warning: sensitive topics like abuse,self harm if you feel uncomfortable don't read it

RENJUN

I was walking down the street and was way to hell in exact words my home

I always hated that place I know that it is weird like who hates their home

I do because your parents do not abuse you

They never pull your hair slap you until your cheeks are red

They don't punch you till ur nose bleed that nose bleeding

They don't throw you at the floor and start kicking you

It hurts and what hurts more it's that the kicks you get are from high heels

And more shit happens

I really hate my life

And you know why they do it it's because it is fun for them

THEIR OWN FUCKING CHILD IS ABOUT TO GET KILLED IT'S FUN

They could easily kill me but they don't because then they will have no one to abuse

I just hate my life

I was walking and now I came to hell

I unlocked the door and went inside and well well I was greeted by my parents aka devils

"You idiot you got your report card show it" dad said

I nodded and handed him the report card

I got A+ in all subjects except in math I got an A I know that they will abuse me for that

Not because they want me to study hard because they need a reason for beating me

"YOU BASTARD YOU GOT AN A IN MATH I FUCKING TOLD YOU TO GET GOOD FUCKING MARKS" Dad shouted and slapped me hard

He slapped me so hard due to that i fell in the ground

Mom then kneeled down

"Wow you are so weak that you can't handle one slap so weak so useless you don't deserve this world but we needed someone to beat so we made you, BUT YOU CANNOT EVEN HANDLE A SLAP" Mom said and then punched me in the stomach

My eyes became blurry and I started coughing cuz she wore her rings they really hurt

"Bring the belt" dad said to mom

She went to the room to bring the belt but he was still kicking me

It hurts a lot but I am used to it no one in this world loves me it's useless to take help from someone

I just want someone who could protect me and love me

Then mom appeared with a belt

Dad grabbed my arm harshly enough to make a bruise

"Today I am going to have fun let's go to the basement" dad said

The basement it's the worst they abuses me so much to bring blood out of my bruses

And it's always dark there I am so scared of the dark

We then arrived at the basement basically it was my room all my clothes and my things were there for showy business I had a room

He pulled of my shirt and started beating me harshly

I hissed whined screamed but it was no fucking use because he starts beating me more

He was still beating me then mom pulled my face and slapped me again and again and again until my nose bleed

My whole back was bruised my nose was bleeding my cheeks were red

Then they stop I was so relieved it finished

"It's enough you are going to stay here and DON'T YOU DARE TURN ON THE LIGHTS OR THE CONSEQUENCES WILL BE WORSE" Mom said and punched me one last time

Then they left the basement I stood up

Today it was full moon so I can see my full reflection

It's always been like this blood and bruses everywhere

This is a black hole I can't get out of

Why they don't love me i just can't handle this pain anymore

I started crying but silently cuz they will wake up amd will beat me for waking them up

I just need someone to love me

JAEMIN

It's morning 5 am I woke up

Why did I wake up I really wanted to die

Why I am alive here in this hell I just don't want to be here

All this bullying, anxiety and insecurities make my life more hell

I went to the bathroom

I saw my ugly self

I sighed another day that I am physically alive but mentally dead

Then I opened the cupboard and took the razor

I started cutting as usual most people who has anxiety or depression does that

I turned on the razor put them just above my wrist and then saw my piece of art

Another scar

I just love the view of blood flowing down my skin it's really pleasing

The blood was flowing from my skin and droplets of blood was falling on the floor

My favorite places to cut are those which has a lot of nerves

It's my favorite cuz

The chances of me dieing is more

But there is always a will inside me to stop cutting me deep more than the deep cut usually do

I just don't know why I have this fucking will

Yes I don't do minor cuts I do deep cuts

Cuz me dieing is always better

Everyone wants me to die

My bullies that is literally the whole school except 4

Their names are mark, haechan jisung and jeno

Haechan is my friend

I just don't know why jeno,mark and jisung doesn't bully me

Ehh he doesn't even know I exist he thinks I killed myself way before

Then I took the pills

And yes the pills which helps you to die

I take one some days when I feel really down

After swallowing the pill

I started cutting myself more

I get like 6-7 cuts minimum

I want to die so much

So I do minimum 6-7 deep cuts

Why God why don't you except me to meet you

I really wanna die

I just want to leave everything

Does someone love me

No obviously

My parents abandoned me as a baby

I grew up at a foster home where everyone bullied me

Then I started living on my own and went to school

There I was bullied

I was abounded, bullied, called a fag everything bad happens to me only

And what is the problem being gay it's not evil to be but nah I will be called a fag

I always hoped that someone actually care about me

And about my friend

I am damn fucking sure he feels pity for me that is the reason he is my friend

Then I left the bathroom and then went to the kitchen to grab a lemon

It's my breakfast I eat lemon juice cuz I will be more hungry I will not eat and then more chance of dying

And I also heard that citric acid are bad for you in the morning so I will eat more obviously

And then I left to take a walk to the bridge

That is the only place that calms me but I always thought to jump over the bridge

It would be good everyone will be happy that I will die I will be free too from this world

I went to the bridge and saw the morning view

Then tears started rolling down my cheeks

Why no one loves me

I just need someone to love me

JENO

I just came home from tutions and it was 5 in the evening

I took out the keys from my bag and unlocked the door

I always stay alone in this house so the key always stays with me

I entered the house and saw dad and mom

My eyes glittered with happiness and now I had the birthday smile

I opened my shoes and entered the house

"Hey everyone" I said

"Hi jeno how are you" he asked he still has a smile

"I'm okie but now you two are here I am more happy" I said and smiled

"Yea but in a few mins I have a flight to catch so I am going now byee bubba" he said and kissed my forehead and went to my mom and did the same

He then left

Oh my gosh did he just have time to ask how was I wow I am really shocked

You must be wondering why

My parents are really busy people so them staying at this home for that long time is kinda impossible

They always kinda neglect me I know they love me

But whenever they have free time they spent with each other and I am just kinda non-existent in my house

I'm used to it

"Hey mom" I greeted her

She hummed in response

She was making a new file for her project

I sighed it's always the same them working and I am the fool talking to them and them not listening

And I will shout they will say sorry and then buy me things

I loved it when I was small cuz I didn't know about love then

But when I grew up I knew that love from the feelings is better than materialistic love

But what I can do I just can't force them to quit their job

It's their life but I just always wanted their love

They love me but I still get jealous of some of our classmates

Whose parents come to pick them up from school

Who stay the whole time with their parents

I'm just so jealous of them

I know it's a bad thing but I never got that I was left with maids my whole life

I became really independent in a really young age

I know it's for my good when I grow up my life would be easier

But deep down in my heart I still want their love their affection their kisses and hugs

I just want their love

"Mom can I talk to you about something it's important" I said

"Yea sure say" she said without even knowing what I was saying

"Mom it's really hard to say please don't hate me for this please accept me for that I-I am bisexual" I said

I finally had the courage to say this

I was hiding it for them for 2 years I finally said it

"Um okie" she said

She clearly didn't listen to what I said

"MOM DID YOU EVEN LISTEN TO WHAT I SAID" I shouted

"Uh yes nono" she lied

"Then say what I said" I asked

No reply obviously she didn't listen she is only interested in work

"Mom I just said something which was literally like a life-death situation for me and you chose to ignore it" I said and my voice gave up at the end

"I'm sorry nono i was really busy with work now tell me what you said and I will buy you whatever you want" she smiled

"Mom how can I buy your time I really wanna buy it so you could spend time with me" I said and my eyes were becoming glossy

"Nono I will be free after this project then we will go to the park like the old days" she said

"Yeaa you also promised me that years ago but broke it it's gonna be broken too" I said with tears

"Omg nono pls don't cry I really hate you see crying" she said and wiped my tears

"Well you and dad are the ones who caused it" I said

"I'm sorry nono" she whispered

"It's okie mom I can't stay angry at you" I said

Then we hugged each other

"And mom about the thing I wanted to say that I-I a-am bi-bisexual sorry if I disappointed you" I said with tears

"Omg nono it's okie I am still gonna love you even if you are gay,bi or of the lgbt don't worry- wait a min I am going to take this phone" she said and left the table

Always it has always been like this

Then I stood up and went to my room and then went to my bed and started crying

Why they don't even give me time my friends parents work too but they got time for them

Why my parents don't have time for me do they even love me

I don't think so that they love me

If they really loved me they would have given me time but they don't

I grabbed the pillow and cried harder

I just want someone to love me

AUTHOR

One word love just need one thing which is love

Three of them lack it

These three poor souls will meet one day cuz it is in their destiny to meet

When they will meet each other will they fix each others broken hearts

Or

Leave the broken souls broken forever and will end their lives

It's all about destiny and they will fix it

Everything is not perfect especially their lives

Will they fix each other and make their lives perfect

Or

They will break each other more and will go back to their hell again

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Hi!!! Guys I am back with this book I really hope you like this one

I really had trouble with writing jaemin's part cuz I don't go with severe sucidial thoughts and real bad self harming

I also don't go with renjun's but I have read a lot of books like that

And I kinda relate with jeno but not that much it's just I see my parents only for 1-4 hours in weekdays

That is a reason I really like this lockdown I get to spend time with them

Thanks for listening to my ranting I hope you love this chapter

Love you ♥️♥️♥️♥️