Pagkatapos ng klase, dumeretso na kaagad si Ara sa café na nasa harapan ng school dahil nagugutom na siya. Hindi pa siya kumakain dahil may exam siya at hindi siya puwedeng makaramdam ng suka kaya tanging candy pa lang ang nakakain niya.

Bumili siya ng Cherry Lemonade Refresher at Creamy Chicken Pasta. Nakita rin niya ang vanilla cake na mayroong honeycomb kaya binili niya iyon dahil gutom na gutom na siya.

In a two hours, magkikita sila ni Kanoa para sa mapag-usapan ang tungkol sa huling project na ginawa nila. Malamang na ito na rin ang huling pag-uusap nila at hindi na muling masusundan. Mas gusto niya iyon dahil habang tumagal, mas mahahalata nito ang sitwasyon niya.

After eating, Ara started reading some notes for her exams. She put on her earphones and listened to music while studying. A few more weeks, she was done and a bigger responsibility was ahead of her.

Binuksan niya ang to-do list niya sa mga susunod pa. Bukod sa mga exam na ipapasa niya, naroon na rin ang mga schedule ng check up, blood works, at ultrasound sa mga susunod pa. Naroon din ang vitamins na kailangan niyang inumin para sa pagbubuntis.

Bumaba ang tingin niya sa listahan. Naroon ang future plans tulad na lang ng pangarap niyang pagpunta sa ibang bansa tulad ng New York at makita ang aurora lights na mukhang hindi na niya magagawa.

Ara breathed and focused on reading instead of thinking about the future. The present was much harder to face, but she had to.

She was tapping the edge of her laptop and realized that she was listening to Enchanted by Taylor Swift. Agad niyang ipinikit ang mga mata niya nang maalala si Kanoa. Hindi man niya gusto ngunit halos lahat ng kantang mapakikinggan niya, si Kanoa ang naalala niya. Ni hindi niya alam kung bobo ba talaga siya at tanga para isiping mahal pa rin niya ito pagkatapos nang lahat ng nangyari.

It really was enchanting to meet him, but after realizing everything was fake, Ara was shattered. She could still remember every word from the day she found out about the dare.

Naririnig niya ang bawat salitang binitiwan ni Kanoa sa messages kasama ang mga kaibigan nito na para bang sinabi sa kaniya nang harapan. May pagkakataong parang naririnig niya ang boses o tawanan kahit na hindi naman niya iyon napakinggan nang harapan.

Ara bit her lower lip and tried so hard not to cry. She changed the song and focused on something else.

"Hi." Ibinaba ni Kanoa ang juice na binili nito na mayroong pangalan niya. "Kanina ka pa?"

Naupo ito sa katabing bar stool ngunit mayroong malaking gap sa kanilang dalawa. But the safe space between them didn't help because he could smell Kanoa. Her heart pounded, but immediately calmed.

Tumango si Ara. "Yup. Wala na kasi akong class so here na lang ako nagpunta. You?"

"Kararating ko lang. Late na kasi nagpalabas 'yong prof ko," sagot ni Kanoa.

Nagsimulang mag-explain si Ara tungkol sa mga pinaaayos ng adviser nila sa thesis. Binibilisan niyang magsalita para madaling matapos dahil hindi niya matagalan ang presensya ni Kanoa. Nahuhuli pa niyang nakatitig ito sa kaniya at hindi siya kumportable dahil baka mahalata nitong may mga pagbabago lalo na at medyo nagkalaman na siya kumpara noon.

Itinuro niya kay Kanoa mula sa laptop ang mga dapat nilang ayusin sa video. Nag-note na rin siya sa shared document nila para matapos na. Final revision na. Tapos na talaga.

"That's it! The directing was perfect," Ara looked at Kanoa. "And because it's finally complete . . ." She paused trying to find the perfect words to say. "We won't have to meet again. We'll see each other pa rin naman here sa school, but today's the last day we'll talk normally. No more reason for messages and emails, too."

Kanoa looked down and nodded without saying a word. She then opened up about his post about the viral video. He didn't respond.

The meeting took almost an hour and she didn't know that Kanoa ordered another batch of drinks for them. He remained quiet and would sometimes look at her.

Ara thanked Kanoa for the drink and smiled. "So, this is..." she didn't wanna say it, but she had to. "We part ways."

Again, Kanoa looked down and didn't say anything.

Nakakuha si Ara ng pagkakataon para titigan si Kanoa. She tried so hard not to cry by bitting her lower lip. Gusto niyang magalit sa sarili niya dahil nararamdaman niya ang galit sa dating kasintahan, pero alam niya rin sa sarili niyang kahit galit siya, may pagmamahal pa rin siyang nararamdaman.

Naalala niya ang tanong na gusto niyang itanong nang malaman niyang laro lang ang lahat. She wanted to know because it felt real. Everything about them felt real or maybe it was just her thinking that it was.

"To make peace with myself, can I ask a question? You don't have to answer," Ara asked and Kanoa intently looked at her.

"Oo naman. Tanong ka lang," Kanoa said in a low voice.

"D-Did you ever love me . . . just a little? I just want to know because what happened . . . made me feel I'm just a game and that I am unloveable and the relationships will be the same. I just want to ask this one last question before finally closing the book about you."

Ara faked a smile because her voice quavered and she wasn't able to control it. It was painful and her heart was hurting saying those words.

"Minahal kita. Umpisa pa lang, natalo na 'ko sa laro," Kanoa said without bluffing. "Mahal pa rin kita . . . at mamahalin pa rin hindi ko lang alam kung hanggang kailan."

"I did love you, too," Ara smiled to hide the pain. "I do love you. I still love you . . . but I will unlove you soon. You made me use a black-and-white filter for the first time," she chuckled. "And you made me realize that some mistakes can also be my favorite."

Nanatiling nakatitig si Kanoa sa kaniya. Malamlam ang mga mata at akmang magsasalit nang tumayo siya dahilan para hindi na ito matuloy. Ayaw na niyang marinig kung ano man ang susunod dahil alam niya sa sarili niyang iiyak na siya.

"Despite all the pain, I'm still glad I met you. I regret being with you but that won't change the fact that I loved you." Ara offered a handshake. "Congratulations, Kanoa, for everything."

Kanoa accepted her hand with a light grip. Tumagal iyon dahil parang ayaw bitiwan ang kamay niya kaya siya na mismo ang humila niyon nang hindi nagmumukhang sapilitan.

Muli siyang ngumiti at nag-iwas ng tingin. Hinarap niya ang mga gamit niyang nakakalat sa lamesa at isa-isa iyong inayos. Medyo nagmamadali para hindi na tumagal pa o magkaroon ng pagkakataon na makapag-usap sila ni Kanoa.

Nararamdaman niya ang titig ni Kanoa sa kaniya at mas nailang siya. She thought that it was a good thing that she was wearing a loose sweatshirt and a skirt or else, he would know.

Again, Ara said goodbye and left. She didn't wait for Kanoa to respond until she heard her name. She was already holding the door handle and gazed at Kanoa.

"I love you," Kanoa said and everyone in the café heard it.

Ara gripped the door handle and she wanted to leave without a word, but couldn't. She felt her chin vibrate and her eyes already pooled with tears.

"I love you," she responded and immediately left.

While walking towards the parking lot, Ara felt her knees wobble and upon entering her car, she finally sobbed while caressing her heart. It was the most painful three words she had ever said. It was genuine yet she knew that she wouldn't want Kanoa again.

Ara realized that it was possible for someone to love and hate a person at the same time. She hated Kanoa for what he did to her, but there was no denying that she loved him, too.

—

Sa araw-araw, mas nahihirapan si Ara. Bukod sa maraming requirements na dapat ayusin, madalas siyang inaantok at bumibigat na ang dinadala niya. Nagpapalit din siya ng vitamins sa OB-GYNE niya dahil isa pala iyon sa nagiging dahilan.

Madalas pa rin niyang nakikita si Kanoa. Nakakasalubong niya ito at kaklase pa rin sa isang subject. Hindi na sila nagkakausap dahil wala naman nang dahilan. Naipasa na nila ang thesis nila at iyon na ang huli.

Noong nakaraang araw ay galing silang magkakapatid sa bahay ng parents nila para sa family lunch. Ayaw sana niyang magpunta dahil sa treatment ng mga magulang niya, pero pinakita niya sa mga itong kaya niya at walang pagsisisi sa parte niya.

At doon nabanggit sa kanila na malaking kahihiyan ang nangyari dahil may plano pala ang mga ito sa kaniya na pagkatapos ng graduation, ipagkakasundo siya sa anak ng kaibigan nito.

Unfortunately, their parents were a product of arranged marriage and were planning to do the same for them. Sam was mad because of the reason. Nagalit ito dahil imbes na kausapin siya bilang anak, mas inisip pa ng mga ito ang kahihiyan sa ibang tao.

Habang naglalakad, nakita ni Ara si Gia, ang girlfriend ni Jairold na kaibigan ni Kanoa. Nakangiti itong papalapit sa kaniya kaya hindi na niya nagawang umiwas.

"Ara, kumusta ka na!" nakangiting bati ni Gia. "Ngayon lang ulit kita nakita. Kakarating ko lang kasi galing sa Taiwan. Doon kasi ako nag-OJT, eh."

"I'm good naman," ngumiti si Ara at pilit na iniiwas na magkadikit sila dahil noong huling beses ay madalas itong nakahawak sa braso niya. "Ikaw?"

"Okay rin naman ako. Grabe, bagay sa 'yong short hair!" natutuwang sabi nito. "May pasok ka na ba? Kuwentuhan muna tayo kung free ka! Wala kasi akong class. Dumaan lang talaga ako my requirements."

Ayaw man ni Ara, napilitan siyang sumama kay Gia papunta sa café na nasa tapat ng university nila. Wala naman itong ginawang masama sa kaniya. Kung tutuusin, isa pa ito sa nagsabing mag-iingat siya kay Kanoa.

Bumili lang siya ng refreshers dahil busog pa siya. Hindi niya alam kung ano ang pag-uusapan nila ni Gia, pero parang naiisip niya na posibleng tungkol iyon sa paghihiwalay nila ni Kanoa.

"Hindi ko alam na naging kayo, Ara," ani Gia. "Okay lang ba sa 'yong pag-usapan natin? Kung hindi naman, mag-change topic na lang tayo."

"It's okay. It's all part of the past now. We can talk about it, don't worry," ngumiti si Ara.

Malalim na huminga si Gia. "Nagulat ako no'ng sinabi sa 'kin ni Jai na naging kayo na. Kasi there's a part of me hoped na makikinig ka sa 'kin, pero ayon. Tapos na nga siya. Okay ka lang ba ngayon?"

Tumango si Ara bilang pagsisinungaling dahil sa araw-araw, hindi siya okay. Mas tumatagal, mas nahihirapan siya.

"I'm okay. A little busy lang 'cos of all the requirements for the graduation, but all good," aniya at uminom mula sa drink na hawak niya. "Can't wait to finish all these so I can finally get my sleep."

"Oo nga, eh." Sandaling tumigil si Gia sa pagsasalita dahil hindi rin niya alam kung paano kakausapin si Ara. Nakatingin ito sa glass wall na katabi nila. "Ara, gusto ko lang I-share na kinasuhan ni Kanoa iyong mga dati nilang kaibigan."

"Good for him." Tumaas ang dalawang balikat ni Ara dahil wala siyang balak alamin pa kung ano ang nangyari sa mga ito. "How are you and Jai pala?"

Ngumiti si Gia. "Okay naman kami. After ng graduation, nagpaplano kaming mag-apply na magkasabay. Kung hindi man kami matanggap sa iisang company, at least kahit sana magkalapit para sabay na lang kami palagi."

"That's nice!" natutuwang sabi ni Ara. "Are you guys planning to get married soon na rin?"

"Napag-uusapan na namin, pero hindi pa sigurado. Marami pa rin kasing puwedeng mangyari sa mga susunod and may mga bagay rin kasing walang kasiguraduhan, so we're not sure," Gia smiled. "But I hope we'll end up together. Sayang ang five years!"

Ara smiled weakly because a part of her was jealous that she wouldn't be able to feel happiness like Gia. She didn't bother interrupting her while talking about the plans with Jairold. She just stared at her smiling and nodding when she wanted to get out and stop the conversation.

Naging mabait si Gia sa kaniya at ayaw rin niyang madamay ang ibang tao sa nangyari sa kanila ni Kanoa, except sa mga kaibigan nitong nagkalat ng video.

Nang maalala iyon, huminga nang malalim si Ara at yumuko. Uminom siya ng tubig na nasa lamesa nila at pasimpleng hinaplos ang dibdib kung nasaan ang puso niya ngunit napansin iyon ni Gia na kaagad tumigil sa pagsasalita.

"A-Ara, okay ka lang ba?" tanong ni Gia at nanghingi pa ng tubig sa waiter. "May nararamdaman ka bang kakaiba?"

"I'm sorry for interrupting you," Ara looked at Gia. "I j-just remembered the video. You mentioned that Kanoa filed a case. Does that mean they w-watched the unedited versions of it?"

Nakagat ni Gia ang ibabang labi at mabagal na tumango. "Oo, Ara.:

"D-Did Jairold also saw it?"

"As far as I know, hindi. Kung hindi siya nagsisinungaling sa 'kin," malungkot na sabi ni Gia. "I hope not dahil kung pinanood niya iyon, maghihiwalay talaga kami."

Ara chuckled and shook her head. "The entire social media saw it already."

"Kahit na. Hindi naman dapat pinanonood na 'yon."

Tumingin si Ara sa mga dumadaang sasakyan at dumako ang tingin niya sa entrance ng university nila. Nanatili siyang tahimik at pilit na pinakakalma ang sarili niya. Ilang beses na rin niyang kinurot ang kamay niya para lang maiba ang naiisip niya at para sana kumalma ang paghinga niya.

"I don't know if I should be thankful that they took the time to edit those videos and hide my face," Ara smiled bitterly. "At least from there, there's still a little respect."

Nalungkot si Gia sa paraan nang pagkakasabi ni Ara dahil napakababa ng boses nito at halata ang sakit, pero nanatiling nakangiti habang kinakausap siya.

"May gusto sa 'yo si Luis." Walang pag-aalinlangang sabi ni Gia. "Ilang beses niyang kinausap si Kanoa na ipakilala ka, na tulungan siya, pero humindi si Kanoa. Sabi ni Jai, mahal ka kaya hindi na pumayag. Hindi naman inasahan nina Kanoa at Jai na hahantong sa gan—"

Mas lalong nasaktan si Ara sa sinabi ni Gia. Naramdaman niyang parang umaangat ang sikmura niya dahil doon. Tumayo siya nang hindi na nagpaalam kay Gia. Maingat siyang naglakad palabas ng café at dumeretso sa parking lot. Mayroon pa siyang last class, pero mukhang hindi na niya kakayaning pumasok pa.

Ara immediately left the university and drove slowly. She was having a panic attack and couldn't call anyone. Her Kuya Sam was in the café and she didn't want to bother him anymore. For sure, Belle and Sayaka have their classes so she decided to go home alone.

Upon arriving at the condominium's parking lot, Ara rested her forehead on the stirring wheel trying to calm herself. She lightly caressed her belly and thought that in a few more months, she would be a mother and promised that she would do anything to live happily in the future.

"We'll be okay," she whispered and wiped her tears. "I'll make sure of that."

Nang makapasok na si Ara sa kwarto, kaagad niyang hinubad ang damit niya at iniwan ang underwear. Sandali niyang tinitigan ang sarili. Tumagilid siya para tingnan ang umbok sa tiyan niya at hindi mapigilang mapangiti.

It was never planned, but she was loving the feeling of being pregnant. Minus the hiding and vomiting, she was enjoying her pregnancy. 

Nag-offer ang mga magulang niyang tumira siya sa bahay ng mga ito, pero hindi niya kaya dahil hindi naman siya kinakausap o pinapansin. It would be like torturing herself and she didn't want that.

Napag-usapan na rin nila ng Kuya Sam niya na pagkatapos ng graduation, titira siya sa condo nito at mas makabubuti iyon para sa kaniya. Bukod sa mas monitored ang pagkain niya, mayroon siyang makakasamang magaan ang loob niya.

May hiya siyang naramdaman, pero ayaw niyang mag-focus doon. Her pregnancy was the priority.

Days passed and still, it was a struggle but Ara was slowly adapting to the changes. Naging maayos na rin ang pagkain niya dahil madalas siyang pinadadalhan ng kuya niya para hindi na raw mag-fastfood.

Napapadalas na rin ang sleepover ni Belle sa condo niya dahil unti-unti na siyang nag-e-empake paalis. She already put her condo on sale and she would use the money for the pregnancy and giving birth.

"Ito, saan ko ilalagay?" Ipinakita ni Belle ang mga librong nasa shelves. "Dadalhin mo ba 'to sa condo ni Kuya Sam?"

Umiling si Ara at tinuro ang box na may nakasulat na house dahil dadalhin niya iyon sa bahay ng parents niya at ilalagay sa dati niyang kwarto.

"Basic needs lang dadalhin ko sa condo ni kuya since complete naman siya ng gamit and I can just use them. I'm selling the condo with the things na rin. I won't need them anyways," Ara chuckled. "I'll just take my clothes."

"Smart!" Belle walked towards Ara and hugged her sideways. "I love you, Ara. We're here."

"I know," Ara faced Belle. "Everything feels lighter now knowing that you guys know about my situation. I needed this."

Belle caressed Ara's belly making her smile. "Basta if you need anything or kahit hindi mo need, let me know. I'll be the best tita, I promise you that!"

Ara was shocked when Belle started sobbing without words. Her twin continuously caressed her belly. Naluha na rin siya dahil panay na ang singhot nito. Bigla ring nabanggit ang tungkol sa mga plano nila noong teenager na sila.

"I'm sorry," Belle pouted. "I'm sorry I can't fulfill our dreams yet. I'm sorry, Ara, but I'm not ready to be a mom just yet."

"It's okay!" Ara laughed. "If given a chance I'll have a second born, then sila na lang 'yung twins 'cos same age. For now, focus on being a doctor while I focus on being a mom. You go do your thing."

Belle hugged her and wiped their tears. Ara already accepted the fact that she wouldn't be able to do things she wanted because of something unexpected, but also realized that she could plan a new one.

T H E X W H Y S