Today (Mid-morning)

The sun glared through the side window and blinded him as it rose steadily in the sky. Theo frowned and unhooked the sun visor from the ceiling to swivel it so that it blocked the bright rays of light. Then he let his arm fall across the windowsill again, enjoying the rush of cool air across the hairs on the top of his forearm and the warm press of the metal car door underneath.

Corn fields striped the rolling hills that stretched in every direction, sliced by the black ribbon of highway that they coasted along. The engine's rumble and wind blowing in the open windows drowned out any other sound. But Theo imagined that if he were sitting quietly among the rows of crops, he would hear the rustle of the corn stalks, the chirping of cricket, and the sunshine beaming down on him.

"Do you want a snack?" Abel asked.

Theo turned to frown at him. "We just had breakfast."

"A couple of hours ago," Abel twisted his torso, leaving one hand on the steering wheel and reaching into the backseat with the other. His shirt stretched across his chest, sleeve riding up to show off his arm's soft, pale underside, crisscrossed by a patchwork of stark black tattoos. The spicy scent of his deodorant filled the space between them. Theo bit his lip.

"I could go for a snack," he murmured.

It was his sex voice, which had Abel looking immediately from the road to his face. He smirked and glanced in the backseat to finally grab whatever he was pawing around for, then lifted the bag of snacks into the front and dropped it into Theo's lap.

"You horndog," he teased, "I meant actual food."

He grabbed one of the granola bars and opened it, the heels of his palms braced on top of the wheel to steer as he used his fingers. Theo poked around in the bag, then decided to eat the rest of his breakfast burrito before it went bad. He couldn't rip it up and eat it the way he had earlier without making a mess, so he ate it as neatly as he could manage while it was rolled up.

The fields suddenly gave way to a small town. Their speed slowed as they passed the conversations and coffee aromas spilling from the open doors of cafes lining a cute little main street. Theo twisted in his seat to watch a dog tied to one of the metal tables on the sidewalk where its owner sat reading a book.

"This town has a petting zoo if I remember correctly," Abel said as they slowed to a stop at the town's singular cross light.

"Really?" Theo licked his fingers and crumpled the burrito wrapper. "A petting zoo? How does that work? They let people pet tigers and monkeys and stuff?"

Abel turned fully in his seat to gawp at Theo, jaw dropped. It was serious enough that he removed his sunglasses. Theo looked away, down at the snacks in his lap, and twisted the bag's straps around his fingers—embarrassed because, apparently, he had said something stupid or abnormal again.

"Hey, it's okay," Abel told him. "I'm just surprised. Have you never been to a petting zoo?"

"I've been to the zoo," Theo mumbled.

"Baby, a petting zoo is a little different. They have farm animals, like goats, alpacas, and rabbits."

Theo pursed his lips. "I've never been to one of those. What's an alpaca?"

The person behind them beeped. Abel jumped in his seat, and they both looked up to see that the light was green. He pulled through the intersection.

"They are like llamas, kind of."

"Oh." Theo nodded. "And they let you pet the animals?"

"Yes. Would you like to go to this one?"

Theo thought about holding a little bunny rabbit in his hands and stroking its soft fur. That sounded nice. He kind of wanted to know what an alpaca looked like, so he pulled out the new phone that Abel had bought him before they left on their trip and tapped alpaca into the search. They looked fuzzy like sheep, had long necks, and had silly expressions on their faces. He immediately wanted to meet one.

"Theo?"

He hummed and looked over at Abel, who was glancing between him and the road with a patient expression. "Oh! Yes, please. Can we go?"

"Sure."

The zoo turned out to be right off the side of the highway, just past a big billboard sign announcing its presence. The billboard had huge pictures of little goats, which made Theo sit forward in his seat. Abel smoothly pulled into the gravel parking lot and had barely parked before Theo bounded out the door. He rounded the back of the car and bounced on his toes with hands tucked into his pockets so he would not look like a complete spazz.

Abel stepped out of the car, standing to his full height, cracking his back before locking the doors and then offering a hand to Theo. Theo slid their palms together and sidled right up beside Abel as they walked. He squinted at Abel's sunglasses, which had made their way back onto his face.

"Could I have a pair of sunglasses?" He asked.

"You want these?" Abel immediately reached for his face, but Theo shook his head.

"No, those are yours. I'd like my own."

"Alright."

The lot was pretty full, sunlight glinting off the chrome and windows despite the constant dust hanging in the air after being kicked up by tires. A grove of trees hid the area behind the entryway – a ticket booth and information desk. They made their way through the ticket line, which was surprisingly busy given that there had been little traffic on the roads.

"It's a Saturday. And they probably just opened," Abel informed him, which did not mean much to Theo. He never measured his time in days of the week. His life was just one long string that he was dragging himself along. Until recently, that was.

Abel did all the talking with the woman selling tickets, putting on his charming smile. It was the one that he wore when he was at work. Theo saw it the few times he went to the bar and hung out in the shadowy corners beneath the neon lights to watch from across the pool tables and rowdy conversations as Abel handled a cocktail shaker and flirted with customers. It brightened his entire face, showing off his pearly whites and sinking dimples into his cheeks. And it made Theo's chest constrict. He blushed and looked down at his feet.

The woman was equally charmed, and despite the discrepancy in their appearance from that of the other visitors—who were mostly families with small children, as opposed to two men with piercings, one covered in tattoos and the other with bleached, fading blue hair—she treated them kindly. She did not even look put off by the bruises on Theo's face.

"Here you go, honey," she wrapped a blue paper band around his wrist, careful not to touch his skin until she tapped the sticky end to ensure it was secure.

"Thank you," he said, battling the urge to hide behind Abel and peer at her like a little kid. Ever since this road trip had started, the urge to cling and hide and pout had been constant. Abel did not help by putting one of his big arms around Theo's shoulder to guide him into the zoo proper, making it easy to hold onto his shirt and nuzzle into his shoulder.

What are you – a dog? Stop following me around. Pathetic, honestly.

Theo tensed and tried to draw away. He was not a dog. He was a human being. But he was not really that either. Just an animal. Look at you, driven by instinct, a bitch in heat. Just a filthy fucking animal. Not even a dog – people loved their dogs and wanted their companionship. He was just a wiggly worm to be impaled on the end of a fishhook. Demon-bait. Because he was not one of them either. He could never be like Ken and the others. He was just their little toy. That was it. He was not a dog. He was a dog's chew toy.

The line of tension that snapped into Theo's shoulders did not go unnoticed by Abel. He squeezed him closer to place a kiss on the top of his head and then let him go. He unfolded the pamphlet they had been given. Inside, there was a map.

"What do you want to see first?" he asked, drawing Theo's attention out of his spiraling thoughts.

Theo blinked at it. "I don't know."

"Well, it looks like you can pretty much just follow this path," Abel's finger traced it on the map, "so let's do that."

The very first animals were goats. They were tiny, about as tall as Theo's knees, and looked more like toys than actual living creatures. Visitors could feed them inside the enclosure with a handful of hay. When Theo tried to tug Abel in with him, he gently refused and stayed outside the fence ring. He braced his forearms on it and watched as Theo stood at the edge of the ring and clutched the hay to his chest.

"Offer the hay to one of them," Abel prompted.

The goats were currently swarming a couple of children, who were shrieking with delight and handing out hay under the supervision of their parents. Theo wished Abel would have come inside with him, but he reminded himself that Abel was hardly his parent and Theo was not a child. So, he took a deep breath and walked forward.

Several goats immediately hopped toward him, bleating and peering up at him expectantly. He stared down at them in awe and slowly offered the hay. As they chomped and nibbled at it, he laughed in delight.

"Abel, their eyes are so strange," he said, looking over his shoulder. "Goats have demon eyes."

"You know they aren't actual demons, right?" Abel's fond expression made Theo's insides wriggle. One brow was lifted, and his lips were curved into a gentle smile. He did not often try to rationalize the crazy things that Theo said, but occasionally, he tried to gauge whether Theo was in his right mind or had dropped all his marbles for the moment. He was probably worried because of Theo's sudden mood shift earlier.

"I know," Theo said, like, duh, then just to tease Abel a little, tacked on, "Cats are an entirely different matter, though."

Abel rolled his eyes and grinned off to the side.

They moved down the path past pigs, more goats, mini horses, full-sized goats, and a rabbit hutch. Theo got to hold a rabbit in the palm of his hand and stroke down its head between its soft, quivering ears. Abel had his phone out the whole time, snapping pictures of him with different animals. He was not interested in touching them for the most part, except when Theo threatened to burst into a temper tantrum if he would not pet the damn bunny.

There were, of course, the alpacas, which looked as silly as Theo expected, and turtles, and sometimes things that were just for looking at and not touching. As they walked, a group of chickens pecked around on the path. They were seemingly uninterested in the visitors milling about unless a stray child lumbered toward them, and then they scurried away.

Theo threaded his fingers through Abel's. They were going to be dried out and cracked from all the hand sanitizer and washing stations he had put them through, but he did not care. Abel's palm was warm against his, and his shoulder was strong where he leaned his head against it. He smiled up at the sun, which was beginning the final stretch of the climb to its peak in the sky.

One month ago

"You dyed your hair blue!" Abel grinned at him, holding an arm out to wrap around Theo's shoulders and crush him to his chest in a firm hug. Theo felt the entire world melt away. The tension –They want to put you on anxiety medications? What the fuck have you got to worry about? You have the easiest life, just laying on your back all day. Don't be ungrateful– that he constantly carried in his spine softened as he smiled against the warm skin of Abel's neck.

They parted, and Abel ruffled his hair. "Do you always have it dyed like this? It feels so brittle. Give the bleach a rest sometime, yeah?"

"I like dying it fun colors," Theo pouted. "They make me happy."

Abel hummed at that and ran his fingers through Theo's blue locks. Yesterday, they had been salmon, faded from the original hot pink color. His roots had begun to show as well. Theo had been antsy for a change. He usually stuck to pink or red, but this time, he decided to go with a color he had never tried before.

"Do you like it?" Theo asked.

"You look like a blueberry," Abel teased before ducking close and kissing the top of his head. "Yeah, I like it. It makes your eyes look nice."

Theo beamed at him, then glanced around. He could see the amusement park's rides towering above its tall boundary walls from the parking lot. Abel fit their fingers together, then tugged him away from the bus stop toward the ticket line. Even though they stood on a concrete sidewalk, surrounded by grass and shade trees while they waited, the sweltering heat shimmered around them. But Theo clung to Abel's hand no matter how sweaty their palms became.

"Those are your swim trunks?" Theo tugged on the plain, dark blue board shorts that Abel wore. He glanced down at them, then over at Theo's legs.

"Yeah," he said, "but I like yours better."

Theo's were light blue and had a pattern of shark fins above stylized waves all along the hems. "Thank you. I bought them yesterday because I realized I did not own any."

Abel opened his mouth like he would say something, then thought better of it and snapped his jaw shut. Theo pressed his lips together and looked around at the other people in line and the palm trees rustling above them. Given his lifestyle, he did not have much use for swim trunks, which apparently bugged Abel just like every other little reminder about what Theo was.

An awkward silence settled over them, and Theo desperately racked his mind for something else to talk about. But by the time they reached the ticket booth, neither had said a word to each other. Theo's attempts to come up with another topic of conversation had devolved into despair. Their day together was off to a horrible start, and it was all his fault because he did not belong in situations like this, under the bright sunshine and green trees. Abel deserved to have a nice boy or girl on his arm. Theo deserved the shadows that he had become accustomed to.

"It's so freakin' hot." Abel groaned as soon as they squeezed through the ticket booth and popped out onto the other side, where the rest of the visitors were dispersing left and right. "You wanna hit a water slide or something first to cool off?"

"Okay," Theo nodded agreeably.

Abel eyeballed him and said, "And after that, we can go chill in the lazy river; what do you think?"

Theo's eyes widened because Abel remembered what he said when they first planned their trip to the water park – that he wanted to relax in the lazy river. He got a grin in response, and then Abel dragged him along, going on about what they might have for lunch and the fact that he was going to win Theo one of the huge plush toys from the carnival games gathered in one corner of the park.

His tattoos stood out boldly on his bare arms and torso beneath the bright sunlight. Even the snake coiled across his collarbone and, rearing its head on his neck, which was usually shadowed beneath his chin, seemed more vibrant and detailed than usual. Theo could not keep his eyes off him as they climbed to the top of the water slide and barreled down into the pool below. Or as he stood just outside of the splash zone of one of the rides, holding their shirts and wallets while Theo vibrated with the anticipation of getting soaked. Or, as he splayed out in a pool ring, legs and arms hooked over the sides and trailing in the water, head laid back, eyes closed.

Theo openly admired the tattoos on his chest as they floated down the lazy river. The sun glinted off the barbells pierced through his nipples, the ring in his nose, and the jewelry studding his ears. If they were not in such a family-friendly environment, Theo would clamber onto Abel's pool ring to press their bodies together and nibble at that jewelry. But a group of kids kicked water at each other and laughed only about ten feet upstream. Not as peaceful as Abel's placid posture would lead one to believe.

As they climbed out, Abel's eyes swept over Theo's bare shoulders and glinted in amusement. This immediately put him on edge. Abel dragged his fingers across the back of Theo's neck, then held them up so he could see the blue staining them.

"Maybe dying my hair the day before coming to a water park was not the brightest idea," Theo admitted bashfully. He was always doing stupid stuff like that. Letting his excitement for today overwhelm him with jitters that drove him to the store to buy hair dye without a rational thought in his head. Having his mistake so blatantly displayed in front of Abel was humiliating.

Abel wiped his fingers on his towel and then rolled his shirt up to toss it over his head. He seemed oblivious to the way that Theo ducked his head. Theo was grateful to be spared the extra shame of Abel, who was so confident in everything he ever did, noticing his embarrassment.

"Maybe it is a sign that you should just dye it back to your natural color and give it a break from the chemicals," Abel told him, not unkindly. Theo hummed noncommittally, doubting he would actually do that.

They ate corndogs at a food stand in the carnival section, then hopped from game to game while Abel tried to win a prize. He did not seem to care how many dollars he spent on tokens, even if Theo wasted some of them on his pathetic attempts to toss a ring or throw a basketball. He had never been athletic. Apparently, neither was Abel. His aim was abysmal at everything except the little rifle shot game, where he won a modestly sized elephant plushie for Theo.

It remained clutched to his chest for the remainder of their time at the amusement park, which was winding down by then. Abel walked him to the bus stop, even though his car was parked in the overflow parking lot in the opposite direction.

"Are you sure you don't want me to give you a ride?" he asked one last time, releasing Theo's hand with reluctance.

"I'll be fine," Theo assured him, "Thanks for today. I had a lot of fun."

Abel's lips pressed into a thin line, holding back any more offers that Theo would just turn down. Then he schooled his features into a warm smile and pulled Theo into a hug.

"I had a good time too." He pressed a kiss to the top of Theo's head, then his temple, then his cheek, and finally his lips. "Text me when you get home safe."

"Okay." Theo kissed him back. Then, the bus pulled up with a screech and hiss, and Theo dragged himself away from Abel to climb on and take a seat. He hugged the elephant to his chest the whole ride home, even when he stepped off the bus and onto the familiar cracked sidewalk beneath the high-rises blocking his neighborhood in on all sides.

Only to have it ripped away within minutes when he walked past the corner where Colby stood in his usual spot, leaning against the chain link fence around the vacant lot, waiting for business to drop by.

"What are you doing with a stuffed animal?" he sneered as Theo tried to skirt around him, hugging the elephant tighter to his chest. When he did not respond, Colby grabbed the elephant's ear and tore it out of his arms. Theo bit his lip and remained still while he watched Colby's fingers squeeze and prod the elephant.

"Somebody give this to you?" Colby guessed correctly. "What do you think Ken will do when he finds out?"

"Please don't tell him." Theo whispered. It did not matter if he tried to deny it. Colby could say anything he wanted to Ken and would immediately be believed over Theo. Because his words held weight, while Theo had no words. The sun had sunk below the buildings around them, casting the vacant lot and street into dim shadows. Colby laughed at him.

"What are you going to do for me in exchange?"

Theo clutched at the front of his shirt now that he no longer had the elephant to hug. He kept his eyes lowered to the ground, then took a deep breath, steeled himself, and looked up with the sultry glint in his eye and the smirk on his lips that these guys always took as a challenge. A fluttering scarlet scrap of fabric to a raging bull. Get the goring over with.

When he looked up, the expression froze on his face. Colby had dug his fingers into the fabric on either side of the elephant's neck and was tearing it apart. Theo flinched at the stuttering rips that filled the air. Fluffy white stuffing tumbled to the ground, landing in the puddle of standing water at their feet. The head and the body were tossed in opposite directions over Colby's shoulder, where they smacked into the chain link fence with a rattle and plopped miserably to the sidewalk below.

"You don't need to be playing with kid's toys anyway," Colby leered, wrapping his violent fingers around Theo's wrist and drawing his hand away from his shirt as he began to lead him down the street. "You can play with me for a while. Then Ken never needs to find out."

They walked past the elephant's head. Theo turned his face away and squeezed his eyes shut. In the growing darkness, shadows loomed toward him from between the sidewalks' cracks and the alleyway mouths. Colby glanced over his shoulder and tugged his arm to get him to walk quicker. Theo smirked and sidled up alongside him, wrapping an arm around his waist.

"Let's make it quick since Ken is probably already wondering where I am," he purred into Colby's ear as he steered him toward one of the alleys. Where the shadows swallowed them whole. It was where he belonged. Better not to get ideas about sunshine and lazy rivers, or else he would end up like the elephant, with his head ripped off, lying in a puddle on the sidewalk. Don't think that anybody will try to look for you if you end up a body in a ditch on the side of the road. You'll just be another one of their John Doe's.

Today (Mid-morning)

"You alright?"

A hand wrapped around his wrist, and Theo startled. A couple of feet in front of him, several chickens were flapping in distress as two children approached them. Theo glanced down to see that the hand around his wrist was decorated with tattoos. They curled over the tendons on the back of it and on the knuckles. He glanced up to meet Abel's eyes.

"Oh."

"You back with me?" Abel put his hands on Theo's shoulders and leaned back to search his eyes; one brow arched. "I thought you were about to stare holes into those chickens. Are you okay?"

"I'm okay." Theo blinked, then shook his head. The whole reason he started thinking about their day at the amusement park was because both days were so enjoyable. He wanted to have more days like this with Abel. "Really, I am."

Abel searched his eyes for a couple more seconds, then stood straight and nodded. "That's good. We should get going anyway. Your aunt is expecting us today."

Theo looked around at the enclosures with their animals and the packed dirt sidewalk strewn with hay and corn. There was a zebra several yards away, shaking its neck and ignoring the children clambering over the fence to entice it with handfuls of treats. He thought about the elephant with its head ripped off and how it felt like the same would happen to him if he ever tried to leave his enclosure. He had been wrong. It was a near thing, but he had managed to keep his head. And now he had been released upon the world – a zoo animal that stood out among the flow of normal people.

"Theo, hey," Abel nudged him, "let's go."

Except now he had a handler, which was a good thing. Abel would keep people from hunting him for sport and make sure he did not maul them in return. But there he was again – thinking of himself as an animal. A rabid dog. He was supposed to be a human. No longer did the demons from the shadows possess him (for now), which meant he was a whole human being, all to himself. And with Abel, because he invited him in. Not a handler but a companion. A fellow human being.

"Will you hold my hand?" He asked.

Abel looked down as though surprised they were not already doing so, then held out his hand. He led them through the final stretch of the loop that circled back to the ticket booths, and they passed through the exit back into the dusty gravel parking lot.