They say that dreams are the reflection of your fears and desires, shaped in the form of things that either make you or break you as a person.

So when I dreamed of you, I was perplexed.

Why?

I already made it clear that I want nothing to do with you anymore. Every time we choose each other, the pages of this story take a tragic turn.

All I want is for us to be free from our past, but be it in my dreams or in my reality, I just can't seem to escape from you, Alistair Kirsten de Averill.

"To think that I would be dreaming of you right after I gave myself to another man." I muttered.

It was a short yet bittersweet dream. The two of us were talking in his chambers in the palace, where we usually cuddled and lazed around in the past.

Alistair was smiling at me. Warmly so.

I used to feel giddy from that. But now, whenever his smiling face appears on my mind against my will, my chest tightens. Everything has changed.

That dream woke me up on the wrong side of my bed. On top of that, I felt wobbly and sore down there. Jesus, Haniel did me like it was the end of the world and that was our last night together.

My memory was hazy due to the fervent pleasure, but I remember doing it with him all night in the privy and passing out just before the sun arose.

"Haniel," My cheeks flushed. "He's a gentleman during daytime, and a complete rogue at night."

Anyway, he must've carried me back to the camp after I lost consciousness. I woke up in the same room that the princess uses. Surprisingly, I was dressed warmly. Thought I was gonna be naked.

I came downstairs, only to find Princess Odette and her ever grumpy knight, Ellis. A map was laid out on the table and they were discussing something until they heard my footsteps.

"Good morning, Kallen!" Her Highness chirped.

"Morning." I curtly greeted.

"About time you woke up," As usual, Ellis attacked me with a side comment. "So tardy. What did you even do last night? You were sleeping like a log!"

I gave her a bored look. I cannot even take her seriously after our fight yesterday. Now I know that she's just a girl smitten with the princess.

"Well," I made a very lewd gesture. My point and thumb fingers were both curled into an OK-sign, while my other hand was pointing on the hole.

I thought Ellis wouldn't understand since it was a hand sign from the modern world, but she did.

"H-How vulgar!" The knight blushed.

"Oh, my." Princess Odette grinned. "Lovebirds!"

"Don't talk about such indecent things in front of Her Highness!" Ellis snarled at me. How uptight.

"Indecent? We're two people in love. You're not the only one who can like someone, you know."

Ellis gasped dramatically at my words. The knight instinctively glanced over the imperial princess, who seemed clueless about our conversation.

"C-Come with me!" Ellis stammered then dragged me out of the house. Haha, she looks so stressed.

As we stepped out, my eyes squinted in discomfit when the sunlight struck my face. It was already late in the afternoon, so the air was quite humid.

Autumn was evident in the camp, where tawny leaves filled the dry ground like an earthly god's domain. The tents that they set up seemed out of place in the picturesque nature of this location.

Once we were quite a few distance from the main house, the ironclad knight halted from walking and removed her circling hand on my wrist.

"You've already figured it out, haven't you?" Ellis faced me. "How I feel towards Princess Odette."

"That you like her? Well, it's painfully obvious-!"

Ellis immediately covered my mouth, flustered.

"Shut your trap!" She panicked. "It's bad enough that Haniel teases me with every chance he gets!"

I frowned. "But you're the one who asked me."

I shook my head in dismay as the knight fidgeted in front of me. What is she, a lovesick teenager?

"Anyway, don't you dare tell Her Highness!" She leaned towards my face as an attempt to intimidate me. "You better keep this a secret!"

Geez, it feels weird to talk about love with someone who has the same face as me.

"Why don't you just confess?" I suggested.

"Absolutely not!" She strongly dismissed the idea, horrified. "I do not wish to trouble the princess."

"Why would a confession trouble her?"

Ellis was taken aback, and she seemed genuinely surprised at my question. The huge scar on her face couldn't hide her innocent countenance.

"Because I'm a woman?" she said in a small voice.

"Does that matter?" A lump formed on my throat as I spoke. "At the end of the day, isn't she the one who makes you look forward to sunrise, when you don't want to wake up and see another day?"

That's how she described me before she died.

Princess Himari, that is.

Seeing Ellis, so foolishly drunk from her first love, reminded me of the eastern princess who openly admitted her affection towards me, a woman.

It was a confession of true love, one that made my heart flutter even in the face of death. She was just the purest, immature but truly a ball of sunshine.

"Even so, I won't confess to Her Highness."

I returned my gaze to the ironclad knight.

"My feelings would only burden her." I could sense the sincerity on her voice. "Her plate is already full. The emperor has collapsed. The crown prince, her brother, covets the throne."

Ellis clenched her fists in determination.

"Being able to serve her is plenty enough," She asserted. "I am her knight. I cannot be greedy. Instead, I should focus on how to support her."

She may be uptight, but her sense of loyalty is worthy of praise. I respect that part of Ellis.

It also reminded me of the cruel truth.

That this body in front of me, no matter how similar it looks to me in appearance, is also a living person who has feelings of her own.

That dying and reviving myself in that body is tantamount to robbing this person of her life.

And just when I thought that I had lost the last shred of my humanity, I was sorely mistaken.

Because I felt guilty.

"Ellis."

So I did what I believed to be morally correct.

She eyed me cautiously. "What?"

"Listen carefully to what I have to say." I stared at her. "It's up to you whether to believe me or not."

In the end, I'm still the same foolish person I was.

As we stood there face to face, graced by the wind and the falling leaves, I told her the entire truth.

Despite the abundance of dried leaves obstructing our vision, I saw it clearly. I saw the shock on her face when I told her of our interdependent lives.

I confessed about my previous roles and deaths.

I also imparted her fate if I were to die in this arc.

"So, if you pass away in that body..." Ellis trailed in shock. "You are going to wake up in mine, Kallen?"

I pursed my lips and nodded hesitantly.

"I see," She smiled in relief. "If so, then I'm glad."

My eyes widened.

"This body exists to protect the princess," She placidly remarked. "I'm relieved to know that somebody as skilled as you will take over it."

At that point, I was rendered speechless.

Just how much does she love her?

I told her that she's going to disappear if I die and revive in her body, but all she could think about is Her Highness. It didn't sit well with me. I hated it.

After all, I've been trying so desperately to live, but then this person was willing to throw away her life for someone who doesn't even love her.

"Are you stupid, Ellis?"

She lifted her gaze to me, totally indifferent.

"Why aren't you upset? This isn't like you." I stated through gritted teeth. "I told you, you might die-!"

My mouth froze in an instant.

Because when I looked at her, the young knight's face was filled with tears. I've only ever seen her crying out of anger and frustration as we fought.

This is the first time I've seen her cry sad tears.

"Of course I am upset," Her lips quivered. "It's so unfair. Why do I have to die just so you can live?"

Her question tore my heart asunder.

As much as I wanted to give her an answer, even I didn't know myself. We're both extras in this story.

And extras don't get to choose their life and death.

"Even so, I am just relieved to know that someone will take my role once I disappear." She wiped her tears. "So you need to promise me this, Kallen."

Ellis stared at me intently, her scarred face filled with conviction. It was the face of a knight who vowed to serve her master at the cost of her life.

"Promise me that you will protect Her Highness." Her tears fell. "And no matter what happens, you will never speak of my sinful love with my lips."

She grabbed onto my shoulders, emotional.

"You cannot tell her about this, either." Ellis told me. "The princess will be devastated if she knows about the truth. You must continue to live as me."

The ironclad knight broke down into sobs.

"Please."

That day, I was overcome with guilt.

It was such a heartfelt plea. In the end, she never really cared about anyone other than her master.

I wondered if the intense love of this knight for the princess was her true feelings, or was it just the result of how her character was written?

Was it reality unfolding, or fiction progressing?

I have no way of knowing at that time.

If I truly am the author of this novel, then I owe every single character an apology. This world came into existence due to my imagination.

All the pain and suffering that they have had to endure was brought upon by the tip of my pen.

That was my sin as the author of this story.

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Happy Halloween! It's also my birthday, so I'm starting this day with an update. Thank you for reading this story! It truly means a lot to me.

Stay safe, everyone!

Yours Truly,
Aomine-san