After we had lunch Devin's  grandmother was waiting to talk. I knew what this was about but i would let her talk to us since she was letting me stay here. "OK so I kind of get the feeling that you two are together. And I'm OK with that. But we have to have some rules. Jess you sleep in your bed. Devin you sleep in your bed." She started out. "Understood." Devin said. We had just started dating. And i wasn't sure i'd be ready to do anything with him anytime soon.

                              "Do i even need to continue?" She asked. "No not really, we get the picture and i don't want to have this talk with you." Devin said turning a bit red. "OK then." She said standing up. "Let's go outside." Devin said standing up as well.

                             We got outside. "What are we doing out here." I asked as he took a seat on the steps. "I wanted to see you do a cheer." He said. I covered my face with my hands. "No, really?" I asked. "Oh yea. Get to it."  "Fine but no making fun." I said. "Now why would i?" He asked. "I don't know...here goes." I took a few steps back ready to do my moves. I had no pom poms so i'd just do my moves. I clapped my hands. 

"Who rocks the house
I said the Mustangs rock the house
And when the Mustangs rock the house
They rock it all the way down

Who rocks the house
I said the Mustangs Rock the house
And when the Mustangs rock the house
They rock it all the way down

Who rocks the house
I said the Mustangs rock the house
And when the mustangs rock the house
They rock it down to the ground"

                                      I ended with a jump and split. "Ok how was that?" I asked. "Why don't you cheer for us!? You're really good" "Cause that's how i lost my dad it has bad memories tied to it." "Oh, right...well hey you looked good." He said leaning back on his arms. "Oh? Well then i think you need to get up here and learn some cheers." I said. "Yea me and splits don't work out." He said. "Oh alright."

                                     We went inside. Kenzie was playing on the floor with her horses. I took a seat to play with her. Devin went to his room for a bit. I hear music coming from his room and got up. He was playing the guitar and singing. Occasionally he would write some lyrics in a notebook on his desk. "Undeniable, so incredible, Simply wonderful, you're beautiful  Everything I am, and I wanna be You see in me." Devin's voice was beautiful. "Hey what's that your singing?" I asked. He dropped his guitar and pen. "Huh? Oh it was nothing...." He said. "It didn't sound like nothing." I said. "It's not finished." He said.

                                  I took a seat on his bed. "When it is. Will you play it for me?" I asked. "Maybe." He said. "Maybe?" I asked. "It's just kind of personal." He said. I could't make out the words he was really saying but i wanted to hear more. "You can ask me anything, i have no secrets." "Ok i'll ask you something. And i'll play it once it done." He agree.

                                 "So your wrist. Tell me." "We've already talked about it." "Yeah, but not really." He held my wrist in his hand, running his fingers over my scar. "I guess." I groaned rolling my head back. "It was after me and my mom got in a big fight. She punched me, my nose started bleeding and some fell on my wrist. I knew some people cut there wrist to die. So i thought long and hard about it, I counted the reasons to live i couldn't come up with anything. Everything was on the reason to die list. I mean my parents it clear i wasn't wanted. So i used a razor and cut five lines. I heard after i did it that your supposed to go up the road not across the street. I didn't know what that meant at the time but then i got. I did them the wrong way.

                                      It didn't work it just really hurt and i bled a lot. I stuck band aids on the scars and hid it from my mom. Who knows what she would of done if she saw it. Probably said if i wanted to get hurt she could dole that out herself. You know, i don't know how people become cutters that sucked!" "Ugh Jess i'm so sorry." "Don't be, i'm not." "What do you mean you're not sorry." "Look I've spent the past few months having people feel sorry for me, for what i went through. Giving my self a pity party only makes it worse. I mean everybody thinks that i feel SO bad and that i can barley cope. I mean it sucked, heck it still sucks but i can't let this hold me back. Maybe that sounds dumb."

                                  He nodded "No, I know what you mean. You hold on to it and think about it and it becomes all your life is about. You have to break the chains." "Ugh i just want things to settle down, i know this sounds weird but i'll even be glad for school to start again." I said. "Oddly enough me to." He said. It was time for dinner. I  could smell pizza coming from the kitchen. We made our way to the table.

                               Kenzie ran in. "Pizza? Pizza? Pizza?" She was jumping up and down. "Did you have sugar again?" Devin asked her laughing.  "Only two suckers!" She said with a big grin on her face. We finished the pizza and Kenzie went to take a bath. "She's so happy you know?" He asked. "Yeah." I nodded. "It's because she's so young I don't think she knew what my parents did on one hand I'm glad, really glad. I don't want her remembering but on the other hand, a tiny hand, I want her to know that because then she'll know that they aren't safe. She misses them you know when her and my grandmaw pray every night the last thing she always ask my grandmaw is when mom and dad are coming back." "Oh man. what does she tell her?" "That they're not. It makes Kenzie so mad because she doesn't understand I mean yeah she gets that I'm not getting hit any more...but that's about it." 

                           "What about your dad slinging her against the wall?" I asked. "She just chooses to ignore it." "That sucks." "Yea because i'm worried if my mom comes back and wants Kenzie she'll go." He said sadly. "You know that's something you have to think about, she really might. I mean as far as she knows your mom did nothing. She doesn't get it. She really thinks her dad was playing a game with her. And that mom was just letting him." He put his head in his hands. "Yea that's what I'm worried about." He sighed. "And i can't do anything to stop her from going." He wiped at a stray tear.

                             I heard a noise and we looked up. Kenzie ran in with wet hair. "Oh my gosh you guys are perfect!" i looked at her "Perfect?" I asked. "Yeah! your just sitting here. " "Fine, What it is you want to do?" Asked Devin. "Oh you know." She said nodding. He groaned. "Not candy land again." "Yeah yeah yeah." She jumped up and down. She set the game up and we played with her.