"I told myself so many times that if I thought I was falling for you, I'd end our arrangement. Except, I don't know exactly when I fell in love with you. I just know that one day, I realized that I was. I hated being apart from you. I foolishly believed that I could just continue things with you until my last days got closer, and I had no choice, and then I could tell you I'd left Seoul. But then I found out I was pregnant, and that changed everything."

°•°♡°•°

I found my eyes moving to her belly, to the small round bump she cradled with her free hand. There was a baby in there. My baby. Her baby. Our baby.

Something happened to my heart when I realized that we had created a life together, and it was growing there, inside her. But it didn't make me any more ready.

"Soo Ah, I'm not ready to be a father."

"I know that, that's why I wasn't going to tell you." She whispered.

I was terrified, and I knew she could tell.

"It's okay Taehyung. My doctor promised to find the best family to adopt this baby-"

"No."

She looked at me, her mouth still opened after I'd cut her off.

"I'm not ready to be a father, especially alone. But I'll do it. I'll do whatever it takes to be a good father."

Her expression softened, and she squeezed my hand again.

"You don't have to Taehyung. Don't feel obligated to take this on if you don't feel like you're ready, or you may regret it later."

"I won't regret it."

"How can you know that? You're on the spot here. You just found out you're going to be a father. You haven't even had time to think about it."

I looked into her eyes, her beautiful brown eyes full of sorrow, and I reached up, my hand cupping her cheek.

"I know because this baby is all I will have left of you, and there is no way anyone is taking that away from me."

Her eyes filled with tears, quickly spilling over and running down her cheeks. I let go of her hand, reaching up to cup the other cheek, catching her tears with my thumbs. I couldn't hold back anymore, and I leaned in, my lips touching hers gently.

She let out a strangled cry as our lips pressed together, her hands on my thighs as she leaned into me. I had missed her so much. I wanted to still be mad at her, for causing me to miss four months with her. I'd missed so much time that could have been spent with her. We couldn't get that time back. I pulled away, looking deeply into her eyes.

I was so scared. Scared of losing her. Scared of becoming a father. Scared of trying to raise a baby alone. I felt like my life had just done a complete turn around. I'd gone from not really caring about anything, to worrying about what tomorrow would bring. Worrying about Soo Ah, and how much time I really had with her. Worrying about the baby she was carrying, and if he or she would be okay.

I smiled, taking her hands in mine. I had questions, but some were questions I didn't think I really wanted to know the answers to, and wasn't sure I'd ever ask. There was one I was curious about though.

"So, when is...our baby due?" It felt strange to say that. But it warmed my heart to see her eyes light up, the small smile growing on her face.

"April 21st." She answered, happiness brightening her voice. But then her smile faded a little. "But I might not be able to wait that long. They might have to induce labor, or possibly do a c-section. It all depends on how strong I am, and if I can handle labor."

I nodded. Four and a half months. I would be a father in four and a half months. I swallowed as I realized that I may lose her in that amount of time as well.

I looked at her, not really sure how to ask the next question, not really sure I even wanted to know. But at the same time, needing to know.

She gazed at me, her face softening, and she squeezed my hands.

"I know what you're thinking, Taehyung. You don't have to ask. I'll tell you if you want to know."

I nodded, but I wasn't ready to hear it. I'd never be ready to hear it.

"It was the beginning of April when the doctor told me that I had a year left, maybe. He said it could be a little longer, but it could also be a bit sooner. It was all up to my heart."

I stared at her blankly, not wanting to accept that she may not even last long enough to deliver the baby.

"Don't worry, the baby will be fine. As long as I get past 27 weeks, everything will be okay, and there's no reason why I shouldn't. I'm almost 20 weeks now. I feel okay. It's going to be fine."

I shook my head, swallowing thickly. It wasn't going to be fine. I pulled my hands from hers and stood up, turning away from her.

"It's not, Soo Ah. It's not going to be fine. You're going to die. There's nothing fine about that. You're going to fucking die...how can you say it's going to be fine?"

I stood there, my back to her, afraid to turn around.

There were tears running down my face again, and I reached up, wiping them away, angry at myself for crying in front of her. I never heard her get up, but I suddenly felt her arms come around me from behind, her body pressed against me. I could feel her cheek pressed against my back, and I heard her sniffle.

It didn't take me long to realize that I was wasting precious moments with her, and I turned, my arms going around her, hugging her tightly. We both cried, holding onto each other, neither one of us wanting to let go first.

It felt odd, the fact that I couldn't get as close to her as I use to, the bump of her belly getting in the way. I wanted to get as close to her as I possibly could. It hurt to realize that I couldn't, and I didn't know how to feel about the reality that her belly would only grow, and I would never be able to be that close to her again. I wouldn't get to feel our bodies pressed together as I rested on top of her. I didn't even know if it was possible to be with her that way. I knew nothing about pregnancy, or what was allowed. I only knew that right now, there was a baby between us, and I suddenly wasn't happy about it.

I felt like a jerk. I shouldn't be thinking about stuff like that. Not right now. She was going to die, and that was the last thing that should be on my mind.

I loosened my hold, wondering if I should go. I needed time to think. There were things I knew for sure, like that I would never walk away from her, and that I would do my best to be a good father to our baby. I wanted to be here for her, with her. I wanted to help her. I didn't want her to go through any more of this alone.

But I felt terrible that I had gotten upset over knowing that I could never be as close to her physically as we had once been. That I'd actually felt resentment for our baby, because I felt it was in the way.

She leaned back, looking up at me but not letting go. Her brows went up, then her eyes narrowed.

"Taehyung, whats wrong?"

I closed my eyes, shaking my head.

"I should go. I need some time. I just...need to think."

Her face was laced with worry.

"Oh."

She let go of me, dropping her arms to her sides, a look of confusion taking over.

"Sure. I understand."

"Soo Ah, I'll be back. I promise. I just...I don't know what all the thoughts that are going through my head mean, and I need to try to sort them out. I'm not leaving you. I'll be here for you, and our baby. You know that, right?"

She nodded, her lips pressed together in a tight smile.

"Sure."

She bit her lip, uncertainty clear on her face.

"Take the time you need to figure things out, Taehyung. I'll be right here when you do."

I looked at her, well aware that she didn't think I was going to come back. I reached for her again, pulling her close, kissing her forehead.

"Soo Ah, I'm not leaving you. I promise you. I will be back. I just need to figure out..." I took a breath, my eyes moving around the space behind her, but not really seeing anything.

"There's thoughts and feelings going through my head right now, and I don't know what to make of them. But I don't think I should be feeling how I do, and I need to fix it. I need you to just trust me. Can you do that?"

I could feel her tense up in my arms.

"I want to, and I guess I should consider myself lucky that you're even here now. If I hadn't run into Jimin, you wouldn't be here at all."

She looked down, then met my eyes.

"But now that you're here, I realize what a mistake I made, telling you I left Seoul. I was wrong to do that, and I regret it so much. But I'm scared. I'm scared that you're going to decide that you don't want to stay with me, because in the end, you'll only be able to watch me...die."

I didn't want to watch her die. But I knew that even as I held her right now, she was dying, slowly, each day bringing her closer to her last. I hated it. I didn't know how I was going to handle it, or if I even could. Death had taken so much from me. It just kept taking and taking, and leaving me more broken, with nothing to show for all my suffering except anger, hate, and bitterness.

It was at that moment that I realized that this time, although death would take from me again, I would be getting a gift that would, in a way, keep her with me forever. This time, I wouldn't just lose someone I loved. I would get something in return. It didn't make the pain of what I knew was coming any less. But maybe one day, it would.

"I don't want to think about that. Not until I don't have a choice. But I'm not going anywhere. I couldn't if I tried. Don't you get it, Soo Ah? I love you. You're where I belong. You mean more to me than I even know how to put into words. I was stupid, and I let you convince me to keep what I was feeling for you buried. I'm not going to pretend that I don't need you anymore. I never should have in the first place."

I couldn't say that everything made sense, but I knew I loved her. I knew that I didn't want to be without her. Except I would have to. I had to come to terms with these feelings that were filling my thoughts. I didn't want to feel any bitterness towards an innocent baby.

"I'm not leaving for any longer than I have to. The things I have to figure out, they don't have anything to do with how I feel about you. I'm sure of that, it isn't something I have to think about. But this is something I have to do, and I need you to trust me. Once I get everything straight in my head, I'll tell you what it was all about."

She nodded, then buried her face into my chest, and I held her tightly.

"I don't want you to leave." She mumbled against me.

"I know. But the quicker I figure this all out, the quicker I'll be back. I'll text you, okay. I just...I need to do this."

We reluctantly released each other, and I hated to see her eyes, shiny with tears as I kissed her. I backed away from her, my heart so torn at the look on her face. She still thought I wasn't coming back. I would just have to show her that she was wrong.