+ + +

R.HAMILTON

Jetlag put everyone to bed much earlier than usual, and the morning came so much quicker than River anticipated.

Still, when she woke up, the clock on her phone showed 10:39 which was a lot later than she liked to start her day. Sleeping in wasn't an option she had often, and when it happened, it felt wrong. It felt like the day had gone by her, and she was behind schedule.

This time, she was fine with it. She was on holiday, and the only thing she had to worry about was where she put her factor fifty.

"Catch," Harry said, perhaps the first word from him that morning. He looked incredibly sleepy, his hair everywhere, and curlier than usual. The heat already worked wonders on his hair, even though he claimed he hated it. His voice was deep, and River felt it in her chest.

He threw the bottle of sunscreen to her, and she failed to catch it. The bottom hit her pinky, and she cried out, thinking her nail broke from the impact. Pain made her finger throb, and she started to shake her hand out. Harry was so lost in his own hazy mind that he blinked at her a couple of times before he shot up from his spot on the bed.

Harry grabbed her hand in both of his, and kissed all over her fingers as if that could've eased the pain. It helped a little because she started to laugh, and he followed suit.

"Does it still hurt?"

"Just gone numb," she said. "I'm fine. I thought it broke my nail."

"Tsk, we can't have a broken nail on holiday, can we?" he shook his head dramatically. Again, River chuckled, and ran her thumb over his warm cheek a couple of times. "Tell me we have absolutely no plans today," he sighed as he leaned his face into the palm of her hand. River's heart jumped, and she tilted her head gently to watch him close his eyes.

"Absolutely no plans, darling," she confirmed in a soft tone, her thumb light across his skin. "Except for going down to the beach, and baking in the sun. Does that sound acceptable?"

"It sounds fucking perfect," he smiled as he opened his eyes slowly. If River hadn't already fallen in love with him months ago, she may have fallen in love with him in that moment. Something in the way he looked at her made her feel on top of the world, yet her knees were weak, and she was close to losing her balance.

Harry didn't let her pull back to continue getting ready. At least, not before he had a chance to put his arms around her, one hand cradled the back of her neck, and his chin rested on the crown of her head. River relaxed into his arms, and tucked her face as deep in his chest as she could.

"Your family is... okay with me being here, right?"

River stiffened. The question caught her off guard, and worried her all the same. Pulling back with her upper body, her hands embraced his waist, and she waited until he looked at her. The worry in his voice reflected in his eyes.

"This is my birthday trip," she replied. Still as confused as ever. The chances of her family having made a comment were high. "I invite whomever I wish. If anyone is not okay with the guest list, they can decline attendance."

Harry didn't seem pleased with the answer but she wasn't going to tell him the truth. No one wanted to hear that they weren't welcome.

"Sure, but your family owns this place, and I don't want to—"

River sighed, and dropped her arms from around him. Even put some distance between them. It was enough to make Harry stop mid-way through his sentence. He looked at her with furrowed brows, and she laughed, dry.

"You think this is a joke?" he asked.

"Of course, not," she insisted. Sighed again, and put her hands on her waist. "I'm not laughing at you, or what you said. I'm laughing because it is so incredibly painful, and annoying to have this shadow over us, constantly thinking of everyone else but ourselves. Everything we do, everywhere we go, it feels contained by other people, and the way they view us. Aren't you tired of caring?"

"Whether or not I am tired of it doesn't make a difference."

River tilted her head. "Yes, it most certainly does. I'd prefer it if you didn't care—as you have done previously."

"Well, things have changed."

"And they will continue to change," she noted. Harry looked away, giving the perfect view of his flexed jaw. River sighed inwardly. She didn't want to argue. "Listen, my family is my family. I have them under control, and as far as I am aware, they have left us alone. Is that not the case?"

This was the only way River could ask him without asking him if he was approached. He seemed to think over it which gave her the impression that someone must've got to him. Quickly, she reminded herself that couldn't have happened. They were together every moment of their journey from London to Cancun. Harry was out like a light when they got to bed, and River got up before he did. Therefore, she ruled this out being the case.

Harry confirmed it shortly. "That is the case. I just can't help but feel unwelcome."

"I'm sorry you feel that way but that is how my family is," she stated. The cold, tough truth. Unless they had a reason not to, the Hamiltons gave the cold shoulder to everyone. "You can choose to ignore it, and spend your week here, having fun, or you can choose to be hung up about it, and let it ruin your vacation. It is entirely up to you, though I'd suggest the first option."

This felt like a great way to leave.

Except that River hated leaving things unresolved.

"Please tell me now so I can arrange for things to be adjusted," she said, even though she had no idea what the hell she would've done if he said he needed those proposed adjustments.

What could she have done? Still jetlagged, and much slower than usual, she couldn't come up with a solution right away. She desperately wished she didn't have to exert herself.

Harry shook his head. "Let's get down to the beach. I could use some sun."

And that was it.

+ + +

As requested, Harry stayed on the sunbed with a book while River went for a swim in the sea.

If River had to be honest, she was upset. Of course, she could understand where Harry was coming from, and she didn't blame him for how he felt. It was valid. Just as valid as her own feelings were. The hurt she felt by the slight rejection from his end.

River fought for him wherever and whenever she could. Tooth and nail, she pushed against doors that she knew to be glued to the doorframe for just a moment of reprieve. Why was it that Harry couldn't see it? Why was it that he didn't do the same for her?

She dipped beneath the water, and held her breath as long as she could, then floated on top. The sun was warm on her face, and she felt weightless. The waves carried her gently, and she enjoyed the loss of physical control for once.

Mentally, she only thought about one thing. One person. Harry.

Why didn't he try? River felt like he didn't give her enough. Where she would've gone to war for him, he much rather stood behind the front line until he could completely retreat. Was it so terrifying to be with her? Did she not mean as much to him as he did to her? What was the explanation for his continuous push and pull approach?

The salt made River's eyes burn, and she had nothing to ease the uncomfortable feeling. Every time she licked her lips, she tasted nothing but salt yet she couldn't stop. It was the same determination she had to go against her parents in what she had to do. Although, given the last conversation she had with her father, there was no use in trying anymore.

It was difficult to let it simmer. To understand that her life had never been hers—not in the way she wanted to own it the most. Once upon a time, she didn't care for the pending marriage. River would've happily gone through with it because that was all she knew.

Then Harry happened, and she no longer wanted to bow down, and do what she was told.

Harry made her free. Harry gave her something to crave, even though she never knew it existed. Harry was the one thing she wanted the most in her life but she understood the things people want are not always meant for them. At least not for a long time.

River didn't realise the wetness on her cheeks was no longer just water. It was the moment she sniffled for the first time that she instinctively turned around, and faced onto the never-ending sea. With Harry behind her, she felt more hidden away, and private to feel her emotions.

She couldn't do this anymore, she decided.

It was too much.

It was time.

After this trip, she was going to break her own heart because if she didn't put a timeline on it, she knew she was never going to put an end to it.

+ + +

"How's the water?"

Harry didn't lift his eyes from the page of his book as the question rolled off of his tongue. Not even when he licked his index finger, and turned to a new side. River watched him silently as she wrapped a towel around her body, the material instantly soaking in the water on her skin, and white bodysuit. The sun warmed her from the back.

"You should try it for yourself," she commented. It sounded harsher, and much more unfeeling than she preferred. Something in the way he refused to give his attention filled River with poison.

If Harry could detect it, as he usually had done, he didn't show it. In fact, he continued to read like there wasn't some kind of negative energy surrounding them, dragging them into a dark abyss.

"The discussion we had back at the villa..." she started to say, only to be welcomed by silence. River didn't know what she expected from Harry, perhaps she no longer had any right to expect anything from him, but she desperately wanted him to look at her. "I suppose I'd like to make sure that you are happy."

Harry didn't lift a finger as he reacted, "Mhm-hm."

"I would like to talk, please?"

Harry closed the book with a sigh that made River feel guilty, and he tilted his head. "Talk."

"Are you angry at me?"

"No."

"Your behaviour begs to differ," she pointed it out, her eyebrows high without even meaning to move them.

"You told me you'd prefer it if I didn't care like I did before," he responded. "I am putting it all behind me, and not caring."

She was flustered all of a sudden. "I simply meant it is better to pay no mind to how other people feel about you. I didn't want you to start acting as though I don't exist."

The words held enough weight to change Harry's expression from firm to soft. It was then that she realised why he switched up his attitude, and it was because of her tears. Again. He sat up, and started to lean forward when River pulled back. This time, he finally showed some emotion.

"Can we please move past the indifference between us?" she asked but didn't stop for an answer. River wiped at her cheeks with the back of her hand while she said, "I know I asked a lot of you by coming on this trip but I honestly want to believe you can deal with it. I want you to be able to deal with it because I can't be put in a position where I have to choose."

My family will always come first, was left unsaid. Harry likely knew this, though. River believed he did because he nodded as he considered his thoughts.

"I love you, Harry. It has to mean something," she added, quiet, and unsure as the words sat in the air.

Did it mean anything? In the grand scheme of things.

He mumbled something as he leaned down, and hid his face in the palm of his hands. It gave River a moment to pick herself up, dry her tears, and centre herself. When he looked at her again, she sat with a straight back, and a clearer mind.

"I'm sorry," he apologised. "I'm sorry for making you feel like you don't exist. You do exist," he smiled, nodding. "You are the only thing in my mind that exists, and it's overwhelming sometimes. It's terrifying to think of a world where you don't exist."

"Luckily, we don't have to worry about me dying anytime soon," she said. It felt very on the nose to phrase it so directly but she wanted to get this over and done with.

"Yes, that is... very lucky," he agreed. "Alright, please, just—come here," he huffed as he opened his arms wide, and River felt instantly pulled to him. The sunscreen on his skin, its warmth, and familiarity brought River back to a calm sense of being. Everything felt off until she was in his arms, and she wanted to soak it all up.

Instead, she started to tear up again. It felt like she was already going through the breakup, though it was definitely easier being in Harry's arms at the same time. Was it selfish? Probably. Did she care? Not in that moment. Looking onto the future, this was for the better.

Harry caressed her wet hair, and cuddled her to his chest like a child. They only spent about an hour and a half in a strange limbo but it had to be the worst hour and a half of River's life.

"I love you, and it means everything," he told her a moment or two later. Softly like the admission took him to a rather vulnerable place. "It always meant everything because you've made me feel loved in ways, I didn't think were possible."

"Is it your intent to keep me crying?"

They both chuckled. River looked at him, and when he reached to wipe her tears away, she let him.

"No, it really isn't my intent," he told her. "Unless they are happy tears."

"They are," she promised. They were this time. "Although, I don't want to cry anymore. Before I know it, I'll tan them on my face."

"We cannot have that, can we?" he joked as he brushed her cheeks free of the droplets, and she let him. Harry always touched her with such gentle hands that she could've melted.

The momentarily lack of understanding, and the space needed to understand their own feelings, gave River a small window of insight of what was to come in the near future. The hopelessness of her relationship with Harry, and how it all would crumble down in the end.

Everything it was going to extract from her. Emotionally more than in any other way. If she considered herself closed off, she had no idea the person she was going to become after this.

Harry pulled her back against his chest, his legs on either side of hers, and he continued to read like their conversation was a second's worth of interruption. River cosied up against him, and jumped into the unknown world of his story. Together, they read, and shared a moment enclosed inside a bubble.

When their order of food arrived, and they had to put the book to rest, River didn't realise just how starved she was. She claimed, "Swimming, and being in the sun, makes me feel like I could eat the entire world, and some."

"Well, I reckon there's plenty to fill you up," he motioned across the fold-out table as they both got comfortable. "By the way, I have a surprise for you."

"You do?" she smiled.

Harry nodded. "It's your birthday gift. I can't hold off anymore. I need you to have it."

"I'm happy to have it," she chuckled. "Surprises are great. Can I guess?"

"Go ahead," he grinned.

This was too easy. "It has to be something small enough to fit in your bag, and even smaller for me to not make note of it. It has to be tangible because as you've said, you need me to have it. Is it something I can take to places, and use like a book?"

"Yes, but it's not a book," he said.

"Is it jewellery?"

Harry groaned, and threw his head back. River started laughing because she knew she hit the nail on the head. "You are too good at this."

"I'm good at everything, darling."

"You most certainly are," he nodded, and leaned down to the side where their bags were. Shortly afterwards, he pulled out a red leather box, and sat it on the palm of his hand. "I hope you like it."

Of course, River instantly knew the brand from the packaging. Her heart was beating so incredibly fast that she heard it in her ears, and felt it in her fingertips. As she opened the box, she found a gold bracelet hidden inside of it, nestled on a cushion.

"Oh, wow," she gasped, pulling it from where it rested, and turned it around in her hand. Ten diamonds sat within the surface of the jewellery, and as she moved it beneath the sun, she caught the engraving on the inside. "RH?"

"Your initials," he said. "Or, I suppose, it can be our initials."

And he was right. It could've been River Hamilton or River Harry. She decided she preferred the second option.

"I love it," she said, watching him intently. Harry's attention was on her hands, and how she held the gold band. When he finally looked up, she dropped the jewellery in her lap, put her hands on his cheeks, and kissed him deeply. "I love you."

"I love you," he grinned. "Happy birthday."

"Thank you," she kissed him once more. "You didn't have to go out like this, though. This is..." she chuckled. "...too much, darling."

"It's not enough," he claimed. "But as long as you like it, I'm more than happy."

It took little convincing for River to reassure him she loved the gift. It sat on her wrist from that moment on until it broke off of her arm. There was no way she would ever take it off. Until then, she didn't think she needed some physical reminder of the love they shared but as the gold band hugged her skin, she was beyond pleased to have it with her.

After the quick lunch snacks, they both went into the water. Tested each other at swimming since Harry claimed to be a natural, and River prided herself in the lessons she had as a child, and teenager.

When the sun began to settle, and they were floating on top of the water, River thought how much she didn't want to leave this place. Cancun held dear memories to her heart, but none that compared to what she had with Harry.

Their salted hair, and the sun caught on their cheeks, they watched the sun go down together. First from the water then the shore as they wrapped a towel around their bodies, and decided to walk on the beach. Harry swung their intertwined hands between them like they were teenagers, and he twirled her around from time to time. It was impossible not to smile or chuckle when he treated her like this, or looked at her as though she hung the stars in the sky.

It felt like they had so much to talk about yet nothing at the same time. Silence between them was always founded in comfort, and while River drew their names in the sand with her finger, Harry packed up their belongings like he gained pure joy from it. Knowing him, he likely did.

"You are so fucking cute," he laughed with his hand in her beach waved hair while he leaned down, and kissed the crown of her head.

"It will be washed away by tomorrow but," she shrugged as she looked up at him. She smiled when he kissed her on the mouth a couple of times, and sighed in content when he pulled back. "I want to sleep on the beach."

He laughed in surprise. "Tonight?"

"No," she shook her head. "But at some point during this trip. I think it could be fun."

"Sure," he shrugged and pulled her up from the sand.

She loved it. The way Harry supported her insane ideas as opposed to stepping on them, and discouraging her with all the rational thinking. It was one of the main reasons why she loved him, why she enjoyed spending her time with him. From the moment they met, he challenged her as much as he believed in her, and no one else gave her that support.

The bracelet around her wrist started to feel heavy because she reminded herself, involuntarily, of what she had to do, and it wasn't pleasant.  

+ + +

Happy Friday!!!

Happy Riverry is always a good time, and Harry's little present is finally out of the bag. He can rest easy knowing the love of his life loved the gift hehe 

As for everyone else involved - I hope you are terrified because terrifying things are coming to terrify us. I hope I scared you enough. 

Look out for danger in the form of Hamilton parents, and the Radcliffe clan because they are closer than you want to believe, and for one, I am excited for things to go wrong (also incredibly broken and depressed and do not wish to discuss the pain I have endured throughout the duration of this story) 

Love, B xx