LIO

You're probably so happy right now. I'm either dead or in hospital. You told me to rot in hell. I may be here right now, or in my own personal hell. The hell you put me through.

I don't know - didn't know - if I was gay. Or bisexual. Sure, I kissed you, and I kissed my therapist. I felt something both times. Maybe it was the adrenaline of kissing someone forbidden. Or maybe it was attraction. Maybe. I couldn't figure out what it was, so I slept with Jesse.

I think that was the only reason why I did that. I wanted to prove to myself that I wasn't gay. (Did you know God hates gay people?) That night Jesse and I used each other, so that must be some sort of consolation to you. Sure, it meant the world to me, almost the best thing that had ever happened to me. But it was mainly just to convince myself that I'm straight.

I guess I was wrong.

I hope you get better. I really hope you do. I may not understand what you're going through, but I just wish you'd have let me help you. I care about you, I really do. Probably more than you think. You think that I lied about saying I love you. I do. All of you. Your personality, looks, every word that comes out of your mouth, every kiss that you placed on my lips . . . everything.

And, if my lungs fill with water instead of oxygen and I don't make it, I just want you to know that you were one of the causes of my death. Maybe the main one, maybe not. But you were the best reason why.

This isn't a game. It's a final letter from me to you. If you've got any questions you'll have to keep them for life, because I'll be dead.

I no longer believe in Adam and Eve. Maybe Adam and Adam, and Eve and Eve. So this is me signing off.

To my Lio, from your Eve ♥