❝ I'D NEVER SING OF LOVE
IF IT DOES NOT   E X I S T ❞

〽〽〽

C H A P T E R   N I N E T E E N

"JULIET?" Roxanne asked incredulously, "what are you doing here?"

"Roxanne, I need to tell you something please," Juliet pleaded.

"Wait, were you the one sending me the notes?" Roxanne asked, still in shock.

Juliet took a deep breath, "Yes."

"HEY," James said, approaching the dazed blonde, the events of what happened a few minutes ago still haunting her as she sat down the edge of the cliff, "what are you doing here?"

"Just thinking," Roxanne answered shortly, her eyes not looking at the brunette as she continued staring at the moon. She remembered what her mum use to say to her about the moon, the story of how the sun loved it so much that the sun died every night just to let it breathe. And in her six year-old mind she couldn't help but believe it was true. That there was someone out there who could love her like how the sun did to the moon. And now she realised she was stupid to believe in such fairytale.

"Well, Sirius made some barbeque, we thought you might be hungry." James said, oblivious as ever. She felt a pinch of fury at how he acted like he didn't do anything wrong.

Roxanne sighed, "James, do you love me?" Her eyes already brimming with tears, yet James still didn't notice.

He smiled, "of course I do, love."

"Then why did you do it?" She asked, facing him, a tear fell down her cheek and James eyes widened with acknowledgement.

"I-i don't know what you're talking about." He stuttered, by now Roxanne let the tears escape her eyes.

"Please don't lie to me," she croaked.

"Hey guys stop snogging and come down already," Sirius called out, Remus and Peter trailing behind him. His smile quickly turned into a frown when he saw Roxanne's tear stained cheeks, "what's going on?"

"And you," Roxanne said in fury, "you knew yet you didn't tell me."

"R-roxanne, what are you talking about?" Remus interjected.

"You bloody well know what I'm talking about, Remus." She yelled, "I thought you were my friend. How could you keep this from me? Does my feelings not matter to you? Were you even my friend?" She croaked making the three look down.

"I-i tried stopping them, Roxanne, please believe me," Remus pleaded.

"But you didn't tell me," she said, her face now wet with tears as she kept her chin held high.

"Yes"

"W-what? Why?" Roxanne asked in disbelief.

"Because this," she gestured to the air, "is not what you think it is. I'm talking about James, he's not that kind Gryffindor you think he is."

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm saying, James is fooling you!"

Roxanne turned back to see that neither Sirius nor Peter noticed her absence.

"It's a bet, Roxanne. . . James doesn't love you."

"N-no, y-you're lying. . . Please tell me you're lying," Roxanne whispered. She doesn't want to think it was real, though inside she couldn't help but believe it.

"I'm telling the truth, Roxanne."

"Prove it."

Juliet narrowed her eyes at the blonde before lifting her shirt to reveal an awful scar. "Werewolf scratch," she said, "people think I got it from Quidditch but I didn't. . . I was thirteen when I got scratched, ever since then my hearing has been heightened to eleven. I began hearing whispers from across the room and after that it wasn't the same anymore." She pushed back the shirt so it covered her scar, "I've been hearing secrets and things I shouldn't be hearing."

A flashback flashed before Roxanne's eyes as she remembered the boys whispering amongst themselves one day.

"You heard them," Roxanne whispered to herself.

"I-i'm so sorry I didn't. . . I really am, it's just-" she  paused, "you just looks so happy, and I didn't want to upset, but I guess I just made it worse didn't I? And when I heard that you guys we're finally together I knew I needed to tell you. . . I'm sorry."

"N-no, you're lying, James and the guys would never do that to me." She argued.

"Roxanne, wake up! This isn't a fairytale," Juliet groaned, "If you don't believe me, then ask them." She gestured to the campsite. "Roxanne, please believe me. . . What he's doing to you is not right and. . . I'm sorry," she sighed, "I'm sorry I never told you earlier."

"I-it's okay," Roxanne whispered, staring at the grass as if it could take everything away.

"Will you be alright?" Juliet asked.

"I just need to be alone," Roxanne said, walking away from her which led her to where she was now.

"TELL ME, JAMES," Roxanne turned to the messy haired boy, "was I bet?" James flinched at her tone, "was I a fucking bet?"

"Roxy ple---"

"Stop calling me that!" She snapped, "please just stop."

"Roxanne please just hear me out," James pleaded, moving closer to her but Roxanne held up a hand that made him stop.

Her hand fell to her side weakly as she sighed, "just go, James."

"No," he stated firmly, stepping closer to her again "I'm not going. . . Not now, not ever."

"This close," she whispered, gesturing with her thumb and index finger, "I was this close to actually staying."

"Y-you were?" James asked in disbelief.

"I was."

"And now?"

"I don't think I want to anymore."

"Please, Roxanne, I-i love you please don't le---"

"Because it's easy for you, right?" Roxanne cut him off, "It's easy for you to love me because you aren't the one making the decision. You're not the one choosing between whether to stay and leave everything you've ever known or to leave and throw away everything you once wanted." She declared, "It's not easy for me, James, it never was."

"I'm sorry. And I can never make it right, I can never say all this to you, but I love you," James said, his voice strained, "I really do."

Roxanne stared at him for a while, her face emotionless as if a dementor just sucked every once of emotion she had. Everyhing, everything was a lie. And she was an idiot to believe in such a lie. With a sigh, her gaze fell.

"I thought so too," and with that, she left. Avoiding the three boys who just saw what happened and were on of the reasons why. She never look back as she took her backpack, stalking off to Hogwarts without another word.

° ° °
author's note:
well this was. . .