"You're pregnant. Puwede ka na ring lumabas bukas dahil okay naman lahat ng result ng tests. Ire-refer kita sa ob-gyne na nandito rin sa ospital para meron kang maka usap tungkol sa case mo. For now, I would suggest na mag-rest ka muna," nakangiting sabi ng doctor.

Tumango si Ara at ngumiti. "Thank you so much po, Doc."

Umalis ang doktora kasama ang nurse at naiwan siyang mag-isa. Si Belle pa lang ang nakaaalam na nasa ospital siya, pero hindi nito alam kung bakit. Sinabi lang niyang sinumpong siya ng migraine at huwag sasabihin sa parents nila para hindi mag-alala ang mga ito.

Nag-message sa kaniya si Belle na papunta na ito sa meeting place nila ni Kanoa para ibigay ang dokumentong galing sa professor nila. She couldn't cancel because it was too important.

May kaba kay Ara dahil baka makilala ni Kanoa si Belle lalo na at kilala na siya nito. Kung hindi man siya minahal, nagkasama sila nang medyo matagal . . . dahilan pa para magbunga iyon.

Hinaplos niya ang tiyan niya. Wala siyang ibang sintomas bukod sa hindi niya ma-take ang kape nitong mga nakaraan.

Maingat na tumayo si Ara at humarap sa bintana ng kwarto niya kung saan kita ang iba pang parte ng ospital. Medyo maaliwalas naman dahil maraming puno sa paligid, pero gusto na niyang umuwi. Isa pa, natatakot siya sa posibleng mangayari sa mga susunod. Ni hindi niya alam kung paano sasabihin sa mga tao sa paligid niya ang tungkol sa sitwasyon niya.

Her parents would be devastated, for sure. Her twin would be shocked and her best friend would surely suspect that it was Kanoa, lalo na at madalas silang magkasama nitong mga nakaraan.

Naisip din ni Ara ang Kuya Sam niya. She was literally his baby and he would be disappointed knowing she was pregnant.

Ara didn't even know if she was ready . . . more like if she was even going to continue with the pregnancy.

Sa naisip, hinaplos niyang muli ang tiyan habang nakahawak sa dextrose stand. Kagat niya ang ibabang labi at halos magsugat na iyon kaiisip kung ano ang mangyayari sa kaniya sa mga susunod na araw. Hindi niya ito maitatago, alam niya iyon.

Bumalik sa kama si Ara at binuksan ang laptop niya para ayusin ang nasa to-do list na kailangan niyang i-update lalo na at malapit nang matapos ang school year. Marami siyang kailangang ipasa lalo na at graduating student siya.

Tumigil siya sa ginagawa at napatitig sa puting pader na nasa harapan niya. Magtatapos siyang buntis at hindi pa rin niya napoproseso kung paano niya sasabihin sa pamilya niya ang sitwasyon niya.

Hinaplos niya ang tiyan at malalim na huminga. Hindi siya sigurado kung sasabihin ba niya paglabas ng ospital o pagkatapos na ng graduation. Hirap siyang magsinungaling—isang rason iyon kung bakit umiiwas siya noon kina Belle at Sayaka tungkol sa topic pagdating kay Kanoa.

"We'll be okay," bulong niya habang hinahaplos ang tiyan.

—

Isang oras pa ang lumipas, pero wala nang update ang kakambal niya. Baka tumupad na rin ito sa usapang pagkabigay ng files, aalis na ito lalo na at mayroong pasok. Lalabas na rin naman na siya kinabukasan at magpapahinga na lang sa bahay.

Napatunayan niyang hindi na random ang sakit ng ulo niya nitong mga nakaraan.

Naramdaman ni Ara ang pagkagutom kaya nag-request siya sa nurse kung puwede na ba siyang kumain. She wanted soup, too.

Aside from the soup she requested, Ara's plate also had a sandwich, a cup of rice, some side veggies, and a bowl of menudo. Gusto sana niya ng matamis, pero nahihiya na siyang magsabi.

"Sa labas lang muna ako, ha?" nakangiting sabi ng nurse. "Kung sakali man pong may kailangan kayo, pindutin n'yo lang po 'yung button and I'll be assisting you."

Ara nodded and thanked the nurse. She turned on the television and looked for some shows she could watch. Hindi naman siya bored. In fact, she liked the peacefulness. Saka na niya haharapin ang sitwasyon niya oras na makalabas siya ng ospital.

Nakapili na siya ng panonoorin nang marinig ang pagbukas ng pinto ngunit nagulat sa kung sino ang pumasok. She was expecting a nurse or a doctor, but she was wrong.

It was Kanoa.

She immediately frowned. "What are—" she stuttered, almost struggling to say something.

Kanoa showed her a paper bag from the café in front of the university—their favorite hangout place.  "Nagdala ako ng pesto."

Ara was still in shock. Alam niyang kita ni Kanoa ang gulat sa mukha niya dahil hindi niya iyon maitatago. Her mouth dropped, her eyes widened, and her heart was pounding, hoping he wouldn't know about her situation.

"Sana sinabi mong nandito ka para ako na lang ang nagpunta para sa document para hindi na rin na-late si Belle sa school." Kanoa smiled.

Mas lalong nagulat si Ara dahil hindi niya inasahang sasabihin ni Belle. Matagal naman na nilang ginagawa iyon.

"Did Bell tell you?" she stuttered.

Kanoa shook his head. "Hindi. Alam ko lang. Magkaiba kayo, eh."

Ara's brows furrowed but this time, she smiled to hide the nervousness. "Weird." She chuckled and rested her back. "Our parents and our kuya are having a hard time minsan."

Kanoa didn't say a single word but was staring at her intently, making her feel uncomfortable. She was clearly a mess. Ni hindi maayos ang buhok niya at ayaw niyang malaman nito kung ano ang dahilan nang pagkakaospital niya.

Ara thought of the fastest way to make a conversation and told Kanoa about the files.  "Can you finish it by Friday? I'd like to proof everything kasi we only have two weeks left to fini—"

"Ano'ng nangyari?" Kanoa cut her off. "Bakit ka nandito?"

Napatitig siya kay Kanoa ngunit kaagad siyang yumuko habang hinahalo ang sabaw. "High fever and . . ." pagsisinungaling niya at nag-isip, "exhaustion? I don't know. Wala akong enough sleep since . . . ."

Yumuko si Kanoa at nag-iwas ng tingin sa kaniya.

Naramdaman ni Ara ang pag-iinit ng mga mata niya dahil sa nagbabadyang luha. Nagpatuloy siya a paghalo ng sabaw habang kagat ang ibabang labi.

"I hate all the comments about that video. Every time I'll visit social media, posts are everywhere. The comments made me sick and vomit and it hur—" Ara paused and inhaled. "Why are you being praised while I'm being disgusted and sexualized? Yes, they didn't see my face . . . but the comments were painful. Dalawa tayo sa video, but why ako lang 'yung nakikita nila?"

"Ara . . . ." Kanoa looked at her.

Ara forced herself to smile. Her chin vibrated and her hands were shaking. "It's so unfair. Even my own twin, my best friend, found the girl stupid for associating with you . . . not knowing it's me. Not knowing that girl was me."

Kanoa was intently staring at her. Her heart was pounding. She wanted to be mad while looking at Kanoa, but she couldn't. Her heart was still beating for him and knowing that she was carrying something they shared made her heart clench.

Ara smiled painfully. "Anyway, I'll be okay. I'll move on. Thanks for whatever you brought. Let's finish the research na as soon as we can . . . so we won't have to see each other again."

"I'm sorry," mahinang sambit ni Kanoa. "I really am so—"

"Stop," Ara immediately cut him off. "I don't wanna hear it again. Thank you for visiting me and for the food. But can you go na? I want to finish my food and rest na rin kasi."

Kanoa liked his lower lip and nodded. No words, he turned around and left.

The door closed and Ara let herself relax. She breathed hard and sobbed quietly while touching her belly. She knew she wouldn't be okay but she had no choice.

Nagulat siya nang muling bumukas ang pinto. Muling pumasok si Kanoa at may luha sa magkabilang mga mata nito.

"I know you wanted me gone, but I hope this isn't the end." Kanoa looked down.

"Kanoa, I want to start a new beginning." Ara sniffed. "They say that every ending is a new beginning. So please, let's end it here so I can start a new one," she begged.

Kanoa breathed and smiled bitterly. "Can w—"

"No." Ara shook her head and smiled. "I don't want to."

T H E X W H Y S