Griffin

I rubbed idly at my chest and sagged further into the overstuffed couch cushions. At this point, I'd lost track of how many hours I'd been watching cooking shows, but it was the least romantic television I could think of. Even home improvement shows were full of couples either searching for or fixing up their family homes. So, cooking it was.

The chef on-screen, who had just spent two hours of her life on what looked like an amazing meal, threw it all onto the plate in a big heap without even bothering to wipe the splattered sauce away from the rim. "Presentation!" I shouted at the TV, and tossed a pillow at it for good measure.

In all fairness, she had been out of time for plating and also, it's not like I could do any better. But it was still satisfying when the woman nervously set down the plate in front of the judge, who looked at it for all of two seconds before commenting on the presentation. I laughed just as Pop walked in. He looked between me and the TV with raised brows. "What's so funny?"

"You had to be there," I dismissed. He nodded and shifted in discomfort. Oh, no. I knew what this was about. "I'm not ready to talk to Wulf," I preempted.

Pop's lips pressed into a thin line, almost like he was trying hard not to smile. What about this could possibly be amusing to him? "Then you might want to clear out of here, because he's on his way."

"What?" I sat up, sending the rest of the pillows that had been piled into a fort around me scattering. "What do you mean, he's on his way?"

Pop held up his phone. "I just got a call from the security gate. Since Wulf isn't officially in the pack yet, they can't let him onto pack grounds without someone there to sign him in... unless I approve it."

My mind went back to the many times Wulf had come and gone from our territory over the past weeks, sometimes with me and sometimes without. Had they called my father every single time I wasn't there? That was so... so...

Embarrassing.

It was almost enough to distract me from the matter at hand: that Wulf was on his way here. I seriously contemplated running away again, but that was just a little too mean. I had to stop avoiding him sometime. It would only get scarier the more I kept putting it off.

"Thanks for letting me know," I said.

Pop nodded. "Sure. Do you want me to stick around?"

"Thanks, but no."

I thought Pop would leave, then, but he didn't. "Griffin? I know you've had a lot to cope with lately, but I think there's some perspective you might have missed. So many werewolves have human mates, and they make it work. Even with their mate not able to feel the bond and knowing nothing about the supernatural world, they are able to build a relationship. You've already got a huge head start on those people. Your mate knows what you are and he accepts it. Just something to think about."

Pop patted my shoulder on his way out of the room, and I was left alone. I felt a little annoyed he was butting in, and even more annoyed that I grudgingly had to admit that he was right. But knowing that didn't make me feel any better.

I strained my ears, waiting to pick up on the sound of someone approaching the house. Then I realized Wulfric would probably assume I was at my apartment in the pack house, not at my parents' place. Unless I went and found him, I probably had a little time to get my bearings and make a plan for what I wanted to say to him.

Except that ended up not being the case at all. I got up to run to the bathroom and check my hair, which was mussed and sticking out in all directions after I spent the last day lounging on it. I didn't even get to run gel through it before I heard a car parking in one of the spots near my parents' house. Based on the timing, Wulfric must have guessed I'd be here, after all. The idea warmed me and made me feel just a little bit more ready to have this talk.

I opened the front door just as Wulfric stepped up onto the porch. He looked surprised to see me standing in front of him, probably expecting more resistance after how I'd run away the last time we saw each other. Wulfric's dark eyes swept over me, and I couldn't help returning the inspection. Even if I was the one who did the avoiding, I hated that we spent so long apart like this, with so much unsettled between us.

"How are you?" Wulfric asked.

"Um, good. You?" I responded awkwardly. It didn't help that my father was probably listening in from upstairs.

"I've been better," he said, but didn't seem particularly upset with me. That was a good sign, right?

"Yeah, I'm sorry about that," I said. But I didn't offer an explanation. Not yet. Not so close to my family. "Want to go for a walk?"

Wulf agreed, so I followed him off the porch and into the woods. I steered us toward a remote area near the edge of the property, where we shouldn't have to worry about our privacy.

"I hope you don't mind me stopping by," Wulfric said. Something in his stride was stiffer than usual. Was that discomfort? Or was it just because he was still adjusting to his human body? Maybe I was just overthinking the whole thing.

"No, it's fine." We walked a little further in silence, while I struggled to find the words to explain myself. "I was shocked," I began.

Wulfric looked guilty and instantly cut in, "I am truly sorry for how I told you about not feeling our bond anymore. I never should have sprung it on you like that, especially after the prior days had been so difficult."

If I hadn't already been feeling guilty, that would have done it. "No, that's not – that wasn't a problem. I mean, obviously I didn't like hearing it, but I'm glad you told me and waiting wouldn't have made it better."

"If that wasn't the problem, what was?" Wulfric asked softly.

We both stopped walking so we could face each other. How could Wulfric be looking so calm right now? If someone pushed me away like I'd done to him...

My chest ached at the thought. I knew just how bad it felt when people who were supposed to be there suddenly disappeared. What was wrong with me, that I could understand such a thing and still do it to the person I was supposed to love? Because of... what? The fear he might do to me what I was doing to him? It was disgraceful.

Wulfric gently brushed his knuckles across my cheek. "What is it?" he asked softly. "Talk to me. This can only get better if you talk to me."

Why was I such a troublemaker? Why couldn't I just be happy and let something be good, for once? Was I just a self-saboteur? What the hell was wrong with me?

It all came pouring out in a rush. "You couldn't feel the bond anymore and it seemed kind of like fate was just messing with me. Like, even my mate will have no reason to stay with me. And then I felt like a whiny brat who doesn't appreciate the good things they do have, and I was worried that if I stayed, I'd take it all out on you."

"So you left," Wulfric said calmly.

"I didn't mean to. I just kind of... did."

"I understand," Wulfric said. "Thank you for explaining."

We walked on a short distance through the woods, and I'm not sure who reached out first, but our hands soon met and clasped. Wulfric was warmer than I was used to, now that he was human. His cooler temperature as a vampire had made for nice sensory play, but I thought I might like this better. The warmth of his grasp was comforting.

Or, it was comforting until Wulfric suddenly stopped walking and his grip on me had me jerking backwards. He was still really strong, even as a human. "What is it?"

"Fen. I don't know how I didn't think of it right away, but he can make me feel our bond again. It can be just as it was before. Well, with the exception that I'm human now." Wulfric was obviously excited about this idea, so much so that he didn't even seem upset to say he was human.

"Oh." How had I not thought of that? So much unnecessary drama, and for nothing.

Wulfric pulled his phone out of his pocket and started tapping at the screen, probably about to call Fen. My body reacted before I even made a conscious decision, and I snatched the phone from his hand.

"Wait."

I knew Wulfric was frowning at me in confusion, but he waited silently while I sorted out my tangled thoughts. For a second, my throat clogged up and I had to seriously question my sanity. "Maybe this whole thing, you losing your bond-sense, is just a push in the right direction."

That got a reaction out of him. "What?!"

"What if we didn't have Fen turn your bond sense back on yet?" I asked in a whisper, scarcely believing I was the one suggesting such a thing.

Wulfric looked hurt, and I instantly released his hand so I could cup his cheeks. "Sorry, I'm not explaining this right. I want us to try being in a relationship without anything making us stay together. If we work out, wouldn't it be good to know it was because we genuinely wanted to be together instead of because of a mystical soulmate bond?"

Wulfric shook his head in confusion. "The bond isn't just a bit of magic tying us together. It's magic recognizing what already exists between us, and even if I can't feel it anymore, that doesn't mean the bond will be gone. Besides, you'll still feel it. Unless you're thinking of having him turn off your bond sense, too?"

"I'm not explaining this right." How could I make him see how much better things could be this way? Werewolf relationships were always weird and stilted in the beginning. You'd be with a total stranger, going through the motions of a relationship. Wulfric and I weren't strangers anymore, but I couldn't honestly say we had developed into anything more than companions who had sex. Albeit, really good sex.

Even though the idea he might decide he didn't want me and might disappear from my life still haunted me, I couldn't shake the growing belief that if we developed a romantic relationship without him feeling the mate bond – if he decided he wanted me, even then – I'd never have to worry about him again. If he wanted me all on his own, then once we did seal the bond and commit ourselves to each other, I'd know it was real and right.

Was I being unfair? This might be what was better for my broken, insecure mind... but our relationship wasn't all about me. "Only if you're okay with it," I added. "Really okay with it, not just agreeing to make me happy."

Wulfric studied me while my mind worked on overdrive before slowly nodding. "We can do it your way." I sighed in relief, and nodded eagerly when he continued, "On the condition that we have regular, honest check-ins with each other."

"You really don't mind?" I checked, because this almost seemed too easy. Did his quick agreement with trying to be together without him feeling our bond mean he wasn't as invested in the relationship? Maybe he was just looking for an easy way out and I'd stupidly offered him one.

I shook my head. These invasive thoughts were exactly the reason doing this was such a good idea. I needed to learn how to be in a normal relationship without getting neurotic about it.

"At least for now, I truly don't mind," Wulfric said. "To be frank, it's not so different either way. Even not feeling our bond, I still feel a connection with you, Griffin. I still want to be close, and when we aren't close, you're on my mind." He tweaked one of my curls, as he had a habit of doing when he was feeling particularly affectionate.

Could he have said anything more perfect? I didn't think so. "Really?"

"Really," Wulfric confirmed, and he leaned down to press a chaste kiss to my lips.

Or, it started out chaste. I responded eagerly, cupping a hand around the back of his head to pull him more firmly against me and opening my mouth to deepen the kiss. He pushed me back a few steps until I bumped into a tree, and then he pressed me between the trunk and his body while his mouth worked with mine.

When we broke apart, we were both breathing hard, our chests moving together like this for the first time. Wulfric didn't used to need air in the way I did, and while his breathing could still react habitually like a human's, it didn't always. Now, I pressed kisses up and down his neck while he shivered against me, feeling his fingers tremble and clench at my waist while struggled to control his breathing. Seeing and feeling just what I did to him was like a heady drug, and my heart felt so full it could burst.

What had I been so afraid of yesterday? Wulfric didn't need to feel our bond for us to be together. It didn't suddenly make us strangers or stop him from caring. It didn't diminish how incredibly well we moved together.

I don't need the bond, I thought. I just need him.

The thought made me giddy, and I jumped up to wrap my legs around Wulfric's waist. He staggered under the sudden weight and we almost fell down, but managed to catch himself. Our laughter mixed together and his eyes were affectionate as he gazed into my own.

I didn't want the moment to end, but more than that, I didn't want it to get interrupted if an unsuspecting pack member came by.

"My place?" I asked eagerly.

Wulfric kissed me one more time, then set me down. "God, yes."