The celebration of James' draft surrounded me, but I'd never felt so alone in my life.

Danielle was sitting on the floor playing with Barbies, Athena curled against her side snoring so loud it was audible over Chris' cheering and clapping as he watched his friend be accepted onto a team. Lindsey and Jess were on the loveseat, both staring just as intently at the screen as my best friend, Chris, and Scott. Not wanting to ruin the beautiful moment they were sharing, I stood and headed down the hall without a glance back. I stepped out onto the back porch and sat on the swing, breathing in shakily and exhaling slowly.

"Harley?"

Of an entire living room full of people I wasn't sure why they'd sent Jess out after me, but she looked as happy as I did about it.

"I'm fine." I assured, crossing my arms and leaning back into one of the torn throw pillows behind me. "Just needed some fresh air."

"He's coming back." Jess whispered, joining me on the swing. "He'll be back in the morning."

I kept my eyes trained straight ahead. "I know."

"I know that it isn't the ideal relationship, with him traveling so much during the season, and hell, this summer is going to be a lot of training, but he loves you, Harley. You love him."

"Sometimes loving someone isn't enough, Jess."

She laughed quietly, propping her head up against her hand as she looked out over her yard. "Trust me, I'm aware. But my little brother is so in love with you he can hardly see straight, and I can promise you if you show him even an inclination of you not being okay with this, he'll reconsider this career. The career he's worked the last seven years for."

"I'd never want him to give up his dream for me, Jess. You know that."

"It's easier to distance yourself, I get that. Because you think it'll hurt less when he's gone." her words were soft and sad as she looked back my way. "But you can't allow him to leave like that. Knowing your upset, sad."

I wiped at my cheeks with the heel of my hand. "What, do you want me to force a smile and pretend everything is fine? Disregard my own feelings?"

"Harley, I understand that it was hard enough for you to let my brother in. I understand that him leaving is going to hurt. But you have to think about the positives." Jess scooted closer, touching her hand to the top of mine. "You'll be seeing him so often you'll wish to be away, I promise. And, look, as someone that spends every second of every day with her girlfriend, it'll be good for you two to have some time apart. It'll strengthen your relationship. Plus, girl you won't have to worry about money another day in your life, my brother's going to be rich."

I smiled at her attempt at comfort and rested my head against her shoulder. "I know you act all tough on the outside, but you're actually really sweet. I see why you and Ash don't get along now. You guys are too much alike."

Jess snorted at the comment. "Please don't ever say that again. I was just starting to like you."

*

Watching James explain to my very confused four year old he was leaving soon broke my heart in ways I'd never thought possible. Danni sat at the edge of her bed, kicking her feet back and forth as tears fell silently. I continued turning the lights out and avoiding looking at James as he tried to assure my daughter that he'd be returning in the blink of an eye.

By the time I managed to calm her and get her to sleep, James had discarded his shirt and sat at the end of my bed with his head in his hands. I approached with caution, my fight or flight still in overdrive despite him never having showed any indication of lashing out at any point in the last six months.

"That was so hard." James breathed. "Her little face."

I averted my gaze before he could meet it. "She'll be okay. Kids are resilient. She'll miss the hell out of you though."

"And you?" James asked quietly. "I know you've been avoiding me the last couple days, Har. What exactly is it you want from me?"

I sat down, eyes on the floor. "I don't expect anything from you, James. It's just my way of coping, I guess."

"I'll call you every night." he extended his arm and caught my jaw between his thumb and index finger and forced me to look at him. "I know it's not the same, but it's all I can do right now."

"I know." I touched my hand to his against my cheek. "Please don't feel guilty or upset over this, James. This is on me, okay?"

He frowned but didn't respond right away. When he was finally able to put his thoughts in words, he said, "I will fly the two of you out to see me whenever I can. I'll call every night. But I want you to promise me something."

"Yes?"

"Don't even for a second doubt us. Doubt me." he says. "I have no intention of looking or talking to other women. I don't want you to ever fear that, Harley. You're the only woman I see. I love you."

I leaned forward and kissed him gently, "Thank you."

"Not exactly the response I was hoping for." He joked, kissing the top of my head. "But it's fine. I know it's hard for you to say it now. But I'll get it out of you eventually."

"Yeah?" I raised a brow as I tilted my head back to look up at him. "A bit cocky there, are we, Pierce?"

****

More To Be Added to part when go back to rewrite second draft.