o n e  y e a r l a t e r

I stared at the floor intently, staring but not looking, or seeing it.

That was always a bad sign.

Quickly, I zoned back in and saw that the floor here was a paved circular-tiled walkway a shade of summery yellow. The sky was that endless whirlpool of blue that made you believe in faries and Forever and the air was fresh like a Summer dance.

Red bricked walls and houses were placed neatly to create a perfect neighbourhood. Freshly cut green grass curled around the perfectly sized red bricks. Standard cars coloured blues, blacks and silvers were parked on neat black tarmac driveways, hiding blue garage doors.

Youths from Kasperfield Primary were chattering at the other side of the road, equipped in  green uniform, probably walking back home. They wore polished black shoes and perfectly ironed jumpers boasting their school logos. A girl with blonde waves was at the front of the group, grinning at the green-eyed boy and the tall, brown haired boy. The other girl with coal black hair and a pretty creamy brown tan was at the back of the group, her fingers typing furiously on a phone.

There was a tap of a finger on my shoulder and I nudged my head," Yes. What? Oh . . . and who are you?"

A face peered over my shoulder, I twisted around to meet the intruder. 

Being harassed was not a good end of school day.

A tall girl smiled at me, honey-coloured hair waved down to her waist, her face was tilted upwards and her bright blue eyes shimmered as she smiled. Angelic skin was hidden under a dark navy blue suit that covered her entire body leaving only her face.

" Colette, what's with the firefighter getup? Is it yer new thing."

" Oh hush Amara, may I ask you the same thing hmm? Why are you staring at my sister's saddo friends?"

I glanced at the group, now fading away, walking the turning paths of the neighbourhood, still laughing, the leader girl flouncing around.

I looked at her and then at Colette.

" Oh is that your sister?"

She rolled her eyes," I thought you'd know that by now. Lila Rose? Always to busy to show up anywhere? Not a surprise you've never seen her."

" So . . . aren't you gonna talk to her?"

" Nah we ignore each other, I embarrass her and her me. " A sack of envy heaves on my heart and I force to keep my expressions casual. 

She didn't know how lucky she was.

" And you are seriously walking home from here? You go on the school bus, the nine sixty six. Well, I'm guessing you're coming over?"

" Uhm actually I was-"

I choked on my words. I couldn't say it. It would be too real. And Colette couldn't know. No one could know. 

Personal therapists were not normal.

" Yeah, I was coming over. I am soo dying at French. "

Smooth Ama, smooth. You don't even do French. Mentally face-palming myself I grinned slowly at Colette," Do I need an excuse to go to my friend's house?"

Colette gave me a look but let it go, and we walked through her neighbourhood, chatting about little things.

" Guess who's coming back to Silverleaf High tomorrow."

" Who in their right mind would start school on a Friday. "

" They're coming back Ama, they used to be at this school and then left for some reason no one knows but rumour has it they went to America for schooling and decided to come back."

" Why you so excited? Who are they? "

" Blake Killian, James Archer, Daniel West and Rosa Towers." She sounded breathless as she says the names, face clouding with pink blush and eyes flooding with a cloudy shade of blue. Then she looked away towards a bright green car, with a tall dark skinned woman with large black eyes like the night driving. She had dark waves curling at her slim waist, a hand fiddling with something in a red coat pocket, and the other slowly driving along the roads.

Colette gave her a little wave that the woman returned before she drove deeper into the neighbourhood and taking a left to the smaller cottages. We took a right the ground immediately getting a bit higher and the tarmac more fresh black, the green more lush and houses started to enlarge. I took a glance at the sky, but it was just as blue, just as bright. 

They were right with the saying. The Sky Never Lies.

" Coleeeeeeeeeeeete," I rang the e in her name for a long time and screeched in a high girly voice, quoting Faye Beth's song from Music at school, " And when you feeeeeeeeeeel the blooooooooooddd ruuuuuuuuhhhshiiiiiing innnn yoooooooooooour veeeeeeeeeeeins you knoooooooooow you're in looooooooove laaaaalaaaaalaaaaaa laaa laaaaaaa."

Colette slapped my arm and laughed," Faye makes Miss Harper screech internally. Like you can see the blood rushing out of that lady's veins when Faye tries to sing."

The girl's desperate to be teacher's pet but Lindyn Waters took the spot the day she was born. And no I'm not lying the school's previous head was friends with her parents and the day Lindyn was born the teacher had looked at her and kissed her forehead, grinning and saying with love that she was beautiful. Therefore crowning Lindyn as Silverleaf High Queeniare. 

Lindyn Waters, Fiona Stars and Jennifer Keith are the school trio. The three girls who own Silverleaf High. We don't need to go in any detail how or who they are or I'll have a headache for the rest of my life.

I grinned," Hey, what's Faye ever done to you?"

"She's desperate. And desperate people do so many things to get what they want. So stay away from them Ama if you know what's good for you."

And I knew she wasn't just talking about Faye. A chill creeped up my spine. No of course she didn't know. How could she? I tried to ease myself with that reassurance but it still weighed down on me. She'd never say that if she knew about me.

Because I am desperate. So so desperate.

Colette was walking slower now, fidgeting with the ends of her navy blue school jumper.

" What is it Col?"

" Amara do you believe in Faeries and Forever?" She was staring at the sky, her blue eyes wide open, matching the spring sky. Hope glittered in both. Radiance. For a new future, it seemed to sing.

No. Not anymore.

" I-" my voice crumbled and I stared at the black floor, not really seeing it but looking at it and seeing something different entirely.

A beautiful cloudy voice fills my world. And I know it's not real. But I dream back anyway. Because I need her-

" So we were named after Everlasting Light Mum, Dad?"

" Twins have to mean  something separately and together. Alina, light, and Amara, everlasting. So your light will burn on forever." Dad said from the emerald green sofa that occupied the centre of the living room. Mum sat with him, sipping on a coffee, the nutty scent everywhere.

" Such philosophy Kevin." Mum grinned.

Dad poked Mum, and she jumped, spilling half of the coffee over Dad.

"That's what you get for disturbing a Queen," Mum grinned, picking up the coffee and running away singing loudly," Enjoy cleaning up the mess and if you try annoying my daughters to do it I will personally make sure I call child abuse on you Siree. Bye bye."

Alina and I turned to each other at the same time, smiling happily and exchanging a high five. 

Dad looked at us and pleaded with his eyes, staring at the once-emerald now partialy brown sofa, his blue and green t-shirt drenched. 

I stuck my tongue at him," Not our problem 'Siree.' "

Alina smirked," Hey Amara I have to ask you about something that a someone was saying about you."

A blush creeped up my face but I kept it hidden inside," Hmm okay then sistah, what about the something that someone was doing with you? That History project got a bit steamy huh-"

Alina turned purple and Dad smirked," Girls, girls, girls."

The memory went up in smoke. It was the last good time we had. For the next eight months Alina had cancer. Our fourteenth birthday was celebrated in a hospital room that reeked of disinfectant and too much clean. I had to pretend I loved it. We all did. Because it was amazing she was still alive. Supposed to be anyways.

I don't want to know what disease had taken her. Or what happened. That thing destroyed her. Made her a broken shell. And then tore Alina's life apart. Literally. She was going to have a major operation, two months and six days after our fourteenth, February the twenty-seventh. But it went wrong and the cancer was worse and. And that was it.

And it was all my fault.

" Amara?  Are you alright?" Concern was clear in Colette's voice, but she was too far away for me to hear.

After the funeral we moved from America to England. My parents had been thinking on the move for years, a better pay rise for Mum, who is a surgeon, and Dad who worked as a teacher in law. But when Colette died no one could stand the pity. 

So I lost contact with everyone who knew me as Colette's twin. And that was everyone. Colette really was the light. And now she was gone all I got was pity.

And now my parents were overprotective to me and my  ten year old brother. When James caught the Flu a few months ago we were all internally dying. 

But I had to forget her. I had to learn to remember she wasn't there anymore. 

And it was all my fault.

" Amara?" She sounded urgent, grabbing my face with her hands," Get back here, or I'm dialling nine nine nine... AMARA!"

We had now stopped walking outside a handsome dark red stoned house of two stories and a beautiful roof of red tiles and clambering green ivy with a sort of purple blossom growing on it. Dark green leaves peeked out from behind the red-bricked wall that hid the garden and a black jeep was parked in the garage next to the garden door.

And then I found Colette, and never seemed to be able to shake her off. And she still hung around, even though I was ruining her reputation. 

Massively.

" Yes, yes I'm fine. Now stop avoiding it and spill on the firefighter getup."

She still looked worried but managed a smile," Its a long story."

I rolled my eyes.

" Well World Book Day is like The Tops. And soooooo I went off school with a forged sick note by yours truly and wrecked the shops. And then some idiot stole my uniform, I'd left it in a changing room while finding the right size and checking what I looked like and that stuff. And so, thanks to the idiot, I was left in this, having no money because it was all in my trouser pocket. Awesome right? Soooo I had to wing it."

It was only Colette who would say 'The Tops' or 'wrecked the shops' or 'wing it.' And still she was everyone's friend. Even bagged a place with Lindyn Fiona and Jennifer. But she never played that card. Ever.

" Awesome. And how much does the thing cost?" I donkey-laughed, going hee-haw hee-haw.

" Ehm . . . " She turns around and around in circles her hand yanking at her shoulders for a price tag and I laughed even harder and grabbed it for myself, yanking her backwards and reading the label.

" Oh my cheeses COL it's a frikking two hundred! You better return this the moment you get home you idiot-"

" Don't be such a worry warts McGonagall. Start living some life."

Half my life ended when hers did. If only it all did.

I plastered a phony smile on my face and Colette's face shrunk.

" I'm so sorry Amara. You had a bad day huh."

" Yep. Can we please just go to your house?"

" Wait." She paused at her house's bright blue door.

My heart thudded with worry. Was she going to ask? Was she going to force me? Because though the secret was shivering in my teeth I couldn't take it. It would be too real. I wouldn't be just a murderer. I would be a killer. And that makes it so much worse. A killer is for a reason, trained, honed to bring death on people for things that did not matter. Should not matter-

" Do you have a World Book Day cos?" She rounded on me, starting to look scary in the costume. It wasn't really a firefighter. More like a spy. 

Air flooded my lungs, and I relaxed, letting it go. I tried for a moment. But that half was all I got.

" Uhm," I gulped," N-no."

When we were thirteen me and Alina went as Tippi and Grace from One, our favourite book, tying ourselves together at the waist. That book had me pounding a headache every time I thought about it, had me ugly crying at the last half. Alina as Tippi and me, Grace. 

Couldn't do that. 

Ever. 

Again.

" OMG AMARA!" Her face was the picture of annoyance.

" WE'RE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW. NOT SOME SILLY FRENCH HOMEWORK. BTW YOU DON'T EVEN DO FRENCH GURL. " She bellowed, then sighed," WORLD BOOK DAY IS LIKE THE TOPS GURL!"

I rolled my eyes at her.

She fished around her waist, looking for something then frowning extremely," Oh shit, shit, shit. I lost the freaking house keys."

" Oh shit. Oh shit shittedy shit. I lost my freaky phone as well. Shit shit. Oh shitah shit-"

I shrugged and said in the most helpful voice," Parent advice, try the assaulted distressed child card. That- that might work . . . Or just hide out in a cabin in the North Pole. Or South Pole. Whichever works for you."

Panic covered her face and I clamped a hand over my own clucking face.

" NOT FUNNY! I'M GONNA BE A FRIED MARSHMELLOW MESS!"

" And that. You are."