i am really nervous, guys.

not even nervous, but scared. very very scared.

i may not update because of personal family business, i hope you guys understand. i am not saying what has happened between my family, and i wish that none of you ask. i might update once and a while, but i won't be updating that much.

you can expect an update once a weekend though. i'm not sure about weekdays.

but i just need to say something to get it off of my chest, and i'm going into my perfect grammar mode for this just to get it out to you guys so you see how important this topic is to me.

You. You behind the screen right now. Yes, you. You are motherfucking special. No matter what anybody says, you are fucking special. Every single one of you fucking guys are playing a role in this story. What story is it? This story is motherfucking Life. You guys are characters of it, following a script. The script is your mind, telling you what and what not to do.
If anyone tells you to kill yourself, ignore it. You still have a long time until fucking Death catches you by the motherfucking arm and says, "Hello there. Time to visit and kidnap you!"
You still have time, use it wisely. And god fucking dammit, I mean it when I say I love you. I might not know you in person, but I can tell from what you guys comment that you guys are beautiful fucking people with flawless fucking humor. If you are thinking about self harm and/or suicide, DO NOT FUCKING DO IT.
Suicide is the coward's way of leaving this story. Do not be the coward, be the hero. Be the hero and live your way through life. But if you're getting bullied and you are keeping it to yourself, tell someone. Tell someone that cares about you so that the person you tell can defend you and keep you fucking safe. That is heroism in my eyes.
Another topic. Depression.
Depression is a monster that follows you around for a very long time. It looms over your fucking shoulders every god damn day, whispering insults and your flaws in your ear. It wants to make you weak so that it can grow stronger as it feeds on your negativity. Do not let it. Do not fuel it by self-harm and your suicidal thoughts, as it only makes it's desire to destroy you for good more stronger. As your Depression whispers to you, do not let it control you.
"Boost yourself up, jump. Jump since nobody loves you."
"Tighten the rope. You don't deserve this current life that you were given. You have no purpose."
"Nobody cares, pull the trigger already."
"Swallow them. These cylindrical pills are medicine. They help you, by killing you with enough."
Don't listen to Depression.
Do not.

I know from experience.

I listened to Depression. I did not self-harm by cutting, though. I used to self-harm by hitting myself until the bruises on my stomach were a dark blue and blackish. No matter what, Depression knows everyone's secrets.
Yes, I might have a younger sibling way more smarter than me.
Yes, I have relatives more sociable than me.
Of course, I want to cry but I can't so I stare as I feel my heart ripping because I do not want to be embarrassed.
I have done so many things that were bad, I wanted to end my life.
I've bullied.
I've told lies.
I'm not blaming all of this on some sort of mythical being, though. Depression is oh so real.

You could be deaf or blind. You could be quiet or loud.
You could have Cancer, Ebola, Alzheimer's, ADHD, Autism, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Anorexia, Bipolar, whatever you suffer from, Depression could still be there. Even if you're perfectly healthy, it could strike at any moment and attach to you like glue.

I want to ask/tell you guys a few things.

1. Someone's biggest smile could shield their Depression from the world. Reach out to them, ask if they're okay.

2. If you have Depression or any sort of disorder, please realize that you are not alone. Other people suffer from the same one you might have. If you can die from it, realize that you're still alive. Be happy.

3. Please, no matter what, please try and stay alive. For me. Remember what I said at the beginning? How Life is a Story and that you're taking part of it? Life should be your favorite story you've ever read, considering that you're experiencing this right now. You are the author. You can change your perspective on how things look to you. Your opinion, your emotions, what you feel and taste and see and smell and hear. Your own story, Life, is based off of those small factors. As well as many more.
Ever think, "Ew, that girl looks like a motherfucking thot?" That just made a few sentences in your own story.

But whatever you do, do not listen to Depression. Do not kill yourself. Do not self-harm. Please, I am begging you.

I love you all, don't fucking forget that. <3

Have a good motherfucking, pancake flipping day. (I like pancakes. c: )