"This isn't really a place for a kid to be, you know."

I looked from Danni chasing Athena across the yard, giggling every time the Golden Retriever dropped the tennis ball back into her small hands, and to James as he lowered himself onto the porch swing on my right.

We'd been out here since just after we'd arrived an hour ago. I didn't want to subject Danni to the wine and drunk fest inside, but felt it was wrong to leave so soon after being invited.

"Did Lindsey bring you here or something?" he went on when I didn't respond, eyes on my toddler and Lindsey's dog racing around the freshly mowed yard.

"I promised her I'd be here tonight months ago." I answered, avoiding his intense stare. "But didn't know tonight would be my night with my daughter. She doesn't mind, I don't know why you do."

James, deciding me responding was an invitation to move a little closer, fell back into the swing beside me, sending it back a few inches under his heavy weight.

"I don't mind. I just. . . drunk people and children don't mix well." The bitter edge in his tone was stung almost as much as my chest hearing the words.

He was right. Every hand that Dalton had raised at our daughter was when he was intoxicated. When sober, he got off on threatening me with custody. Sadly, for me, it wasn't a matter of something being in his system or not. I was a walking punching bag.

"She's a sweet kid. Happy." James mumbled, finally tearing his eyes from the two of them and looking my way. "I'm proud of you for leaving. For being strong enough to see through all the bullshit and give her a better life, even if it resulted in you losing her for a little while. You're blessed, lucky. So is she. Maybe she's not with you right now, but she's with your family and away from him. It hurts now, but you just changed both of your lives for the best, I can assure you of that."

I wrapped my arms around myself, suddenly aware of the brisk air biting at my now bare shoulders. I'd become too warm and claustrophobic in my sweater and had thrown one of Linds' old tank tops on before coming out here. That was starting to prove to be a very dumb decision.

"Thanks."

I hated how much his words affected me, especially his praise for me getting out. All I'd been hit with since the police had thrown me into the back of a police car opposite of Dalton's was that I was irresponsible. That I should have never gotten with Dalton in the first place; he'd corrupted me, turned me into a junkie. Not one person had stopped and told me it was going to get better, that I did the right thing. It felt as if a significant amount of weight had been lifted from my shoulders hearing it aloud out of someone else's mouth.

"It'll get easier for you too." James extended his hand, hesitating for a few seconds before resting his palm against my knee. "I see it in my mother's eyes sometimes, the fear, the hurt, the anger, the questioning on whether she made the right decision all those years ago. I know she feels guilty about what Jess and I went through, but she's a much happier person now. Over the years she's become the mother we never had as children. It's been beautiful to watch."

I bit down so hard on my bottom lip to keep it from quivering I tasted copper in my mouth, having drawn blood. "I'm sorry you had to go through that. You didn't deserve it. Jess either. She's a sweetheart."

"You know you didn't either, right?" he squeezed my knee. "Regardless of what he's said to you, you absolutely didn't deserve any of what he did to you or your daughter."

I didn't respond but retrained my blurring vision on my daughter.

He had no idea the shit I'd done, had turned to, to escape the monster I laid next to every night. He had no idea how many times I'd nearly taken Danni in public and screamed for help so someone would come and save us. He had no idea how much I hated myself for ever bringing Danni into this world with a that monster.

"Mommy!" Danni raced up the steps, Athena not far behind, panting hard from a long match of fetch with her favorite playmate. "Mommy, I go night night."

I opened my arms for her, and she hopped into them, finally noticing James beside me once she was cradled against my chest. She waved shyly, then turned toward me and tucked her face against my chest. I held on to her, hoping it'd keep my emotions internalized, but I was struggling with every second James stared between the two of us.

"I don't know what your fascination is with me, but it needs to stop." I eventually broke the silence, blinking tears from my eyes. "I'm not. . . I can't do anything right now. No relationship, no sex. I just can't."

He answered without even a moment of hesitation. "What about a friend?"

"Why would you want to be friends with me?"

"Because I know deep down you need someone, Harley. Someone that isn't getting you caught in the middle of their fights or running off and getting drunk. You need someone with a level head."

I shook my head, refusing to look at him. "And you think that's you?"

"I know it is."

"Ash and Linds are great people. They aren't—"

"I never said they weren't. They're just not what you need right now. Because they'll tell you what you want to hear. That's just how close friends are."

I shot him a dark look. "Yeah, and what are you going to do?"

"Tell you what you need to hear."

*

Ash was still awake when I walked through the front door of the apartment. Danni curled up in her toddler bed beside my Twin as soon as I set her down. But my best friend had no desire to just let me go to sleep when I walked back into the kitchen to grab a water. She waved me over and patted the seat next to her with a grin.

"So, how'd the ceremony go?"

"She won three awards and one of her paintings won first place." I responded. "I'll send the videos over in the morning."

She tore her eyes from Patrick Dempsey and looked at me. "Okay, that's great. Why do you look so irritated?"

"Locker room boy was there." I grumbled.

Her eyebrows rose. "James? What? Why the hell was he there? Is he stalking you or something?"

"Apparently Linds forgot to mention Jess' little brother wasn't so little." I muttered, reaching and grabbing a handful of candy from the fruit bowl on my friend's lap. She was staring at me, mouth agape as she processed my response.

"Okay," she finally replied, "so what happened? Why didn't you just come straight home?"

I leaned back, "I was there for Linds, not him. I wasn't going to ruin her night because he was there."

"So he saw Danni? How'd he act? Did he freak out?"

The memory of him kneeling in front of Danni floated to the surface and I could feel my lips twitching upward. Ash, ever the observer, gasped.

"Oh my God, he didn't? What'd he do?"

"He was just really sweet to her." I whispered, then, thinking back to the conversation on his sister's back porch, "He's honestly a pretty nice guy."

She nodded, grinning ear to ear, "I could tell when he came into the bar. So weird, because you'd think being a football player and a bartender, he'd be running through women quicker than a Frat boy."

"I think he's got some trauma he's dealing with."

She frowned, then touched her hand to my shoulder, "Just be careful, babe. I know you're not looking for anything, but I don't want you to get attached and hurt."

"I won't, don't worry, Ash." I rested my head against her shoulder. "I have enough trauma and emotional baggage of my own to last me the rest of my life."

She laughs coldly and offers the bowl to me before, resting her own head against mine and saying, "You can say that again."

**

Nights I couldn't sleep, I didn't toss and turn. I didn't scroll through my phone and lose myself in the illusion that was social media. I asked my best friend to watch my daughter if my night with her, and I drove across town and seated myself in a room with ten people. I watched each one intently, listening as they relieved their horror over again in telling the group what they'd been through. All somehow just as bad, if not worse, than my own story.

"Harley?" Melissa's mousy squeak stirred me from my thoughts, and I lifted my head and scanned the room. All eyes on me. It wasn't until now, taking in my surroundings for the first time in the twenty minutes since I'd stepped foot in this room, that I saw there were a few unfamiliar faces. Eyes lit with fear, feet tapping anxiously, occasionally throwing a quick look over their shoulder.

I'd been that person a year and a half ago.

"I'm Harley." I breathed. "And I'm a domestic violence survivor.

"Hi, Harley."

I intertwined my hands on my lap and straightened as I pushed through the anxiety.

"I was able to escape my abuser eighteen months ago with my then three-year-old daughter." I saw a few of the newbies drop their gazes to the ground under their shoes. "I'm so close to gaining custody of her again. I have the hearing in a few weeks. It's been a hard road, but it's possible. You just have to pick yourself back up off the ground and piece yourself back together again."

Melissa smiled, her warm brown eyes meeting my own. "Anything new? Exciting? Fun?"

I considered telling them about what'd happened with Ash, but decided against it and instead said, "A man has taken interest in me. He. . . he's a domestic violence survivor himself. He promises he only wants to help and befriend me, but it's so hard, you know? To believe that someone, let alone a man, wants to help? To provide safety and comfort. After all I've been through."

Melissa nodded, encouragement for me to go on.

"It's just got me thinking, you know. This is the first time I've really let anyone into my life. I didn't think it'd be a man. But here we are."

Melissa crossed one of her legs over the other. "It is hard, learning how to love ourselves again, to trust ourselves and judgement. It sounds to me that this man has nothing but good intentions, but always be on alert. That goes for all of you, ladies, gentlemen. Never forget that these monsters wear many faces."