title ‣ Floral White

length ‣ 3000 words

notes ‣ I understand that no one knows Thea is, but I am very invested in her character. to give you some context, though, she works with Mr. Shekh's boyfriend, who has been revealed to work as a lighting technician at a theatre, and this takes place back when Thea is in high school. this also features a certain other character from Winter Cold... enjoy!

* * *

It's finals week, and all Thea can think about is that cute girl who sits in front of her in physics.

* * *

She sat in front of me during the second quarter of AP Physics B.

We hardly talked, but I did know some stuff about her. For example, I knew she liked watching anime, since she was in the Japanese animation club. I knew she was in AP Calculus AB, since she talked about that class with other students. I knew she took good notes, since I sometimes saw part of her notes as she flipped through her notebook to find an empty page. I knew she was actually a lot smarter than she made herself up to be, or at least she was certainly smarter than I was.

And, more importantly in my opinion, she was certainly prettier than I was.

Unable to focus on the test in front of me, I stared at the back of her head, her long black hair tied in a low ponytail. She was wearing jean shorts which barely reached her mid-thighs, and a tacky Hawaiian shirt that somehow fit her. Right now she was still scribbling with her mechanical pencil, answering questions in somewhat of a scrawl, as the time slowly ticked away. I should've continued with my test, but I was done with what I could do of my test, which basically meant I couldn't do an entire page. I was fine with that. I would probably get a C, maybe a low B, which wouldn't change my grade that much since I had a C in the class.

She was still working, though, trying to figure out the second to last problem on the last page.

"Five minutes left," the teacher called out, and everyone looked up at the clock to see if it was true. It was. A few students started to hurriedly flip through their test to see what they hadn't finished so far, and others went back to double check their answers.

Instead of doing either of those actions, I just pushed the top of my mechanical pencil a few times, watching the lead come out and eventually fall onto my desk. This was my last final of the day, and all I wanted to do was go home and stress about my finals tomorrow and procrastinate on actually studying.

When the five minutes were over, everyone turned in their test and left, whispering amongst themselves about the more difficult test questions. I didn't do those problems so ignored any discussion. I turned in the test after her, watching as she still checked her answers while turning in the test. I tried not to stare too much, but I was unsuccessful. After we exited the classroom and headed toward the commons separately, I didn't notice that someone had tapped my shoulder and said my name a few times. It was only when they stopped me from walking into a wall that I realized someone was talking to me.

"What do you want?" I asked, turning to see Ryan, holding up his precalculus binder.

"You're going to cram with me for precalc, right? I took history early, and orchestra is a blow-off final, but I need precalculus to go well."

I glanced behind my shoulder at her, who was still walking toward the commons. "Sure, I'll cram with you. I need to review for English later."

"I can't help you with that."

"That's fine." We started walking to the commons together, and Ryan started to talk about orchestra drama. I tried my best to pay attention, but when we got to the commons, I saw her leaning against the wall. She was reading a book, and I couldn't see the title of the book from where we stood, so I squinted, as if it would help. It didn't help at all, and Ryan noticed.

"That's the girl you like, right?" I glared at him, but he only laughed. "Come on, just ask her out. She's the girl from your physics class, right? That's the same girl?"

"She's probably not interested." She was probably straight, was what I didn't say. Although the two of us were both Asian, connected through discrimination, it was no guarantee she was queer. "Plus she might be dating someone already."

"She's reading Sense and Sensibility," Ryan said. When I turned to him with a quizzical expression, he explained, "I saw it earlier when she walked past me."

"Oh." I wondered what the book was about. Sensibility, huh? She certainly seemed like a sensible person. "That doesn't change the fact she might be dating someone."

"You're scared she's straight, aren't you?"

"She probably is!" We watched an Indian girl come over to where she was and put an arm around her shoulders. She put her book away, and the two were deep in conversation soon after.

"You don't even know her name," Ryan pointed out.

"I'm sorry I'm asocial."

"Just ask her out. If she rejects you, at least you tried. Live life with no regrets."

"What if she accepts? I've never dated anyone before!"

Ryan rolled his eyes. "It's not that hard. I've ask plenty of people out."

"All of them rejected you, Ryan."

"It's not my fault all the guys at our school are super straight. I keep thinking one of them might be gay, but none of them are!"

"You've never been on a date, so how do you know it's not hard?" I started walking out of the commons, and Ryan followed.

"Wait a second, we're talking about you, not me."

"I barely know her, okay?"

"Even I know her. She works at that ice cream shop, Salvatore's, the one with Moose Tracks ice cream I thought you about."

"How do you know she works there?"

"I saw her there once."

"Right."

"Just go there one day and ask her out."

I shook my head. "No. No way." Going to an ice cream shop just for an employee there? That was weird, and it wouldn't work. I doubt she would feel flattered. In fact, she'd probably just find me creepy. "If you continue talking about her, I rescind my offer to cram with you."

"No! Wait! I'm sorry! Sorry!" Ryan put his hands together as if praying. "Please cram with me. I need help with everything."

I laughed at his amusing plea, and we left the high school and walked over to the library to study. Neither of us mentioned her again, and one hour later, his mom came to pick him up. I used her cell phone to ask my mom to pick me up, and when she said she'd be there soon, I gave the phone back to Ryan's mom.

"Can we go now?" Ryan asked. When he got a confirmation, he grinned and turned to me. "Remember, Salvatore's."

I rolled my eyes. "Whatever." I watched the two leave, and then I packed my own things. As I waited for my mother to pick me up, I search up the author of Sense and Sensibility and left to find it under the name Austen. I browsed the library for the book, and once I finally found it, I considered checking it out. I don't really know why, because I didn't have time to read, but my mom walked into the library then and asked me if I was going to check it out. I shrugged. Might as well.

The next day, during my precalculus final, I still had that book in my backpack, just mocking me from where it was. I could barely concentrate on my final, so when the teacher said we could turn in our finals, I quickly turned it on, only half-confident in my answers.

Ryan had told me not to wait up for him, so since I didn't have any more finals that day, I went to meet my mom in the parking lot. She said she wanted to go buy groceries, so I went with her, and when we were done, she asked me if I had anywhere I wanted to go before we went home.

I thought about that for a second and then answered, "Salvatore's. It's an ice cream shop."

"Oh, that's a nice place." She then turned to me, skeptic. "I thought you didn't like ice cream."

"Ryan said it was really good."

"Oh, okay. We can go there and then head home, then."

"Cool."

There was a long pause as she drove, until she asked, "How is Ryan doing? Did he ever ask out that boy? The one on the lacrosse team?"

I frowned. "Oh, right. They actually went out on a date, but when Ryan said he was bisexual, the guy didn't feel comfortable anymore."

"Some people are terrible. Is he okay?"

"Yeah. A lot of people are terrible, so I guess he's used to it." I sat at the edge of the my seat, watching for more questions, but Mom didn't say anything else. Outside of my family and Ryan, I wasn't out to anyone, but the few people that knew never treated me any differently. Ryan's story was very different.

When we got to Salvatore's, I told Mom to wait for me, and she nodded.

"Don't spend too much," she reminded, like she always did before I bought anything.

"Yeah, yeah," I responded, getting out of the car. From the outside, Salvatore's looked simple, with a window that almost took over one wall and Salvatore's in a blue script font on the glass. Through the window, I could see a few tables and chairs scattered inside, and behind the desk was an Asian man. I didn't see her at first, but once inside, I noticed she was sitting in a corner, eating a cup of strawberry ice cream alone. The man at the front counter greeted me, and I smiled at him, unsure what I was doing. Since I didn't like ice cream, I didn't know what to get.

Eventually, I asked for a scoop of strawberry ice cream in a cone. The man scooped the ice cream for me, and I paid and then took the cone from him. I glanced at her in the corner and instantly felt guilty about the entire situation, so I tipped the man more than I normally would. I was practically a stalker. Going into a store just because she might be here and then ordering the ice cream flavor she was eating? I was insane.

Since I had no reason to linger, I said farewell to the man and went back in the car, eating the strawberry ice cream. Mom saw the cone and frowned. "Strawberry ice cream is too creamy."

I licked the ice cream again, this time paying attention to the taste. It was sweet, and it melted nicely on my tongue. "I think it tastes good."

Mom rolled her eyes, as though not believing me, and drove us home. I helped her bring the groceries in and then went back to my room to study for my English final the next day, which was an in-class essay. I went over the prompts several times, and once I decided I was done studying, I laid in bed and stared at the ceiling for ten minutes before reaching into my backpack. I might as well read if I wasn't going to do anything.

I finished Sense and Sensibility that night, and unable to confront Ryan about it the next day, I circumvented the topic as much as possible, which was easy considering Ryan didn't even know I had checked the book out.

"I'm going to head to my final," Ryan said, waving me goodbye. I checked the time on my watch and realized there was only five minutes until my theatre final started, so I left our usual spot in the commons as well. The black box theatre we had was small but existing, and as I headed over there, I walked down the nearly empty language hall.

Nearly empty because she, in a purple and pink floral shirt, and the Indian girl from before were leaning against the lockers. The Indian girl was talking about some movie she had recently watched, and as I walked past them, I noticed her black hair was perfectly in place. She was really, really pretty, and her earrings were even shaped like watermelons.

I was so gay.

I took a few steps back as sudden courage surged from inside me. "Excuse me." The two girls looked up at me. "What's your name?" I asked, gesturing to the one in the floral shirt, and her eyes widened in surprise. Her eye color, although the same shade of brown as mine, reflected nicely under the terrible light of the hall.

"Huapeng."

"Huapeng," I repeated, the name unfamiliar on my tongue. Then my face broke into a grin. "That's a cool name."

"What's your name?" the Indian girl asked.

"Thea." Her name was Huapeng. She sat in front of me in physics, but I didn't even know her name until now. Huapeng.

The Indian girl pushed herself off the lockers and took a few steps closer to me. "I think I had English with you last year."

"Really?"

"Yeah, you were the girl who did that presentation on the different types of theatres, right?" I nodded slowly, starting to lose my smile, and she grinned ear-to-ear. "Cool! I still remember some stuff about proscenium theatres. That was such a good presentation." She turned to Huapeng. "You remember me telling you that, right? We went to a theatre afterwards, and that super homophobic guy got all offended that we were kissing, even though we weren't doing anything wrong."

I paused, staring at the two of them, who were in their own world now. They were dating. Huapeng was queer. I just had no chance with her.

The warning bell rang, and glancing at my watch, I realized I was about to be late for my theatre final. I said a quick goodbye to the two of them and left for the black box theatre, not looking back, because I couldn't believe that I had a crush on a girl who was taken.

It was great that Huapeng was happy with someone, though. They were really cute together, and I hope they were together for a long, long time. I was just disappointed in myself for believing I ever had a chance.

I told this to Ryan after my theatre finale — which was just reading scenes for our play next semester and laughing at the mistakes some people made when they misread words — and he shrugged. "I'm sure you would have a chance if she was single. Give yourself some more credit."

There really was no credit to give myself. I had a crush on a girl who was taken. I was just that dumb. "She was so pretty I knew she couldn't be single, yet I hoped. It's my fault."

"Oh come on, you're literally a theatre genius. You know more about programming lights than I'll ever know. You were the one who told me that lighting consoles have a steep learning curve."

"Some lighting consoles do," I corrected, kicking a pebble on the sidewalk and watching it skitter away hopelessly. We were walking around school, waiting for our parents to pick us up. "I'm not that good at any console yet, though."

"Yet. Give yourself a few years. You'll get there." Ryan put an arm around my shoulders and squeezed. "I'm sorry she's taken."

"Huapeng and her girlfriend look happy, though, so that's really all that matters." I sighed. "You want to go to the library? I have to return a book."

"I'm sorry, but I'm so lost in psychology right now, so I should probably head home. I don't need this stress in my life."

I laughed. "You're too bi to function."

"Well, you're too gay to function."

"Great comeback."

"Oh, shut up. I'm not the only person who's been rejected by a person of the same gender."

I scoffed. "I wasn't rejected. I never ask her out."

"Right, because you're too gay to function."

I couldn't argue with him, but I thought back to Huapeng in her floral shirt, her straight hair perfect. "Fine, I admit it. I'm too gay to function."

"Okay, but you know you two could just be friends. You could go to Salvatore's and talk to her."

"I did actually."

"What? Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because it was a terrible idea! It's creepy and weird, and I'm not stalking her."

"Okay, that's fair."

"You were the one who suggested it!"

"That was before we learned she's dating someone." Ryan sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. We were back at the parking lot, and he leaned against a brick wall. "But I guess your crush will go away eventually, right? That's how these things work. You definitely don't need to go to where she works."

I nodded. "Right." After all, going to an ice cream shop regularly just to talk to an employee because you had a crush on them — I don't think anyone would actually do that.

Right?

* * *

endnotes ‣ although not explored, Ryan has ADHD and dyslexia, and he has accommodations on tests (which is why he mentions taking finals earlier). he is bisexual with a preference for guys. Thea is a lesbian, and she has a younger sibling named Brian. I don't think their last name is mentioned, but it's Mao, and they are Chinese. this fic also takes place early 2000's, which is why the class is AP Physics B and not AP Physics 1&2, and it's also why Thea doesn't have a cell phone and uses Ryan's mom's at the library. this fic is canon, as it is mentioned in Winter Cold that Huapeng dated a Hindu girl. (thanks 2016 Phoebe for making her a girl and not a boy. otherwise I would have to find another way to incorporate the fact Huapeng is queer in this.) Huapeng and her girlfriend met in the Japanese animation club, and her girlfriend is pansexual while Huapeng is bisexual.