author POV

"um so I don't even know where to start I am so bad at ranting but the thing is that my parents are very busy people I am kinda non existent in the family, it's annoying sometimes I was always desperate for attention from them because I never had any I kinda raised myself on my own I mean there were maids and babysitters and shit, I wanted my parents to raise me" jeno said and took a deep breath

"one day I was like seven I guess junwoo and his family moved near to our house, since they were new I went to give some cookies we I mean I always did that when new neighbours came, then rang on their doorbell and was greeted by junwoo"

"I handed him the cookies and asked where his parents were he told me they were at work and added sadly they are at work most of the times I nodded and said that happens to me too and that's how we became friends" he continued and took a deep breath

"he was actually a good person but he had bad company which actually turned him into a really bad person which you could not change" he took another deep breath

"he was actually the reason that I knew I was bisexual, I never thought about my sexuality until one day we were like 15 and we decided to drink, I know it is bad but the thing was we were attention seekers we needed attention from our parents so that's why we did it and always kept the bottles so that our parents would scold us, hit us or anything we needed attention, even though it would be negative it's still attention" jeno stopped for a second

tears were forming in his eyes but he didn't want to cry, then he continued

"that day I kissed him and our parents saw us, mine were fine with it but his weren't they were more of homophobic parents and we started talking less"

"that's when he got severe bad company and he changed, and that made me hate him, he became someone which no one wants someone to be, he started doing the illegal things we did together so much it turned unhealthy he was ruined now and no one could change him"

jeno looked at his boyfriends and indicated with his eyes he needed a hug

they understood and hugged him, jeno let out little sniffles

he let out sobs, his boyfriends didn't say anything they know that jeno doesn't like to cry in front of people

"I was still close with him so I decided to be like him it was the worst decision of my life he was a fuck-up if you say it in simple words and I was turing into one, I started drinking more even started smoking I was ruining myself little by little but when I was small I never regreted it, I guess it was for a reason that I never felt lonely but I just regret it now fuck I hate myself till now for doing this to me"

"nono please don't think like that you were like that you are not like that now don't hate yourself for your past you have changed for good and I know you will never be like the person you were before" renjun said and rubbed his shoulders to calm him down

"yea but I hate myself for that but what made me hate myself more is that I almost killed him once because of my anger"

and that sentence made both jaemin and renjun shocked and speechless, they did not expect that

"I know both of you are shocked by that but let me explain so I had really bad anger issues before I still have a little but they are not severe than before, never needed therapy or other stuff I fixed myself but before it was really bad I would snap easily and also got in a lot of fights, once me and him got in a huge fight, the memory is really vague but I remember that he said some shitty things which really made me angry and we fought mainly I was hitting him I punched and kicked him so hard I almost killed him he was sent to the hospital, I-I was a monster I hated myself so much I started hitting myself, junnie"

"yea" renjun answered

"remembered the day when you saw my abdomen scar that wasn't due to some accident it was a way of me harming I passed out but my parents didn't even know it my next door neighbour found me and took me to the hospital since they didn't found out about it I kept quiet and they still don't know so yea that's the entire thing I never talked about it, it feels good to take it all out of my chest"

"jen I am so sorry I never thought you went through so much I love you" jaemin said with tears and hugged him

"as if you did not we both went through a lot" jeno said

"make that three" renjun quietly said but both of them heard it

they looked towards renjun and saw his eyes it looked sad he just wanted a hug and that's what they did

renjun silently cried as his memories came inside his head all of his horrible memories

"since a-all of us are talking about o-our past can I t-talk about mine too it's f-fine if you don't want to hear about it" renjun said and he was scared

"jun please do talk about it, it's better for you now say what happened" jaemin said in a soothing voice

"um so I ran away from china because of my family not illegally thought" renjun said and shook his boyfriends

they did not expect the first sentence to be that

"so my parents are not good to me, they treat me like some kind of toy and hit me, do whatever they want to me basically I am a victim of abuse all of it started really early I was like 7 they started abusing me, I still remember waking up just with bruises, getting hit, go to school, come back and getting hit more and sleep with more bruises" renjun said and he started shaking all of his memories were coming back and it was giving him anxiety

all the years of abuse ruined him a lot physically, mentally and emotionally, talking about it always made him have attacks now

jeno hugged him and reassured him it's fine not to talk about it and helped him with his attack

"I am going to continue about it, abuse was such a normal thing to me in a point of time I thought it was normal so I felt weird when someone said abuse isn't normal but it felt so normal to me, I experienced it all the time and the worst day was my uncle came and sexually assaulted me and my parents blamed me saying I was acting like a slut I was barely fifteen how the hell I would know what acting like a slut meant and they hit me for that I wanted comfort but instead I got nothing but abuse"

"kun ge and winwin ge helped me a lot and one day I decided to tell everyone and we decided to move to china, my parents are in jail and shit I know from winwin ge I feel happy but I still get nightmares and terrors because of it"

"my body is ugly because of years of abuse it is filled with scars and I try to hide it so much I am too insecure because of these scars I was so insecure dating you two, my body is ugly and I am so scared of life till now even though my parents are in jail I am still scared they will come and force me to go to china and everything will start all over again" renjun let out his tears

"baby your body is never ugly okay you are so freaking strong you went through all of these and is still living I am so so so happy now that you are free from your hell life and proud that you stayed even though everything happened to you" jaemin said and let renjun cried in his shoulders

renjun could not continue anymore and continued crying, it affected him a lot 

jeno hugged him from behind and they stayed like this for a few minutes until renjun calmed down

he wiped his tears and said

"I talked about everything about my life but I get nightmares a lot of the times remember nana once I had a nightmare" renjun said and jaemin nodded

"it was about them but I did not want to talk about it" renjun said

then they hugged each other and started cuddling, all of them were quiet it was an emotional night for the three of them so they knew why all of them were so quiet

"it was a really emotional time but I am glad I shared this with you all now I can be really free with both of you" jeno said

"same I wanted to talk about it I am glad we had this night to talk about it, there were a lot of tears but I know we trust each other way more now" renjun said

"I love you two and I wanted to say something too but you two took all the good dialogues" jaemin said and all of them laughed

"let's just rest I am tired of crying so much" renjun said

"I love both of you so much" jeno said

"I love you two" both jaemin and renjun said in sync and laughed

they are such a happy and cute couple and spent their night talking and cudding while sharing secret kisses

---------------

fuck all the pasts are unwrapped I am tired

this book is ending so soon~

not proof headed cuz it's 12 am and I have school tomorrow

love yall❤️❤️❤️❤️