have to if I don't want to. I had tears in my eyes but I tried to hide them. I didn't want to cry. Joey hated girls who cried for nothing. I wouldn't cry for nothing. This is nothing, Anna. This is nothing.

You love him.

"I love you," I whispered to him. But he didn't say it back.

This is nothing.

"It will be okay."

This is nothing.

I thought he'd enter slowly. No. He pinned my hands - even though I wanted to touch him- and roughly thrust once. My cheeks were tear-stained and I tasted the saltiness in my mouth. I'd never felt so much pain. Burning pain. It hurt. He was hurting me. He wasn't supposed to hurt me.

While he kissed me softly, he didn't love me slowly. No. He f*ucked me. F*ucked me hard and carelessly like I was just someone - someone who wasn't his girlfriend.

This is nothing, Anna. Nothing.

Joey said it would be okay. He lied. It wasn't okay. It was painful. So, so painful. It was a reminder that I wasn't ready - physically or emotionally. Two thrusts into the act and I already knew this was my biggest regret ever.

It was everything.

Daddy died soon after.

                                                                       *               *              *

I woke up sweating and panting, my sheets twisted around my ankles. I screamed before I knew what was happening. When my darkened surroundings finally registered as familiar, I stopped. Tears leaked from the corners of my eyes and I wiped them with the back of my hand, pulling myself together.

It was the early hours of the morning. Too late to go back to sleep and too early to wake up, but I still forced myself out of bed. I took a cold shower, hopelessly trying to wash away the sick feeling of that nightmare. I scrubbed extra hard where I remembered the feel of Joey's body and turned my skin from a tanned glow to a deep shade of pink.

I skipped breakfast and went to school early that morning, too. Telling myself that if I got some extra studying done at the library, thoughts of Joey and my dad would evaporate. The truth was I hadn't had those dreams in a long time... and having them after a long time? Well, it freaked the ever loving crap right out of me.

Gabriela met me for coffee in the morning and then we were headed to our first class - calculus. On my way there, I spotted Sam, leaning casually against his locker. He glanced at me briefly, held eye contact, then dropped his gaze back to his phone. He continued texted like nothing happened.

This is nothing.

And maybe this was for the best. I wanted him to ignore me even more after experiencing that weird moment with him in the alleyway. I was tipsy and while I remembered the better part of that evening, I wanted to bury the rest of it.

So did Sam, apparently. Because he never said anything to me as I entered my lecture wordlessly.

                                                                  *                         *                      *

Hunter Warren was so into Gabriela.

And it was so obvious. For the better part of our Calculus lecture, his eyes stayed glued to her. Even when Mrs. Georgina taught us about derivatives. To her credit, Gabby never once looked at him. I was sure she was hyper-aware of his stare. She wasn't immune. How could she be immune to someone who looked like him?

In an hour and a half, I concluded that there was some kind of awkward tension between them. And definitely some serious sexual tension.

Hunter Warren had all but undressed Gabby with his heated gaze.

The only problem? Hunter Warren seemed to have a very possessive and clingy girlfriend. One that Gabriela was apparently very aware of.

I didn't know if I pitied him or labelled him as the lowest possible scum for pinning after two girls at the same time.

His girlfriend was also Rachel, the same girl who'd tried to stir up unnecessary drama between Sam and I.

Yeah, definitely pitied him.

                                                                       *                             *                         *

"Josh is going to study with us."

At Layla's timid admission, Gabby and I exchanged a sour look.

"Why?" Gabby full-out asked rudely as she flipped the page of her biology textbook. "Study time is girls time."

This was the only time of the day where we had matching free-periods and we usually spent them "trying" to study together. Josh was completely irrelevant, but I didn't say a word. I kept my thoughts to myself.

I chose to focus on the theorem of derivatives in front of me.

"Well," Layla hushed softly, because we were still in a library. "We're official now, and I want him to meet my friends."

My pen slipped between my fingers and clattered loudly against the table. I was quick to conceal any emotions on my face. I couldn't even congratulate her.

Please, let him be good to her. Please, please let him treat my best friend good, God.

Apparently, neither could Gabriela. She sneered, "Jesus, couldn't you have found a better place to drop such a bomb, Lay?"

"There will never be a better time," Layla snapped defensively. "And what's up your ass, why are you acting so pissy, anyway?"

Gabby's nostril's flared just as Layla's jaw worked angrily. "It's fucking nothing." And her face turned completely red.

But I know her nothing was something, and that something was Hunter Warren and the look of pure yearning he'd given her when she shot him down outside the classroom after he tried talking to her. There was obviously more to it, but I wasn't going to push it. She was already this flustered and affected.

Layla suddenly pushed back her chair and got up, slapping her hands loudly on the table and hunching forward. "That's obviously not nothing - "

And then I snapped. "Layla." I warned her, then I faced Gabriela. Maybe it was because of my shitty morning. Maybe it was because I was tired of hearing them bickering like children. "Gabby. Stop it, you two. You guys are creating an unnecessary scene. Solve your problems elsewhere but not in here where the entire populace of Northwind will witness your little showdown. You're not little kids anymore, so stop acting like it."

They looked at me wide-eyed, mouths gaping.

"Wow. You haven't gone all commander on us in so long," Gabby murmured almost in an awe-like voice. "That was kind of hot."

"Yeah, just like a sexy and vicious dominatrix," Layla's eyes glimmered as her humour returned.

"Fuck you guys," I mumbled, mortified at myself as a blush drifted over my face. They always teased me about being a dominatrix because of an embarrassing ex-boyfriend who'd once gifted me a kinky whip as a joke and my thigh-high leather boots. "I hate both of you."

Gabby fake coughed and sent me a shit-eating grin. "There's a thin line between love and hate."

I was just glad I diffused the situation between the both of them, even though now they were making fun of me good-naturedly.

A raven haired girl snagged my attention, watching me with a calculated expression by the bookshelves. She was leaning against the frames on my right, obscured from Layla and Gabby's view.

Something about her icy gaze had chills snaking up my spine. Especially when she haughtily brushed her long strands back her shoulders with a flick, and continued walking deeper into an aisle. 

I didn't like it. It confused me. I had never seen this girl before. Or, if I did, I didn't remember her very well.

My eyes narrowed. The echo of my book slapping shut was the only confirmation of my decision.

"Jodanaaa," Layla lilted and it took me a split second longer to figure out she'd been calling my name for some time. "Earth to Anna."

"Are you okay?" Beside me, Gabby frowned.

I stood up and shoved my books inside my purse. "Don't wait after me for lunch, guys."

And I left to follow the mysterious girl.

My skin prickled as I recalled the look she'd given me - a stark mixture of harsh coldness and something pure dirty. I didn't know why disgust splayed across her features - only that I wanted to find out why she'd looked at me like that. I didn't even know what I would do once I reached her. Confront her?

I neared the bookshelf where I last saw her disappear, and while the library had fallen eerily quiet, I caught the sound of soft murmurs.

Turning into the aisle, I came face-to-face with Samuel Adams and the mysterious girl. They were leaning away from each other, conversing in hushed tones. Sam's eyebrows looked pulled together in deep concentration and he was nodding at something she was saying. 

There was a lipstick stain on his cheek. 

Suddenly he closed in on her, pressing her against the bookshelf and hugging her to him. She reciprocated and they looked like two long lost lovers. She pressed another kiss to his cheek.

A sharp stung, and then anger and bitterness enveloped me. Partly because while I'd heard rumours of Sam, I'd never had to witness it myself. Never caught him in the 'act'. Friday night in the alleyway he was with you, an annoying voice in my mind reminded me.

I wanted to laugh at the this uncalled source of jealousy. Why did I feel this way?

One more reason to stay far away from him, Anna.

I was not about to become anyone's new notch. They must have sensed my presence because they quickly wrenched away from each other as if their touch was scalding.

And I don't know why but I stayed planted there. Too shocked too move away, and, for some damn reason, enraged at what I saw.

She was gorgeous, the raven-haired beauty. Even though her cheeks were tinged pink from obviously being caught in an intimate moment at the back of the library, she still looked calm and regal and poised. 

Sam and I locked gazes. It was crazy but for a moment there, I felt like I saw remorse and humiliation burn in those emerald depths. But if the mysterious girl was calm and collected, Sam was the picture of perfect confidence and unaffectedness. 

So they were about to hook-up...And I messed it up?

He pushed his fingers through his mussed hair. The collar of his white shirt had a giant pink lipstick stain on it. "Anna."

His hook-up cut him a look before her glassy blue eyes darted to mine, unreadable. She fixed her appearance by smoothing out the crinkles in her shirt and combing her fingers through her hair.

I stiffened when Sam took a deliberate step towards me. "I needed a book from the science-fiction aisle, and you guys were in the middle of it. Sorry for interrupting." I shouldered past both of them, even though it was a lie. Randomly I grabbed any book and waved it in their faces like a white flag. "Got it. Now if you'll excuse me..."

Sam grabbed my wrist before I could escape and tugged on it once. "Where are you going, Barbie?"

I glanced down at his fingers wrapped around my hand pointedly so he could release his hold. He didn't let me go. I tried yanking away but he wouldn't budge. "Let me go, Sam. I've got somewhere to be."

He stepped closer to me, invading me, nearly crowding me the same way he'd done to the other girl and that made me mad. The way he'd done to me last time. "Are we going to talk about Saturday night?"

"What about Saturday night?"

Sam's eyes blazed. "You want me to spell it out for you?"

"No," I almost growled in his face. "Let go of me, Sam." I helplessly pulled but his grip turned crushing. "You're hurting me."

He instantly let go of me, as if horrified at the thought of hurting me. "There's no use ignoring me anymore, Anna. We're obviously meant to fucking constantly cross paths."

I shoved at his chest so he could give me some space. The raven-haired girl was watching us quietly before she shook her head once, and quickly told Sam she'd see him later. Sam barely looked at her as he nodded at her words. She pecked his cheek and left her stupid trademark there and it pissed me off further.

"We're not meant for anything," I pressed in a low, cold tone. Sam withdrew a couple of steps when I pushed at his chest again. "I said thank you for the night. That's it. I even thanked your friend Nate. Now just... please... leave me alone."

Sam's face fell. "You're so goddamn stubborn. Is running away your defense mechanism? Because running brings you nothing. Eventually it'll all catch up to you."

No. No. He wasn't one to talk about running away to me. Running away was all I had. Avoidance is how I dealt with my problems and so far it had worked pretty fucking fantastic for me. And where in the goddamn world was all of this coming from? I'd come here simply to throw a glance and now I was stuck with Samuel Adams.

"And you're goddamn frustrating." It was the best I got. Her lipstick stain on his cheek was making me see red. "Is sleeping with girls your coping mechanism or something? Because screwing random chicks will only land you with a bad case of STD. Eventually, you'll be labelled as a disgusted pig - which, of course, you are already."

I took it too far. I felt the bile of regret rising up when Sam truly looked wounded at my sharp words. All I know was seeing him with that girl had wakened something ugly and dark inside of me.

Not that I wasn't already a giant ball of a mess.

Sam wasn't a pig. The truth is he'd been nothing but nice to me. Who was I to judge who he bedded. If anyone was disgusting, then it was me. For lashing at him. For letting my past define me. For constantly making the same mistakes again and again and again.

But before I could apologize, Sam shook his head ruefully. A wry smirk curved his lips and when he spoke, his words sliced right through me, piercing me like a load of arrows.

"Everyone was right." He laughed. "I should have stayed away from you. There's a reason why people labelled you as a cold-hearted bitch for two years, and I couldn't understand why. I guess I was probably just blinded by how gorgeous I found you. It's unfortunate it took me so long to figure it out."

His stony expression stayed etched in my mind even after he'd walked away, leaving me standing alone in the science fiction aisle. A pang travelled through my chest, but I refused to let myself believe that I'm the one who'd driven him to sprout those hurtful words at me.

Then again, someone did once tell me that I had the remarkable talent of bringing out the worst in everyone.

▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ 

A/N: A little unedited! So how are you guys liking the story so far? Shit kind of went down but not really? Leave me your thoughts on everything! Anna and Joey's relationship? Gabby and Hunter? SAM AND ANNA? THE MYSTERIOUS GIRL?