To my dearest love, Calum, 

If I had known that it would be the last time I would see you ever again, I would've took my time in kissing you, and cherished your presence even more. You were like starry nights, rain soaked afternoons, and sunday mornings-- you were gone too soon. And now that I know how happy and in love you are with her, I can now go.

Go where, you ask? I don't know whether there was heaven, hell or afterlife, all I know was that my existence would be erased from this world. I apologize for not telling you about the fucking cancer that existed in my body, nor about the words that I should've told you. 

I cannot explain much further as  I don't have the strength to write longer, and more nicer, so  I apologize for the horrrible hand writing. Next week, I will be nothing but a mere lifeless body. Everything will be explained by anyone who was willing to tell you. It would probably be your mom to be the one to tell you, since she was always there by my side. Tell her that I would be forever greatful for her love and care. Don't be mad at her though that she didn't tell you. I told her not to. Not because you didn't deserve to know, but I didn't want to be selfish and make you worry about me (I doubt you will). You were happy, and that was enough for me. I did not want to ruin your happiness and feel obligated to stay with me. 

This is the part where I say my goodbye. There are still a lot of things that I wished I had said when you were still mine, and there will never be enough words to define them. I want you to be happy, and to feel love every single second that passes. I wish your soon to be bride would tell you all the things that you need  to hear, because I wasn't able to. I love you so much, Cal, and never forget that you will always be my world, and you will continue being my world even when I'll take my last breath and fall into a deep, deep slumber. I wish I had lived longer to see you finally settle down even if it wasn't with me. I wish I wouldn't say goodbye. Goddamn it, I wanted to be in your arms forever.

This goodbye isn't a 'see you later' kind of goodbye. It was a forever type of goodbye. Maybe in my next life, you and I would have our ever after. But for now, goodbye, my love. I hope to see you in my next life. 

Forever yours, 

Bea