dear sunshine,

i saw a girl today. she was gorgeous. breathtaking.

she looked like you, even if i just saw her from my peripheral vision. my breath stopped and my heart began to race because the thought of seeing you again, in person, excited me. it made me happy, for the first time in weeks. months.

but then, i remembered you and how i lost you. you know, losing you was like turning the last page of my favourite book. i dreaded it because i knew the end was near, and i read it as slow as i could, just so that i never finished it.

you told me i was smarter than you (even though i strongly disagree) but i think maybe that's why i saw the end long before you did. as i tried to hold on, tried to grasp for something that was no longer there- i already knew there was no hope.

we ended because i was too possessive and you were too in love.

you want to know why i pushed you away, el? i said i didn't want a relationship because you were too in love with me. a part of that is true, but your love became an obsession. you abandoned everything for me. your studies, your friends, even your theatre classes that you would never miss for the world before. you became so invested in me that you did not see anything except me. some people would find it creepy, but it was worrying for me. i was worried for your career and life. being this into someone was not healthy, elissa, and i had to do something about it. i didn't want you to throw away your life for me. i wanted you to have a life of your own, goals to achieve that were not related to me, so i decided to set you free.

i broke up with you because i wanted you to be you again. to be that carefree, confident, goal-oriented person that only cared about what she thought, before she met me. i wanted you to succeed in life, not just become a shadow of me because you decided to throw your life away because you 'loved me so much.'

so, elissa, it wasn't because you were weirdly obsessed with me like i told you years ago, but it was for your own good. and then a few months after we broke up, i saw you getting into your dream college. you've made history with your debut drama and i couldn't be prouder. you took all the hate and negativity from our relationship and you let it make your stronger, more passionate and seeing that makes me admire you and fall in love with you over again.

yours,
ashton.