Sam opened the door and let Belle come in who encircled her arms around his neck. No words, both hugged each other until he pulled away to kiss his sister's cheek.

"How's your driving?" nakangiting tanong ni Sam.

"It was okay," Belle chuckled. "It's been a week."

Sumandal si Belle sa likuran ng pinto at huminga nang malalim. Namayani ang katahimikan sa kanila ni Sam na dumeretso sa kusina. Iniabot nito sa kaniya ang coffee cup at platito na mayroong croissant.

"Eat first," ani Sam na naupo sa dining table.

"Kuya," Belle held Sam's hand. "How was Barbara?"

Sam shook his head. "It's been a week, pero tahimik pa rin siya. She's not talking about what happened that day and everytime there's a chance na makakapagtanong ako, parang nararamdaman na niya. Naka-focus lang siya kay Andra now."

"Where is she?"

"I think she's sleeping. After dinner, pumasok na siya, eh," Sam stared at Belle. "Can you help me with her? I seriously can't ask her about what's going on. Alam naman nating she'll just shut us out, but can you try? I wanna know what triggered."

Belle nodded and smiled warmly. "I'll do my best, Kuya. May gagawin ka ba sa café today until tomorrow? Hindi na rin muna ako papasok sa school hanggang bukas so we can focus on Barbara. I'll take her out . . . without Andra muna. Just me and Barbara?"

"Sige lang. I'll stay here with Andra. Ikaw na muna ang bahala kay Barbara," sagot ni Sam. "Thank you for being here. I know you're busy, too, but really . . . Thank you."

"It's nothing. Anything for Ara," Belle smiled.

Nagpaalam si Belle na papasok muna siya sa kwarto ni Barbara at naabutan ang kakambal niyang kalong si Andra. Nakaupo ito at nakasandal sa headboard ng kama habang nakaharap sa TV na nakabukas, pero walan sounds.

"Hi." Kumaway si Belle. "She's sleeping na?"

Ara nodded. "Ibaba ko lang siya sa bed," she mouthed.

Belle nodded and fixed Andra's pillows. Gandang-ganda siya sa pamangkin nila dahil kamukha naman talaga ito ni Ara. Oo, magkamukha rin sila, pero mas soft ang features ng kakambal niya. Mas mabait ang aura ng mga mata, mas soft-spoken, at mas madalas itong nangakati.

. . . noon.

Ara changed drastically two years ago. Mas madalas na itong nasa kwarto, nagbabasa na lang ng libro o nanonood ng TV series mag-isa, madalas na bumibili ng take-outs at hindi na kumakain sa labas, bihira na ring hawakan ang phone, hindi na nagsusulat sa blog, at marami pang iba.

Ikinalungkot iyon ni Belle, Sam, at Sayaka, pero wala silang magawa.

Her twin didn't want to go to counseling, too, and it was the biggest issue. Ayaw ni Ara at hindi nila ito puwedeng pilitin.

"Kanina pa ikaw here?" tanong ni Ara kay Belle. "I didn't know you'll come!"

"I just got here," Belle whispered. "Wala kasi akong class tomorrow so I dropped by. Miss ko na 'tong baby Antoinette na 'to, eh."

Ara stared at Belle who was fixing Andra's comforter. She knew that her twin was lying. She knew that Belle was there for her, not Andra, and she wasn't complaining. She missed her twin sister, too.

"Gusto mo mag-eat sa labas? I'm craving for fluffy pancakes. The café I love offers it," mahina ang pagkakasabi niya para hindi magising si Andra. "We can ask Kuya Sam to look after Antoinette muna."

Tumango si Belle at excited pa nga ito. Nagmadali pa itong lumabas ng kwarto nang sabihin niyang magpapalit na muna siya ng damit. Inayos na rin muna niya ang mga milk ni Andra para kapag iniwan nila ito kay Sam, hindi na magiging problema.

"Malapit lang ba 'yung pupuntahan n'yo?" tanong ni Sam sa kanilang dalawa. "I won't mind kung magtagal kayo, I can take care of Antoinette, but I wanna know para hindi ako mag-aalala."

"It's just around the neighborhood, Kuya," Ara chuckled. "Here lang kami sa block. We won't even ride a car and we'll just walk."

"Okay. Update me," Sam smiled. Pumasok na rin ito sa kwarto nila ni Andra.

While in the elevator, both were quiet. Belle was waiting for Ara to talk. Ara, on the other hand, just wanted to walk.

Belle held Ara's hand while walking. Marami silang nakakasalubong dahil business area rin ang lugar nila. Sa tuwing gustong mag-isa ni Ara, naglalakad lang siya at magpupunta sa café para magbasa habang inaalagaan ni Belle o ni Sam si Andra.

"I miss Sayaka," ani Ara at tiningnan si Belle. "I'm happy that she's doing okay sa Japan, but I miss her."

"Gusto mo bang puntahan natin siya soon?" Belle exclaimed. "Oh my gosh! Gusto mo ba? Set natin sa summer ko para hindi ako kukuha ng summer subjects. We can visit her for a week, maybe?"

"Let's see," sagot ni Ara na parang hindi interesado. "I don't know. I just hate travelling lately by land, lalo siguro by plane. Maybe let's wait for her na lang."

With those words, something pierced Belle's heart because the Barbara she was walking with was so different than the Barbara she knew growing up.

The Barbara she knew loved travelling—especially out of the country. Mas madalas pa ngang si Ara ang pinapipili ng mga magulang nila kung saan magpupunta para sa holiday dahil nagre-research talaga ito at gumagawa ng itinerary.

The Barbara she knew would move mountains to see Sayaka. Kahit saan pa iyan, kahit gaano kalayo, kahit kailan . . . kapag naramdamang nami-miss na, pupuntahan kaagad.

And the Barbara she knew would always giggle and smile over small things. This Barbara? She was stiff.

Pumasok sila sa café at kaagad na binati si Ara ng mga crew dahil kilala na siya roon. It was her favorite hangout place. Kaagad siyang nag-order ng iba't-ibang flavor ng fluffy pancakes at drinks nila ni Belle.

"Let's go." Hinawakan ni Ara si Belle sa braso at hinila ito papunta sa paborito niyang upuan. Mabuti na lang at walang tao. "This is my place!"

Sa gilid iyon at mayroong glass walls na kita ang mga dumadaang sasakyan. It was therapeutic for Ara kahit na medyo nawawala ang concentration niya sa pagbabasa. Gusto lang niyang nakikita ang iba't-ibang sasakyan, bonus pa kapag umulan.

"Madalas ka here?" tanong ni Belle.

"Yep. Whenever I feel like reading some book or Kuya Sam isn't busy, I go here alone," sabi ni Ara. "I just love the smell of pastries, the pancakes, everything about this place. Plus, it's a little quiet compared to other cafés."

Nakatingin lang si Ara kay Belle na ipinalilibot ang tingin sa lugar. Wala itong sagot sa sinabi niya, malayo sa dati na iisahin ang comments tungkol sa mga sinabi niya.

"Belle?" Ara got her twin's attention. "Why are you here? A-Are you here because of me and not because you miss Antoinette?"

"For you," pag-aamin ni Belle. "Kuya Sam and I are worried about you! Don't get mad, please. Lalo kay Kuya? He was just looking after you and he's really worried because you're not eating properly raw, and he didn't know what to do anymore."

Ara warmly smiled and breathed. "I'm really not okay. I don't even know if I'll be okay again."

"Let us help you, Barbara. Hindi naman ako nagkulay, kami . . . na sabihin sa 'yong we're here, right? You can tell us anything. Kung ano'ng nangyari, kung ano'ng nafe-feel mo, tell us para we'll know how to help. We won't know unless you open up," Belle's voice cracked. "I know it's hard and we're not pushing you, but we just wanna let you know we're here."

"I don't wanna burden anyone, Belle," Ara looked down. "I'm already too much an—"

"You're not," Belle cut Ara off. "Don't ever think you're too much."

Dumating ang order nila at nagpasalamat sila sa crew. Binigyan pa sila ng complementary croissant na paborito ni Ara sa tuwing naroon siya.

"How are you, Barbara? Please, don't lie to me." Belle sounded serious.

Hawak ni Ara ang fruit juice at iniikot-ikot ang ice niyon. Naghihintay naman si Belle ng sasabihin ni Ara hanggang sa magtagpo ang tingin nila. Ara couldn't control the tears and she just started sobbing quietly. No sounds, just breathing.

"I saw Andra's dad a week ago," Ara said in a low voice making Belle stop chewing. "We had a chance to talk, he saw Antoinette, and . . . he even carried her."

"Y-You let him carry Andra?" Sumandal si Belle sa kumportableng sofa.

"I was in a meeting, and I had no choice. He was there, he offered and . . ." Ara breathed multiple times while tears were flowing. "I let him take care of Andra. The whole time I was glancing at them. I was watching how he smiled at Antoinette, how he . . . he stared at his daughter he never knew he had."

Naramdaman ni Belle ang pamumuo ng luha sa magkabilang mga mata niya habang nakatingin kay Ara na nahihirapang magkuwento kung ano ang nangyari. Kung paanong tumitingala ito sa kisame habang inaalala kung ano ang nakita, kung paanong panay ang kuyom ng kamao, at ang malalalim na paghinga.

Belle wanted to stop her sister because of heavy breathing, but she didn't. Ara needed to release everything.

"I was so afraid he'll know that Andra's his. I don't want him to know. I don't want him into our lives again, Belle. I . . . I don't wanna get hurt again," pagpapatuloy ni Ara at humihikbi sa bawat salitang binibitiwan.

Lumipat ng upuan si Belle sa tabi ni Ara. Hinaplos ang likuran niya at hinayaan siyang umiyak. Nanginginig ang kamay niya at hindi na niya makontrol ang nararamdaman niya kahit na may ibang nakaririnig, wala na siyang pakialam.

"I should've listened to everyone. To you and Sayaka. I should've . . ." Tumigil si Ara at tingnan si Belle. "I wanna say the day I regret everything about him, but really don't. I wanna convince myself that I hate him, but I don't. W-Without him, there's no Antoinette and I love my daughter so much."

Belle smiled and fixed Ara's hair. Inipit niya ang buhok na humaharang sa mukha nito sa gilid ng tainga bago pinunasan ang luha gamit ang tissue ng café.

"I think it's normal to regret things we did in the past. There's a possibility na we're making a lot of scenarios inside our heads about all the what-ifs. What if hindi mo siya nakilala? What if you didn't give him a chance? What if you just mind your own business during those times? What if that person never came into your life?"

Ara nodded.

"But then you'll know that this present won't be the same, right?" Belle smiled warmly.

Again, Ara nodded without a word.

"I understand na gusto mo 'yung mga what if na 'yon. . . but you'll also have to face the facts th—"

"That I won't have Antoinette with me," Ara sobbed like a little girl. "Everything about him was painful and I still don't hate him, Belle. I wanna hate him, but I couldn't."

"Because you're not that type of person, Ara. To be honest, I want you to hate him, too, but growing up with you . . . being the kindest and most understanding person I've met, it would be impossible. Maybe you hate the idea of him hurting you . . . but not him." A lone tear rolled down Belle's eyes. "Ara, I love you. We love you. Please, be this open so we can help you."

Inihiga ni Ara ang ulo sa balikat ni Belle na patuloy na hinahaplos ang kamay niya.

"We wouldn't be able to help you if you'll keep on pushing us away. I know you wanted to be strong for Antoinette, but help's nice, too," Belle murmured. "What's your plan na nakita mo na ulit siya? A-Are you even planning on telling him about Antoinette?"

"I don't know," Ara said in a low voice. "I'm scared. I'm scared to see him disgusted he has a child. I'm scared na he wouldn't like the idea of Antoinette being his. I'm . . . scared of pain again, Belle. I don't know."

Kinuha ni Belle ang pinggan na mayroong fluffy pancakes at sinubuan si Ara na mahinang natawa at sinabing paborito nito ang cheesecake oreo na flavor pati na rin ang creme brulee.

"Do you wanna go out tomorrow?" Belle asked. "I am planning to have my hair trimmed, baka you wanna come with me? Manicures and pedicures like old times? I mean, you deserved to be pampered. I deserve it, too, after all the sleepless nights and stress sa med school!"

Ara scrunched her nose and giggled. "Okay. If Kuya Sam will agree na he'll take care of Andra, I'll go. Pero kapag he's busy, next time na lang?"

"For sure, he'll agree. We both know that Kuya Sam will never, ever, tatanggi when it comes to Antoinette," Belle giggled.

Naupo nang maayos si Belle at nagkuwento tungkol sa pag-aaral niya dahil nag-change na ng topic si Ara. Ayaw na niyang ipilit pa kung hindi na ito magsasalita dahil mas mahihirapan lang siya. Mas lumalayo si Ara sa tuwing ipinakikita nilang gusto nilang magtanong o concern sila dahil ayaw nitong nakakaabala ng iba.

Habang naglalakad papauwi sa condo, nakahawak ang kamay ni Belle sa braso ni Ara.

"I have a question," Ara gazed at Belle and continued walking. "Why hindi kayo nag-ask kung sino ang daddy ni Andra? You asked me before, but once lang. Mostly, sila daddy pa . . . but you, Sayaka, and Kuya Sam . . . why?"

"Because we respect you, Ara. We don't want to make you more uncomfortable. You're already uncomfortable and we don't wanna make it worse," Belle casually said. "Napag-usapan namin na in time, whenever you're ready, you'll tell us. Kung hindi man, eh 'di hindi. We're here for you and Antoi—"

"Kanoa Dinamarca," Ara said with a subtle smile on her face. "He's my ex . . . and he's the father of Antoinette."

Belle nodded. "I know."

"You know?" Ara asked.

"Sayaka suspected kasi si Kanoa ang madalas mong nakakasama noon, but I told her na impossible kasi I know your type and it's far from Kanoa," Belle laughed.

Ara laughed, too.

"But then I remembered when you asked me to meet him on your behalf. That time na pinagpanggap mo ako? I recalled na he noticed I'm not you and that meant a lot. Meaning, he already knew who you are just by looking at me," Belle said and smiled. "That day, I also saw how uneasy he was when I told him you're at the hospital kaya sinundan ko siya . . ."

Hindi sila tumigil sa paglalakad. Mabagal lang na parang dinadama ang polusyon ng Manila. Nakakasalubong din nila ang mga taong mukhang pauwi na at nakasisilaw na ang liwanag ng daanan.

"Paglabas niya ng room, I was hiding and saw him outside. He was leaning on the wall, staring blankly at nowhere, before leaving," salaysay ni Belle. "That's when I knew you fucked up."

Ara chuckled in a low voice. "I really did."

"I'm really sorry about what I said about th—"

"The video?" Ara gazed at Belle who bit her lower lip and nodded. "I wasn't mad, don't worry. But I was disappointed that you said those things to the girl. Ako man the girl or not. You disappoint me that day," pag-aamin ni Ara.

"I know," ani Belle na mayroong pagsisisi sa boses. "I'm really, really, sorry."

Ara didn't say a thing and continued walking. Alam niya sa sarili niyang hindi niya matanggap ang sorry mula kay Belle tungkol sa parteng iyon kaya mas minabuti niyang huwag na lang magsalita.

Habang nasa elevator, yumakap si Belle kay Ara mula sa likuran. Nararamdaman ni Ara ang pag-iyak ni Belle kahit na wala iyong tunog dahilan para siya mismo, maiyak na rin. Mabuti na lang at dalawa lang sila kaya kahit umiiyak sila, walang ibang nakaririnig o nakakikita.

"Do you think I need to tell him about Antoinette?" Suminghot si Ara at tinitigan ang sarili sa salamin.

"The question is, do you even want to let him know about her? Sabi mo natatakot ka sa possible reaction niya. But to be honest, he deserves to know, too, regardless if he'll accept Antoinette or not. The only thing I'm worried about is you," malalim na huminga si Belle.

"That day I saw him, I was..." Ara paused. "I was planning to tell him. I had a chance, but I don't wanna get hurt. I don't want to give him the opportunity to hurt me again. I d-don't want to cry because of him again."

Belle nodded multiple times. "Whatever's making you comfortable now, Barbara."

"I also told myself that if reached out to me, I might reconsider," ani Ara pagbukas ng elevator. "If he messaged me, I migh—"

Ara and Belle looked down when her phone rang, and the number wasn't registered. It was already almost midnight. She wasn't expecting a call from anyone.

"Do you know who it is?" Belle asked. "Answer mo."

"I don't," Ara stared at her phone and was about to answer the call, but it stopped ringing. "Whatever."

Naglakad sila pabalik sa unit at bago pa man bukasan ni Ara ang pinto, muling tumunog ang phone niya. It was a message.

0917302****
hi ara
si kanoa ito
itatanong ko lang sana
kung pwede ba tayong magkita?
may itatanong lang ako.

"Oh my gosh," Ara gasped.

"Why? Everything okay?" Belle worriedly asked.

"It's... It's Kanoa." 

T H E X W H Y S