L.W.T.B.B Copyright © 2012-2016 xXMopelXx All Rights Reserved.

Current Chapter Posted - Saturday, December 17, 2016

Sam and Anna are making AMAZING progress this chapter and I swear you'll love me for it by the end of it ;) 

Happy reading babes <3  ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬  

{ Chapter 23 } : It Fvcking Means Something, Baby  

    It is said that when you're dying, your life flashes before your eyes.

I'd always chalked it down to a figment of our imagination - a simple hoax meant to evoke guilt within ourselves so we'd be conscious of our actions and words throughout our lifetime. This way our last few moments wouldn't replay the bad and regretful things we'd accumulated through our life. Nobody wanted to leave this world remembering all the terrible crap they'd done. Your final inhale should breathe life and color.

In no way was I dying.

But as I stood shell-shocked in front of Joey Donald, I glimpsed a moment so surreal - so unreal - that I felt rooted to my spot with its ground-breaking realization. My mind was a tightly woven web, glittering with thousands of snapshots, showcasing every moment I'd lived with this guy. Shame and powerlessness rocketed through me and blanketed my very existence. I was speechless as my mind flittered through all the bad shit I'd done with him. Because I didn't have any good memories with him. Only. Bad. Shit.

Drinking. Partying. Giving my love to him. Drugs. Street-racing. Giving pleasure to him. Late night conversations. Family sacrifices. Giving myself to him.

I hadn't seen him in over a year, but I'd never forget those soulless baby blue depths and that slicked back wavy mane.

Back then I thought those oceanic eyes had pulsed with aliveness. But eyes are the windows to your soul and his soul was dead.

He took a step my way.

I dug my back into the brick wall behind me, feeling the uneven harshness scratch my skin. It didn't matter though. I harbored plenty of scars on the inside to match my exterior ones.

Joey's eyes narrowed to slits and dark amusement bled into his gaze. There was nothing sweet about it. It was monstrous.

A barrier of light rain and dark surroundings stood between us. It was what I so desperately needed to keep my guard up so he wouldn't see the scared and defenseless girl lying beneath the chipped armor.

"Been too long since the last time, Party Girl."

His voice used to give me shivers. That nickname used to warm me on the inside. Now I shuddered. My body was still reeling from the shock of seeing him here. So alive. So sinister. Still breathing. No words could escape my parted mouth.

He'd gotten taller and his shoulders had filled in a little bit more, but he was still cut lean. His face was more angular and masculine. The short beard he'd always sported to mask his baby face had been traded off for a clean-shaven look. His Phoenician nose looked crooked, like it had been broken once in the last few months.

Oh, God. I wanted to break it again.

"What do you want, Donald?" My voice was bleak of any emotions until it cracked at the last word. The family name tasted pure disdain on my tongue.

All this time had trickled by and that was the first response I could muster. Pathetic. There were so many ways I'd envisioned this meeting going. None of them were remotely similar to civil. But I was behaving right now, keeping my true self in check.

The shark grin he entertained made my skin crawl. I couldn't believe I'd once found this boy attractive. "Another chance." Joey winked and it was so repulsive that my knotted stomach churned. "With you and that tight body of yours."

I was not expecting that. Apparently, neither was Sam. I felt him approaching our exchange long ago, until he froze in the street upon hearing Joey's nasty and crude words.

"Anna," Sam intoned from not too far away.

I wasn't paying attention to him, but judging from the tone of his voice and the slight hitch in it, he wasn't okay with the thought of another guy and my body.

I wasn't okay with Joey and the thought of my body either.

But I was too busy assessing the guy who'd so easily ruined, destroyed, and shattered my life, casually strolling to a lamppost. He lit his cigarette - an old habit that never died - before shoving the pack back in his grey coat pocket.

My anger rose to scary heights and I had to physically restrain myself from launching myself at him. My father was dead and he was smoking a cigarette? I hadn't been the only one responsible for his death. Joey had killed him, too.

Joey gazed at me through his lashes with that hunter look in his eyes. There was nothing sexy about it. He took a drag and released the smoke so it billowed softly into the air.

"You're still as fvcking stunning as ever," he announced in a monotone as he ran a hand through his brown hair like we were discussing the fvcking weather.

No feelings. No emotions.

Back then he'd had some kind of emotions, some kind of expressions, when addressing me. Even though they'd been fake and deceitful.

He was a ruthless guy who'd only ever cared about himself and his needs. How had I never seen this before? How had I never realized his true nature prior to this mess?

My feet automatically stepped away from the solid wall. "Get the fvck out of my face before I kill you."

Joey chuckled humorlessly like I was all empty threats. Little did he know that I saw red right now and I wouldn't be responsible for my actions. It took everything within myself to control the beast seeking revenge.

Sam was by my side in two seconds, halting me with a hand on my bare back.

All my pent up emotions came tunneling out and my demons rattled their chains, hissing, screeching and bellowing in rage at the sight of the one who birthed them – the one who'd given them a cage to roam as prisoners.

He'd made me fall for him; he fvcked me for a stupid bet; he manipulated me into leaving my family; he k*illed my father; he humiliated me in front of my world; he branded me a wh*ore; and he haunted me for so long.

And he wanted to fvck me again? He thought I was stunning as ever?

I was going to mvrder him tonight like he'd mvrdered my father.

I pictured this moment a million times, running over it blindly in my head. Vengeance had once consumed me and I'd imagined being the one battering him six feet beneath the ground.

If only looks could kill.

"You're speechless, honey," Joey laughed, sharp feline eyes darting between Sam and I, registering the dynamics quickly. "Missed me as much as I missed you, girl? I can tell. Look at the way those eyes can't get enough of me."

I sucked in a stammering breath. "You must be really fvcked up if you're confusing hate for something else." I'd had enough now. "You repulse me, Donald. I'm giving you the easy way out." Because I'm going to lose the fight with myself and go to jail tonight. "Leave me the fvck alone before you regret it."

Joey shook his head and butted his cigarette out. Sam fisted the material of my romper. He was standing beside me, but I could tell every muscle of his had hardened with alert. He was lethally calm, assessing the situation.

"Can't do that, love." Joey's eyes flared with menace as he crossed his arms over his chest and leaned against the opposite wall. "Tell me, Jo. How's your dad doing?"

He knew damn well how my dad was doing. My control snapped.

"You son of a b*itch!" I. Fvcking. Lost. It.

Three mere steps and then I was in his face, cl*ocking a solid one against his left eye. I wasn't me right now. I was a possessed woman who'd lost too much already to grieve the consequences of her actions.

I may have pvnched him again. I may have hissed and scratched his face as well. It happened too fast for me.

"You. Piece. Of. Fvcking. Shxt," I snarled every word through gritted teeth - every word that dripped with venom - as I went for his other eye.

I think there was some screaming and hollering - the former as I hurt Joey and the latter an incredulous shout from Sam.

Somehow, I was held back, but I was far too gone. Profanities leaked out of my mouth as I cursed Joey Donald to hell. My composure had long flown out of the window. My hands kept reaching forth as I desperately tried to claw at his face. Sam. Restrained. Me.

"Final warning," Sam taunted threateningly from behind me. "This is your last chance to get away from my girl before I fvck you up myself."

My fist must have planted a good one against his mouth, jarring his teeth, because Joey spat out blood on the concrete. His left eye was already bruising up.

"Your girl?" Joey hissed as he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. "Get your b*itch under control so I can tell her what I came for."

"You fvcking bastard," I screamed, wanting to add, You killed him. You fvcking killed him!

"Watch your mouth around her, you fvcker." Sam let me go and stepped forward. Ready to kill. Ready to finish him. For me.

He grabbed Joey by the collar and was ready to back him up against the wall. I stopped him.

This was my fight.

I was breathing heavily as I put a hand on his shoulder to stop him. Joey wasn't worth Sam getting involved. His worth was shxt.

"I didn't come here for chit-chat." Joey pointed his finger at me when he snapped out of Sam's hold, and the dark curl of his mouth turned down as he fumed. "I heard about your little stunt outside of Danny's Grill, Jodanna." The skin around his mouth pinched and he raked another frustrated hand down his hair. "Don't know how you managed to put Connor down, but know that your actions will have consequences."

"You don't scare me."

"I know I do," he scoffed arrogantly.

"Leave." Sam pressed low and controlled under his voice. The tone was so hauntingly bleak that if I wasn't so riled up, I'd have shivered from the coldness in it. "Leave now. This time I won't hold her back. I'll even finish the job myself."

Joey weighed Sam's threat as he seized him up. There was an exact moment where it all clicked in his head - where the light bulb, finally, finally, lit - he was no match for Samuel Rafael Adams. "Where have I seen you before?" he shot at him, razor-sharp.

"Nowhere." Sam's eyes hardened and so did his stance. Those knuckles that were so capable of putting someone to the ground jumped to prominence as he tightened his fists. "But I guarantee if you don't walk the fvck away right now, it'll be the last time you see anyone of us."

Joey was good at deceiving and playing tricks. He'd mastered hiding his emotions. To the outside world, the slight tilt of his lips may have looked sardonic. But the twitch in his right eye was an indication that he was affected by Sam. Dare I say, even scared by him.

He glanced between us one last time and spat blood on the ground as he backed away. "This isn't over yet, Anna. You remember that."

The blast from my past had shaken up my world. Never in a million years did I think this would happen again. That I would see him.

Sam's ramrod-stiff back was to me. He'd stepped in front of me protectively when Joey lashed out his words. Now that he was gone, Sam's eyes tracked his retreating back with something akin to annoyance.

He cleared his throat, but there was still gravel in his voice. "Do you want to finally fvcking tell me who that was?"

There was a bitter taste in my mouth as I watched Joey disappear down the dark street. Like he said. "The guy who fvcked me."

Sam whirled around so quickly it would have been comical if not for the intensity blazing in his eyes. "What does that mean?"

"I'm not your girl, Sam," I reminded him quietly, averting my eyes to the ground. Letting the adrenaline slowly wind out of my bloodstream.

"Answer me, Anna."

I smirked at him, my eyes seeing him but not seeing him at the same time. "You're not stupid, Sam. Put the pieces together."

Samuel's jaw clenched in fury and he tipped his head back. "It took everything within me to stop you. It took everything within me to stop myself from killing that fvcker. I don't like him, Anna, and I don't like the thought of him with you."

Some of my anger ebbed out and I regarded him cautiously. I weighed his statement carefully. "Sam," I whispered, my shoulders sagging and my stance finally relaxing. My guard was down. "It's done. It's over. Go back home, hon."

Sam cursed in what seemed like Italian, before he strode towards me with a purposeful glint in his emerald orbs.

My hands barely made it to his shoulders when he grabbed my a$s in his hands and walked us backwards until I once again hit the brick wall with my back. I gasped and he swallowed the sound with his open mouth. My brea$ts were squashed against his chest and my bare legs brushed his denim-clad thighs.

The street light illuminated Sam's face and there was something hot and oh-so feral about that look playing across his features. The jagged scar in his eyebrow lifted as he canted it. He licked his lips and I might have whimpered.

There was something so er*tic about being pinned to the wall by his muscular, strong, and sinfully tatted body. The way his big hands cradled the gl*obes of my a$s through my romper. The way my arms bracketed his shoulders. The way our breathings mixed. The way our scents, so heady and pr*imal, mingled together like a perfect match.

Sam huffed out a rough breath and leaned his forehead to mine. He groaned exhaustedly. "I'm bad with words, Anna," he confessed gravely. "But tell me anyway. What would you do if I kissed you right now?"

Oh, God. My fingers trickled over his stubble. "Nothing."

He laughed under his breath, but then it became my breath as it trickled teasingly over my open mouth. "Wrong answer, Barbie."

With the edge of his chin, he jerked my face to the side. My nerve endings pulsed as his hot wxt mo*uth left cotton-soft, suction kisses down the underside of my jaw. My breath hitched.

"Let's try that again, shall we?" he rasped against my heated flesh. "What would you do if I kissed you right now?"

I'd lose my mind. My mouth stayed closed, but I couldn't suppress the tiny mo*an when Sam lic*ked the length of my throat with his tongue. Arriving at my pulse, he bit down teasingly and moved his hands from my bu*tt so they coasted up my ribs, close to my brea$ts.

"I fvcking hate the thought of another guy with you." Suddenly his control snapped. Sam punched the wall over my head and I gasped, broken out of my reverie. What if he'd hurt himself? "And more so of a guy who's claimed he fvcked you between the legs. I wanted to rip his throat out." He laughed harshly and pulled back to look me in the eyes with his thundering gaze. His eyes shone with earth-shattering truth. "What does that make me?"

"Jealous," I whispered, a little bit scared, a little bit excited.

Sam's eyes were on my mouth. When my lips parted involuntarily, his eyes softened. He didn't kiss me though. No. He leaned forward and bit my bottom lip with his teeth and tugged. I whimpered. "Damn right it does."

There was no room to breathe. Never with Sam around. He always took my breath away. Always.

Especially when he talked like that. When he molded our bodies together so we were perfectly joined, like two puzzle pieces finally found.

"Baby, you're not quite right yet." I needed to give him something in return so I held his face to mine despite the shakiness in me. Despite the trembling in my hands. This was Sam. No matter how rattled he was, he'd never hurt me. I kissed his temple with the utmost tenderness.

"Fvck, say it again."

My heart pounded. "Baby."

He touched three fingers to my mouth. I svcked one. His breath caught. I bit it lightly. "You're right, Barbie. I'm not quite right in the head. Seeing you with him messed with me."

"Beer boy," I stammered out.

"Kissing you right now wouldn't be a good idea. You're shaken up and I am, too. I'll be dammed if the first time I kiss you is to make you forget about some other bastard who once owned your heart."

Oh, God. He needed to stop talking like that. So raw. So vulnerable. So open. We couldn't go back after this. We. Just. Couldn't.

"When I kiss you, it'll be because you can't get me out of your head. Because I'm all you think about. Because I'm all you want and need."

I may have been p-anting. He was already all I thought about and I think I was in trouble. He was all I wanted. Maybe even all I needed.

I grabbed Sam by the hair and forced his truth-shining eyes to meet mine. I asked him the same question that had plagued him tonight. Hoping that now I'd get a different reply. "What does this mean, Samuel?"

What do we mean? What are we?

Sam drifted his nose up the column of my neck and kissed the corner of my mouth. Two kisses were then planted onto each one of my closed eyelids. "It fvcking means something, baby."

* * *

    My nightmares were not the reason for my lack of sleep tonight. In fact, I hadn't slept a wink since getting back from Nicholas's race.

I was still spooked and my mind would not cease playing the events of tonight. Seeing Joey was like a baseball bat to my insides. Scary. Frightening. Breathless. Bruising.

But that moment with Sam at the end - that was the real game changer. Sleep would not occur until I stopped thinking about him and that wasn't about to happen anytime soon.

At around half past two, I pushed my covers aside. It was the awkward time in between. Too late to get a good night's sleep and too early to start the day.

My feet came to a halt as I crossed the threshold of my bedroom. From across the corridor, I spotted Sam's bedroom door open.

Then my eyes made out a towering figure leaning against the door frame in the dark.

Sam. He was waiting for me.

Man, what were we doing? I was a straight-up kind of girl but something about Samuel Adams had me caught up in a limbo of mixed-signals and conflicted feelings.

Sam extended his hand. I stopped breathing.

"Anna," his voice like a caress as he called out to me.

I took his hand. In a few steps, I was in front of him, holding his hand like a lifeline as he dragged me inside his room.

Sam closed the door, the sound resonating like the end of a show, the mic drop, the curtains closing. He pushed me against it. The dim lighting in the room sprawled over the expanse of Sam's expression and birthed the golf sized lump in my throat. Pure longing and yearning mapped its way across his chiseled features.

There was no mistaking his intentions.

My arms shot out at the same time as his. My waist was framed in the strong cradle of his arm and his broad shoulders caged within my slender ones.

Lips at my cheek, they whispered with the sweetest tenderness, "I want to hold you tonight. Sleep next to me, baby."

My chest expanded with the shaking inhale. I didn't think twice about the term of endearment he endowed upon me. "Just sleep, Beer Boy?"

Sam pulled his face away from mine and searched my eyes. "Just sleep. I want to feel you against me. That's all. I swear it."

Before I could nod, he walked us backward in his embrace until the back of his thighs hit the bed. Then we were being propelled forward, or should I say backwards, as we landed smack-dab in the middle of the mattress.

My knees were on either side of his hips and Sam's hands fisted my tank top at the small of my back. Soon enough, he was flipping our positions so he loomed over me. A hesitant smirk, tattoos and glittering eyes greeted me.

His finger traced down the side of my face, before tucking away a loose strand behind my ear. "Why'd you have that look on your face?"

"What look?"

"When I asked to hold you." He pushed me further up so his pillow was underneath my head. I grappled his tapered waist with my thighs. "You had this...look on your face. Don't like it, Barbie Girl."

I blushed a little. "I thought you meant something else."

It didn't take long for him to catch on. A cloud hovered over his expression for a moment of time, before he released a tired sigh. "Despite popular beliefs, Anna, I don't go fvcking around and sleeping with random girls."

I shook my head. I didn't want to talk about this tonight. No. Tonight I wanted to think about only him and I. How he'd hold me. How'd I'd fall asleep in his embrace. How we'd wake up tomorrow morning, with everything changed.

"You don't need to justify yourself to me, Samuel." I smiled. Long ago I had many prejudices towards him. But I was getting to know this guy - this guy who was so passionate, so dedicated, so caring and tender that every single one of my bad thoughts towards him had shattered like a mirror when I'd seen small glimpses of the real him. I knew he wasn't what everyone made him out to me. Like myself, there were many layers to this guy and he was just as complex - if not more - as me. I wanted to look more than beyond the eye. I wanted to see him for what he truly was. His past actions wouldn't taint what I saw now. "I like you just the way you are."

It was a shocking, but true statement.

He spoke softly, as if in awe. "Really?"

My smile morphed to a grin as I freely reached up and brushed back his tousled dirty blond mane. "Really."

"I fvcking like you just the way you are, too."

I teased him, "Pretty sure you once mentioned something about my t*its and a$s and legs. I got the memo, Beer Boy."

Sam's eyes never left mine to appreciate my assets. Sheer seriousness shone in his gaze. "I'm talking about you on the inside, Jodanna. Not the girl you are on the outside. But the one you carry locked up within. The one you rarely show. I see her when you're running after your brother and mom, making sure they're okay. I see her when we're all out together, when you playfully tease around with a carelessness that isn't always there. I see her when she's worried that I'm hurt because of all my scars and wounds. I like her."

No one had ever said that to me. I was quiet for a moment as I weighed and juggled the meaning of his words. "S-Sam. Thank you."

Sam smirked and leaned down on his forearms so his mouth was at my ear. His voice dropped to a husky timber. "Don't get me wrong, though. I do like your str*pper t*its, flawless skin, long as fvck legs and that holy a$s of yours. Those bedroom eyes and kissable lips fvck with my head."

I. Couldn't. Believe. He'd. Said. That.

Sam skimmed his lips until they were at my neck, where they nuzzled the flushed skin. "Fvck, if you could see inside my head...You'd fvcking burn hot for me. The things I want to do to you. The things I've done to you in my head..."

I am already burning for you, I thought, I've been simmering like a volcano for a while, ready to erupt at any small trigger. I may have been pa-nting from his...nau-ghty words. "Sam..."

"Sometimes I lay awake at night," Sam whispered hotly against my neck. "Fantasizing about you. About us."

I shouldn't have asked him. I should have kept quiet and pushed him off so we'd land in a decent sleeping position. There was nothing decent about our position. Instead my legs t*ghtened around his h*ps and my fingers pushed into that soft mussed hair of his.

"What did you imagine?" I asked, tugging his head up. Kiss me. Kiss me, please. His mouth glided across my throat before his lips hovered over mine. Our eyes met. "Tell me."

He gr*oaned at the contact of our chests. He was shirtless and his warm skin seared me through my thin lilac tank. "You'll get shy, barbie."

I feathered out, "Tell me. I want to know."

Sam was looking for confirmation on my face. When he found it, his thumb grazed my bottom lip and rubbed sensually.

"Of me. On t*p of you. Just like this." He punctuated his statement with a sudden tw*st of his h*ps. It was so unexpectant, I gas-ped at the feel of his ar*ousal. "Of my hands on your soft skin. Of you mo*ving beneath me. Of me moving ins*de you. Of my head bxtween your th*ighs. Need I go on or...Are you shy enough yet?"

Oh, God. Oh, fvck. This guy was dangerous. This guy was fvcking dangerous for my health. My pulse skyrocketed and I panted. My lips ro*lled into my mouth and I think I tried to stifle another whim*per at the image his words created in my mind.

He smiled crookedly and it was so sexy that it only emphasized his appeal. "But I want more with you. I want more than just a roll in the sack," he admitted roughly.

This night was morphing into something I'd never expect it to. I loved that he was so open with me and confessing his thoughts out loud. No matter how dirty and naughty they be. Who was I kidding - I'd fantasized about him and I on a few occasions, too.

I was done wanting to stay away from him.

"I've only slept with three girls in my entire life," he suddenly declared, rising up on his arms. He cupped my neck with his free hands. "I know there's a lot of rumors about me and I generally don't listen to them. But I need to justify that I'm not some as$hole who fvcks everything in his way."

That hurt tone of his tore at my heartstrings and I reached forward to touch his jaw. His stubble prickled my hand. "It's okay." I smiled. "There's a lot of rumors about me too and I generally try not to listen to them either." But I do, and they always, always get to me. "But I'm not some cold-hearted queen bee who thinks the world of herself and acts like a bxtch. I'm not perfect like the world likes to depict...I'm human and I've made some mistakes in my life that I'll always regret."

"I know you aren't. You're not a wh-ore or a sl*ut or anything they call you."

I winced. "They still say that?"

He held my gaze. "You're fuvking perfection to me, baby. Don't care what anyone says."

My chest was threatening to burst with everything. All this newfound knowledge was moving. "My perfection is only on the outside. Inside, I'm a fvcking mess, Sam."

He pressed his forehead to mine and inhaled my scent. "No. You're Jodanna and you're this fvcking stunning girl that drives me insane with all her teasing looks and playful banter. You may just be the most caring and kind-hearted person I've met, when you're not pushing me away and creating distance between us, that is. In my mind, you are fvcking perfect."

A noise erupted from my mouth and I instantly got emotional as I threw my arms around his neck and held onto him like a baby possum as I hugged the ever living out of him for those words. No guy had ever said that to me. No one had ever seen through me. No one had ever touched close like Sam just did.

"You're perfection to me, too, Sam," I whispered haltingly into his ear, my voice cracking a little. "I don't want any more distance between us."

Sam exhaled and fisted my hair. "Fvcking finally. Was wondering when I'd wear you out."

"I'm not good with words either, Sam," I confessed. "You might have to bear with me a little longer."

He turned us over so we were both lying on our sides. He spooned me from the back and turned off the light. "That's fvcking great, Barbie, because neither am I. Now sleep; we'll talk more in the morning. I want to hold you for the next few hours."

I smiled into the pillow. "'kay."

Not once did I have a nightmare that night. Sam held me through it all and when I woke up, it was only to be greeted by his sexy smirk, low-lidded gaze and warm body.

I was finally moving forward. 

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A/N's: Oh my God! Admitting they're hot for each other? saying baby? Sam being a fkn tease as usual? Joey's return?