"OK guys listen up, Time to get started but first i'm going to tell you guys this so listen carefully. In three weeks there will be teacher conferences here, I want you guys to be on your best behavior. So this means don't bother the teachers." Mr Stein said tapping his orange nikes on the desk he was sitting on. We all nodded and mumbled agreements.

                     "OK so today where going to talk about how long you were abused, and how long you've been recovered, i know some of you weren't abused as long as others. And some of you got out sooner then others. Luckily we only have a small group."Mr Stein said. "What you don't like kids?" Asked Brad. "Oh no i love kids very much but the more of you that are sitting here,the more of you were abused. So lets start with How long did you get abused for and how long has it been since? Even tell me how it started." Said Mr Stein. He looked at me and put his hand out signaling i should go first.                     "OK well uhm my dad died when i was Fourteen. I'm seventeen now so that's three years. I've been living with my Aunt Ruby for two months." The fact that I've been living with Aunt Ruby only two months means that this just happened. It was still fresh on my mind. One good thing about living with Aunt Ruby thought was that i was always cleaning, so i didn't have much time to think about it. "OK and how are things at home compared to the way they used to be?" He asked. "Look Mr Stein i don't see how telling everybody here what happened will help me. I just feel worse talking about it, like its happening all over again. I sure know that hearing about there stories makes me think even more about mine." I said trying to deflect the fact that home life now really wasn't much better apart from the me getting beaten. 

                    "OK, well lets see a show of hands, how many of you think in some way what happened to you was your fault?" He asked looking around. We all raised our hands. "OK now how many of you have heard a story here and said to yourself 'that isn't there fault'??" Again we all raised our hands. He looked at me and nodded. "There you go, if you can hear one persons story and know that what they went to is similar to what you did, and that it was in no way at all there fault maybe one day you can look at your story and say it wasn't my fault. I know how you guys feel. You feel alone and scared like nobody knows how you feel. But that's just it, everyone here knows exactly what your going through. I'm sure you wanted to tell your friends exactly what happened, but your scared that they won't like you anymore, or that they just can't understand. Everybody here can, and were certainly not going to tell anybody what we heard. This isn't a place for gossip to hear how bad somebody had it. Chances are what you went through was just as bad." I tilted my head from side to side and thought about what he said. I guess he was right. So much for getting out of that question. I didn't like lying but here goes. "Oh well i live with my Aunt Ruby, things are great. She's such a wonderful Aunt." Fake smile, nod. 

                    He turned to somebody else. I scanned the faces of everybody in the room nobody looked suspicious or as if they didn't believe me. Whew that worked. Thank goodness. "Great OK next we'll go to Emily." "Well my uncle moved in with us mmm the beginning of my freshman year i was fifteen. I mentioned him coming because of losing his job and my aunt leaving him. He was always drunk and depressed and he kept saying how his life was falling apart. My aunt left him a few months before he got laid off. She kept saying how he was never going anywhere. He stayed with us until the middle of my Junior year. 2 and a half years." "And he doesn't live at home with you guys anymore?" Asked Mr stein. "No my mom kicked him out the minute she heard what he did. Brother or not she was really mad at him. They didn't have a clue any of this was going on because he never tried anything while they were there. My sister bless her heart told her fifth grade teacher that her uncle hit her. She told her because her teacher kept asking so many questions. I guess she got tired of lying and my uncle hitting us all the time. My mom called the cops and they did an investigation and arrested him." 

                    "If i may ask why did this go on for so long? Why didn't you tell?" "Well when i was little my uncle was the greatest, he was so much fun to play with. The alcohol affected his brain somehow. This is my uncle the only reason my mom let him move in, in the first place is because it was her brother. I know she loves him and i didn't wanna break her heart." "You don't think you and your sister getting beat broke her heart?" "I guess it did but i was just scared, and truth be told it didn't happen all that much so i thought i could handle it. If my sister hadn't told it would still be happening." "So your uncle is still in jail?" Mr Stein asked. "Yes, for two years. And he has to attend mandatory AA meetings. When he gets out he'll be on probation for a while if he gets clean then hes home free." 

                    "Do you want to see him again?" Mr. Stein asked her. "No way, this man did some unspeakable things, he stuck the hot kettle on my sisters back and she had a mark for two weeks! He took a box cutter and sliced my face!" She moved her hair to show the scar i thought she had been hiding. Mr stein got quiet for a minute. We all did. "So you're telling me this went on for a while but you weren't going to say anything. why not? I mean that's rough." "Right and as i said i thought i could take it. But now that he's gone i feel like an idiot. I am glad this is over and he's gone. But if he gets out and comes to the house, i'm gone." I for one know how she feels there's been a many of times my mom or step dad would grab the closest thing and just let me have it. 

                    "OK thank you, Reggy?" "Well my brother's were doing this since i was little. It started out small, you know stealing a toy from me here and there, shoving me down when they would pass me in the hall make me get off the swings in our back yard. But as i got older it got worse i tried to figure out what i had done to make them hate me so much. They constantly told me i was stupid and good for nothing. There would be times when i would go into my room and see a bag packed on my bed and a note from them telling me to just go. That if i just left it wouldn't hurt as bad as knowing my parents didn't love me. They weren't like most big brothers. I'm not the coolest guy at school when i got picked on they encouraged it. Nobody even knew they were my brothers until they got sent away.But my mom finally pulled the plug on there bullying. She had heard them say a mean word a time or two but she didn't know it was as bad as it was because anytime she was around, they were perfect angels. She also didn't know it was as bad because i never said anything, i never tattled not even when i was little. Mainly because they threatened me. But one day she heard my oldest brother talking to me in the hall. He told me how he wished i'd never been born. I cried of course. I have three older brothers and they aren't jealous of each other like they are me. If i had a younger brother maybe i'd be on the same side as them. But no i'm the baby. So my mom took me and sat me down and made me tell her all the stuff they had done over the years. I know it was so hard for my mom to hear this about her own kids because she loves them. Even harder on her was to send them away. She talked to my dad about they both agreed it was the only way for me to be safe. You know. For years i had been told over and over how much my parents hated me. I knew for sure my brothers did. I thought about leaving. I felt so alone like nobody cared. But when this happened my parents assured me they did love me and i knew they did because they sent them away. I know my mom loves them, they just need help. My mom got in contact with local boys homes Four months ago today. Things are much better at home but its weird passing by there rooms and seeing them empty."

                    "That's great reggy but why didn't you tell?" "My mom is the sweetest nicest person I've ever met, for me to tell her that her three sons where mean to me would of broken her heart i couldn't do that to her, i figured since they were in college i wouldn't see them much any more. Boy was i wrong they didn't move out like i thought they would. Plus that i could handle it, i was scared of what they would do if i told my mom and she didn't believe me. Then i just thought one more year and i could move out and be on my own away from them. But my mom told me they really needed help not saying anything just made the problem worse." "That's a very common reason i hear for why people don't want to tell. Even though this person is doing all of this to you, deep down you still love them." "I did, and i still do. I know it's weird. They were mean to me but i do love them. Maybe it's because they never liked me and i just wanted them to." "Sounds about right, and everybody has to choose whether they want to patch things up or never speak to them again. I think you're making the right choice." "Thanks." 

                    He nodded them turned to Kami. "OK lets see....Kami." "Well i met Aaron in tenth grade. He was a senior and we had a lot of classes together. I sat behind him in math. When he told me he liked me i was floored a senior liked me? I was two years younger then he was. He could of had his pick of any girls in his grade. Or probably even a year or two older then him. He was that good looking, plus he was so cool and confident all the girls at school liked him. So When he finally asked me out i was ecstatic. Of course i said yes. We had been dating about a month when it first started. It started out small. He would tell me not to talk to a certain guy friend of mine because he insisted that they liked me and would try to ruin what we had. And not to wear certain shirt's he thought were to sexy and would attract another guys attention. At first it didn't really bother me. He was worth it i could give up a few things for him. But it just got worse from there. He was always making me call anytime i went anywhere. He would even map quest the places i would go and if it took me longer then they said it would he freaked and insisted i was cheating on him. One time i had to stop for gas and it took me only five minutes. He said that was long enough to get with another guy. I guess he thought i was having sex or something. But i told him i wasn't that i wanted to wait till i found my true love. That just offended him because i wasn't having sex with him and i was dating him. Thing was i didn't love him. Not yet but one day soon i could of.But he made me feel so bad for not wanting to do it. He convinced me we should. After we did it our first time i felt like crap, because i didn't want to have sex yet but i did. I thought after we did it, it would bring us closer together. And that maybe he'd treat me better. Instead it just made things worse. After that he still wanted me to have sex with him. I told him i didn't want to and that i felt bad after we had done it. So he forced me several times to do stuff with him after that. He said we were dating and he was gonna make me do stuff until i wanted to do it on my own. When i thought i was pregnant he freaked out. He was so mad at me. He blamed me for getting pregnant as if it was my fault. When he was the one who made me have sex with him all those times. So in order to get rid of the baby, he hit me and that was when i knew i had to end it. He said if there was anything in there, it was gone now. I thought about not even telling him i wanted to break up afraid he would hurt me even more. But i couldn't lie. I told him that was the last time he was gonna hit me. That i was sick of him always trying to control everything. That i wanted to break up with him. When i got home my mom was on the phone. He had just called to of course apologized but i didn't wanna hear it i was crying so bad. My mom told him i was in the shower. She sat me down and asked me what was wrong and i told her the whole story. We called the cops and they arrested him two weeks later. During those two weeks i didn't tell him i called the cop's. They told me not to say anything and just not to talk to him. That it would make the problem worse. So when he called or came by we just ignored him. I was worried that maybe this is what love was. That if you annoyed the person you were dating bad enough it would lead to this. My mom assured me that what her and my dad have is love. That love isn't about being right, and when things don't go your way hurting that person isn't the way to fix it. If you love somebody you can't stand to see them hurt. Shes right. and my parents are so great. We eat dinner together every night and hugs are a daily thing. They really support me. Although it will be a while before i decide to date again but if i ever do, my dad might greet him at the door with a shot gun." We all laughed at that. 

                    Mr stein nodded. "That's great Kami, Brad?" "Well it started My freshman year I had him for a teacher. At first it was just the dirty comments and the looks. He asked me to stay after school to discuss a test i had taken. I was so worried that i failed. I walked up to his desk when all the kids where gone. He locked the door and told me he couldn't contain his lust for me any longer. Panic seeped into my brain when i realized what was about to happen. I tried to leave. He wouldn't have it. He cornered me after i was done. He let me know if i told anybody what he had just done. Nobody would believe me. He had been a teacher there for years. Finally a few months ago i'd had enough. Stuff started happening at school. Things got so bad i transferred. Which i should of done in the fist place i just didn't want to leave all my friends. I was the quarterback my freshman year on varsity team that was a big deal. He was right though about the nobody believing him part. When i told the principal she sat down with my mom and him and he pretty much denied the whole thing. Told her i started it in attempt to get good grades. He pulled out a sheet that showed the classes i had with him. How my grades where all a's in his classes and c and b's in the others. The principal believed him. My mom believed me so now i drive an extra thirty minutes to my new school."

                    "So did this happen even when you didn't have him as a teacher?" Asked Mr Stein." "Yeah he would find me. He would see me go into the bathroom and do it there. Or he would have the office call him to a certain room. I caught onto that one real quick. Some days i would just hold my pee in and stop somewhere on my ride home. I'm still at home but things have gotten better between me and my parents they always ask how things are going and check in on me. My mom was surprised she had no clue any of this was even going on." "That makes me sick. He didn't even get caught. But that's the thing about teachers they're very respected." Said Mr stein nodding his head. "psh." Brad said rolling his eyes. 

                    "OK last but certainly not least Devin." "Well as i said this happened when my sister turned four. That was two years ago she is now six. When i was little my dad was an alright guy. He wasn't around much. He spent long hours at the office. When my sister was born my mom kept bugging him to spend more time at home. My dad had a collection of porn i saw him looking at them one night. There was this one that i saw him watch several times. It involved an old man and a very young child. So i did some research online about it. It was a term called child grooming. Where a person watches porn so he can train a certain child to be abused like this there whole life. They start small with just touching here and there. Telling the child its all just a fun game. My dad had to keep starting over. They talked about how you need to be consistent. That way the child thinks nothing off it. Just a fun game with dad. Which works perfectly for him she loved and trusted him. We've been living with my grandparents for four months now and things are so much better. My sister is much happier." 

                    "Great Devin, does anybody have anything else to say?" He asked like he always did. "How much longer do we have left here?" Asked Reggy. "Oh you're tired of me already are you?" Asked Mr stein smiling. "Oh no of course not i was just curious." He said "Well that's OK uhm we have about five or six sessions left when we have our last one, i'm going to order pizza." "Sweet." Said reggy cheers went up around the room. "Anything else?" asked Mr Stein. Nobody had anything so we were dismissed. 

                   Once outside, Devin came up beside me. "Oh you didn't drive today?" i asked glancing out at the parking lot. The wind blew through my hair. He tilted his head to the side to get his hair out of his eyes. "Nah i figured i'd better take advantage of this nice day. They don't last long. Can i walk you home?" He asked. "Sure. Hey i wanted to ask you, that stuff about child grooming is that true?" "Yeah all the stuff i looked at showed all these rings of pornography getting busted. They said some of them were used for there own personal viewing pressure and the others child grooming." "Do you really think that's what your dad was doing?" "i can't be sure but it sure looked like it. I asked Kenzie a few times what he did to her." "Really wow, did she say anything?" "yeah she told me her and daddy were playing a game. That he really liked this game a lot that if she didn't play he got mad and slammed her against the wall. Said she didn't really like the games but that it was better then getting slammed against a wall. She told me first thing he did was take off his pants. And he made her play with him. She said nasty white stuff got all over her. Then he would tell her to take her pants off and he would touch her where she went to go pee pee. She said it didn't feel good. It felt like he was poking her. She said that he explained to her very carefully how to play with him." By this time we both had tears running down our faces. I was flat out sobbing. Devin turned away from me and kicked a  can so hard that it went all the way across the street and to the other side walk. I put my hand on his arm. He turned back around. He wiped my tears with his fingers. "I'm so sorry, i am so sorry that your dad did that to her." i started crying even harder picturing him doing something so cruel to a four year old. He pulled me into a big hug and held me there until my crying stopped. 

                  "Thanks for that." I said. "what?" He asked puzzled. "The hug." "I'm sure your aunt gives you hugs all the time." he said making it sound like his hug was no big deal. "No." i said very quietly "Oh, well then you should give her one. I'm sure she wants to she just doesn't wanna get to close. I know my grandparents didn't want to touch us for a while because they were afraid it would scare us." "Yeah...well my aunt isn't the affectionate type." "Is everything ok at home?"He asked. I had realized we were standing in front of the gate. "Oh of course everything is fine." i said waving my hand. "If it wasn't you would tell me though right?" He asked. "uh...yeah totally." i said my dark hair tickling my chin. "Ok good, i'll see you next week." "You to." He turned to walk back to his house. I felt like crying all over again. But i composed my self and walked inside to get started with that days chores.