"Honey, are you feeling well? " Michael asked and stroked down my back as we sat at the breakfast table.

"Uh-huh, why are you asking?" I smiled and turned towards him.

"Well, I was just thinking, it's been a couple of weeks since we've tried having our baby." He looked in my eyes.

"Yeah, I know. We just have to keep on trying and waiting."

"I'm praying every night that this dream can come true. I want to be father." Michael whispered and stared out the window, gazing over the glistening water of the Neverland lake.

"It will happen Michael, but those kind of things take time. It's gotta be just right, and it will be. Come here." I put my arm around his broad back and leaned over to him to kiss his cheek.

"Are you going to come along with me tonight? You know, the performance I gotta do." He rolled his eyes and his lips were pressed together in a straight line.

"Haha, baby, aren't you happy to be on stage? And sure I want to come along."

"Cause...it's always a big jumble of people and fans. I really wanna bring you with me though. Only, you know that everybody knows I got married. As soon as we're seen together they'll forever know your face and your name and god knows –"

"Michael. I've thought that that for a long time. And you know what." I took his big hand in mine. "I am ready for that. I don't want to hide being with you, I want to come along to your shows and not be afraid of being seen."

Michael smiled at me and just looked at me for some seconds. "That's lovely." He said in a whisper. "I can't wait to show you off to the world."

***

We were sitting in the car as we were driving to the hall where Michael was going to perform one song for the opening of an award show. We were planning on going back home straight after his performance to avoid any hysteria after the show was over.

Michael had put on one of his military jackets, his makeup and hair was perfectly done, and everything about him was professional. Even in the car, he sat straight up, wearing his aviator sunglasses.

"Are you nervous?" I asked. I was wearing a long, silky white dress and had my hair in curls. I was very agitated, after all, this was my first time going public with him. How would it be, stepping out of a car to a sea of fans, reporters and photographers?

"Hah, no?" Michael laughed and looked at me.

"Well, you're different. Very much like a superstar. I might just get starstuck." I joked. Michael rolled his eyes and smiled, taking my hand.

"Listen Susan, when we get out there, hold on to my hand ok? We have to walk quick, because the masses will move and I don't want you to trip. It can get dangerous. So just keep walking."

I nodded and took a deep breath as we pulled up in the street to the hall. I could hear a roaring going through a mass of people that were standing there and through the tinted windows of the car I saw fans standing behind barriers and jumping up and down, holding signs in their hands.

"Wow, it's crazy!" I let out and couldn't take my eyes off of the people. Most of the signs said phrases like I love You Michael and Give Me A Hug Michael.

"Hey, see that one?" I pointed it out to him. "Will you be able to give her a hug?"

"No, unfortunately not. I can't get close to the crowd, it's too dangerous." He said. I understood that, but I felt sorry for the girl. She couldn't know how amazing it was to be in Michael's arms.

"Guys, we're here. Get ready to get out of the car ok, and be quick." The driver said and slowed down, while the screaming of the fans increased. The driver got out of the car and opened the door on Michael's side. I was blown away by the noise outside as the fans saw him. He extended his arm towards me in the car and helped me get out.

"MICHAEL, MICHAEL, MICHAEL, WE LOVE YOU!" The fans screamed and jumped up and down with smiling faces.

"IT'S HER!!" I heard somebody yell and they all started looking at me, and soon after the photographs went off. I nearly couldn't see anything, blinded by the flashes of the cameras.

"Smile, and follow me" I heard Michael say in a calm, steady voice as he pulled me with him over the red carpet.

"MICHAEL MARRY ME!" I heard somebody yell, and hands tried to grab him, before security pushed the masses back.

"YOU STOLE MY MAN!!!" I suddenly heard somebody screech at the top of their lungs and the fans broke out in yells.

"LEAVE HIM ALONE!" Another one shouted, and I bent down like Michael had told me, as we quickly took the steps and entered the building.

"WE WANT MICHAEL, WE WANT MICHAEL, WE WANT MICHAEL!" The sound of the fans softened as the door behind us was closed. Michael stood there, totally calm and smiled at me.

"Well done" He smiled and straightened his jacket.

"Did you hear what they said?" I said and tried to catch my breath.

"No, I didn't" He smiled. "I never do. I just focus on getting through the masses."

"Oh ok."I shrugged and tried to smile.

"What? What did they say?" He asked and touched my shoulder.

"Well, most of them were nice, I heard a couple that seemed upset that I was with you."

"Oh come here" He held me in his arms. "Don't worry about it, they are just jealous." He whispered and rocked me in his arms.

"Mr. Jackson, you're on in five minutes." Somebody said and after that it all went over really quickly. Michael put on his earpieces and was handed a microphone, before stepping on stage. I sat down backstage, watching him on a screen. He suddenly wasn't my shy, funny husband, but a superstar. After his performance, we were confronted with a row of journalists with microphones in their hands, calling for Michael. He took my hand and went up to one woman.

"Only one short interview" He whispered in my ear and I nodded.

"Hello Mr. Jackson, what a great performance! I must ask you about the lady by your side, she's on everyone's mind!" The woman smiled widely and put the microphone closer to him.

"Thank you, thank you. This is Susan, my wife. She's wonderful, so I brought her with me tonight." He said in a deep voice and grinned at me.

"Susan! A pleasure to meet you, you've been all over the media lately, known as the mystery woman. How do you feel about finally showing the world who you are?"

"Uh" I looked at Michael and grinned embarrassed. "It's exciting, very nice to be here." I said and smiled.

"Well, you both look stunning tonight, we hope to see much more of you two!" The woman said and stepped away.

***

I was pretty exhausted as we were home again that night; I had so many impressions in my mind. For one, Michael's incredible performance and how it felt, walking down the red carpet with him. He was so calm, so professional and it made me feel more than proud to be his wife. All the flashing cameras and screaming fans had left me exhausted.

The next morning, I woke up before Michael and decided to try my luck again with a pregnancy test. I had a feeling that this time, after so many weeks, it might turn out positive.

I sat on the toilet seat as the pregnancy test started working. A couple of seconds later I looked down and let out a sigh.

Negative.

This freaking negative all the time! I pressed out a tear that rolled down my cheek. I had really thought I had a feeling that it was positive this time. I nearly couldn't take it anymore. I wanted it so bad, for him, my husband. He wanted it so bad, just like me. Everything would be so perfect; we could start our own little family.

Negative.

Tears tolled down my cheeks as I was holding the pregnancy test in my hands. Suddenly I heard footsteps in the hallway that were approaching the bathroom. Oh no, he's going to see it! I didn't want to disappoint him again!

"Can I come in sweetheart?" He asked and knocked on the door. Of course he doesn't know what I'm doing in there. I've started taking the tests behind his back, just because I couldn't bear the feeling of telling him the same news over and over again and seeing his reaction.

"Uhm...wait a second Michael" I mumbled and wiped my tears away. The door slowly opened.

"Honey, what's up with you?" Michael came in, looking really worried. I looked away and covered my face with my hands. I felt his body against mine from behind as he pulled me closer to him, his large hand stroking my hair, the other one on my belly.

"I heard in your voice that something was wrong" He whispered and kissed my cheek. He held my hand and felt that I was holding the pregnancy test. He slowly took it.

"Oh Michael no!" I squirmed and tried to capture his hand. "Please don't" I said in a hoarse voice, but Michael had already looked at the result.

"Michael I'm so sorry" I broke out in tears and wrapped my arms around his neck, pressing my body against his and feeling his calm, steady breaths.

"Don't be sorry honey" He whispered. "It's nobody's fault, it's no fault. That's just the way it is for now." He said and stroked my hair.

"I just...I think there's something wrong with me" I stuttered.

"Hey, there's nothing wrong with you" Michael said and got down on his knees, holding my hands as I sat down on the toilet seat again.

"Well, it could be" I sniffed.

"Do you want me to get a doctor over here to check you out? Would you feel better then?"

And that's exactly what we did. A doctor came over that evening and did some checkups on me. I was worried the whole time, I couldn't imagine what I would do if he told me that I was infertile and would never be able to have kids. What would I tell Michael? I knew he wanted to be a father so bad.

After nearly an hour of examinations and evaluations the doctor could finally give me some news.

"Mrs. Jackson, your results are perfect. There is nothing that tells me you are infertile; contrary to that actually you should be able get pregnant pretty easily. You're telling me it's been a couple of months already, right? You've been working hard on getting pregnant, especially in your fertile phase?"

"Yes, we've been trying nearly every day." I admitted.

"Well, you should be pregnant by now if you're telling me that. I might just have to do some checkups on Mr. Jackson as well, there can always be something wrong with the male organs as well, actually, it's far more common. Especially since your results are this good, I wonder why you're not pregnant yet. It all points towards that direction."

"Are you serious? Something could be wrong with Michael?" I raised my brows, worried.

"Indeed, I'd advise him to get a check up, we could do that tomorrow in my office in Los Olivos."

"I'll tell him that." I said and got up from the chair, going upstairs to where Michael waited.

"And?" He asked, a little worried.

"I'm fine, there's nothing wrong with me." I said and saw Michael's face light up.

"But...the doctor want's to do some check ups on you too. He says...I should be pregnant my now."

Michael's look instantly grew worried. "So, it could be me?" He said and sat straight up in the bed.

"Yeah, I mean...it doesn't have to be-"

"No no" He quickly said." No, that makes sense. Of course it would be me!" He pressed his lips together and stared angily at the floor.

"It's ALWAYS me." He hissed. "I'm just so MESSED UP" He put his hands into fists.

"No you're not!" I said and wanted to come over to him, but he held out his arms.

"Susan, of course I am, look at me." He looked disgustedly at his arms that were covered in brown patches, the remains of his black skin that was being eaten away by vitiligo.

"DON'T SAY THAT" I said firmer and sat down next to him on the bed. "You don't know it yet. Just get it checked, then you know for sure." I stroked his back.

"It would be VERY much like me to be unable to reproduce, that's just another thing to add to my list" He put his hands over his face and his body shook as he started to cry.

"Shhh Michael" I whispered and stroked down his back.

"Susan, I'm telling you, I think that's it. I can tell that it's it. It all is a little too obvious." He said under tears and stood up.

"I'm sorry, I can't do this. I need some time ok? I'm back for dinner" He said and left the bedroom. I knew in moments like these he just needed time, time to cry by himself and let out his anger. He always took a cart and drove up the mountains in Neverland, usually coming back calmer and collected. I hoped this time it would be the same.