XXVII. MARJORIE

SEATED AT THE BRIEFING, bouncing her leg. She wasn't paying much attention, just zoned out, not thinking about anything. She would have to talk in a few minutes, show a slideshow she prepared. 

"Nat," Tony says.

Natasha left her phone on the chair, and it was required in briefings to be on silent. She stood at the front of the room, a slideshow in tow, as she talked for a while. It wasn't something she had to pay much attention to, it was something she'd done so many times. 

It was over and she went right back to not listening to Tony talk, leaning against the chair.

This would be the entire day. 

At least Amara would be there, to hold her hand and joke quietly with her. 

"Okay," Tony says. "Thank you for coming, I'll see you for the same meeting in a month." A chuckle and a pleased yet sarcastic look from Tony, before they all stand. 

Before they leave, Fury walks in. 

"Stay," He says, followed by a teary Maria. "Check your phones."

Natasha sees the one missed call notification, as well as a voicemail. She looked up at fury, whose face was soft. Clint looked at Natasha, who excused herself to listen to it. 

She clicked on it with her thumb, putting it to her ear to hear the voice of her wife and best friend. 

"Hey Natasha, I think I'm being followed... I might not make it out of here, and I'm just gonna stay on the phone with you for a little while... I want Maddy to be safe. Do whatever it takes to protect her," Her voice breaks. "I Love you with all my heart, all of my beings. Never forget that. Do you remember the first day we met? I remember something changing inside, and I thought 'this is the woman I will spend the rest of my life with- God, Natasha I'm gonna miss you like hell." A sob exits Amara's mouth through the phone. "If I'm not home when you get back, It's gonna be okay- I love you- I'll see you on the other side, mon amour-" There's the sound of the car in the distance, and the phone disconnects.

Natasha felt almost as if the breath was taken away from her. 

Her love was just taken from her. 

Her heart and soul, her best friend was gone. Her chest hurt. She collapsed to the ground, too much in shock to cry, to breathe. She was hurting.

It was pain, pain worse than anything she'd ever felt before. The tears stung in her eyes and the breaths hurt as she tried to stable them. She was choking on her sobs,  trying to breathe, trying to do something, to get up and go back in there as nothing happened, but she couldn't. 

it just hurt too much. 

She wished she could say goodbye. To tell her she loved her one last time. 

Without a word, she felt Maria's hand on her back. The touch brought forth no comfort because she'd run out of time. 

They were supposed to be forever. 

She knew Clint came, she accepted his arms. They cried on the cold floor of the Avengers tower together. They had both lost her. 

Natasha knew that she couldn't go home. Her home was gone. 

She was left with nothing. Every scrap of Amara was taken from her, every scrap of her best friend was gone. 

It was the worst feeling in the world. Worse than the worry inside the delivery room, it was worse because something good came from it. Something good. 

six years. 

They got only six years with that little girl, that cheerful, happy little girl with the infectious smile and deep brown eyes. They only got six years as moms, they only got eight as them. 

They deserved so much more than that. 

Natasha felt so utterly lost. So utterly cold. Like she was drowning, dying in an abyss of darkness with no way out. She was a prisoner to grief. 

She let herself be a prisoner to grief. 

She was. She summoned enough strength to walk out of the hallway and into her bed, where the scent of Amara was still soaked into the sheets. Sobs shook her, as wet, painful tears soaked the sheets in all of their salty glory. 

She didn't leave her room to eat, and she didn't sleep either. She just laid there, sobbing, curled into herself. 

Meanwhile, the team was all going through their own versions of the grief. Being updated by Fury on the state of the accident, that they could get Maddy from it. She had a few scrapes and bruises but she was fine. 

They brought her to Natasha, where she could hold her baby. They cried together for a long time, both losing the most important parts of their lives. She could never hate Amara, she couldn't even hate her for this. 

God, she wanted to. 

Holding her baby, rocking the little girl, crying until they could cry no more, not eating, not sleeping, nothing. 

Natasha was numb. she went through the next years numb. Crying, nightmares, missions were the only thing that could remove the numbness. 

She and Amara were supposed to be forever. 

And they only had eight years.