both jaemin and jeno POV

our minds blanked out what should we say

we have to lie but what lie we should give

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jeno POV

"jeno w-why did u do it" dad asked

my whole world stopped I don't know what to say

oh my god why did I do it, I wanted to make them less stressed but I made them more

I am such a bad son

I don't deserve them

"u-um dad"

when I started talking my body felt numb I felt that my body and my mouth work differently

but I cannot say the actual reason why I did it
it's gonna make them more stressed

"dad I-I am so-sorry I was actually....really stressed because of..... studies and stuff and my way of removing my anger and stress was not the best method I am so sorry for that"

then I started crying because I felt guilty I had to lie, I can't say them the truth

I would never say it never in my life I don't care if it will eat me up or make me more dead inside I will keep inside

"jeno-ah you don't need to be sorry it's fine but my heart broke when I saw you lifeless in the floor I got really scared but now you are all right and that's all that matters and please don't be so stressed about studies that will make you like this" he said and kissed my forehead

"thanks dad anyways how are you we....never get to talk"

"I am fine and yea it's been a while but don't worry when this project will finish I will spend more time"

please let it be true next time because you said the same thing before this project

"how are you"

"physically I have injured knuckles but others are fine but mentally stressed"

"it's gonna be fine"

"yeaa"

"do you wanna eat something I will order"

"ramen will be fine"

"sure"

then he went outside to order

"I love you dad yet I hate you"

then I laughed bitterly I am really dead inside I guess

wait a min did he see my lower abdomen if he didn't It would be good what if he did omg if he did I am dead

well he didn't ask anything about it then it's fine

i was biting my nails when I am stressed I always do it, a beautiful habit I know

then dad arrived with ramen

"here have it"

"thanks"

"welcome"

then we were eating and talking about other stuff

jaemin POV

"wha-what are you saying I don't cu-cut myself" and fake laughed

"you are not good at lying, your fake laugh ain't the best and you are absolutely bad at hiding"

"how d-did you k-know"

"well I came inside your house cuz u gave me ur key and my bladder was overflowing so I went to your bathroom the floor was stained with red I thought it was paint then I saw your cup-cupboard it was open and there were kni-knives, bla-blades, razors, pills why jaemin-ah why, why do you d-do it"

"um um because"

"oh don't you dare lie to me I am your best buddy I am your main bitch"

then suddenly I felt dizzy my breathing got irregular tears were forming in my eyes

my main secret was out now well I could tell him right I will tell him them we will become strangers and I have a gut feeling that he will be not like him

he will be not right....

"jaemin-ah are you okay OMG you are having a panic attack bro just follow my breathing"

I did what he told few mins later I started to calm down

"jaemin-ah are you okay now I am so sorry for asking I should not have asked you"

"it's fine hyuck you were worried about me"

you are not gonna betray me right you are not gonna act as my friend and then betray me and make my life more of a hell just like he did

"i want to tell why I do this"

"it's fine if you don't want to tell, it's a personal thing"

"I will but please don't leave me after this"

"I would never I am ur right hand I will never leave you"

"so yeah I self harm I am really sucidal I re-really want to d-die cuz it would be better every single person wants me to die I get insulted so much that it has made me more sucidal and I am really ugly and fat so since I can't be pretty but I can be thin so I don't eat I might as well has a eating disorder I really want to di-die it would gi-give me freedom"

then I broke down into tears it really hurt why does everyone hates me what did I do, I never did anything to them

hyuck hugged me and comforted me I felt tears in my shirt omg he is crying

"hyuck don't cry please"

"I-I am such a ba-bad friend I don't even know y-you went th-through all t-this"

"hyuck it's fine I didn't want you to find out about this it's fine"

"I will help you from now on and plus you are beautiful jaemin"

"how and no need to lie"

"yea I will never leave your side cuz everyone is scared of me cuz I am the MARK LEE',S bf and I AM NOT LYING IDIOT"

"wait you never told me about THAT"

"yea you said u hated popular guys now I know the reason why so when I started dating him I did not tell you"

"so that is the reason he didn't bully me"

"wait don't tell me all popular people of our school used to bully you"

I nodded as a response and he frowned again

"so only mark doesn't"

"no mark, jisung and jeno"

"yea the chicken boy will not bully you he is not that material and jeno is a sweet guy"

"yea jeno is cute"

"wait you HAVE A CRUSH OF THE JENO"

"oh no you know my habit of saying boys cute and the new guy of my neighborhood is cuter"

"WAIT YOU HAVE A CRUSH ON THE NEW GUY OF UR FUCKING NEIGHBORHOOD"

"NO"

"okie then liar"

I glared at him and he just stuck his tongue out I really love hyuck he is the best friend ever I don't even know how he managed me

"so imma go now jaemin I have a date"

"okay bye have fun but not too much"

then hyuck stuck his middle finger and went out

I laughed at his response

well today life was kinda meaningful it feels good so that is the reason why people like to live

I was really hungry gosh I want to eat but I have to be thin but I am so hungry

wait I can eat and then can throw up jaemin why did you forget about it

I was about to order the door bell rang

I groaned and then went to open the door I opened the door and it was

jeno

-----------------

hiii loves

how are yall I hope fine take care okie

and this chapter is trash I hope u like it

and about stray kid's COMBACK I have no words it is a masterpiece

nothing disappointed me the song is so unique and idk I have a special space for another day I just love those kinda songs

anyways have a great day/night

I love you ️❤️❤️❤️