I stood inside the pearl studded bathroom, glimmering white tiles raked over floor and wall, the ceiling a serene white. 

A long oval mirror draped downwards from one of the walls, this side not tiled as there was no shower here. Long curling hazelnut hair fell to my waist, vast sea blue eyes set in a face pale and drawn, different to the happy pink blush and easy shape once three years ago. But this was an improvement, if I stood straighter and, smiled, lost the pale face, and puffed my stomach out. I could pass as-

I see her. 

Clenching the mirror with one hand, I try, but fail, to look away.  Because today was the day. The day that-

The day that she-

It had been one year. I am now fifteen, two months, six days.

Last year, this day, was always going to be the worst day of my life.

Today, always the second worst.

And same for every year on this date.

And I wasn't crying. 

I wasn't thinking either.

I let the grief overcome me for a moment. It was all my fault. And I was too much of a coward. A coward to speak out-

You are a coward but you need to forget now. You are a coward so you have to forget. You are weak so forget. Do it.

I was going as a classic Ginny. It was either her or Nemo. Yes Colette has a giant orange stripy fish outfit.

A screaming bleep buzzed from the pocket of my 'robes.' Colette had managed to produce a pretty purple thing that flowed down to my shoes, mini black high heels.

I checked my not so nice phone from that fated day. It now had a black slim leather phone case.

I still have her on my contacts. Her name on my phone is set as Evil Vall Twin, which came from an awful emoji story telling, her being my twin in physical and mental, and an Evil German Teacher from America who told us on our speaking assesments every year that we needed to make the beginnings of half the alphabet 'vs.' 

I laid a hand against the cooling tiled wall and sighed. A hundred and seventy three messages, ninety eight missed calls and fifty seven voice mails.

I scrolled through the messages from our family group chat, starting off with a Hey how r u to a slow Amara are you late for your governor appointment to a distressed Amara I called the emergency, Please please come home. Please. I could feel the devestation reeking off the last text. A giddy guilt spread through me and I tried to sympathise with Mum and Dad. 

But I couldn't. I hated being treated like a fragile object with the words, don't touch keep locked up, striped over me.

Enough was enough.

The latest item was a voicemail, two minutes ago from Mum. 

A cracked broken voice filled the speakers. I clutched on the cold wall for comfort. It was Mum.

Amara wherever you are. Please please come back- I-

She cracked, a hasty gulp of air and trembling words. Please. Please. She was begging.

A dusty, strained voice called from the background. 

Hal, it's gonna be okay. Amara she- she probably just crashed a night at her friends.

B-but we called them all up. She fought the sobs.

My Dad's voice was closer now, comforting, hiding his pain.  It- it doesn't work like that. They may have  missed the calls. You only sent three Hal.

Y-you're right. A sort of strength built up in her voice. Hope weaved in between her words.

Where's Ama?  My brother's confident voice wavered, unsure. 

Come home Ama. Dad's voice was soft, closing the voicemail.

Guilt straddled me, and I leant against the cold wall trying to breathe. I typed them a message.

I'm okay. I went and 'crashed at a friends house.' I just need some time off today. Please. Don't go all overprotective on me. I need this one day. Please.

Her death day. 

All the air rushed out of my lungs and I pushed my burning forehead against the steady cold wall.

I switched off my phone and shoved it onto the marble area next to the large blue and white mosaiced sink.

Sounds of bickering came from outside.

" Amara hurry up, we have a World Day to attend." Colette's voice rang loud and clear.

She died. It was my fault. I am a coward to be living on. I am a coward to not admit what I did. I am a coward. Enjoying my life.

I took a deep breath then straightened my posture.

May as well be a coward with a hundred percent effort. As Alina used to say.

" Yes I know I'm coming. "

Then I shoved open the crisp white door to reveal . . .

A giant balloon of orange stripes rang down its body, two giant black dots on its head for eyes, the body large and round until the legs where it became smaller and then transformed into a fishtail at the ankles. Abnormaly large flippers hid hands. Did Nemo have flippers?

Behind it was its room. Cream walls drew upwards in a circular motion creating a misty orb of cream and silver. The bunk bed, made of wood was painted a starry silver, the chair, small desk and bookcase stacked with books with at least their spines, painted a similar shade of silver, white ink writing names and titles over the silver. Deep blue fabric was draped over the large window in the front of the room. 

" You are seriously going as Nemo."

" Uhm yaaaaaas." Squeaked the thing toddling left and right. I do NOT know this thing.

" When we walk to school I'll walk five feet apart sweetie. No one will know we belong." I grinned at her," Anyway weren't you supposed too go to the North Pole or something?"

" Nemos die in North and South, so it just leaves West!" It shook its upper 'fish body' left and right to demonstrate 'waddling.' Wasn't that what penguins do?

"And the East idiot. Also, we live in the North, so die already 'fishy.' "

A red tongue stuck out from the orange head's left eye hole. This was not a fishy. Beginning to a get a tiny bit suspicious.

" I'm NEMO nitwit," squeaked 'Nemo.' 

" I can't believe your parents didn't roast little fishy Nemo though."

" She's been burnt already," calls an older but youthful voice from outside it-'Nemo's', room.

" MUM! YOU ARE NOT INVITED IN THIS CONVERSATION!" Screamed 'Nemo.'

" Not so fishy anymore eh Nemo," I smirked at her.

" Whatever Ginny, let's rock this world."

Nemo threw up her-his orange flipper thing and waved it in my face. I raised an eyebrow and shoved the hand away.

" High five GINNY!"

Nemo stuffed his hand in my face.

I raise both eyebrows and take a step back," Keep your hands to yourself gurlie."

I laughed, then the door of 'Nemo's' room was shoved open, revealing a pretty smaller version of Colette, dressed up in tight blue denim and a light blue t-shirt with friends written over it in white italics. A crown of purple roses were woven into angel-gold hair that swept down to her elbows, a small braid maid towards the left, tied with a lilac strip of cloth. Dark blue sneakers with mini white heels, pushing the sneakers up.

Lila smirked," Who's your little friend Nemo?"

'Nemo' huffed, and sighed," Oh shut up. You call me Colette."

" Because I'm special." She sang.

" In a bad way," Colette muttered darkly.

" Well Mum saying Dad's dropping you of at the train station cuz Mum is dropping me to the bus and ummmm just cuz okay."

" Fine by me." 

I gave the Hollister princess a smile," Hi, it's Amara Vale. You must be Lila Rose." I offered a hand but she giggled. 

" You- you're Amara Vale?" Blue eyes widened with the hunger for gossip. Colette's 'flippers' grabbed Lila.

Confused I shrugged," Wait." Panic screamed in my brain. I kept my posture natural and asked in a normal tone." What're they saying now. "

" Shut up and go away," I could feel Colette glaring at Lila, even under her ridiculously large orange fish head and tiny eye holes.

" Well, they say you can't dance." She looks astounded that she got no reaction. "Unsteady, stupid and a social immigrant from your old school back in America. Lonely, coward-" She droned on like it was old news. Colette yanked the gold hair and told her to shut up and get lost.

Phew. I could deal with this. Just not- Not her.

Colette was already shooting some remark and silencing Lila's shrieking mouth with a flipper, but I silenced her with a, I can fight my own battles, but thanks look. Colette stepped away and gave Lila a death threat.

" Well sweetheart," my tone was laced with sugar," You get admission in a world top high school and decide to work for five extra GCSEs just cuz you can. Good pet. Now when you do that then go to Momma and tell her you're so smart. But until then sass out of my life."

I patted her little purple flowers, soft and pearly. Real. No fake.

She grinned at Colette ," Yesseeeeee you have actual friends.. But Silverleaf is like the seventh or something."

I rolled my eyes and shrugged," Not talking about Silverleaf."

Her blue eyes widened in amazement.

" Oooh what school?"

Ravenbrooke High. With- her. 

I pushed the determination into my voice." Ravenbrooke High."

She gave me an excited smile," Woah," her eyes itched with curiosity but Colette slapped her hard on her pale skin with a heavy and huge giant fish tail, by swerving her 'fishy body' upside down, making blood heat up the girl's face.

" Now get. Go whine to Mommy dearest."

Growling, Lila flicked her gold hair, glared with her blue eyes, shoving the door open with unesccesary force to the poor silver door-knob, shaped like a dolphin. 

I mean girl, what did the dolphins ever do to you? Keeping that thought to myself I turned to 'Nemo.'

Jealousy rushed in my veins, it had been bursting inside me the moment the siblings were together.

I couldn't hold it back any more.

" What happened. Tell me," Alina whispered quietly, shaking my hand. 

" It was yesterday, our twelfth birthday," I sighed, slumping into Alina's comforting hug, and lay on my bottom bunk bed.

" You've been off all day, tell me please Ama."

I slowly stuttered," Katherine called me things- I don't really want to. Y-you know go in d-detail b-but her and Anabelle were- They were- Th-they s-said things. About me. A-and how I don't deserve you and. Other things ..."

I fell silent and felt Alina's mouth open, raging whirlpools in her blue eyes, her hug getting longer, warmer.

She opened her mouth and I calmed, knowing she would help me. She would get me through everything-

" So sorry that I live with an evil witch. C'mon let's rock the school." 

Colette's loud voice shook my world.

I blinked, taking in the silver globe of a room, then sighed. Don't be such a coward, I felt Katherine's stupid voice echo in my brain. Her, Anabelle, and my sister got on like wildfire, rocking the world up. Alina would dragged me into the popular crowd, and I left behind people, who could have been friends. 

True friends, visiting the hospital for my sister and not leaving when cancer struck or sending a few petty chocolates over then never coming back. Cough, cough, Katherine, cough, cough, Anabelle, cough, cough, insignificant popular crowd I can't seem to care about, cough, cough, cough-

" Penny for yer thoughts?" My eyes open wide. 

" Fantasizing how I will get through this day, with you being a giant orange fish and all." Half-truth. I am now.

" Now, gimme that penny gurlie."