client : -sarcasticchica-
editor : ineedutoomuch
chapters edited : all (3)
focus : general line editing
feedback : While editing your short story, I noticed a few different things that I would like to bring your attention to.

But before anything else, I have to commend you on the theme. Wow. How did you come up with it? Everything works so perfectly! Lili and Ash's mutual understanding and bond actually make sense, character backstories are touching yet apt, and the overall message is really meaningful. I am literally so impressed. Props to you!

Regarding the grammar, however, I did notice a few inconsistencies throughout the text. Allow me to guide you through all the suggestions I have to improve your story!

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— You already know this, but... tenses! Check your tenses!

Although I could tell that the story was supposed to be in past tense, it was quite erratic, and there were whole POVs in a different tense which left me confused.

Based on what I saw, I think you sometimes just forget what tense you're writing in, because the slip-ups come more in bigger chunks than tiny inconsistencies. In the future, I'd suggest reading over what you have so far before jumping into another writing session. This way, you're reminded of the tense and get a feel for which one you should be writing in.

Please pay special attention to this! It's really jarring to the reader when they're thrown into the present or past without warning, haha.

— Just another spoonful of description can make your writing so much more vivid!

This is a bit of an unusual case. In many works I've read and edited, the habit is to dump a truckload of detail on the reader and leave them to drown, but your writing leans more to the concise side.

Actually, this is good! It keeps the story moving and gets your message across without being verbose. Honestly, I'd rather you be slightly terse than wordy, because then I can actually understand what you're trying to say.

However, once it reaches a certain point, it starts reading like a shopping list. It's not extreme in your writing, but I found that I was having trouble visualizing what was happening at times.

For example, the saving-the-junior scene.

There was no info on what the sound was like, so I couldn't tell why Lili was curious about it. The lack of clarification about the pool being outdoor/indoor made it hard to picture the setting as well. And the word "harassing" being the only thing describing Jessica's behavior was way too vague. I'm glad you changed it, but be aware of this when you write!

As writers, we want to paint a clear picture in our readers' minds. But without imagery, we can't do that. Don't go overboard with it, but make sure to add a lil more description next time! :)

— This is a pretty minor thing, but it's my job as an editor to be nit-picky, sooo...

Italics can really enhance the reading experience! You clearly have no trouble with aesthetics and all that jazz, but the text formatting is slightly lacking.

What I mean is, remember that italics are a great tool for defining certain text or separating writing that isn't monologue. The gravestone engravings can give you a pretty good idea of this.

In the unedited version, the engravings have the same formatting as the rest of the story. This could leave the reader wondering how much of it is Lili's musings and how much is the text on the gravestone.

After the edit, the engravings are in italics, so it's totally clear which is which. I went to your published story and saw that you even set it to middle alignment, which is brilliant! So, maybe you don't even need me to tell you this, but I'm just letting you know to use them more often. ^^

(Please remember to italicize character thoughts as well! A simple "s/he thought" won't do. Italics are grammatically correct and make the scene a lot clearer, so use that to your advantage!)

— So, semicolons are pretty tricky, but they can really enhance the look and feel of your story. I'd suggest using them sparingly, but when you do use them, you give the text a whole new effect!

Here's an example:

All the social graces, the etiquette; it was too much for me.

Versus:

All the social graces, the etiquette. It was too much for me.

See how much more professional the first one sounds? It's subtle, but definitely noticeable when compared.

It's difficult to explain all the rules of semicolons (and I'm lazy, haha), but is an article that does it nicely. Do read it over and consider using semicolons in your future writing endeavors!

— I remember that you said you wanted to consistently write in either American- or British-English, but living in India and America has, like, warped your English? (Lolll~)

is your new best friend! It's a nice online writing assistant that doesn't even force you to make an account (unlike SOME tools, coughGrammarlycough), and it checks dialects as well as the standard grammatical stuff. I'm pretty sure you can add it as a browser extension, if you're into that kind of thing, but using the website is perfectly fine as well.

To access the language corrector, choose the option in the upper-left corner of the white editing box and select the one you like. It has a variety of languages, so you might have to scroll a little to get to the English section, but you'll find that it has all sorts of dialects available. Now you have a handy-dandy tool to check your English!

(as the doc has already been sent to you, the link will be in the doc! you can find it in our pm's too!)

When in doubt, however, call up an editor. Can't rely solely on these tools, now. ;)

***

Well, that concludes all the feedback that I have for you!

Of course, it is entirely up to you whether you apply my advice or not. They're only suggestions, after all. But if you'd at least take them into consideration, then I'm sure your writing will become even closer to perfection than it already is.

It was a pleasure to be your editor. I wish you the best of luck on your writing journey! :)

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Please note :
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Thank you so much!