Monica drifted in and out of her sleepy state moment upon moment until she was jolted awake by a sudden terror amidst the thoughts and fears whirring in her mind. Her throat still felt sore from crying earlier in the night, and her head hurt too. As much as she dreaded being alone with her thoughts of Freddie when she was conscious, she needed water.

Quietly, she got out of bed and crept to the Deacons' kitchen for a glass of water, trying to plan what the baby's future, and of course, her own, would be.

She would've considered an abortion if the child was a product of rape. But this baby wasn't the result of a traumatic experience. Sadly, this baby was made out of beautiful love, during times of wonderful memories she had shared with a man that she began to doubt and was by now too afraid to consider a loving father and companion. She loved the baby, and knew that it came from something good, and wanted what was best for it. Perhaps if I have it adopted into a good family, she thought as she filled her glass under the cold tap, then when it's 18 I can go out into the world and look for it. A few girls at her old school back home in Belfast who got pregnant by accident had all gone to England as part of a programme run by a women's charity to have babies in secret and put them up for adoption, whilst their families believed that they were studying overseas. Maybe if Monica did the same-

But there was no point. Freddie already knew that she was pregnant. He would want to go out find the child too, now that he knew it existed, and the whole thing would create such a fuss on front page news. And also, as much as she wanted what was best for the baby she thought in a way that it'd be unfair if Freddie didn't have a say. There was still love for him residing within her, as much as it hurt to admit. It was her body, yes, but deep down she believed that he deserved a chance to prove himself.

The thoughts of losing not only her baby but giving up the man that she loved caused tears to slide down her cheek involuntarily. She stood at the sink as she swallowed the lost drop, tiredly watching as the light of the sun behind the horizon began to penetrate the night sky with subtle pink hues. The fact that she was going to have to face him in a couple of hours didn't feel real until then. She placed the glass back on the dryer and quietly made her way back to the guest bedroom...

...................................................................................................................................

The Morning...

"Let me show you upstairs..." Deaky whispered as he led Freddie to the staircase of his household that morning. "So, you came, just as expected..."

"I can't let her go." Was all that he murmured in reply, following him up each step, head down in shame.

"Well," John couldn't think of anything helpful to say. "Thank you for coming.She's just in here..." he made is way over to the guest bedroom door.

"Honestly I don't know how to thank you for how good you have been to us..." Freddie murmured as he unzipped his leather jacket. "Where's the wife and brood?"

"No problem. And Veronica took him to her mum's." John slowly turned the doorknob, allowing him to go in.

There she was, asleep in the dim, small bedroom with the curtains closed. Under the covers she looked pale with smeared makeup around her eyes, her brown waves disheveled, her face contorted in sadness. But to him she was still beautiful. Slowly, he crept over to her side of the bed, biting his lip hard to hold the tears back.

"I'll be at the doorway to make sure she knows it's okay" John said quietly behind him, arms crossed.

Freddie nodded and bent down to her bedside, and reached an arm out to touch her. Gently, he started to smooth her brunette locks away from her face, his thumb grazing her cheek and the freckles that were dusted here and there that had faded as she got older. Although he could barely see them unless they were pointed out he liked how they were scattered across the middle of her face as they complimented her blue eyes nicely. Much to his amusement, she even had a freckle on her upper lip, a detail he picked up on the more he got to know her. His finger lightly touched it-

"Stand back a bit," John murmured suddenly. "Give her some space."

He snapped back into reality from his distraction and nodded, then drew back slowly as she started to stir, her eyes fluttering open. They widened immediately when she processed who it was standing above her.

But he didn't look angry like he was the last time she saw him. He had dark circles under his eyes and his lids were struggling to stay open. He didn't get a wink of sleep. He looked absolutely wrecked and distraught.

She immediately sat up and backed away in fear, her breathing getting faster, and when she noticed John over his shoulder at the doorway she looked at him helplessly.

"It's alright, Monica." He assured her.

She silently nodded, and Freddie lifted her chin in an attempt to meet her eyes. But she pulled her head away from his hand and looked down at her lap; she didn't want to feel his touch, nor look into those brown eyes. He didn't deserve it.

"Monica, please" Freddie choked, his eyes beginning to water.

She shook her head, tucking her arms around herself, "I can't."

"I.. I just want to hold you." He whispered desperately.

Slowly, she looked up, but away from him and into space, tears streaming down her cheeks, "you hurt me."

"I know... b-but none of what I said was true," he started to sob, burying his face into the mattress and more than ready to pour his heart out to her. "I was trying to make you feel bad. I-I misinterpreted the whole situation. I thought that you were getting jealous seeing me with Mary, so then I thought that you would try to make me jealous when I saw you with that doctor... I wish I knew better... you're not one of those girls. Either way I shouldn't have behaved the way I did... I shouldn't have scared you and belittled you the way I did. Last night when you left, I-I thought that I'd lost you forever... Now I understand why you were acting a little different... in fact, the signs were right in front of me. God, it's been so obvious since we decided to let nature take its course... the baby, I mean. You must think that I don't trust you anymore but I do. I really do."

She hesitated, absorbing his words. She had a lot to process, then she spoke, "...Freddie?"

He lifted his head, and this time she allowed their eyes to meet.

She could see that the pain and regret in his eyes was just the same as she had heard in the tone of his voice. She had never seen him that way, or heard him explain things in such a way that it seemed to rid her mind of the doubt she had the night before, except for the morning after their first night in the hotel, when she confessed her fears about becoming his. He was in absolute pieces at himself, and already she hated seeing it.

"You're right. I'm not one of those girls. I don't care about silly things like that," she said sincerely as she rubbed his cheek. "I care about us, because I trust you."

His lips trembled as he leaned his head into her hand, seeking comfort in her touch.

"Monica," he snivelled as he looked back up at her through blurred eyes, ready to say the word that he always struggled to say, "I'm so sorry."

John nodded in approval before leaving the room. She rubbed his head next, running her hand through his silky black hair, and quivered, "I'm scared, Freddie. I need you."

He got back onto his feet and sat on the edge of the bed this time, taking her face in his hands, "I need you more. You're the one who keeps me sane."

"I should've told you sooner about this baby." she looked down at her hands again. "But I wanted to make it a surprise because you have been so good to me since we met and I moved in with you."

"Oh darling, no... no..." he pressed his forehead against hers. "You had good intentions and I simply lost my temper, that's all. Secrets or not, surprises or not, I should never have treated you like I did."

She bit her lip and nodded, "Good. Because it's so fucking hard to stay mad at you."

They both giggled, but then he held her hands in his and lifted her chin.

"Listen, love, I know last night you felt as if you had nowhere to turn. But running out into the night like that, especially in London, was a very foolish thing to do. You're lucky you had access to a phone box and called the Deacons when you did."

"I know. I won't do it again" she snivelled.

"I'm just so so glad you're safe now," he wiped her tears away. "...and our baby."

She took his hand and placed it on her stomach gently, and he rubbed his hand over softly it in a circular motion. Now it felt real to him. He smiled a little, causing her to giggle.

"Now will you let me hold you?" He asked hopefully.

She rolled her eyes and giggled, "Of course I will."

He opened his arms, and she shuffled closer and went into them. He held her there for a good few minutes, even though it felt much longer, their eyes closed as they smiled and savoured the moment. He kissed her head lovingly every now and then, fingers entangled in her soft, fragrant hair as she pressed her face in his neck, breathing in the warm, enticing scent of his aftershave.

"I love you," he whispered. "I will never stop loving you."

She rubbed his chest, "I love you too."

He nuzzled the side of her face, and when she turned her head their lips finally met. When they broke they looked at one another, not saying a word. Oh, what beautiful eyes they had. They couldn't help but get lost in them as they felt everything was being fixed again.

During their moment a plan had formed in his head. Maybe I should ask her after all, he thought. And luckily he remembered that there was an opportunity to propose already organised...

"You know, I think that we should use the day-out on Saturday to celebrate..." Freddie eventually said. "What do you think?"

She smiled and nodded "perfect."

"But first... lets go home," he unraveled the covers and helped her up and out of bed. "I could do with a cuddle and some sleep."

"Oh yes please" she stretched a little, and he lifted her up and took her out of the room.

"The taxi should still be outside" he carried her down the stairs as she held on and leaned her head in his neck.

John was waiting at the bottom of the stairs, now with a satisfied smile on his face.

"Thank you, John" he said as he opened the door for them both. "I must have you all over sometime."

John waved as Freddie carried her down the steps, "whenever suits, just ring."

He smiled and nodded, "way ahead of you. See you soon"

John shut the front door as Freddie helped lay Monica down in the back seat. He climbed in after her and pulled her up against him, smoothing her hair and cradling her in his arms until they reached the flat. He handed cash to the driver before lifting her out gently, her yawning as she draped her arms around his neck. He gingerly carried her up the stairs and back to their bedroom, laying her down onto their soft bed gently.

"Thank you" she murmured as she closed her eyes.

Freddie paused as he closed the door, "sorry?

"Thank you for your love."

He smiled and went back over, "oh Monica... I'm the one who should be thanking you."

She smiled tiredly as he helped remove her black sparkly cardigan, then he pulled her dress up over her head and peeled her tights off before lifting her gently under the duvet. Then he pulled his shirt off and stepped out of his trousers before kicking his shoes off and crawling over to her.

"I love you" he rubbed her cheek after climbing under the duvet to join her.

"I love you too..." she trailed off tiredly, smiling as she felt the warmth of his body close to hers again.

He kissed her lips as she rubbed his hairy chest, looking in her eyes after they broke, before he moved himself down to her stomach and planted a kiss on her warm skin, staring down attentively. Then, he started to whisper...

"Daddy loves you... he loved you since before you were even wanted... and your mother too. You'll meet her one day. She's very beautiful... and I'm sure you will be too. I can't wait until the day I see you..."

Monica's heart melted as he kissed her stomach one more time before adjusting himself more comfortably, wrapping his arms around her torso and laying his head on her chest.

"I can't wait until Saturday..." she murmured exhausted as she slung her arms around him.

"Me neither, baby." He smiled and closed his eyes, listening to her gentle heartbeat and feeling soothed by his skin on hers.

Her hand lightly and affectionately stroked his shoulder and his upper arm, her other hand running through his soft black hair as she pressed her lips against his head. Still, she had a question on her mind that was bothering her...

"Freddie?"

"Yes baby" he mumbled against her chest.

"...What did you do last night?"

His body stiffened, and he hesitated.

"...Well, shortly after you left, when I realised I was mistaken I went up here and cried... then when I pulled myself back together a bit I called the police for help to find you, but they said they'd only intervene if you'd been gone for 24 hours. I was so worried I decided to call my mum in Panchgani for reassurance... but they were out, they didn't pick up. But I-I was half-convinced you'd come back so I lay awake waiting... I made up my mind that if you didn't come back I'd go out looking myself... then the phone rang, and it was John."

She lifted her head from the pillow, "John telephoned?

"Mhmm. He telephoned a few hours after you were gone, to let me know that you were ok and... and he explained everything."

"He did? Good old John... he and Veronica were so good to me last night."

"Yes..." he giggled as played with her hand. "I was so relieved to know you were alright... I wanted to apologise and just-just take you back into my arms again but John told me to wait til morning... and so I did... It was such a hard night."

"It was, but it's okay now," she agreed. "Now I'm here." (No pun intended)

He smiled and held onto her tighter, "let's forget about it."

"Yes" she kissed his head.

He adjusted himself a little bit against her once more, looking forward to the weekend as they both drifted off into a good sleep...