Client username: 45CherryZ
Editor wattpad username : ineedutoomuch
No. of chapters edited : 3
What did you edit? : general line editing

Feedback about the book :

While editing the chapters, I noticed a few different things that I would like to bring your attention to.

Well, first of all, the storytelling was amazing! I can't stress this enough. It had the perfect amount of suspense, vibrant characters, and an intriguing switch between Rebecca's seemingly sophisticated internal narrative and the characters' modern, casual dialogue, which is unlike anything I've ever seen before. I really enjoyed reading and editing it, so keep up the great work!

Regarding the grammar, however, I did notice a few inconsistencies throughout the text. Allow me to guide you through all the suggestions I have to improve your story!

***

— You seem to be quite fond of using underscores (_) to mark an interruption in dialogue. For example:

"Casper? How do you_"

Usually, underscores are not used in this manner. I would recommend utilizing an em dash (—) instead, since that is grammatically correct and the norm for most writing styles.

"Casper? How do you—"

— In many places throughout the story, there is a random space between the word and the punctuation. Here are two cases where this is displayed:

"Yeah , my friends do not seem to admire me that much ... but it's fine , Austin will always be there for me."

"Seriously, Adeline ?!"

This is quite inconsistent and I'm not sure if they're just typos, but it's best to be careful nonetheless, since they shouldn't be there.

"Yeah, my friends do not seem to admire me that much ... but it's fine, Austin will always be there for me."

"Seriously, Adeline?"

(Also, using a single punctuation mark makes your writing look more professional!)

Really, I found a lot of odd punctuation errors here and there, (two-period ellipses, periods before dialogue tags, missing or unnecessary commas, to name a few,) but the majority of them are inconsistent.

With that in mind, it might just be that your text needs some proofreading before you hit the publish button, because I'm sure you can catch all of these on your own! :)

— Your vocabulary is impressive, for sure, but sometimes the words don't make sense and/or hinder the flow of the story. Here's a good example:

"Not a human then?" I asked inquisitively, soon diving into her intense stories.

"Inquisitively" seems to be unnecessary here, and the phrase after adds no significant value to the sentence. I would recommend something more along the lines of this:

"Not a human, then?" I asked, curious.

It's much neater, flows nicely, and conveys the message without being wordy. You always want your story to be concise so your reader has the best possible reading experience. For fancier writing styles, this rule still applies, but to a somewhat lesser extent.

Oh, and did you notice? I also added a comma before "then." You want that there when it's at the end of a sentence containing a conditional clause.

If that last sentence made zero sense, here's a to an article that explains when to use a comma before "then." (This is Docs-exclusive and won't show up on Wattpad, but it's for your personal reference, haha.) You can find the link here - - - >

— Pro-tip: Ctrl + F is your best friend. It's Command + F for Mac. Try it out on your computer.

Woah, what is that weird little bar that just popped up? It's your saving grace for whenever you need to find any word or symbol, anywhere, from documents to web pages! Just type it in, and the matches will be highlighted, so you can find them quickly and easily!

I know you changed Clay's name halfway through the story, and I know it was really annoying to go through the ENTIRE thing to fix every single word, so this will be super helpful if you need to do anything like that again!

This isn't really related to your story, per se, but I think you'll find it useful. Here's a to a short article about the superpowers of Ctrl + F if you want to find out more.

— I know that you want your dialogue to be informal and modern for the juxtaposition with Rebecca's internal narrative, and that's great! It sounds amazing and flows nicely... when done correctly.

Now, I'm not saying that you've been doing it wrong! I've just noticed that you tend to err a little on the extreme side, to the point of the text being incomprehensible to the less modern person. Look here:

"Mind my bruv, my name is Charlotte Miracle Francisco."

Now, "bruv" is a bit too colloquial to be used in anything more formal than texting with friends. I wouldn't even recommend "bruh," at least in this context. Yes, you can be casual, but "bro" is the way to go. You'll reach wider audiences and increase reader understanding this way!

More popular conversational words like "gonna" and "kinda" are acceptable, but you should still limit your use of them!

— Watch your hyphens! This is a common slip-up, but jarring to the learned reader.

It would take me a while to list and elaborate on all the rules and instances when hyphens are needed, so here's a to a Grammarly post that explains everything!

Don't be shy, hyphenate!

— You told me that you write in British-English, right? Well, I noticed a few sneaky American-English spelling variants hiding all around!

"Marvelous." "Leaped." "Neighboring."

Be especially careful of this. If British-English isn't your native writing style, I strongly urge you to switch back to whatever you grew up with, since it's difficult to tell when you're writing in the wrong language, haha.

It would be quite shocking to see "Mr. Chick" (American) right after "realise" (British), after all.

— Again, proofread before publishing!

The majority of the mistakes that I found in your writing were typos that are quite simple to spot and fix! Your writing is incredible, so why let a typo ruin the effect?

A simple read over will do wonders, I promise.

***

Well, that concludes all the feedback that I have for you!

Of course, it is entirely up to you whether you apply my advice or not. They're only suggestions, after all. But if you'd at least take them into consideration, then I'm sure your writing will be closer to perfection than it already is!

It was a pleasure to be your editor. I wish you the best of luck on your writing journey! :)

══════════════════ ∘❀∘ ══════════════════

Please note :
➔ If you haven't completed your payments, then please do them now!
➔ If you have anything / questions please pm your editor
➔ If you need further assistance, You can always fill another form after adding more chapters to you book!
➔ You can check our review book "Scripturient" for more help!
➔ Your edited doc will be sent to you through pms by the community account!

══════════════════ ∘❀∘ ══════════════════

Thank you so much

~ Evermore; Gemme community