The smallest hint of a smile touched at the outer corners of my mouth as I watched Ashley crawl across the rug to my daughter. Danni sat up once she'd reached her teether across the small space and held it between her godmother and herself, her little belly laugh contagious. Ash playfully tackled her back onto the rug, burying a hand in her little blonde curls, then started tickling her once she was on the ground again.

"You my favorite person in the world." Ash said with a grin. "Don't tell your mama that though."

I smiled as I bowed my head. My eyes immediately caught the bruise on my wrist, and I quickly pulled the sleeve of my red sweater down to cover up before Ashley spotted it.

"One of these days I'm just going to steal her." Ash threatened jokingly. But I didn't smile this time.

There was a part of me as I sat in the middle of my best friend's apartment, under a roof, with a refrigerator full of food, and a great paying job that wanted her to do just that. Provide Danielle with the life I couldn't. As hard as I tried to convince Dalton to let me work again, he refused, finding an excuse for every reason I pulled, as if he'd already planned to deflect every scenario I tried to bring to light. His latest and favorite excuse was that Danielle was still young and she needed her mother. Last week it was that we couldn't afford childcare. I was sure he'd have a new one pulled straight from his ass tonight.

"Har, your phone's been ringing for like five minutes." Ash's quiet breath of concern brought me back to the present. "You should answer, babe, could be important."

I extended my arm to grab my phone from where it was vibrating on the coffee table and rose shakily, forcing a weak smile when Danni lifted her head to watch me retreat down the hall and to the security of Ash's bathroom. I set the phone on the counter and watched Dalton's call go to voicemail before I examined the dozen of missed calls and condescending text messages. Swallowing my anxiety, I brought the phone to my ear to listen to the voicemail he'd left.

"You want to sit and ignore me? I'll bring my happy ass right down to Ashley's house and cause a whole fucking scene. Get your ass back home."

I clutched the phone tightly in my grasp to keep my hand from trembling as I brought it back to my side. When I forced myself to stare down my reflection, I immediately got nauseous at the sight of me. A once pretty face was sunken in and lacking color. Dark circles rimmed my bloodshot eyes, lips chapped, bloody, and bitten raw form anxiety.

Knowing better than to test the extent in which Dalton was willing to go to prove a point, I slipped out of the bathroom and headed for my daughter's diaper bag on the couch. I started packing our stuff without as much as a glance in my best friend's direction.

"Harley?" Ash shot to her feet, Danni on her right hip. "Har, what are you doing? Is everything okay?"

I didn't look at her, but folded Danni's blanket and stuffed it at the bottom of the diaper bag, tears threatening to escape as I tried to keep myself composed.

"Harley Jane Mason." Ash said through her teeth, setting Danni back in front of the toy box she'd bought specifically for these occasions. "Is it Dickhead? Because if he for even a second believes that I'm scared—"

"It's getting late." I whispered, hardly audible with Danni clapping and babbling across the room. "We should get home. It's almost bedtime for Danielle."

Ash didn't buy the lie and grasped my shoulders hard and shook me twice before forcing my chin up to stare at her. "You don't have to go back. Stay here. We can figure everything out."

"I have to go, Ash." Though I tried to keep my voice steady, the words caught and I quickly jerked away to keep from seeing the anger in her eyes. "You wouldn't understand."

"You're right, I wouldn't." Ash snapped. I caught her crossing her arms in my peripheral. "I can't fathom how you can remain in that house after all this shit he's done to you Harley. He has shown you every reason to leave and you always go back."

I spun on my heel to face her. "I don't want to lose Danni!"

"You wouldn't!"

"I don't have a job, Ash. If I leave him, I have no permanent residence, no job which means no income, which would lead to no food, roof over my daughter's head! Do you know how many times he's threatened custody? Could you imagine him having full custody of her?"

Ash shook her head, extending her hand until her finger tips brushed my arm. "Harley, you always have a home here. I could provide you with the housing and could probably get you a job. You just have to be willing to let me help you."

"I don't want him to hurt you, Ash." I said through a sob. "I can't. . . I won't let him hurt you, any of you."

"But it's okay for him to hurt you?" she said it so softly, so barely audible that it took me a second to realize she was crying too. "How much longer, Har, until he decides that you aren't enough to push around? How much longer until your baby girl becomes his new punching bag?"

I wanted to assure her that he'd never put his hands on our daughter, but it'd become increasingly apparent these last few months that Dalton hated me with a passion. I'd ruined his life. I'd been the root cause of the pregnancy because I was a whore who'd come on to him. I was a piece of shit mother because Danni came early and had some many sensitivities and allergies. I wasn't a mother because my breast milk supply tanked due to stress. She'd end up just like me, he'd said our last argument.

"He's going to kill you, Har." Ash said so confidently that it stung me to my core. "He's going to kill you and then what happens to Danielle?"

The thought of him hurting my defenseless, gorgeous ray of light had me stumbling back a few steps and shaking my head. I couldn't think about that, I had to get back to him before he made some kind of rash decision that hurt all of us.

"Harley, please." Ash pled, this time it was her voice that caught and when I turned I found her cheeks damp with tears. "Harley, please, if you never listen to me again, that's fine. But listen to me about this. Please. For Danni."

As I crossed the room to pick up my daughter, I considered leaving her here. Leaving here where I knew she'd be safe with her godmother and my parents, and I'd face the fire an fists of her father on my own. She wouldn't have to be subjected to the trauma any longer. But the knowledge that Dalton would no doubt march his ass here and snatch her, possibly hurting Ash in the process, had me picking her up and pressing her against my chest.

"Harley." Ash sniffled as she followed me to her front door. "Har, please."

I stepped out onto the patio but felt her at my tail all the way to my car. She pressed her palm flat against the driver's side door once I'd situated Danni in the back of the Mazda.

"Ash, move."

She just stared at me. "Please."

"I love you." I leaned forward and hugged her. "Thank you."

She was quiet for a few seconds as she wrapped her arms around me, then breathed a very shaky, "Why does that sound like a goodbye?"

"I love you, Ash." I repeated, taking the momentarily lapse in her judgement to nudge her hand away and climb into the car. I locked the doors before she could open them or try anything and backed out of the parking lot. It wasn't until I was out of the apartment complex that I pulled over and slammed my head back against the seat, and cried, "I'm so sorry."

*

There was an atom inside me that wanted to go back to my bedroom after getting Danielle down. He'd been surprisingly quiet when I walked through the front door with her, eying me warily but not making any attempt to start something. However, I knew that'd change once I was within his clutches and behind closed doors again. Unfortunately, if I chose to stay in here, I knew he'd walk in and drag me out, scaring and waking our daughter in the process. Instead of risking that very thing, I brushed my knuckles against Danni's forehead one last time before I stepped out into the hallway and pressed the door shut behind me, bracing myself for the worst.

As expected, as soon as I walked into the room, he made a snide remark.

"Enjoy your playdate?"

I involuntarily flinched, but continued to the closet on the other side of the room.

"I told you I didn't want my daughter around either of them." His voice followed me. "I don't want you around them either."

I tried to ignore his proximity as he approached me from behind. He didn't care, he spun me around and cornered me until my back was digging into the corner of our dresser and my chin was between his index finger and thumb. "They're toxic, Harley. They're hoes."

I bit hard into my tongue to keep from defending my friends. I'd tried it once and hadn't been able to leave the house for a week and a half because of a black eye.

"Take off your clothes and make yourself useful."

The words were so demeaning, so misogynistic, that I visibly flinched and it forced him to tighten his grip on me.

"What's wrong?" he growled. "You're not good at anything else."

He left me with those words and discarded his own clothes before sitting at the edge of the bed, eyes trained on me. A body I'd once loved and embraced had since become disgusting. I felt like a stranger living in my body. Bruises covered every inch of my body that clothing covered, scars marred my back, stomach, and inner thighs. My cervix throbbed just considering the abuse and torture I was sure to endure as punishment for what'd happened tonight.

"Don't just stand there." Dalton ordered, gesturing toward the bed to his left. I bowed my head and joined him, laying slowly, knowing the minute my head hit the pillow he'd start.

At some point over the last three months I'd stopped feeling. Not just in emotions, but physically. Even with Dalton over me, thrusting so hard my cervix bled, his hands and legs pinning my own to the bed, I didn't feel a thing anymore. I was numb to it all.

Once he'd finished, he rolled on to his side, back to me and face in his phone. I just laid there, still, on the cold left side of the bed. As soon as I heard his breathing go steady and heavy, I crawled out of the bed, and without anything on, escaped the confinement of the bedroom and entered my daughters. I grabbed a blanket from the closet and cocooned my naked body in the warmth of the fleece, tears finally falling when I saw blood stain the bottom left corner of the cloth. I swept the throw pillow from the rocking chair and set it on the floor at the foot of Danni's crib, laying down moments later. I turned my back to my daughter in the case that my emotions got the best of me. I brought the blanket to my mouth and screamed into it, my sobs and quiet pleas for help muffled so much I could hardly hear myself anymore.

Then there was nothing. No pain,tears, anger, hurt. I just stared at the wall, hoping one day I'd be luckyenough to be just a part of the scenery too.