"Ang iyak mo naman, Mon." Iritable kong sinipat ang kaibigan matapos kong ilapag ang mug ng kape, sa mini table na nasa pagitan ng mga upuan namin. My brow automatically shot up then as I said these words sarcastically, "Ikaw ba ang mamamatay ha? Makaiyak ka riyan 'kala mo huling inom mo na 'yan ng kape?"

"Gaga ka, Lew!" she snapped while bawling her eyes out. "Nakukuha mo pang magbiro?!"

Agad akong napangiwi sa kaniya. With her swollen red eyes and nostrils peering a hint of snot, the sight aren't consoling in the least knowing that I'm dying.

"At anong gusto mong gawin ko rito? Mag-inarte sa shower at maki-sync sa paghagulgol mo? Ni hindi pa nga ako patay o. Can't you save your tears at my funeral instead?"

"Pucha naman, Lewis! Anong mamamatay?! Hindi ka mamamatay gaga ka!" Talagang tumigil siya sandali sa pag-iyak para lang buong pusong isigaw iyon sa akin. At may pahabol pang, "Napakasiraulo mong babae ka! Hindi ko na alam anong gagawin ko sa 'yo!"

Bayolente akong suminghap, sapo ng palad ang dibdib na tila nasaktan. "Monica, you dare curse at your dying friend? Kaya bang sikmurain ng konsensya mo 'pag dinala ko hanggang hukay 'yang mga pinagsasabi mo?"

"I hate you so much!" parang batang sigaw niya at saka muling humagulgol ng pagkalakas. And this time, she's even caught a hiccup and breathing together with everything seems to be a difficult task for her.

Blangko ang mukhang nagtagal ang tingin ko sa lukaret. After a few moments, I draw out a deep sigh of defeat. Humalukipkip na lamang ako at tamad na sumandal sa kinauupuan nang mapagtantong matatagalan ang pagluluksa niya. An hour already feels like eternity with all her dramas. And like I said, I'm not even dead yet. For fuck's sake.

"Lewis!" parang bata pa rin niyang atungal, may pagpadyak pang kasama.

Bagot ko siyang tinapunan ng tingin. "O?"

"Lew, 'yung totoo nga! Nagjo-joke ka lang eh! Mamamatay ka na ba sa boredom kaya pinagtitripan mo ako nang ganito?" Tumigil siya sandali para suminghot at palisin ang luha. "Okay, alam kong sukang-suka ka na sa buhay mo pero 'wag ka namang mag-trip nang ganito!"

A sarcastic grin curved on the corner of my lips. "O, joke lang pala. Eh anong iniiyak mo riyan?"

She blows out her nose and wipe some tears again, bago marahas na umiling nang pauilt-ulit. "No, no, no! You're a sarcastic bitch but you're still my precious best friend!" Still shaking her head fervently as she added this almost hysterically, "I don't want you to die! You're not gonna die! Lew, 'wag mo muna 'kong iwan!"

Sarcastic bitch?—was all I could hear.

I scoffed. "Wow, thank you ha—"

Apurahang namilog ang mga mata ko't kusang napatalon paahon mula sa pagkakaupo sa takot, nang walang habas siyang umakma ng sunggab o yakap o ewan ko ano dapat 'yon. I was marked safe with the jeopardy though, thank goodness to my fast reflexes.

Tanging ngiwi na lamang ang simpatyang naibigay ko nang makitang nasadlak ang lukaret sa upuang iniwan ko. Although she's too preoccupied with crying to mind the pain of her landing.

"What the hell, Monica?" I retorted.

Problemado akong napabuga ng hangin. Matapos makabawi ay muli kong sinipat ng tingin ang kaibigan.

"Mon, seriously, you're over reacting. Cut out the drama," I deadpanned. Then shrugged as I said these words flatly, "Everyone bounds to die. It's just a matter of time. Mine happened to be soon is all." Hindi ko napigilan ang isang matabang na tawang tumakas sa pagitan ng mga labi ko, kasabay ng pagmutawi ko ng mga salitang, "Odds are now in my favor."

Tumigil siya sa pag-iyak at bahagyang kinalma ang sarili. Still kneeling and hugging the chair though. God, she looks miserable than me. Seriously 'no, sino ba ang mamamatay dito?

"Ano, tapos ka na?" my sarcastic ass blurted out.

Consoling a friend or anyone has never been one of my traits. Or who knows? Maybe this is my own way of consoling? It sucks though. I know.

Mon turned silent and couldn't even look me in the eye. It actually took her a few good seconds before speaking again. Hesitation is evident in her voice as she says, "Alam na ba nina Tito at Tita? Have you tried talking to them?"

Nagtaas akong muli ng isang kilay at bahagyang napabuga ng hangin sa narinig. "Now you're the one being sarcastic."

Mariin kong tinignan ang kaibigan ngunit nanatili sa sahig ang mga mata niya, kagat ang labi at tila gustong bawiin ang nasabi.

Meanwhile, I can feel the resentment surfacing but tried to shrug it off. "For the record, my parents disowned me. So what's the use in telling them about my condition, 'di ba? Magpapiyesta pa ang mga iyon 'pag nalaman." Inilahad ko ang magkabilang palad sa ere, tila may inaantay na malaglag mula sa langit. "Sa awa ng Diyos, kinuha rin!"

"Lewis! That's enough. You can't be sure that that's really the case since hindi mo na naman sila nakausap after no'ng..."

Umirap na lamang ako nang hindi niya naituloy ang sinasabi.

A few silence passed until she speaks hesitantly again, now with a trembling voice. "W-Why don't you try to go home and t-talk to them for once?"

Bahagya siyang napatalon mula sa pagkakaupo nang matanggap ang talim ng tingin ko.

She swallowed hard then continued, "I mean... it's been years na naman... they're still your family... at malay mo 'pag nalaman nila 'yung nangyari—"

"If you're done crying please leave. May gagawin pa ako," I said indifferently, bago dumiretso sa mini table para sinupin ang mga mug doon.

"Lew..." she pleads in dejection.

Nagpatuloy lamang ako sa ginagawa hanggang sa maaninag ko ang pagtayo niya.

"Think about it carefully. Lew, you're dying. You should at least understand kung ano ang magiging epekto sa kanila ng maaaring mangyari sa 'yo... they are your family."

My feet automatically stopped halfway on my way to the kitchen. Ikinuyom ko ang nanginginig kong mga palad sa hawak na mug upang hindi ko iyon mabitiwan. I can feel the lump in my throat slowly forming, growing bigger by the second. Making it hard to breathe more so to speak.

For years living like a programed robot, repeating an endless boring cycle of living, it never crossed my mind to reconcile things with anyone. Because I was too busy finding meaning in living itself. But maybe I wasn't even making any effort to try and do so. At sa nakalipas na mga taon, hindi ko lubos akalain na ang sakit ay muli akong dadalawin sa ganitong paraan.

Living for the last years has been both hard and easy. Madali dahil kaya kong makuha ang mga materyal na bagay na gusto ko. Mahirap dahil wala namang halaga ang kahit na ano. And to be precise, this isn't called living but merely being here, existing, going with the flow like a dead fish. Walang dahilan. Walang patutunguhan. Wala nang pagmamahal sa buhay.

And truth be told: I was so bored with my life for the past years because I was playing it safe. I don't have anything to look forward to because the dreams I once had died a long time ago inside of me. And in a way, it killed something in me too—my old self? Perhaps the kid in me that used to have countless of dreams? Oh, go figure! Because nothing strikes me interesting anymore besides coffee, a good book and... the thought of being six feet under.

In the midst of nothing, I didn't realize until now that I was waiting for something so desperately. A change. A turning point. A force so great to drive me back on my tracks. And I could be so lucky to have my wish granted.

"Happy twenty ninth birthday, Lew. I love you pa rin kahit gaga ka!"

Happy birthday to me, indeed.