I paced, paced and paced some more that I'm sure I've lost the pounds I had gained due to stress eating. It's been a whole week since I had that talk with my mum, and since then I haven't been able to sleep.

As the days seemed to trudge on, the more I came to the realization that what I was feeling for Harry was not going to go away anytime soon. Not unless I talk to him about it. He had been in his home here in London, and I had not heard from him since. I hadn't exactly made any attempts to contact him anyway but my pride prevents me from texting first.

When I look to the clock, it's way past midnight. I was glad I didn't work in the morning so I didn't mind being up this late. My fingers practically itched to unlock my phone and contact Harry, but I just couldn't bring myself to.

Ben had been extremely busy with college back in his home so we weren't really talking as much as we used to, he had said something about taking his semester exams before break. I had nobody to talk to and I was slowly loosing my mind.

Just as I was about to give up and try to make myself go to bed, my phone rang with an incoming call, that being from none other than the person I was anticipating the most.

"Hello?" I say after a while of being on the line. I sit back against my headboard and tug on my hoodie string, waiting for a response, hearing his light breathing before he spoke.

"Hi, Katie." His voice was soft without a trace of sleep in it, probably because he wasn't sleeping just like me.

"Is everything alright?" I ask, now finding interest in the bruise on my knee that I received from bumping into the bathroom sink in the middle of the night.

"I'm...I don't know," he sighs. "I can't sleep."

"Sure you can, just close your eyes." I joke though I wasn't in a joking mood and I could tell he wasn't either but he managed to chuckle lightly regardless. "That makes two of us."

"Um," he says nervously. "I passed by this restaurant that runs twenty-four hours. I wasn't hungry at all, but something told me to go in."

"Okay.." I say, putting the call on speaker, I stay silent waiting for him to go on.

"When I went in, the smell sort of brought me back and I remembered I had taken you there when your dad was diagnosed with cancer," he begins and at the mention of my father, I tear up. "I had forgotten my wallet and I obviously wasn't going to let you pay, so I had to wash dishes for it and you laughed, it took your mind off of it for a while."

"Their chips are stale and gross." I scrunch my nose.

"They made you laugh though," he adds and I smile. "That's also where we went before prom, I knew how you'd get at the after party and I didn't want you to drink on an empty stomach." He says. "I've also been outside on my car for about thirty minutes."

"What?" I say and quickly go to the window, pulling back the curtain to see Harry standing against his car in a black hoodie, the phone pressed to his ear and smoke coming from his lips because of the cold. "Oh my God, come inside!" I say into the phone when he waves at me.

I hang up and quickly go downstairs to unlock the door and let him in. "I brought you some of those stale chips." He says, holding up a white bag with the restaurant's logo and I look at him and the bag before laughing.

"I can't believe you've been outside all this time and didn't tell me." I scold and he sets the bag of chips down on the table beside the door. "Would you like some coffee? Tea?" I ask and he nods, following me inside the kitchen where I set up the kettle. "What made you come here this late?"

Harry shrugs his shoulders and slides into the stool behind the counter, his elbows supporting his weight and his fingers played with his rings. I watch his mannerisms from my side. "I've been feeling things," he speaks and I kind of know where this conversation will be headed. "Things I feel guilty even thinking of."

"On second thought," I say and turn off the stove. "Why not some vodka?" I nervously reach down to my cabinet where I reach for the bottle, hot vodka it is.

"Pass," he says. "I want to have a sober conversation, where I know I'm getting everything out without slurring my words and you thinking I'm fucking around." Harry explains and I nod, taking a glass out for me. Harry watches my movements as I pour the drink before throwing my head back and swallowing it, feeling it burn my throat.

"Okay," I let out a breath. "Continue."

"I know you know what I'm talking about." He says and I hesitantly nod. "That night when we kissed, it wasn't the first time it happened." He says and my eyes divert to his that we're looking down at his hands.

"What do you mean?" I ask slowly.

Harry looks up to me, biting the inside of his cheek. "Our last year, I had developed a small crush on you and on the night of our prom, after you had your last shot," he gulps. "They played this upbeat song that you wanted to dance slow to. You had your arms wrapped around my neck, and I remember thinking how beautiful you looked...I don't know, I must've been looking at you for too long, but I remember you smiled and kissed me before passing out because of how drunk you were."

As he finishes speaking, I find myself focused on the words on his hoodie. I hard heard him perfectly clear, but my mind was taking its time processing the newfound information. "I knew you were too drunk to even remember that and I didn't want to remind you, so I kept it to myself." He continues. "I've wanted you since, but I knew I couldn't have you. It killed me every time you got a boyfriend, I tried myself to move past it all and just forget about how I felt."

"Why are you telling me this?" I finally speak.

He looks away for a second before looking back. "Because I know these same feelings are the reason why you're awake this late." He says and he's totally right. "And also, because I spoke to Ben."

"What? When? Why?" I stutter, this was all too much to process.

"I shouldn't say," he runs his fingers through his curls. "He asked for advice. He said because I know you best I'd be perfect to talk to about things regarding you." I can tell he's struggling to speak. "He wants to propose."

What? What is it with every guy I date wanting to propose to me?

"What?" I say again, unable to process anything coming out of his mouth. Everything he's said has gone in one ear and cluttered inside my head.

"Shit." He mumbles. "You know what? Just forget everything I said." He begins standing up but I stop him.

"Harry, stop." I say and watch as his face scrunches up, in the same way it always does when he knows he's let too much out of something he wasn't supposed to.

He sighs for what feels that one hundredth time. "Ben wants to prose to you." He finally gives in. "I told him I think it's too soon, but he seems confident that you'll say yes. He says he knows what he wants, and what he wants is you." I back up and sit on the stool he was sitting on.

This was too much to handle. "I can't believe any of this." I say. Harry walks around and sits on the empty stool beside me. "I didn't expect this."

"What are you going to do about him?" Harry asks hesitantly making me turn.

"What do you mean?"

"If he asks," he says. "Will you say yes?" Will I? It was too soon, I still didn't have a career for myself, I work minimum wage at a cafe and have no goals. Of course I liked Ben, but deep down I know he wasn't going to make me half as happy as Harry has made me or would.

You don't love him, not him.

"I—don't know." I say truthfully and things in the room become quiet. Harry looks away and I don't know if it has hurt his feelings. "What do you think I should do?" I redirect the question, hoping he'd say no, to forget about Ben and be with him, that everything will be better with him and I'll be fine.

Instead, he intakes a deep breath and clenches his fists silently on his lap. "I think you should say yes." He says and I look away in disappointment. "He seems to really want to be with you."

I would've never imagined my best friend being able to break my heart with just a few words.

—

it's 5 am, this is definitely not proofread