Aries:C H I L L
Taurus:Shower more often and stop getting food in your hair
Gemini:You will probably get food poisoning
Cancer:Get some damn sun you pasty weirdo
Leo:Shut the hell up for once in your life
Virgo:Take that stick out of your butthole
Libra:Stop online shopping. Look at your bank account. You're broke.
Scorpio:Stop touching strangers? It's weird?
Sagittarius:If you don't stop smiling/frowning all the time, your face will literally fall off
Capricorn:Stop crying about your life and do something more productive
Aquarius:This may come as news to you, but the world does not revolve around you
Pisces:Stop trying to be so edgy, you're annoying everyone around you, Captain Edge Lord